MY HEART PANTS FOR THEE OH GOD (PART 1)

I felt sure that if I would fast and pray, God would in some way speak to me, and reveal to me what stood between me and the miracle-working power of God in my ministry. I was so hungry for the power of God in my own life that I felt I could not stand in my pulpit, nor even preach again, until I had heard from God, and told my wife that this was my plan. It was then that I had the greatest battle of my life. Satan was determined that I should NOT fast and pray until God answered. Many times he whipped me or tricked me out of that prayer closet. Satan knew that if I ever actually contacted God, there would be much damage to his kingdom, and he meant to do all in his power to hinder me from making that contact.

Day after day, I went into the prayer closet, determined to stay until God had spoke to me. Again and again, I came out without the answer. Again and again my wife would say to me, "I thought you said this was the time you were going to stay until you got the answer." Then she would smile in her own sweet way, remembering that "the spirit indeed is willing, BUT THE FLESH IS WEAK!" Again and again I answered her, "Honey, I really meant to pray it through this time, but -- !" It seemed there was always a reason why I couldn't stay in that closet until the answer came. I always justified myself by saying I would pray it through tomorrow. Things would be more favorable then.

The Lord encouraged my heard by calling to my attention how Daniel held on in fasting and prayer, and wrested the answer from the hands of Satan, although it took three weeks to do so. (See Daniel 10:1 and 12) The next day found me on my knees in the closet again. I had told my wife I would never come out until I heard from God. I REALLY THOUGHT I MEANT IT. But a few hours later, when I began to smell the odor of food that my wife was preparing for herself and our small son, I was soon out of the closet and in the kitchen, inquiring, "What smells so delicious, dear?"

A few moments later, while I was at the table, God spoke to my heart. I had only taken one bite of food, and I stopped. God had spoken to me. I knew that until I wanted to hear from God MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD, more than food, more than the gratification of the flesh, GOD WOULD NEVER GIVE ME THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION THAT WAS IN MY HEART!

I arose quickly from the table, and said to my wife, "Honey, I mean business with God this time! I'm going back into that closet, and I want you to lock me inside. I am going to stay there until I hear from God." "Oh," she replied, "you'll be knocking for me to open the door in an hour or so." She knew that so many times I had said THIS was the time I would stay until I had the answer, she was beginning to wonder if I really could subdue the flesh long enough to defeat the devil. Nevertheless, I heard her lock the door from the outside. Before she left, she said, "I'll let you out any time you knock."

I answered, "I'll not knock until I have the answer that I have wanted so long." At last I had definitely made up my mind to stay there till I heard from God, no matter what the cost! Hour after hour, I battled with the devil and the flesh in that closet! Many were the times I almost gave up. It seemed to me that days were slipping by, and my progress was so slow! Many times I was tempted to give it all up, and try to be satisfied without the answer -- to go on just as I had been doing. But deep in my soul I knew I could never be satisfied to do that. I had tried it, and found that it was not enough.

No! I would stay right here on my knees until God answered, or I would die in the attempt! Then the glory of God began to fill the closet. I thought for a moment that my wife had opened the door, as the closet door began to grow light. But my wife had not opened the door of the closet -- JESUS HAD OPENED THE DOOR OF HEAVEN, and the closet was flooded with light, the light of the glory of God! I do not know how long I had stayed in the closet before this happened, but it doesn't matter. I do not care to know. I only know I prayed UNTIL! The presence of God was so real, so wonderful, and so powerful that I felt I would die right there on my knees. It seemed that if God came any closer, I could not stand it! Yet I wanted it, and was determined to have it.

Was this my answer? Was God going to speak to me? Would God, at last, after these many years, satisfy my longing heart? How long had I been here? I didn't know! I seemed to lose consciousness of everything but the mighty presence of God. I tried to see Him, and then was afraid that I would, for suddenly I realized that should I seem Him, I would die. (Exodus 33:20.) Just His glorious presence was enough! If only He would speak to me now! If He would just answer my one question, "Lord, why can't I heal the sick? Why can't I work miracles in Your name? Why do signs not follow my ministry as they did that of Peter, John and Paul?"

Then like a whirlwind, I heard His voice! It was God! He was speaking to me! This was the glorious answer for which I had waited so long! In His presence I felt like one of the small pebbles at the foot of the towering Rockies. I felt I was unworthy even to hear His voice. But He wasn't speaking to me because I was worthy. He was speaking to me because I was needy. Centuries ago, He had promised to supply that need. This was the fulfillment of that promise. It seemed that faster than any human could possibly speak faster than I could follow mentally, God was talking to me. My heart cried out, "Speak a little more slowly. I want to remember it all!"
It seemed God was speaking to me so fast, and of so many things I could never remember it all.

Yet I knew I could never forget! God was giving me a list of the things which stood between me and the power of God. After each new requirement was added to the list in my mind, there followed a brief explanation, or sermonette, explaining that requirement and its importance. Some of the things God spoke to me sounded like scriptures. I knew some of them were, but those first three -- could they be from the Bible? If I had known there were so many things to remember, I would have brought a pencil and paper! I hadn't expected that God would speak in such a definite way, and give me such a long list. I had never dreamed that I was falling so far short of the glory of God. I hadn't realized there were so many things in my life that generated doubt and hindered my faith.

While God continued to speak to me, I began to feel in my pockets for a pencil. At last I located a short one, but the lead was broken. Quickly I sharpened it with my teeth. I searched for a piece of paper. I couldn't find any. Suddenly I remembered the cardboard box filled with winter clothes which I was using for an altar. I would write on the box. Now I was ready!
I asked the Lord to please start all over again at the beginning, and let me write the things down one at a time -- to speak slowly enough so that I could get it all on paper. Once more God started at the first, and spoke to me one after another the many things He had already mentioned. As God spoke to me, I wrote them down. When the last requirement was written down on the list, God spoke once again, and said, "This is the answer. When you have placed on the altar of consecration and obedience the last thing on your list, YE SHALL NOT ONLY HEAL THE SICK, BUT IN MY NAME SHALL YE CAST OUT DEVILS. YE SHALL SEE MIGHTY MIRACLES AS IN MY NAME YE PREACH THE WORD, FOR BEHOLD, I GIVE YOU POWER OVER ALL THE POWER OF THE ENEMY."

God revealed to me at the same time that the things that were hindrances to my ministry, and had prevented God from working with me, confirming the Word with signs following, were the very same things which were hindering so many thousands of others. Now it began to grow darker in the closet. I felt His mighty power begin to lift. For a few more moments, His presence lingered, and then I was alone. Alone, yet not alone. I trembled under the mighty lingering presence of God. I fumbled at the bottom of the cardboard box on which I had been writing. In the dark, I tore the part on which I had written from the box.

In my hand I held the list. At last, here was the price I must pay for the power of God in my life and ministry. THE PRICE TAG FOR THE MIRACLE-WORKING POWER OF GOD! Frantically, I pounded on the locked door. Again and again I pounded. At last, I heard my wife coming. She opened the door. The moment she saw me, she knew I had been with God. Her first words were, "You've got the answer!" "Yes, honey. God has paid me a visit from heaven, and here is the answer." In my hand was the old brown piece of cardboard, with the answer that had cost so many hours of fasting and prayer and waiting, and -- yes -- believing! My wife and I sat down at the table with the list before us, and as I told her the story, we both wept, as together we went down the list. There were thirteen items on the list when I came out of the closet, but I erased the last two before showing the list to my wife, because those two were so personal that even my wife shall never know what they were. She has never asked, for she realizes that these things MUST remain between me and God – A A ALLEN

Whisper this prayer with me, ‘Lord Jesus, I love You. I announce with my mouth that You are Lord of my life. I believe in my spirit that You came in the flesh, died, buried & rose on the 3rd day all because of me. I accept this fact. Thanks for saving me. I believe I’m born again. Holy Spirit, now I receive You by faith into my spirit, with the evidence of speaking in other tongues. Amen!

EMMEAUX EVANGELICAL
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