With the cases of domestic violence in homes,what steps should a woman take when domestic violence gets brutal?

Considering the child Should the woman divorce or seperate from the husband?

Divorce should be the best option here. If you have proof of such violence like bruises, you can win full custody of your child(ren).

My heart goes out to all women undergoing physical abuse from their supposedly spouse or loved ones.

Question is, WETIN THE WOMEN DEY DO WEY THE ATTRACT THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
Shey man dey craze to just beat d woman like dat wen she do noting ni?

Watch dat ur sharp mouth dear,dat is wat annoys ur short-tempered husband or boyfriend!

Dez80: Question is, WETIN THE WOMEN DEY DO WEY THE ATTRACT THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
Shey man dey craze to just beat d woman like dat wen she do noting ni?

Watch dat ur sharp mouth dear,dat is wat annoys ur short-tempered husband or boyfriend!

comments like this make me wanna commit Nairaland violence

Dez80: Question is, WETIN THE WOMEN DEY DO WEY THE ATTRACT THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
Shey man dey craze to just beat d woman like dat wen she do noting ni?

Watch dat ur sharp mouth dear,dat is wat annoys ur short-tempered husband or boyfriend!

Wen a man is not fending for d family and the wife takes up d responsibility and each tyme the woman keeps the home the manly ego increases so that he wunt loose face.

Is anger or frustration a reason to keep hitting ur wife at evry slightest provocation?

No one shld endure domestic violence divorce/seperation is the best option here.

ephee:
Wen a man is not fending for d family and the wife takes up d responsibility and each tyme the woman keeps the home the manly ego increases so that he wunt loose face.
Is anger or frustration a reason to keep hitting ur wife at evry slightest provocation?

Expect comments like that and dont take it to heart. The only time a woman being abused is "pitied" is when she is dead, while she is alive and trying to leave it is somehow "always her fault"

A spouse man or woman going through abuse should always note:

1. It is not your fault. You married an adult and as adult you both should be able to find non violent ways to handle conflicts, the day one of you starts using violence THE VIOLENT SPOUSE NEEDS PROFESSIONAL HELP

2. YOU CANT SAVE OR CHANGE a violent spouse: some of the violence may come from repressed anger, somemay come from childhood experience as violence was the only way some people learned to solve conflicts, they watched it happen and immediately a conflict starts in their own home they resort to same. Its not your job to save them, its a therapists job, plus their own willingness and probably after the theraphy God intervenes.

3. REMOVE yourself and the kids from the unstable environment: This applies to both genders, dont continue the circle, kids should not grow up seeing violence as a solution to conflict as they would join in and learn

4. Dont turn the house into a boxing zone and your kids to referees. Kids deserve a childhood and not to become fight settlers and referees to their parents. Police found a child at 12 midnight one night roaming in the cold, asked what the child was doing out so late he said he went to wake up the neighbours who usually seperate his parents when they fight but they were asleep so he was trying to walk to an uncles house to wake him up so the parents wont kill each other, problem is the child had probably walked for over an hour and couldnt even retrace the house that night. The Police took him to the station to sleep their, next day they spent over 3 hours before the boy could trace his house and area and the parents didnt even know he was missing, both boxers were busy treating their own wounds to notice that their referee son slept out in the cold. The Officer that handled it is one of those passionate and sane officers, he arrested them and charged them for negliegence yet they were almost boxing and killing each other both at the station and during their hearing in court. When asked why they wouldnt seperate and save themselves the torture the response was "we have children, we dont want them growing up in a 'broken' home" yet the same children you are staying with will grow up with serious emotional scars that will only be healed with help and Gods intervention.

Fighting back to defend yourself may be good but fighting consistently is not worth it, it may save you once but for most violent partners it challenges them more to up their own game, so one day the fight would get bloody as they just want to "win" and someone will end up dead, injured or permenantly defromed.

However, note that No one can decide for you, the final choice is yours, what ever you decide you be ready to live with it

Staying is not easy as in over 80 percent of the cases the violence never stops and in 30 percent oif this violence it leads to death, deformity or injury while the children have a permanent negative orientation.

Leaving is also hard as our judgemental society, You may not get family and friends support, You will be labeled all sorts but you will raise your kids in a healtheir environment

alutacontinua:


comments like this make me wanna commit Nairaland violence

why? *perplex*

ephee:

Wen a man is not fending for d family and the wife takes up d responsibility and each tyme the woman keeps the home the manly ego increases so that he wunt loose face.

Is anger or frustration a reason to keep hitting ur wife at evry slightest provocation?

dats a different thing altogether. Ur man is down, n u are probably using ur current position to disrespect,oppress,make him look inferior,etc hence his annoyance n violence. (many women are like dat,dem dey grow wings wen dem hold pass dia husband)

Dez80: Question is, WETIN THE WOMEN DEY DO WEY THE ATTRACT THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
Shey man dey craze to just beat d woman like dat wen she do noting ni?

Watch dat ur sharp mouth dear,dat is wat annoys ur short-tempered husband or boyfriend!

leave them ,when it comes to hitting the man nobody says its domestic violence

Here family of the man if they are stronger can arrange and take the kids form the wife.
Not because he cares so much but most times to punish the woman.

uboma: Divorce should be the best option here. If you have proof of such violence like bruises, you can win full custody of your child(ren).

My heart goes out to all women undergoing physical abuse from their supposedly spouse or loved ones.

Spoken out of. Xperience. E don happen to u bfor ni?

Keep enjoying the violence

Dez80:

dats a different thing altogether. Ur man is down, n u are probably using ur current position to disrespect,oppress,make him look inferior,etc hence his annoyance n violence. (many women are like dat,dem dey grow wings wen dem hold pass dia husband)

Taking responsibilty of expenses on the child was a way of easing him of depression and despite the support he never appriciate evrytin the woman does.he keeps malice at evry slight quarrel and hits u at evry utterance .the man isn't ready to work and fend for his family instead he prefers the woman to work and fend for herself and child while he sorts out himself and even wen he has little cash he ends up using it on sports betting and watching footbal then ends up drinking garri for dinner or sleep on empty stomach.

Is that what being a man is about?

ephee:

Taking responsibilty of expenses on the child was a way of easing him of depression and despite the support he never appriciate evrytin the woman does.he keeps malice at evry slight quarrel and hits u at evry utterance .the man isn't ready to work and fend for his family instead he prefers the woman to work and fend for herself and child while he sorts out himself and even wen he has little cash he ends up using it on sports betting and watching footbal then ends up drinking garri for dinner or sleep on empty stomach.

Is that what being a man is about?

dis is a different issue from d topic my dear. Add me on facebook (desmond Arikpo - wit d man utd pic) we shld discus widely on dis. Ciao

I really think most of those women enjoy it, when i see financially stable women in abusive relationships, it reaffirms my belief that some truly do enjoy it.


I mean how do one live with an animal that beats you black and blue without someday loosing it and stabbing him to death in his sleep? The only option for a victim is to RUN! Financially capable or not, run!

uboma: Divorce should be the best option here. If you have proof of such violence like bruises, you can win full custody of your child(ren).

My heart goes out to all women undergoing physical abuse from their supposedly spouse or loved ones.

God bless you.

beeevan: I really think most of those women enjoy it, when i see financially stable women in abusive relationships, it reaffirms my belief that some truly do enjoy it.


I mean how do one live with an animal that beats you black and blue without someday loosing it and stabbing him to death in his sleep? The only option for a victim is to RUN! Financially capable or not, run!

There is a deeper psychology to it. Many of these women grew up in violent environments.

Dez80:
dis is a different issue from d topic my dear. Add me on facebook (desmond Arikpo - wit d man utd pic) we shld discus widely on dis. Ciao

What is she adding you on FB for?

aisha2:
Expect comments like that and dont take it to heart. The only time a woman being abused is "pitied" is when she is dead, while she is alive and trying to leave it is somehow "always her fault"
A spouse man or woman going through abuse should always note:
1. It is not your fault. You married an adult and as adult you both should be able to find non violent ways to handle conflicts, the day one of you starts using violence THE VIOLENT SPOUSE NEEDS PROFESSIONAL HELP
2. YOU CANT SAVE OR CHANGE a violent spouse: some of the violence may come from repressed anger, somemay come from childhood experience as violence was the only way some people learned to solve conflicts, they watched it happen and immediately a conflict starts in their own home they resort to same. Its not your job to save them, its a therapists job, plus their own willingness and probably after the theraphy God intervenes.
3. REMOVE yourself and the kids from the unstable environment: This applies to both genders, dont continue the circle, kids should not grow up seeing violence as a solution to conflict as they would join in and learn
4. Dont turn the house into a boxing zone and your kids to referees. Kids deserve a childhood and not to become fight settlers and referees to their parents. Police found a child at 12 midnight one night roaming in the cold, asked what the child was doing out so late he said he went to wake up the neighbours who usually seperate his parents when they fight but they were asleep so he was trying to walk to an uncles house to wake him up so the parents wont kill each other, problem is the child had probably walked for over an hour and couldnt even retrace the house that night. The Police took him to the station to sleep their, next day they spent over 3 hours before the boy could trace his house and area and the parents didnt even know he was missing, both boxers were busy treating their own wounds to notice that their referee son slept out in the cold. The Officer that handled it is one of those passionate and sane officers, he arrested them and charged them for negliegence yet they were almost boxing and killing each other both at the station and during their hearing in court. When asked why they wouldnt seperate and save themselves the torture the response was "we have children, we dont want them growing up in a 'broken' home" yet the same children you are staying with will grow up with serious emotional scars that will only be healed with help and Gods intervention.
Fighting back to defend yourself may be good but fighting consistently is not worth it, it may save you once but for most violent partners it challenges them more to up their own game, so one day the fight would get bloody as they just want to "win" and someone will end up dead, injured or permenantly defromed.
However, note that No one can decide for you, the final choice is yours, what ever you decide you be ready to live with it
Staying is not easy as in over 80 percent of the cases the violence never stops and in 30 percent oif this violence it leads to death, deformity or injury while the children have a permanent negative orientation.
Leaving is also hard as our judgemental society, You may not get family and friends support, You will be labeled all sorts but you will raise your kids in a healtheir environment

My exact thoughts. The environment is a toxic one for kids

carefreewannabe:

There is a deeper psychology to it. Many of these women grew up in violent environments.

Very, very, possible and could this possibly break down the natural instinct to defend ones self against danger? A lady once told me that she enjoys fighting physically with her man because she likes the way he subdues her during the fight. She also mentioned that she enjoys the apologies and the make up intimacy afterwards.

I visited this lady once, only to meet her in a bloody fight with her younger brother. they were shoving each others clothes down a pit latrine. I had to take to my heels when weapons started flying to avoid collateral damage . So yes, you do have a very valid point.

beeevan:



Very, very, possible and could this possibly break down the natural instinct to defend ones self against danger? A lady once told me that she enjoys fighting physically with her man because she likes the way he subdues her during the fight. She also mentioned that she enjoys the apologies and the make up intimacy afterwards.

I visited this lady once, only to meet her in a bloody fight with her younger brother. they were shoving each others clothes down a pit latrine. I had to take to my heels when weapons started flying to avoid collateral damage . So yes, you do have a very valid point.

People like this exist too

beeevan:
Very, very, possible and could this possibly break down the natural instinct to defend ones self against danger? A lady once told me that she enjoys fighting physically with her man because she likes the way he subdues her during the fight. She also mentioned that she enjoys the apologies and the make up intimacy afterwards.
I visited this lady once, only to meet her in a bloody fight with her younger brother. they were shoving each others clothes down a pit latrine. I had to take to my heels when weapons started flying to avoid collateral damage . So yes, you do have a very valid point.

Hmmm, I went to visit someone once, they lived in a face me I slap you apartment. Next thing noise from outside, no one even flinched, na me run go see, 3 girls beating one man, turns out its their uncle with their mum cheering him on. I tried to seperate as the person I had visited shouted at me to get back inside. NO ONE in the compound even looked out and continued their business as if nothing was going on.

beeevan:
Very, very, possible and could this possibly break down the natural instinct to defend ones self against danger? A lady once told me that she enjoys fighting physically with her man because she likes the way he subdues her during the fight. She also mentioned that she enjoys the apologies and the make up intimacy afterwards.
I visited this lady once, only to meet her in a bloody fight with her younger brother. they were shoving each others clothes down a pit latrine. I had to take to my heels when weapons started flying to avoid collateral damage . So yes, you do have a very valid point.

@bolded I have always wondered too about this.I have always been a chicken when it comes to physical pain Right from childhood I have always tried to avoid getting physically hurt . Before my mum could catch me to give me any strokes of cane she sef go run mid to long distance marathon In school I did not mind getting to school at half 7 just to avoid the strokes of cane latecomers sometimes got.

I can't let anyone disfigure me o lai lai.So I will now be nursing black eye everytime I would rather live in a one room apartment than a mansion where I will be nursing wounds all the time.Mbanu.

ephee: With the cases of domestic violence in homes,what steps should a woman take when domestic violence gets brutal ?

Considering the child Should the woman divorce or seperate from the husband?

Domestic violence should not get brutal before action is taken

Sustained abuse is enough to start counselling/seperation and divorce as a last resort

Dez80: Question is, WETIN THE WOMEN DEY DO WEY THE ATTRACT THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
Shey man dey craze to just beat d woman like dat wen she do noting ni?

Watch dat ur sharp mouth dear,dat is wat annoys ur short-tempered husband or boyfriend!

some people sef, no sensible man would just start abusing his wife but women are deadly.

Dez80: Question is, WETIN THE WOMEN DEY DO WEY THE ATTRACT THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
Shey man dey craze to just beat d woman like dat wen she do noting ni?

Watch dat ur sharp mouth dear,dat is wat annoys ur short-tempered husband or boyfriend!

you are an idi.ot that for that comment. I pray you will never have a sister,daughter, cousin, friend, niece, etc in a domestic violence situation

damiso:

@bolded I have always wondered too about this.I have always been a chicken when it comes to physical pain Right from childhood I have always tried to avoid getting physically hurt . Before my mum could catch me to give me any strokes of cane she sef go run mid to long distance marathon In school I did not mind getting to school at half 7 just to avoid the strokes of cane latecomers sometimes got.

I can't let anyone disfigure me o lai lai.So I will now be nursing black eye everytime I would rather live in a one room apartment than a mansion where I will be nursing wounds all the time.Mbanu.

A lady was describing the fighting tactics she used on her husband and I couldn't help laughing like a mad woman. She waited for the man to sleep,turned off the light and started whipping him with his belt, left, right and center. She even insisted that not knowing how to physically fight a man makes a woman mumu . Nah there u go fear mentality, fighting is like pre-intimacy to them .


Some really do enjoy it...

aisha2:

Hmmm, I went to visit someone once, they lived in a face me I slap you apartment. Next thing noise from outside, no one even flinched, na me run go see, 3 girls beating one man, turns out its their uncle with their mum cheering him on. I tried to seperate as the person I had visited shouted at me to get back inside. NO ONE in the compound even looked out and continued their business as if nothing was going on.

That shows is a regular occurrence for them .

beeevan:
A lady was describing the fighting tactics she used on her husband and I couldn't help laughing like a mad woman. She waited for the man to sleep,turned off the light and started whipping him with his belt, left, right and center. She even insisted that not knowing how to physically fight a man makes a woman mumu . Nah there u go fear mentality, fighting is like pre-intimacy to them .
Some really do enjoy it...

Na real wa one must really fear mentality truly.

I was in a friend's apartment in Dubai while she was away so I was alone. On New Year's Eve I heard ppl shouting and running in the next apartment but I didn't know what it was. Two days later while trying to sleep I started hearing the woman crying and the man cursing and throwing things. I think they were Indians so didn't understand what the man was saying.

What shocked me was that the beating lasted for hours. The woman was the docile type as she barely said a word yet the man didn't calm down. I heard the security knock and ask him to stop but as soon as they left I heard glass shattering against the wall again and the woman running. I was so scared I called the girl that owns the apartment and then she told me it was the regular occurrence.

What I learned from that experience is that a woman keeping her mouth shut doesn't guarantee that the man would stop. I believe the man must be a drunk as I don't understand how someone can keeping throwing things at and hitting someone who wasn't even fighting back. He would calm down for some minutes then start again. That's for those saying it's because of what the woman said or did.

My friend told me that the woman's family eventually came to get her, thank God.

beeevan:
That shows is a regular occurrence for them .

Yes oh, so I heard but I was in shock at the level of violence, they stripped this man oh, tore his clothes, rolled him on the floor and their mother was cheering, no one even acted as if anything was going on. One woman was braiding hair outside and she just kept on braiding

aisha2:

Yes oh, so I heard but I was in shock at the level of violence, they stripped this man oh, tore his clothes, rolled him on the floor and their mother was cheering, no one even acted as if anything was going on. One woman was braiding hair outside and she just kept on braiding

Only God knows what he did, there must be a reason no one was paying him attention.