aisha2: OP, dont be mad, a smart woman builds a HOME not a wedding day.
We were faced with same choice, chose the house no regrets.
Choose a smaller wedding and build your home, its just a day and you can do it over later but your home is your home oh.

it seems you don't understand the write up.
Thanks anyway.

@OP
the man could have been testing to see how desperate you are about fancy wedding.... how much you really want to marry him... how rational/wise you are about such family matters etc who knows....but you made many errors:

in my humble opinion you failed because you should have given him a straight no BS answer. what were you afraid of? why was it so difficult for you to tell him your mind? if you cant make the proper decision when it matters then you are looking weak in the eyes of (some) men. this is what unions are about, when a man need guidance and asks his significant other for "enlightening". that was STRIKE #1

to make matters even worse, you said you cant take such decision FOR HIM....instead of saying FOR US. dont you see you guys as a unit? he certainly does because thats why he came to ask you for your opinion this should be your STRIKE #2

then you come up with a very lame excuse that the fact that he asked quotation means he has already made up his mind.....BWAAAAAH, didnt he ask for wedding quotation as well? how does he know how much wedding costs if he did not get wedding quotation?! STRIKE #3

then to make matters worse, you now give him the silent treatment?! so he can certainly conclude that this issue (which is a no brainer: build the house) is not what you really want but you are too afraid to say your mind. ultimate STRIKE #4

it was such an easy test & the OP failed it woefully.

coogar: it was such an easy test & the OP failed it woefully.

How should she have answered it

I still don't get what he was tryna test,
seriously!

Grayz:
it seems you don't understand the write up.
Thanks anyway.

Grayz:
it seems you don't understand the write up.
Thanks anyway.

How dont I understand?
He had some money, and said he would like to use it to develop aland for BOTH OF YOu to have a home instead but asked you to choose which one you would prefer. I shared with you how we had saved up but had an opportunity to own a home and we did and had a smaller event, and have no regrets. I simply adviced as some one in your shoes. My bad, abeg continue keeping malice

babestell:
How should she have answered it

say her mind by appearing as selfless as she could ever be. building a house is an investment. wedding is a one-day event!


oh my gosh - blessing okagbare just won gold for nigeria. what a speedster!!!

oluswaggz:
He jst wanted to know how self centered she was.

you mean he actually proposed marriage to a woman he wasn't sure of how self-centred she was?
and he had to ask her such a stvpid question to determine that?

come on, guys-what would she have said? Marry me and don't build ya house? God knows I'll gladly fail this kinda nonsensical test.

Recommended wife/husband tins, no synergy btw the two. God help people cos this is 21st century. Smh
Op you passed the test but pls pause this marriage till you can build a solid relationship with this man.

Kanwulia:

I did not insult you.
I only asked you A SIMPLE QUESTION which requires a SIMPLE ANSWER!
A nuisance indeed!
Wetin you dey wait for? Come and ban! I nor say my ID dey pinch dat your TRIPLE-WIDE PLANET URANUS!
DO YA PHACKING WORST!

Just as you brought your USELESS POVERTY-STRICKEN LIFE TO THIS FORUM. . .I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO THE SAME!
RETIRED, DILAPIDATED, ASSSSSSSSSHAWO DUNDEE-UNITED!
Na now ya mates dey marry with your CUBAN/LIBYA IMMIGRATION AGE?

Now, make I cuss you well well. . .you polymonikering CHEAP NL WHORRRRE.
You siddon for hia dey ration money between house and marriage!
You BUSH CHURCH-RAT!

Only ijjjjots likey ya cannot differentiate a simple kweshun from an insult because YOU ARE DENSE!
Your mates don build dem own houses PLUS PAY GROOM'S PRICE ON TOP OF THEIR HUSBANDS' HEADS AND AZZEZ like MERCY JOHNSON OKOJIE!
You dey for NL dey form 'MGBEKE WIFEY'!
You nor reasssssssssh to be MERCY JOHNSON OKOJIE IM GRAND MAMA?
Stephanie Okereke Linus Idahosa nko?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aH3_l1TRvzM


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABngyrGyYic

Ode! CARRY YOU USELESS THREAD OF POVERTY COMOT FOR HIA JOR!
You dey go marry many man wey nor get house? In 2014?
DESPERADO OLD CARGO!!!!
WEY YA OWN HOUSE. . .ABI NA UNDER BRIDGE YOU DEY LIVE?
The yeye man nor get taste! Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!

LAHOR WO WO. . . . SIKORDOR!

SASHEE WOR-WOR DI KA GI. . . .MTCHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!!!

Now. . .PHOCK OFF WITH YOUR USELESS THREAD!
GOODU LUCKU WITH YA BOKO HARAM WEDDING!!!
IJJJJIOT!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kv2Fkr37dqY

Nne onu gi bu nsi

chidyhels: Recommended wife/husband tins, no synergy btw the two. God help people cos this is 21st century. Smh
Op you passed the test but pls pause this marriage till you can build a solid relationship with this man.

Now, somebody is talking
I wouldn't be thinking marriage with a man that is still testing me

Kanwulia:

Why I go calm down?
When I answer the Ijjjjiot with common simple question. . .POLITELY TOO. . . .she begin dey type thraaaaaaaash with her POLYMONIKERING WHORRRRRRRRRRRRE OF A FAKE ID!
Na who she wan lay ambush for? SHE DE KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE!!!

Nor be im fault.
If to say she use her usual DORTY ID. . .I FOR SMELL THIS HER USSSSSSSSELESS THREAD?
Local SKUNK-SKANKS OF NL WITH INFERIORITY COMPLEX!
Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

Calling me a nuisance. . .INDEED! Na where the MUMU dey wey HACKER-JACKERS TIEF ALL 'VALUABLE CREDIT CARD INFO' FOR NL?
Nuisance jam nuisance ke. . . NA ME CRAAAAAAAAAAASH NL ABI?

I don cuss am well-well. . . as she desired! NA MAKE SHE GO DO HER WORST!
I dey shake gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
LOCAL MGBEKE-ALATIKA.

I wanto marry! Dey don break. . . COOOCK DON CROW. KOOOKOOOOROOOOOOKOOOOOOOO!!!!
When BRRRRRRRRRREAZZZTS DON DEY SWEEP GRAAAANNNND PLUS OCEAN FLOOR!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fe_HtA5zw9U

Abeg nor 'mention' me back for this USSSSSSSSSSSELESS thread for attention-seeking NL WWWWHORRRRES 'N PIIIIMMMMPS!
Nanzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzenzzzzzzzzzz!

THESE NA THE SAME USSSSSSSSSLESS IJJIOTS OF WOMEN WEY GO DEY CLAIM 'FEMI NISM'. . . .YET DEM NOR HOL' SHI-SHI FOR POCKET TO MARRY DEM OWN HUSBAND PUT FOR 'OUSE!
Awon 'OBIAGELI/OBIANUJU' SUPERSTARS!
Locccccccccccal tinz!

Nne u go kill person with mouth o o!!

alutacontinua: I still don't get what he was tryna test,
seriously!

he asked her a simple question, geared toward the family's future, and she couldnt answer it......... that is simply a confirmation of what type of person she is.

MRbrownJAY:

he asked her a simple question, geared toward the family's future, and she couldnt answer it......... that is simply a confirmation of what type of person she is.

a lot of the ladies here are still in their teens. majority of them haven't even grown their molars so they won't understand. all they can see right now is a wedding dress & a nice venue for reception at the expense of whatever stands in their way.

IMO, the question was totally uncalled for.
I'm tryna put myself in op's shoes and something just doesn't feel right
see this part of her post:

But problem started when he asked me to decide if he should use the money to develop the land or he should use the money to marry me. That our marriage is in my hands to decide

Any right-thinking woman would understand the need to build a house instead of a wedding ceremony. All I would want from my man is to explain himself to me in such a way that I'll even come up with the idea of going for the house myself, not throw it in my face like marrying me is a burden to him. I dunno if you guys can see this from a lady's perspective but the statement above just doesn't sit down well.

MRbrownJAY:

he asked her a simple question, geared toward the family's future, and she couldnt answer it......... that is simply a confirmation of what type of person she is.

Following

Grayz:
But problem started when he asked me to decide if he should use the money to develop the land or he should use the money to marry me. That our marriage is in my hands to decide.

I told him for the fact he has already asked someone to prepare a quotation of the cost for the building that he should go ahead not tomorrow he will say because of me he couldn't build a house, I also let him know that I can't take such decision for him.

Please house, are my suppose to be the one to decide for him on what to do with his money? especially marrying me aspect, is it truly in my hands?
Are my over reacting because I have refused to talk to him since yesterday.

Your advice would be highly appreciated.

First of all, I think your fiancee is playing a very silly prank and if it is not a prank then he seems weak.

Sorry, he is expected to be the man of the house and the leader of the family. If he cannot even decide whether to get married or build a house, then he needs to check himself. Most times, the man proposes to the woman, so why should he ask you he cannot decide if he wants to get married or build a house? If you have to decide this for him, then be ready to make all the decisions in the future as he may never decide on anything.

And if he was truly testing you, first of all, you passed and secondly, it was a needless and silly test cos its not like you were asking him for marriage. Such a needless test in my opinion.

I will advice you to pick his calls and continue the relationship. Hear what he has to say and reason with him too so that you can get to the root of the question. But quite frankly, he sounds a weak man that cannot take decisions. How can you say your marriage is your fiance's choice? How silly is that?

coogar:
a lot of the ladies here are still in their teens. majority of them haven't even grown their molars so they won't understand. all they can see right now is a wedding dress & a nice venue for reception at the expense of whatever stands in their way.

immature people indeed...... a dress, free food for all and the notion that everyone will now believe that they are happy, instead of building a home. haba!

alutacontinua: IMO, the question was totally uncalled for.
I'm tryna put myself in op's shoes and something just doesn't feel right
see this part of her post:

Any right-thinking woman would understand the need to build a house instead of a wedding ceremony. All I would want from my man is to explain himself to me in such a way that I'll even come up with the idea of going for the house myself, not throw it in my face like marrying me is a burden to him. I dunno if you guys can see this from a lady's perspective but the statement above just doesn't sit down well.

we men certainly know how big of a deal marriage is to many women out there, not the married status per se, but the WEDDING CEREMONY that has to be grandiose (the bigger the better) and the wedding dress. so that question makes plenty of sense to a wise man trying to figure out how equally "wise" his partner is. now, this is a woman who he will possibly spend the rest of his days with, and he sure needs to know her state of mind before saying "i do".

if we men could marry for free by just signing a piece of paper, we ALL would. the enormous waste of money in wedding ceremonies is just because of "some" women and their need for fairytales BS.

Nashville:

Sorry, he is expected to be the man of the house and the leader of the family. If he cannot even decide whether to get married or build a house, then he needs to check himself. Most times, the man proposes to the woman, so why should he ask you he cannot decide if he wants to get married or build a house? If you have to decide this for him, then be ready to make all the decisions in the future as he may never decide on anything.

man of which house? are they married already or what are you saying? it's a relationship not dictatorship. he cannot decide by himself to either build a house or get married because he has a partner that must agree in principle to every major step he takes.

the dude asked a very genuine question & the OP failed with her inability to answer.

if we men could marry for free by just signing a piece of paper, we ALL would. the enormous waste of money in wedding ceremonies is just because of "some" women and their need for fairytales BS.

brilliant....

alutacontinua: IMO, the question was totally uncalled for.
I'm tryna put myself in op's shoes and something just doesn't feel right
see this part of her post:



Any right-thinking woman would understand the need to build a house instead of a wedding ceremony. All I would want from my man is to explain himself to me in such a way that I'll even come up with the idea of going for the house myself, not throw it in my face like marrying me is a burden to him. I dunno if you guys can see this from a lady's perspective but the statement above just doesn't sit down well.

God Bless you. you really understand my plight.

@Nashville
starting a family the way you suggest is just a sure way to misery. in any union, you guys take decisions TOGETHER, and if not, then you have to make sure (before marriage) that you both have the same priorities in life. this has nothing to do with "being a man", but all to do with discovering the mindset of the person you are about to marry.

i can already see the type of man you want to portray here, the type that does things because they want to, regardless of how their partner feels about it. that is a sure way to fail in any union.......... OR to get the shock of your life if/when your wife has to be in charge.

aisha2: OP, dont be mad, a smart woman builds a HOME not a wedding day.
We were faced with same choice, chose the house no regrets.
Choose a smaller wedding and build your home, its just a day and you can do it over later but your home is your home oh.

this is a better advice,and I don't think the op was being tested all the young man wanted was a joint decision

coogar:

man of which house? are they married already or what are you saying? it's a relationship not dictatorship. he cannot decide by himself to either build a house or get married because he has a partner that must agree in principle to every major step he takes.

the dude asked a very genuine question & the OP failed with her inability to answer.

brilliant....

Tell me what the man has suggested? How can you have a problem and you dont even have any ideas and you then dump everything on your wife? Is that the kind of man you are? When faced with a challenge, you just call your wife to come fix it. Did he even say what he was thinking before calling his wife to decide for him? Can't he use his brain?

And if that was a test, he would have done better conducting a jamb test or given his fiance research project.

I actually don't see the need for the question ' our marriage is in your hands' like seriously.He expected her to say ok yes let's do wedding don't build a house'. Even the shallowest of girls (I think) will find it difficult to say let's spend the money meant for building a home on a wedding.

Why not 'babes I have been able to get funding for the house we are going to call our home.Unfortunately that means we might have to cut back or have a not so extravagant wedding what do you think' that is even a more straightforward decisive 'test' as opposed to 'our marriage is in your hands'.


As an aside, Bellanaija weddings on Instagram sure has a lot of flak to take for all this 'fairytale wedding' thingy.This one that people are now spending hundreds of thousands on pre wedding shoot(which wan be pre wedding shoot again naa ) I had a decent wedding photographer but the cost of weddings these days is getting outrageous.

MRbrownJAY: @Nashville
starting a family the way you suggest is just a sure way to misery. in any union, you guys take decisions TOGETHER, and if not, then you have to make sure (before marriage) that you both have the same priorities in life. this has nothing to do with "being a man", but all to do with discovering the mindset of the person you are about to marry.

i can already see the type of man you want to portray here, the type that does things because they want to, regardless of how their partner feels about it. that is a sure way to fail in any union.......... OR to get the shock of your life if/when your wife has to be in charge.

Are you married? Did this man in question bring up any suggestions? Is that how you run your home? There is no decision to make together when he has put everything on his wife. Abi so he goes with whatever his wife suggest abi? Ok, when you get married, just let your wife make all the decisions for you then we will see how happy she will be, since it is ok not to have an opinion

damiso: I actually don't see the need for the question ' our marriage is in your hands' like seriously.He expected her to say ok yes let's do wedding don't build a house'. Even the shallowest of girls (I think) will find it difficult to say let's spend the money meant for building a home on a wedding.

Why not 'babes I have been able to get funding for the house we are going to call our home.Unfortunately that means we might have to cut back or have a not so extravagant wedding what do you think' that is even a more straightforward decisive 'test' as opposed to 'our marriage is in your hands'.


As an aside, Bellanaija weddings on Instagram sure has a lot of flak to take for all this 'fairytale wedding' thingy.This one that people are now spending hundreds of thousands on pre wedding shoot(which wan be pre wedding shoot again naa ) I had a decent wedding photographer but the cost of weddings these days is getting outrageous.

Correct person, abeg dont mind coogar. So the guy cannot use his brain to come up with a decent plan to present to his wife so that they have something to discuss abi? The wife should do all the thinking for him. Abeg poster, make I no abuse your guy abeg, make I just stop.

But please pick his call and find out if it is really a prank!

damiso:

As an aside, Bellanaija weddings on Instagram sure has a lot of flak to take for all this 'fairytale wedding' thingy.This one that people are now spending hundreds of thousands on pre wedding shoot(which wan be pre wedding shoot again naa ) I had a decent wedding photographer but the cost of weddings these days is getting outrageous.

Efe don tell you say you be old school

Why is everyone saying the guy's testing her?? What for? Testing someone he already proposed to? This is no test to me, some guys could be like that..

Op, can't he do the two simultaneously? He can plan a small wedding while still laying the house foundation
If I were in your shoe(can never be shaa), I wouldn't have chosen any answer considering he may be serious with the question..what if he builds the house for years?? You will keep waiting or what? Again, if he's someone that wants to jilt you(God forbid), he may keep telling you he's still building his house after all you chose it. If he isn't interested in the relationship anymore or isn't a fan of wedding, he should say instead of asking some useless questions..

Not taking his call is childish to me, how can you settle issues if not to talk them out?

Good luck

damiso: I actually don't see the need for the question ' our marriage is in your hands' like seriously.He expected her to say ok yes let's do wedding don't build a house'. Even the shallowest of girls (I think) will find it difficult to say let's spend the money meant for building a home on a wedding.

Why not 'babes I have been able to get funding for the house we are going to call our home.Unfortunately that means we might have to cut back or have a not so extravagant wedding what do you think' that is even a more straightforward decisive 'test' as opposed to 'our marriage is in your hands'.


As an aside, Bellanaija weddings on Instagram sure has a lot of flak to take for all this 'fairytale wedding' thingy.This one that people are now spending hundreds of thousands on pre wedding shoot(which wan be pre wedding shoot again naa ) I had a decent wedding photographer but the cost of weddings these days is getting outrageous.

My dear it baffles me how some guys here misunderstood the whole issue. Thanks.

damiso: I actually don't see the need for the question ' our marriage is in your hands' like seriously.He expected her to say ok yes let's do wedding don't build a house'. Even the shallowest of girls (I think) will find it difficult to say let's spend the money meant for building a home on a wedding.

Why not 'babes I have been able to get funding for the house we are going to call our home.Unfortunately that means we might have to cut back or have a not so extravagant wedding what do you think' that is even a more straightforward decisive 'test' as opposed to 'our marriage is in your hands'.


As an aside, Bellanaija weddings on Instagram sure has a lot of flak to take for all this 'fairytale wedding' thingy.This one that people are now spending hundreds of thousands on pre wedding shoot(which wan be pre wedding shoot again naa ) I had a decent wedding photographer but the cost of weddings these days is getting outrageous.

My dear it baffles me how some guys here misunderstood the whole issue. Thanks for responding.

alutacontinua:
Efe don tell you say you be old school

I no be old school when did I get married sef I just know now (from experience) that except your father or yourselves(bride and groom) are very rich weddings are not worth spending gazillions on.I paid for my wedding photographer and for that time it was quite a lot of money but when I hear how much people are paying these days on make up artiste alone sef you don't have to follow the crowd and impress people by using Atunbi for photography or Banke Meshida for your make up or Newton and David for your décor.It's not just about names


I have told my sister softly softly on the Bella naija thing o hian We no get papa again o