Many times God will use the imperfections of your spouse to perfect an imperfection in you. Did you all catch that? Let me say it again. Many times, God will use the imperfections of your spouse to perfect an imperfection in you. Let me explain.

In my marriage, my wife hardly ever apologized first. It didn't matter if she was the one who was originally at fault, in the end, I always apologized first and this drove me to be angry with her many times. I remember several arguments in the past where I would have to apologize first in order for the argument to end. Then I would bring up to my wife how yet again, I had to apologize first and she would always bypass my complaint. It finally got to a point that I started complaining to the Lord about my wife. Well, I was tired of it so I asked the Lord, "Why do I ALWAYS have to be the one who apologizes first? Why can't she just admit she is wrong and apologize? Is that so hard? I can do it, so can she"! But the Lord would always show me something about me! I didn't understand. There I was coming to the Lord about her yet He was showing me something about me. So what was my response? "But what about HER? Why won't you change her"? And that is when He made it clear that He wanted to change ME! It was frustrating to keep going to God about changing my wife and getting that He wanted to change me but, I eventually realized what God was doing. He was in fact working on me.

God showed me that He wanted me to stop complaining about my wife and PRAY FOR HER in that area! He wanted me to stop complaining to her about her and pray with her more. He wanted me to keep apologizing and stop keeping count. If I was wrong I needed to apologize but if she was wrong, I needed to stop expecting her to apologize and forgive her anyway. Doesn't seem fair does it? It doesn't seem fair that my wife, as a believer, could not apologize first to me, her husband. Here we are as two believers in a Godly marriage and I had to forgive her whether she apologized to me or not. Not fair at all. But I didn't get married for everything to be fair in my marriage. I married to be the Christ-like husband I was called to be and apart of that meant that I would not be weary in well doing.

So what did I learn? I learned that to do good is good, so why should I get weary? If I'm doing God's laws, I should have peace and joy that I am obeying Him and pray for my wife if she is disobeying Him. That does not mean I don't tell my wife what's on my heart, it just means I don't beat her over the head with her flaws and throw my good deeds in her face by constantly reminding her of what she's not doing while telling her the good I am doing. Did any of you catch that?

It is not for spouses to parade their good deeds in each other's faces. "I always apologize to you but you never apologize to me" or "I always do this but you never do that" or "At least I do this because you don't even do that"! Because what good will that do? Is that building your spouse up in their area of weakness? Is that putting your spouse above yourself? Is that doing all you can to live at peace with your spouse? No. Doesn't mean I can't share my frustrations or dislikes with my wife, it simply means I DON'T HOLD IT AGAINST HER and treat her as such. No, I just keep doing what I am supposed to do because remember, I and I alone will have to stand before the Lord on how I treated the wife He gave me when this life is over.

I have learned and I am still learning that when my wife has an imperfection and it bothers me, that God is going to use her imperfection to perfect an imperfection in me. So now I just prepare for Him to work on me. You can't tell people you're a work in progress and remain the same because a work in progress has NOTICEABLE PROGRESS not stagnation!

In the end, I stopped complaining about my wife and began to pray for her more. I stopped telling her how I always apologize first and kept apologizing first anyway. My attitude changed from complaining about her imperfection to asking God to perfect me in my imperfection towards her imperfection. Did you catch that? LOL! And God began to work.

A few years ago, my wife and I had a disagreement and I thought lightening flashed when she said, "I'm sorry"! I was literally shocked because she said it FIRST! Just as I was about to joke about her being first to apologize, the Holy Spirit tugged at my spirit that now was not the time to joke. And do you know why? Because God was at work in her life. Just as she was apologizing, the Lord began to show me that apologizing was not easy for my wife so for her to apologize first meant that God was not only working on her, but He was also ANSWERING MY PRAYERS! And ain't no time for joking when the Lord is working and answering prayers at the same time. Isn't God awesome? He was delivering my wife and answering me at the same time. Nobody but GOD can do that!! Now I will be honest, it took many times in between for her to make apologizing a habit but TODAY, she will apologize when she is wrong and many times she is first to do so.

The point I'm making is this..many times, our spouse's imperfections are because of a struggle within them that God has been trying to work out in them for the longest of times. My wife confessed to me how in bondage she was to "being right" so apologizing was hard, even as a believer. And that goes to show you no marriage is perfect, not even a marriage of believers.

Like my wife said in a previous post entitled "CALLED TO LOVE FOR LIFE", in marriage, we will have to endure and forgive each other. We will have to be patient for change in each other but more importantly we will have to recognize that the imperfections that bother us, many times God will use to work on us. So let Him! Because God also showed me that I was keeping score in my marriage but that true Love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Cor 13:5d).

So allow God to perfect your imperfections. The next time your spouse does something to get on your nerves, go before the Lord and say, "It's me Lord and I'm bothered by what my spouse is doing. Nevertheless, work on me in this area and help my spouse in their area of struggle. Deliver us both but start with me Lord so I can love them through their struggle" and watch God begin to work!

Phil 1:6, "Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ".

Psalm 138:8(a), "The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me..."

1 Cor 13:5 (NIV), "...(LOVE) does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs".

Gal 6:9 (NLT), "So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up".

Please share this with as MANY as you can! Thanks Fam! — with Julia Seyi Pedro and Abosede Olufunso.

5minsmadness: Was actually more interested in the 'Nigerian god' issue

However,

If you have watched the film 'fireproof' it depicts what the OP is trying to explain here perfectly. Iys a film every couple should watch. Marriage is not about trying to correct the fault in your partner - that should have been taken into consideration when you two were dating - marriage is about making yourself better so you partner can enjoy you more.

I'm going to be a bit biased here and talk to the ladies a bit since the topic already addressed the man. Some ladies have a tendency to want marriage to be all about themselves, vis:

What can the man do for me?
What can he provide for me?
What is he going to give up for me?
When is he coming home early to me?
He should treat me like a princess.
He should be able to be patient with me.
Etc etc.

BUT

What have you done for the man?
What can you provide for him?
What will you give up for him?
Why should he come home early to you?
Do you treat him like a king?
Are you forgiving towards him(after all men make most of the mistakes)

Marriage should sha be about sacrifice.

MizMyColi: Eishhhhhh! The truth in this post is quite unsettling.

pickabeau1: who is this pav.. is he a pastor

bukatyne:

Yea

Short for Pastor Anthonio Vance. He does the facebook stuff with his wife Octavia E. Vance

pickabeau1: this explains a lot

in the last thread you/he said something about love taking hurt and hurt until the Spirit convicts the person right?

Infinite Forgiveness.. etc

What do u think of pro 27.5

bukatyne:

Unsettling?

Why?

Welcome to the thread

There's a spirit in Man. The inspiration of the Almighty gives him understanding.

The understanding expressed in the original post is one that resonates with the understanding I've been having lately.

Its more like a burden (But you know Abba's burdens are very lightweight).
I have this calling to manage relationships.
More like a minister of reconciliation.

The testimony expressed in the OP is akin to the transformation that occurred in my family. I never believed I could love my Mom and Siblings like I do now. The Laughter in our house feels like its been that way since forever. I was/am the agent of change in our home. I gave it all to God and everyone of us changed. (I'm actually making the story lighter).

Now it feels like Abba wants me to do the same, in a marriage relationship this time.
On my way back from work, I mused over this post, and I'm asking Dad, Why me, why shouldn't it be the man who wants to change me, why do I have to be the one to bear this, why? why? (I literally did
that).

Then he drops a line:
That he gives the toughest battles to his toughest soldiers.

I really wish I could say more.
This should suffice

bukatyne:

Better is open rebuke than hidden love...

What has did got to do with the topic?

pickabeau1: this explains a lot

in the last thread you/he said something about love taking hurt and hurt until the Spirit convicts the person right?

Infinite Forgiveness.. etc

What do u think of pro 27.5

Royver:



Very interesting point. It is better to correct a person[in love] than to hide that person's fault out of love.
however I think its a more flexible arrangement of humbling by example that this op tries to give us.

And how do you reconcile Prov 27.5 with Matt 7.5?

egopersonified: 5minsmadness, I used to be all these you decribed, but I learnt from my husband what love really meant. Imagine after an argument where normally, I have ranted for long, the next thing he says is 'honey, am going out, do you need anything?' and am like this guy no no say we dey quarrel? The one that started getting me embarassed was when I borrow money, I dont pay back but when he borrows, he pays to the last kobo, I stopped collecting it back out of shame. I then learnt how to report him to God when he annoys me instead of lashing out at him, but like the opening post, God always turns it around to me and I found out my attitude began to change. Recently, I dont even see some as faults any more. I'm still not perfect but we have come a looooooooong way.

MizMyColi: There's a spirit in Man. The inspiration of the Almighty gives him understanding.

The understanding expressed in the original post is one that resonates with the understanding I've been having lately.

Its more like a burden (But you know Abba's burdens are very lightweight).
I have this calling to manage relationships.
More like a minister of reconciliation.

The testimony expressed in the OP is akin to the transformation that occurred in my family. I never believed I could love my Mom and Siblings like I do now. The Laughter in our house feels like its been that way since forever. I was/am the agent of change in our home. I gave it all to God and everyone of us changed. (I'm actually making the story lighter).

Now it feels like Abba wants me to do the same, in a marriage relationship this time.
On my way back from work, I mused over this post, and I'm asking Dad, Why me, why shouldn't it be the man who wants to change me, why do I have to be the one to bear this, why? why? (I literally did
that).

Then he drops a line:
That he gives the toughest battles to his toughest soldiers.

I really wish I could say more.
This should suffice

bukatyne:

Hmm

It is my turn to say unsettling.

Doing marriage/life God's way is hard but easier than doing it the world/culture's way and trying to apply godly principles to it.

I pray God gives you the strenght to carry through.

pickabeau1: Am i right to say you advocate for a love that takes hurt and hurt until the Spirit convicts the person right?

Infinite Forgiveness.. etc

is that correct?

pickabeau1: You see the light...!

For now.. i want to get the POV of the PAV/bukatyne and get how this unlimited forgiveness thing works

bukatyne:

I advocate we leading lives as Christians for those who are.

It is to adapt to your partner's imperfections while you pray for change or adapt.

Note it is an imperfection or a flaw in character. I am sure you know I or 2 people who are good but impatient, unapologetic;unforgiving etc. and you will try to relate with them while skirting their ish.

Stuffs like abuse, cheating etc. are not imperfections and I am not advocatng anyone should stayput.

bukatyne:

You know, some men do not know what it entails to lead their homes.

You are lucky you have a rare one beside you.

bukatyne:

I advocate we leading lives as Christians for those who are.

It is to adapt to your partner's imperfections while you pray for change or adapt.

Note it is an imperfection or a flaw in character. I am sure you know I or 2 people who are good but impatient, unapologetic;unforgiving etc. and you will try to relate with them while skirting their ish.

Stuffs like abuse, cheating etc. are not imperfections and I am not advocating anyone should stayput.

bukatyne:

You know, some men do not know what it entails to lead their homes.

You are lucky you have a rare one beside you.

Royver:
And what are implying by this statement?
Your very OP tells you that if you feel you have a difficult husband then you change him by first of all changing yourself.
Saying good men are "rare" does not help your point.

bukatyne:

You know, some men do not know what it entails to lead their homes.

You are lucky you have a rare one beside you.

Royver:

Once again, whose rule books are you using to draw the line? Where do you define your imperfections from? If your Christ was able to forgive those who crucified him, shouldn't you be able to do same as well? Is it the trivial/small things things in marriage that make a person imperfect but once it gets tough you are justified in leaving?

bukatyne:
Stuffs like abuse, cheating etc. are not imperfections

bukatyne:

God said we should forgive 70 x 7 daily and no body can beat that

It is more of knowing your partner's flaws and praying for him/her to change + grace to endure while they are changing.

If I know that my hubby will always scatter our wardrobe, it will be unwise of me to keep complaining about it: it will be better I change the way I view his scattering our wardrobe while praying for him to change.

egopersonified: 5minsmadness, I used to be all these you decribed, but I learnt from my husband what love really meant. Imagine after an argument where normally, I have ranted for long, the next thing he says is 'honey, am going out, do you need anything?' and am like this guy no no say we dey quarrel? The one that started getting me embarassed was when I borrow money, I dont pay back but when he borrows, he pays to the last kobo, I stopped collecting it back out of shame. I then learnt how to report him to God when he annoys me instead of lashing out at him, but like the opening post, God always turns it around to me and I found out my attitude began to change. Recently, I dont even see some as faults any more. I'm still not perfect but we have come a looooooooong way.

Royver:
And what are implying by this statement?
Your very OP tells you that if you feel you have a difficult husband then you change him by first of all changing yourself.
Saying good men are "rare" does not help your point.