If physical attraction is a part of the reason that people are compatible enough to marry, then don't two people owe it to each other to try to stay as healthy and fit as possible? Don't we owe our spouses our best selves? If we truly love someone, shouldn't we help them to bring out their best self? But what if your spouse shows no interest in being their best self?

While it may not seem politically correct to discuss, and could even be considered unsavory, the fact is that many people seek divorces because their spouses gain a significant amount of weight. It's one of the biggest causes of marital unhappiness—right up there with cheating, s*xual incompatibility, and money.

But is divorcing your spouse, because he or she put on some extra pounds going too far?

Here's Miranda's story:

My husband and I have been together for 10 years. For the first 5 years of our relationship he was very thin, and I found him absolutely hot. We got married, we both quit smoking.... and he slowly and steadily started to put on weight. It bothered me but I didn't say anything because I knew he felt sensitive about it and that it bothered him. He said to me: "I know you'll love me no matter what, but I really don't like the way my body looks right now". This was 4 years ago, and he's even heavier now!

I've done the following things to sort of "beat around the bush" and attack this issue sideways:

* When he went to the doctor and found out he had high blood pressure, I talked to him about how concerned I was and told him I wanted him to be alive and healthy for a long time, and encouraged him to be healthier.
* I started cooking more healthy - we are still not *great* about this but we are both trying
* I bought a scale, ostensibly for me but really in the hopes that HE would start to use it

He doesn't really like to exercise that much, has started going to the gym maybe once every week or two. Will hike with me once in a great while. He's really not doing a whole lot to lose weight - maybe it's not a priority for him?

Here's the thing: I *adore* my husband. We have a fantastic marriage and are very loving towards one another. There is absolutely no question of divorce - I am going to make this work no matter what. However, I am just not very physically attracted to him right now, and it's really hard to keep faking it. Physical attractiveness *does* matter, in addition to emotional intimacy. I was prepared for hair loss and wrinkles - I never expected him to get fat.

How do I talk to him about his weight being a turn-off without totally breaking his heart? Is there any way to do this gently? I can only imagine how devastating it would be for him to hear this from me..... He is really sensitive, and he also completely adores me and is very turned on by me (for reference, I'm 5'6" and 130lbs, have stayed thin due to watching my diet and exercising regularly) I don't even know how to begin this conversation without him being terribly hurt, and having it damage our relationship. I am so very sad about this, have been pushing these feelings down for a really long time and am not sure how much longer I can hide them. (Source: talkaboutmarriage.com)

QUESTIONS:
How would you advise this wife?
What should she do, if her husband continues to gain more weight, rather than losing weight?

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Here's *Ontoon's story:

I'm married for 13 years. My wife and I have an 8-year old child. I feel like I'm trapped because I no longer find my wife attractive. The main problem is her weight. She weighs more than I do (83kg). She's packed on the weight ever since the child was born. I just find her body unappealing. We hardly make love anymore, maybe once a month at best.

I feel guilty about this because I do love my wife. She's a great person who practically worships me (not necessarily a good thing in itself but that is a separate matter). I've only lightly touched on the weight issue with her because my perception is that it will crush her. With some encouragement she has started going to the gym but, I don't think it's a very serious effort because she loses no weight and, her efforts are squandered by the calories she snacks on throughout the day. I'm not a hypocrite because in the last 6 months I was working out and managed to drop 15 pounds and keep it off by altering my eating habits. I'd like her to do the same.

What can I do to find my wife attractive again? It's really getting to a point where I start fantasizing about an affair for some excitement. I don't particularly want a DIVORCE, but I don't want to live with someone who I have a hard time to give honest compliments about.

Please, if you want to get on a soap box and start lecturing about loving 'for better or for worse', save yourself the effort. I don't really care about the vows in the sense that it does not reflect the way I feel now. I'm trying to find a way to have some se*ual interest in my wife. I'm open minded enough to ponder whether I'm experiencing a mid-life crisis. Anyways, would appreciate hearing from others in similar situations and knowing what you did and/or what became of your relationship. (Source: cupid.com)

QUESTIONS:
How would you advise this husband?
What should he do, if his wife continues to gain more weight, rather than losing weight?