Good writing skills! However, don't you wonder how this kind of job exists in a $ 510 B economy? That is 60 hrs per week for N 10,000 or $66.67 per month or $16.67 per week or $2.38 per 7 days or $0.34 per day!!!!! I will stop there! Most Nigerians cannot make the connection between this with the real state of the economy, government policy and performance over the past 15 years and their immediate leadership. For those who cannot still see how this is the problem of governance, leadership, underemployment, etc, read my previous posts or follow my writings but I am disappointed if anyone who is educated cannot make the connections! Compare that to someone who works in McDonalds here (one of the lowest jobs usually done by high school students still in school, university students, etc and people who have had a really tough time with dropping out of school due to early pregnancy, etc. They earn maybe $8 - $10 per hour and they are still better off than this job you described. Well you write well, can you find a stream of good topics to write in your free time about 2 per week, short like you did here 2 - 3 paragraphs? If you can, maybe you could start a blog since you are also computer literate? I know it is probably difficult to have a decent computer and good internet to even do that kind of Jon in Nigeria except you have sufficient money for data (what you call megabyte) in Nigeria. It is tough sister! Wish you all the best sha!

mzlizabelle: Lmao.
You know what? I just had a quarrel with popman and the man was sitting beside me while I was reading this hilarious piece, I tried not to laugh but when I got to the "shove the attachment into her mouth" part, mehn, I couldn't hold it in me.....i laughed and popman just said "emi ko loun fi rerin,awon ebi iya e loun fi rerin.... meaning "I'm not the one you're laughing @,your mother's relatives are the ones you're laughing @.

loooooooooool

eightsin:


Loool... Aight! Oya mak una park well!

mbulela:
That means your complaint is null and void.

Whatever

[quote author=Yemisi63]A friend once swore she was going to help me get a job.
Few days after, I received a call from one lady while I was having my hair washed at a saloon. She told me my friend spoke to her about me and she requested we meet at a named 3 star hotel immediately or lose the 'big opportunity' for a job. With my hair still dripping wet, I dashed home and changed into something decent. As soon as I got there, someone directed me to the hotel's garden. Seated there were 3 guys and a lady. All of them wore a yellow t-shirt and they were fiddling with a laptop.
Oh, so I'm going to be registering SIM cards for MTN, I thought.
The first question she asked was if I am a computer literate.
"Yes" I quickly responded.
"Great! I'm actually a HR officer. My client will conduct the interview herself but I had to meet you first to be sure I'm recommending the right person.."

"I am the right person ma" I affirmed.

"Are you born again??" She asked.

That question knocked me off my feet.
Judging from that, It was obvious I was going to be an accountant for Deeper Life Church.
"Yes..I'm born again ma.'' I replied trying not to mince words.

"Beautiful!!" She exclaimed.
"Your interview is going to be at No bla bla bla by 9am on Saturday...its a new plaza in town. I don't need to go into the details of the job but I'm positive you're going to love it. Send your CV to bla bla bla mail. Also make copies of all your credentials and take it along. And pleases do something about that hair before Saturday. First impression matters you know." she added.

End of first interview. I heaved a sigh of relief and left the hotel.

Friday morning, sickness struck. Headache, fever remixed with cold and catarrh.
I contemplated between using the little money I had to make my hair or using the money to buy drugs and LIVE.
"Make your hair, get the job and use your salary to buy a pharmacy." The devil commanded.

If I pass the interview, the sickness might disappear out of excitement, I thought.
The next morning, I was on my way to the interview with the most painful Ghana braids on my hair. My bad health was not helping matters.
To be honest, the malaria had me looking like a fairly used chicken.
I also went with a Ghana must go bag of all my certificates (except my death certificate) only to realise it was a small ugly, stuffy bookshop without a standing/ceiling fan to cool down my temper.
My temper at that point was capable of boiling yam for a family of 3.
If I had my way, I would have tattooed the meaning of plaza on the HR forehead. Smh
My potential employer had not arrived yet so I used the opportunity to peruse the books on a dusty shelf.
A couple of Joyce Meyer books, books on wildlife, one Daily Manna devotional, Igbo men success stories books, history books, a couple of encyclopedia, and some other random boring looking books.
By 9:30, Madam CEO arrived and the interview process commenced.
She fired me a number of JAMB questions like she was sent to hire me as an accountant for Aso Rock.

As God would have it, I impressed her.

Then she began her speech...
"This plastic chair you are sitting on is going to be your office. You are to report from Monday to Saturday and your job runs from 8am to 6pm."

Before I could utter, what time will I use to search for a husband then?
She cut me and continued her cool story.
"You are the customer care representative, office assistant, and marketer of this place."
Upon hearing that, I had to peep at the wall mirror to check whether I have three heads. Does this woman think my head is 3 in one or what?
She went on...

"You would also assist Lilian, the sales girl in drawing accounts. Every Wednesday is marketing days. You are to take some of the books to churches, banks and offices to sell them. These are nice books so its going to be easy for you. That should enable you network."

Wonderful! With this sort of job, my salary should be such that I would be able to ride a Buggati to my village in 6 months time.

She was not done with me...

As a customer care rep, you have to try to read all the books in this shop. People will call to request information about one book or the other that's why."
My head harddrive had crashed upon hearing that.
Are you kidding me? Woman, I don't even read sign board these days!
I didn't want to hear more.
"How much is my salary?" I deadpanned

She paced around for a few seconds before dropping the bombshell.
"Salary is N10000!"

The last time I checked, Nigeria abolished slavery.
I broke into laughter. A laughter of misery and frustration.
To add insult to the injury, she began to yak on how there are no jobs in Nigeria. In her words "I better accept the offer.

nawa o, even na curse i wont accept dat offer, its so sad dat employers ar taking advantage of we youths in offering jobs 4 peanuts, may God help us o, d best is to learn a trade n b a boss on ur own.

Humm, in this day and age with such a ridiculous salary?. That's slave wage. Wage of a dog. She needs to hire 12 old to this. Not a grown woman.

She wrote her experience to make us laugh but that's d way it is o. Graduates are given tasking and sometimes menial jobs to do for a ridiculous fee. They say start small but abeg small get level.

Cant remember the last time I commented on NL but after reading this I had no choice.

I want to commend your writing skills.

Lol at the part "if I had my way I would have tattooed the meaning of plaza on the HR forehead"

Lol also at "My temper at that point was capable of boiling yam for a family of 3"

Please you have a wonderful skill,u need no 10k job.

i have been angry all day until i com across dis trend. Atleast tnk you 4 makin me laugh at last. i laughed my ribs out. Really hilarious. Naija wt slavely metality. Nawa o

Zedric: @op, unless u are NSG, u should have atleast put the source cos thats not your story. U copied it from www.naijasinglegirl.

She most likely is. You would've known if you had been thorough enough to read the last line of the post.

It's really painful when someone spends precious time putting something together and gets such reactions as yours.

Great write-up

kunlejazz:

She most likely is. You would've known if you had been thorough enough to read the last line of the post.

It's really painful when someone spends precious time putting something together and gets such reactions as yours.

Whatever grinds ur gear, dude. I was just trying to protect NSG's interest. If u have any problem with that, de-activate ur acc

@OP, with such narrative skills what job are you still looking for? Send this to media houses for a start as a budding columnist or better still start a blog. Good luck.

Shut up.... Who gave you the right to judge if she's born again or not? Y not read and pass. How are we sure you are born again yourself? May God have mercy on you. Sabi sabi.

smurfy: @Yemisi63, Why mention a respectable church like Deeper Life in your satirical write-up? And why did you lie about being born again when it's obvious you aren't?

tebirim: Shut up.... Who gave you the right to judge if she's born again or not? Y not read and pass. Sabi sabi.

I wish I could "like" more than once

Its not funny...you can excel as a writer and a comedian..instead of such private job...pls where are you based?

ignis: Op, you got a nice writting skill, that will make the reader not want to stop reading till the last word.

Keep it up.

exactly, you took d words out of my mouth.

Lmao!!God damn it gal....you will do wonderfully well writing n selling urs!!

she indicated dat the story is from naijasinglgirl.

Soooo tragic n hillarious.gawd i was rotflmao.sori dear.

bizhub: Its not funny...you can excel as a writer and a comedian..instead of such private job...pls where are you based?

Naijasinglegirl is Lagos based

Tzulu: @OP, with such narrative skills what job are you still looking for? Send this to media houses for a start as a budding columnist or better still start a blog. Good luck.

thanks but there is a blog already

This is so not funny.. It is well sha

Yemisi63: A friend once swore she was going to help me get a job.
Few days after, I received a call from one lady while I was having my hair washed at a saloon. She told me my friend spoke to her about me and she requested we meet at a named 3 star hotel immediately or lose the 'big opportunity' for a job. With my hair still dripping wet, I dashed home and changed into something decent. As soon as I got there, someone directed me to the hotel's garden. Seated there were 3 guys and a lady. All of them wore a yellow t-shirt and they were fiddling with a laptop.
Oh, so I'm going to be registering SIM cards for MTN, I thought.
The first question she asked was if I am a computer literate.
"Yes" I quickly responded.
"Great! I'm actually a HR officer. My client will conduct the interview herself but I had to meet you first to be sure I'm recommending the right person.."

"I am the right person ma" I affirmed.

"Are you born again??" She asked.

That question knocked me off my feet.
Judging from that, It was obvious I was going to be an accountant for Deeper Life Church.
"Yes..I'm born again ma.'' I replied trying not to mince words.

"Beautiful!!" She exclaimed.
"Your interview is going to be at No bla bla bla by 9am on Saturday...its a new plaza in town. I don't need to go into the details of the job but I'm positive you're going to love it. Send your CV to bla bla bla mail. Also make copies of all your credentials and take it along. And pleases do something about that hair before Saturday. First impression matters you know." she added.

End of first interview. I heaved a sigh of relief and left the hotel.

Friday morning, sickness struck. Headache, fever remixed with cold and catarrh.
I contemplated between using the little money I had to make my hair or using the money to buy drugs and LIVE.
"Make your hair, get the job and use your salary to buy a pharmacy." The devil commanded.

If I pass the interview, the sickness might disappear out of excitement, I thought.
The next morning, I was on my way to the interview with the most painful Ghana braids on my hair. My bad health was not helping matters.
To be honest, the malaria had me looking like a fairly used chicken.
I also went with a Ghana must go bag of all my certificates (except my death certificate) only to realise it was a small ugly, stuffy bookshop without a standing/ceiling fan to cool down my temper.
My temper at that point was capable of boiling yam for a family of 3.
If I had my way, I would have tattooed the meaning of plaza on the HR forehead. Smh
My potential employer had not arrived yet so I used the opportunity to peruse the books on a dusty shelf.
A couple of Joyce Meyer books, books on wildlife, one Daily Manna devotional, Igbo men success stories books, history books, a couple of encyclopedia, and some other random boring looking books.
By 9:30, Madam CEO arrived and the interview process commenced.
She fired me a number of JAMB questions like she was sent to hire me as an accountant for Aso Rock.

As God would have it, I impressed her.

Then she began her speech...
"This plastic chair you are sitting on is going to be your office. You are to report from Monday to Saturday and your job runs from 8am to 6pm."

Before I could utter, what time will I use to search for a husband then?
She cut me and continued her cool story.
"You are the customer care representative, office assistant, and marketer of this place."
Upon hearing that, I had to peep at the wall mirror to check whether I have three heads. Does this woman think my head is 3 in one or what?
She went on...

"You would also assist Lilian, the sales girl in drawing accounts. Every Wednesday is marketing days. You are to take some of the books to churches, banks and offices to sell them. These are nice books so its going to be easy for you. That should enable you network."

Wonderful! With this sort of job, my salary should be such that I would be able to ride a Buggati to my village in 6 months time.

She was not done with me...

As a customer care rep, you have to try to read all the books in this shop. People will call to request information about one book or the other that's why."
My head harddrive had crashed upon hearing that.
Are you kidding me? Woman, I don't even read sign board these days!
I didn't want to hear more.
"How much is my salary?" I deadpanned

She paced around for a few seconds before dropping the bombshell.
"Salary is N10000!"

The last time I checked, Nigeria abolished slavery.
I broke into laughter. A laughter of misery and frustration.
To add insult to the injury, she began to yak on how there are no jobs in Nigeria. In her words "I better accept the offer. People will kill to have this job."

Even if I were stupid enough to take the shitty job, my transportation to and fro the bookshop was roughly N8000 a month. Tithe is 1k. Basically, I'll go home with 1K every month at my age, stage and relationship status?

Waste of Ghana braids!
I just wanted to loosen my braids there in her office and force her to swallow the attachment.
"Thank you madam for your offer!" I muttered.
If I had spent an extra minute in there, I would have probably be tumbling down the book shelves.

I packed what was left of my dignity and sicknesses and hurried out of her book kiosk.
As for my friend, we've not spoken to ourselves since then.

Naijasinglegirl

I can't stop laffin. Madam u don kil mi 4 hia

That was quite pathetic and I envy your writing skills girl, not many of us can do this, with this writing you have put up I pray for God to send you your dream job soon and I wish you were my GF, just loving you.

hahahahahahaha so funny, it is well all d same

OP, your thread just made my day! Thanks a billion!