MizMyColi: *spreads mat* I'll just sit here and wait for the experts to come around


Learning never stops.

Tags:pickabeau1 ifyangela

MizMyColi: *spreads mat* I'll just sit here and wait for the experts to come around


Learning never stops.

Tags:pickabeau1 ifyangela

gillz: Pls I need sincere help. My wife argues with every instruction I give to her and her sisters staying with us. She coontest and quarrel over any decision I make. When I give her instruction on tins I don't want in d hauz she doesn't pass it to her sister leaving me wit no option than to talk directly to d sister. I try as much as possible to avoid confrontations wit her cos of my little son. She never use to be so until recently dat tins are not too ok wit me financially, bt God knows I hv alwz done my best whenever I have money. Dis valentine I even got her a camry 2.7. I assist her family even more than I do for my family,I paid some of her sisters through school. I am so confused I don't know wat to do to put her back in line, pls where hv I gone wrong. Wat do I do?

IfyAngela:
Ah expert ke? i don't have anything to say o

Its Okay I tagged you because I know you're married.

gillz: Pls I need sincere help. My wife argues with every instruction I give to her [/b]and her sisters staying with us. She [b]coontest and quarrel over any decision I make. When I give her instruction on tins I don't want in d hauz she doesn't pass it to her sister leaving me wit no option than to talk directly to d sister. I try as much as possible to avoid confrontations wit her cos of my little son. She never use to be so until recently dat tins are not too ok wit me financially, bt God knows I hv alwz done my best whenever I have money. Dis valentine I even got her a camry 2.7. I assist her family even more than I do for my family,I paid some of her sisters through school. I am so confused I don't know wat to do to put her back in line, pls where hv I gone wrong. Wat do I do?

MizMyColi: Its Okay I tagged you because I know you're married.

aisha2: This is why some of us say marriage is a partnership but they shout "bloody feminists" in return.

1. You have the menatlity of my word is law, I provide for you hence you must do as I say.

2. She has the mentality of "a man must provide all my needs, as long as he brings money I will tolerate anything"

Hence now that the financial power is no longer there as it used to be you are stripped bare.

You both need reorientation. Instead of giving instructions: Dialogue with her. Tell her what you thinks needs to be done and also hear her veiws on it then meet at the center.

She also needs to learn that a man is not only as good as the money he gives that marriage takes two, when one is down the other lifts that one up. Because Vincent Enyeama is a goal keeper doesnt mean if there is a penalty shoot out he wont take it and score. Life happens, situations change hence its not profitable to get too set in our ways and become unflexible and unable to adopt.

You are more than the money and things you give your wife, you are a friend, partner, brother, father, counselor and lover. You are not just an ATM if you cant provide as you used to then ensure that you do your other roles well.

I wish she was here would have also given her advice

aisha2: This is why some of us say marriage is a partnership but they shout "bloody feminists" in return.

1. You have the menatlity of my word is law, I provide for you hence you must do as I say.

2. She has the mentality of "a man must provide all my needs, as long as he brings money I will tolerate anything"

Hence now that the financial power is no longer there as it used to be you are stripped bare.

You both need reorientation. Instead of giving instructions: Dialogue with her. Tell her what you thinks needs to be done and also hear her veiws on it then meet at the center.

She also needs to learn that a man is not only as good as the money he gives that marriage takes two, when one is down the other lifts that one up. Because Vincent Enyeama is a goal keeper doesnt mean if there is a penalty shoot out he wont take it and score. Life happens, situations change hence its not profitable to get too set in our ways and become unflexible and unable to adopt.

You are more than the money and things you give your wife, you are a friend, partner, brother, father, counselor and lover. You are not just an ATM if you cant provide as you used to then ensure that you do your other roles well.

I wish she was here would have also given her advice

gillz:
- My wife argues with every instruction I give to her and her sisters staying with us.

- When I give her instruction on tins I don't want in d hauz she doesn't pass it to her sister leaving me wit no option than to talk directly to d sister.

Tallesty1: Apparently because feminists claim equality and yet they want men to carry on doing the most disgusting, difficult and dangerous works? Partnership has nothing to do with equality, it is more about understanding your responsibility.
It's been a while I saw you here, how is life with you?

crackhaus:
How you just turned this around and partially made it his fault is simply genius. Are you a super-hero or something?
Pray tell, how does the emboldened part of your post relate to this parts of the OP, which is clearly where you got it from?
Are you saying he has no right to give instructions on things he doesn't want his sister(s)-in-law doing in his house?

IfyAngela:
lmao nah i'm not married

Really? Then you must be naturally reserved? I subconsciously profile people here on NL.....I see you're the reserved kind so I concluded it has more to do with your being married. I saw your picture on one thread where you wore a green gown, with the young lady whose soul now rests with God or you weren't the one?

Oh my! .... I just checked again, it was angela*98 who talked about her husband.

I think you're cool though.

bennyrazz:


my brother, you have come to the right place for counseling but before then, kindly answer this few questions

1. Are you from the same tribe?


2. Where did you meet her? school? church? car park?


3. How many years did the relationship last for before marriage?


4. Did all of your family members endorse the marriage?


5. Is she the first born or the last born? does she have brothers or only sisters?


6. Is she the only married person in her family?


7. Are you the only married person in your family?


8. Does she have friends?


9. Does she watch Africa Magic on DSTV or all this Love and money Soap Opera's?


10. Is she a lavish spender? does she require high maintenance?




we await your answers

MizMyColi: Really? Then you must be naturally reserved? I subconsciously profile people here on NL.....I see you're the reserved kind so I concluded it has more to do with your being married. I saw your picture on one thread where you wore a green gown, with the young lady whose soul now rests with God or you weren't the one?

Oh my! .... I just checked again, it was angela*98 who talked about her husband.

I think you're cool though.

MizMyColi: *spreads mat* I'll just sit here and wait for the experts to come around

Learning never stops.

Tags:pickabeau1 ifyangela

pickabeau1:

joins on the mat...

gillz....Answer bennyrazz questions
while money situation is the easiest thing popping ou, there may b more to this matter

Putting feet down or Mandates or Instructions while sounding 'militaristic' have a place as there are times that one may need to take drastic action if the party is consistently recalcitrant and is not interested in the welfare of the family corporately however this should be at a minimum as compatibility of ideas and values is optimal and should be encouraged

Lets hear more.

I see this pineapple I ate is obstructing proper comprehension of English for me this morning please, bring it down to my level.

MizMyColi: I see this pineapple I ate is obstructing proper comprehension of English for me this morning please, bring it down to my level.

aisha2:

You dont give "Instructions" to your wife, you TALK with your wife.
I didnt make it his fault, its not a battle, its a marriage, something is obviously wrong and from my angle that was ONE of the problems I think it was and highlighted it.
That it seems doesnt work so instead of flogging a dead horse and constantly quarelling with his wife I suggested another method.

I never said I was a genuis, I simply gave my advice, you should too instead of jumping on mine like its a battle. Nairaland has enough space for all of us to write abi?

crackhaus:
I'm not battling you, that doesn't mean I can't jump on any post I want if I need to understand or correct something. Don't get defensive.
Actually you made it his fault partially with your number 1 point, it's right there.
You made it seem like he instructed his wife prior to when he started having financial problems, hence his wife now seeing that he has no more financial leverage over her, disrespects him. It's all right there in your comment.
That aside, from the OP it seems like TALKING is something that doesn't yield any results between him and his wife, else he feels the need to INSTRUCT...which is not good either.
But considering that he also mentioned something about his wife not passing his instructions to her sister, does this also mean he can't instruct his sister-in-law as well?

aisha2:

From what I read here on Nairaland, a "Feminist" is one who has a different veiw to any man lol.

aisha2:
What works for me is that we are both able to work together for the same goal doesnt matter who does what, that to many is "feminism", because if I dont cook and clean it means I am not a "good" wife.

aisha2:
I believe a couple should love trust and care for each other enough to do what it takes in good times and bad, respect each other and understand each other. Thats marriage.

aisha2:
Some want different things: their choice but down here if you dont pound yam, hand wash clothes you are a feminist

aisha2:

My post was clear, marriage should be a partnership regardless of financial status.

He shouldnt be disrespected because he is a little low but that issue may have come from their orientation. Perharps the only control or power he had in his marriage came from giving her money and now the money isnt there they both need to adjust and relearn. He should learn there is more to being a husband than writing cheques she should also learn her role as a wife is to stick with him now that its tougher.
You speak with your wife not instruct her, we are all learning.

pickabeau1:

So you are also a MizSweetie...

There is a place for instructions especially if one spouse is consistently stubborn and is engaging in counter productive acts
It should be minimised only for crises situations

Okay. Thanks. @TheEmboldened

gillz: Bennyrazz tnx so much, I dnt know hw to quote. We are of different trIbes, I met her after her secondary school and saw here through school 80 percentage, she is nt heavy spender, dated for 11 years b4 marriage, she is d first child and only married child, I'm second to d last, only male and only married in my family , she has both sisters n brothers. As usual nt every of my sisters liked her bt dey eventually agreed to our marriage, her mum opposed us to d very last minute. She sure hv friends bt she spends less tym wit dem cos she is a banker n she luvs foreign movies n books. I don't give her orders bt instructions as to how tins ought to b esp house keeping n cleanliness

gillz: Do I hav to dialogue with my wife on what food I hav to eat and hw I want it prepared, do I hav to dialogue wit how on when and hw her sisters shld put my 2 yre boy to sleep? Or do I hav to dialogue wit her on cleanliness and orderliness in d house?

Tallesty1: A feminist is self-centered men hating woman. Feminism is a movement that fight for more special rights for women. It was never for equality, it has never held the interests of men. They try to hide under the umbrealla of Equal Right Movement but they can't fool us. Equality is a welcomed Idea and men love it.
It doesn't make you a bad wife until you start telling other women to start doing thesame thing. In my family 4instance, I have a younger sis and still do the cooking any time I dey villa. It is sonfin I love doing. I and my elder bro travelled home last xmass, went to the maket and bought what needed for the celebration and did the whole cooking on 25th. My mom is still alive and healthy, my sister was there but we just felt like doing it. There is one particular local food that mom doesn't allow anyone to cook when I'm around simply because I cook it better. Does that mean that I'm being mistreated or in bondage? NO. It works in my family and thats all. It doesn't mean I should go around yelling rubbish and telling others to start doing it. Or that my sister should start telling other girls to force their brothers to cook. Feminists do not seem to understand the saying "what rocks your boat".
I wrote something like that recently, methinks you will like to read it. It is tittled the marriage that I want
You are not a feminist ma, you become a feminist when you start telling other women to adopt your style because it works for you. Your husband and her husband nah thesame person ni?
abeg make we no take arguement start today abeg.