As Nigerians, we have very close family ties and as a children, we were raised to honor this tradition.
And since this is a big part of our cultural upbringing, it is often considered inappropriate to decline giving financial support to family members and relatives.

Lending out money or giving financial support to family members and relatives is often an emotional experience. Nevertheless, we should learn how to handle the situation as objectively as possible. By letting our emotions and pity control our decisions, we could end up in our own financial mess.

So how do we carry ourselves when faced with a family member or relative who’s asking for financial support?

Listen with an open heart and empathize
If you’ve experienced being asked for money by a relative, you’ll know that these situations typically start with the telling of a sad story. Listen with an open heart and empathize but do not promise anything. Show genuine concern and ask questions so that you’ll fully understand the circumstances that led them to ask for your help.

After that, tell them that you would need some time to think about it. Be clear that the reason why you’re asking them to wait is because you want to assess your finances. Make them understand that you’re currently not in the best position to commit to anything.
Furthermore, be sure to give them a reasonable date when you’ll have your decision and offer to be the one to call them on that day. Doing so will lessen their anxiety and likewise assure them that you are sincerely willing to help.

Assess your own financial situation.
Your next step is to naturally assess your own financial situation if you could afford to give your support. Again, we realize the value of tracking our expenses and the importance of having a personal budget.
You should also be aware that it may seem that you can afford to lend out the money now but don’t forget to consider your needs in the coming weeks or months.
Once you have thoroughly assessed your financial capabilities and found out that you could afford to extend your help, and then arrange to make the payment directly to their need.

What does this mean?
In some cases, rather than giving the person money for tuition for instance, you can write out a cheque payable to the school. Likewise, rather than giving the person allowance for books and other school requirements, you can ask the person to give you the list so you can buy them personally.

This will ensure that your hard-earned money is being put to proper use instead of being spent on unnecessary expenses.

Don’t expect to be paid back.
Even though they might say that they will return the money someday, in most cases, it never happens.
Whatever financial support you extend should be considered a gift rather than a loan. This way, you avoid family rifts and unnecessary feuds. If you cannot afford to lose the money, then the best option might be to offer non-monetary support.

How to say NO when you don’t have.
So what should you do if after seriously considering your personal finances, you found out that you cannot afford to help? How do you say NO?

First, make them understand your situation and explain to them your own financial goals. Be sincere and diplomatic.

Second, be willing to offer support in another way such as helping them find income opportunities and teaching them financial responsibility.
To restate a famous saying, “Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime. But teach a man to sell fish and he will eat steak.”

Some reasons why people don’t want to help relatives.
-Some relatives tend to abuse ones’ generosity and start relying on your support as their own means of livelihood. You want to be able to help them out in emergencies, but you never want to find yourself in a situation where your finances are being relied upon to keep members of your extended family afloat.
-Some have not learnt financial responsibility. They mis-spend money in many ways.

(Original article by Fitz Villafuerte)

What are your thoughts and experience on this topic?

You
have said it all..

What we have today is a case of;

If you dön't give=you are stingy or your "witch" wife is controlling you
and doesn't want the people who trained you to enjoy the fruit of their
labour

If you give too much=you would be made to carry burdens not made for you


Human beings are insatiable.

because of financial responsibilities, some not over rich people live like poor people just because they don't want to carry the financial responsibility of anybody. Those that don't do that absolutely close their eyes towards the plight of their extended family. Can they be blamed? no! do you know why? they have learn from other people's experiences.

It is even more dangerous to loan money to family members, instead give out and it is always wise if you have the money to set them up with a business even though it's something small. It is wise to give them the hook & line and show them the river let them fish themselves. At least we came into this world with nothing, we go out with nothing. Solomon said he had gathered all the treasures of the world, gotten every kind of women he wanted to have, tasted all sort of wine and what did he say? he labelled all of them as vanities. My point is, help out if you have the money but never lay you neck down for any extended family because they would never lay theirs for you. Expect a lot of eye-service. I can go on and on and on

Thank you vikel2104. Very very good points. Let me start by sharing an awful dilemma that my colleague in UK is facing.
She and her hubby has a good job they own a house have two kids. They never neglected family back home, they are always very supportive. She built her mum a house, sponsored her siblings through school, set up businesses for them. the husband has only two brothers no parent, he brought them to study in UK on a student visa. Her mum came visiting in UK after her return to Nigeria, she suddenly became greedy. She went as far as using voodoo to start demanding and collecting money from the daughter without empathy.
I witnessed one occasion, on that day she called and asked her daughter to send her £5000 to acquire a chieftaincy title. This lady didn't have that money but went to borrow from the bank and send to her mother. The financial demand didn't stop both from her married brothers and sisters until she ran into debt.
UK economy crushed, lots of folks lost their jobs or have their working hours reduced . she lost her job, could no longer keep up with her debt and mortgage. Her husband developed cancer was hospitalised, earlier this year her hubby passed on. To cut story short, she ran to her family for comfort during the distressing time, they shunned her. Because she couldn't afford to pay for her nephews tuition fee. Her mum called her stingy and selfish for the first time. Anyway, the bank took possession of her house and she resorted to renting again. No savings no job, ended up in bad credit record. Now she is trying to pick up her life. See what family did to her. They wrecked her dry. She has spent 28years in UK.

I have a problem with you saying I shouldn't expect to be paid back if I am lending a family member money as what that suggest is I shouldn't lend. I think the situation should depend on who I am lending money to and what I think of the person's credibility and ability to pay back.

GboyegaD: I have a problem with you saying I shouldn't expect to be paid back if I am lending a family member money as what that suggest is I shouldn't lend. I think the situation should depend on who I am lending money to and what I think of the person's credibility and ability to pay back.

I think the reason why they don't pay back is because they think that since you're family, you should be able to help without expecting anything in return but they forget that everyone has needs and that one works for the money. I think one should spell out the terms and conditions before giving out the money if you expect to be paid back. If it is not made clear that the money is a loan, you're most likely not going to be paid back. There are however some people that you give money and you know that they cannot pay back, so in such cases, it would have to come from you as a gift..

yh that comes up a lot
[img]http://www.?aff=391[/img]

The last paragraph summoned it up

It is very simple.

Everyone should answer their own name. My hustle is for my mouth and my family (wife and kids) to benefit from.

If I have any extra, then I can help you. If not, there is nothing I can do.

NEVER BORROW MONEY TO HELP ANYONE OUT EXCEPT IT IS YOUR IMMEDIATE NUCLEAR FAMILY.

DAZ ALL.

Hmmmm. Interesting

When money is involved, that is when you Know say family no enter. Its better to give than loan money to ANY member of your family to prevent wahala. From experience.

Okay

That's a very good stance

pDude: It is very simple.

Everyone should answer their own name. My hustle is for my mouth and my family (wife and kids) to benefit from.

If I have any extra, then I can help you. If not, there is nothing I can do.

NEVER BORROW MONEY TO HELP ANYONE OUT EXCEPT IT IS YOUR IMMEDIATE NUCLEAR FAMILY.

DAZ ALL.

some family members are just too bad that they won't even reason with u. All they will do is spoiling is reputation everywhere.
Anyway y should u care? Its not like u were meant to pls people

Dealing with family members can be very difficult, me I deal with them the military style now. My first 3 years at work I tried satisfying everybody, but realized the more I give the more they demand now I have changed I don't even answer their calls when I am not in a good mood, I don't make promises, you say something and I will turn a deaf hear but I also occasionally surprise each person by sending substantial amount of money even when they least expect. But that idea of let me go he is there he will give, I have killed it. None of them cares when you don't have, once they know your doing well everybody now calls you uncle, my brother, our son etc.

pDude: It is very simple.

Everyone should answer their own name. My hustle is for my mouth and my family (wife and kids) to benefit from.

If I have any extra, then I can help you. If not, there is nothing I can do.

NEVER BORROW MONEY TO HELP ANYONE OUT EXCEPT IT IS YOUR IMMEDIATE NUCLEAR FAMILY.

DAZ ALL.

Exactly pDude. My hustle is for my immediate nuclear family. The one I am forming first and the one that formed me. If there is excess extra I will give to extended family afterall they are extended.
Concerning expecting back loan from family member. I strongly advice, give what u can afford to let go. For instance I a family member ask for a loan of 50,000 naira and u can let go 20K. Just give the 20K and forget about the money. Cos you will likely not get it back especially when the person is dependent on you or does not have a good and regular income

you will never know the number of cousins you have until you make money!!

In "Osuofia's Voice"

Know me when am POOR not when i am RICH, you claim relationship

SUCCESS has so many relatives, friends,pals etc etc

C'est la Vie.

l only help those relatives who deserves help not those who feel they are entitled to it just because we are family. Experience has made me operate with this mindset.

My extended family is a body that possess all this characteristics just name it,what have I not seen or heard that they did with my father? a lot. One that has his land beside my popsy house decide to use all his land to build house with step for his 2storey building but no road to pass;my father hv to gv him about 2feet to gv road that they can pass to get to d stairs,he did it because we r relatives.

chai. my own extended family is not like that jor!

Pavore9: l only help those relatives who deserves help not those who feel they are entitled to it just because we are family. Experience has made me operate with this mindset.

abeg yarn us tory. which experience u get abeg?

We should STOP simply giving money to our relations who are able bodied and so can work and earn a living.
A worthwhile person should learn to live within his/her means even as he makes appropriate sacrifice/savings/investments to grow his future income flow in order to meet ever increasing needs.
A one-off punctual assistance is ok but should NEVER be repeated as to become habitual.
NEVER.

Giving such regular assistance apart from being against Christian [and maybe other religious] teachings also promotes CORRUPTION and perennial UNDER-DEVELOPMENT of the society. This is very evident when one compares our still PRIMITIVE African societies to those oyinbo places we are fleeing to.

KiV

EmmaB3: abeg yarn us tory. which experience u get abeg?

Bros, tory this early morning...u no dey go work? l dey come....l get house rent to pay tomorrow!

my own na bokoharam the be o. from a jealous aunty that killed my dad cos he helped them n a cousin that went n blackmailed us to my uncle who promised to hlp us, now if i call him to help wif job, he will tell me that he cant help me cos am not born again. can u imagine dat? but anyhw am still strong an going, someday i will remind him of his fuckups.
psalm 118 v 8 say it all ' it is better to take refuge in the LORD than put ur trust in MAN! permit me to add that passge is the centre of the bible. it divides the bible in 2 equal part!
God dont let my waitng be in vain!

Odilafta: You have said it all..

What we have today is a case of;

If you dön't give=you are stingy or your "witch" wife is controlling you and doesn't want the people who trained you to enjoy the fruit of their labour

If you give too much=you would be made to carry burdens not made for you


Human beings are insatiable and relatives are not exempted

What do you mean by human beings are insatiable and relatives are not exempted?
Doesn't really make sense.
Are your relatives not human beings?
Simply put; "Human beings are insatiable".

To the topic, I ask for help from relatives and relatives ask for help too from me. It is inevitable.
Those laws up there will not completely work when faced with real life situations.
However, your tips are a good one.

angela98: Thank you vikel2104. Very very good points. Let me start by sharing an awful dilemma that my colleague in UK is facing.
She and her hubby has a good job they own a house have two kids. They never neglected family back home, they are always very supportive. She built her mum a house, sponsored her siblings through school, set up businesses for them. the husband has only two brothers no parent, he brought them to study in UK on a student visa. Her mum came visiting in UK after her return to Nigeria, she suddenly became greedy. She went as far as using voodoo to start demanding and collecting money from the daughter without empathy.
I witnessed one occasion, on that day she called and asked her daughter to send her £5000 to acquire a chieftaincy title. This lady didn't have that money but went to borrow from the bank and send to her mother. The financial demand didn't stop both from her married brothers and sisters until she ran into debt.
UK economy crushed, lots of folks lost their jobs or have their working hours reduced . she lost her job, could no longer keep up with her debt and mortgage. Her husband developed cancer was hospitalised, earlier this year her hubby passed on. To cut story short, she ran to her family for comfort during the distressing time, they shunned her. Because she couldn't afford to pay for her nephews tuition fee. Her mum called her stingy and selfish for the first time. Anyway, the bank took possession of her house and she resorted to renting again. No savings no job, ended up in bad credit record. Now she is trying to pick up her life. See what family did to her. They wrecked her dry. She has spent 28years in UK.

Thats why i disagreed with the op when i read the post. I only believe in being blunt. Say it out without fear and remain free. Sorry i dont have, av got a lot of projects on my hand simple, no need for any empathy or sympathy. With time they get the picture and draw the line. Give once in a while when they never asked. If the situation is critical and you are flexible to help, go ahead but don't prove to be a Dangote cuz they will turn you to oldenburger cow and suck u dry.

simplynola:

go ahead but don't prove to be a Dangote cuz they will turn you to[b] oldenburger cow and suck u dry[/b].

Kiikikikikikikikiki