Hello nairalanders,
Please I have a problem that has been eating me up which prompted me to join this site and I sincerely need advice though I don't know if this topic should be under family or religion. My story is a long one so please bear with me.

I am a 22years old girl, and I have been dating my man for 3yrs now. Before now I have only had one relationship all through my life and it didn't even last up to 6mths. Its not because am ugly, am very pretty rather it was because I wanted to face my studies and the guy couldn't cope with this so he left. Facing my studies paid off though in the sense that I graduated with a very good grade and I didn't even stay up to 2mths after my nysc before I got a good job.

Everything seemed fine and I was finaly ready to have relationship, that was how I met my current boyfriend, he is sweet and all that but their is a problem.

Ever since I met him, everything in my life has gone wrong,
First I lost my job, then I tried to further my studies, no head way with that too. Things were very hard for me. My uncle gave money to start a business when I couldn't secure another job and my man said he had a friend in d usa who could help me buy somethings and ship to naija, the guy collected d money and since then we have not been able to reach him.

When I met him, he was struggling and he still is, then I used to help him with money all d time while I was working, even his siblings are struggling, none of them seemed to be living well.
A life of struggling is not what I am used to as I come from an okay family whr everyone is doing well financially except me. Anytime a good thing is coming and I tell him the good news, everything automatically spoils. He once told me early in the relationship that his dad is diabolical, could it be that his badluck is rubbing off on me or am I just been paranoid? Has anyone here been with a particular person and things start going wrong as long as the person is in your life?

Do you spend time you should spend working with him?
Is he financially reckless and you are picking it up?
There could be real physical things about him that may not help you grow not necessarily diabolical.
What value does he add to you?
What habits do you pick up from him good ones or lousy ones?
What kind of company do you share with him?

If you were a focused lady, always reliable and calm then you start dating a " bad" boy who may like fast life and money you may loose yourself and things around you if you are naive.

What did you start doing differently when you met him that makes you loose all these things?

Then again it may just be a bad patch you are facing no necessarily his fault.

Sometimes we meet people and all of a sudden we have so many good things happening, it could be that the person helps us stay focused gives us rest of mind so we are at peace to give our all in what we do and so see positive results.

From your story it seems you are so caught up in his own issues that you fail to concentrate on you. Being supportive is good but don't loose yourself in the process. You sound a little young and naive not too sharp in the ways of the world probably have been sheltered most of your life just taking a wild guess lol.

Hmmmm!
Native Doctor Dastardly is here to help.
Pm me your birthday and his own asap. Let the Gods go to work

In other words, you need to pray your way out first. he may or may not be the cause. JESUS is the answer.

As you've noticed and said,i would advise you to be prayerful because something is really fishing . Secondly,you need to keep mute until your good news/expectations become reality.

aisha2: Do you spend time you should spend working with him?
Is he financially reckless and you are picking it up?
There could be real physical things about him that may not help you grow not necessarily diabolical.
What value does he add to you?
What habits do you pick up from him good ones or lousy ones?
What kind of company do you share with him?

If you were a focused lady, always reliable and calm then you start dating a " bad" boy who may like fast life and money you may loose yourself and things around you if you are naive.

What did you start doing differently when you met him that makes you loose all these things?

Then again it may just be a bad patch you are facing no necessarily his fault.

Sometimes we meet people and all of a sudden we have so many good things happening, it could be that the person helps us stay focused gives us rest of mind so we are at peace to give our all in what we do and so see positive results.

From your story it seems you are so caught up in his own issues that you fail to concentrate on you. Being supportive is good but don't loose yourself in the process. You sound a little young and naive not too sharp in the ways of the world probably have been sheltered most of your life just taking a wild guess lol.

Very true,i most times love ur comment coz they are logical and practical.u always reason well b4 dropping wise comments.
As for op u can do as aisha said and also seek spiritual help.i believe so much in prayers.also try and be more secretive for the main tym.dnt always tell him ur plans.

aisha2: Do you spend time you should spend working with him?
Is he financially reckless and you are picking it up?
There could be real physical things about him that may not help you grow not necessarily diabolical.
What value does he add to you?
What habits do you pick up from him good ones or lousy ones?
What kind of company do you share with him?

If you were a focused lady, always reliable and calm then you start dating a " bad" boy who may like fast life and money you may loose yourself and things around you if you are naive.

What did you start doing differently when you met him that makes you loose all these things?

Then again it may just be a bad patch you are facing no necessarily his fault.

Sometimes we meet people and all of a sudden we have so many good things happening, it could be that the person helps us stay focused gives us rest of mind so we are at peace to give our all in what we do and so see positive results.

From your story it seems you are so caught up in his own issues that you fail to concentrate on you. Being supportive is good but don't loose yourself in the process.

thr is nothing I have been doing differently, infact, for someone as hardworking as he is, I wonder why tins r not working for him. Altho I agree most times I get lost in trying to help him out. But these bad things that have been happening to me are misterious for example wen I wrote my masters exams amd passed but when d admission list came my name was excluded due to an error. As much as I ran all around to make sure the mistake is rectified yet nothing came out of it.
Another time I was called up for a job and just when I had called him to share the good news with him I received a call that same evening that the job was no longer available (one of the top bosses in the organisation had a candidate).
Another thing, before I met him, I have been hail and hearty but these days its from one drug to d other
There are so many other instances. And these are things that are totally beyond my control

richardsmart: As you've noticed and said,i would advise you to be prayerful because something is really fishing . Secondly,you need to keep mute until your good news/expectations become reality.

whenever I keep things from him, he doesn't really like it. Its a serious offence to him if I keep any information away no matter how little

Serenity22: Hello nairalanders,
Please I have a problem that has been eating me up which prompted me to join this site and I sincerely need advice though I don't know if this topic should be under family or religion. My story is a long one so please bear with me.

I am a 22years old girl, and I have been dating my man for 3yrs now. Before now I have only had one relationship all through my life and it didn't even last up to 6mths. Its not because am ugly, am very pretty rather it was because I wanted to face my studies and the guy couldn't cope with this so he left. Facing my studies paid off though in the sense that I graduated with a very good grade and I didn't even stay up to 2mths after my nysc before I got a good job.

Everything seemed fine and I was finaly ready to have relationship, that was how I met my current boyfriend, he is sweet and all that but their is a problem.

Ever since I met him, everything in my life has gone wrong,
First I lost my job, then I tried to further my studies, no head way with that too. Things were very hard for me. My uncle gave money to start a business when I couldn't secure another job and my man said he had a friend in d usa who could help me buy somethings and ship to naija, the guy collected d money and since then we have not been able to reach him.

When I met him, he was struggling and he still is, then I used to help him with money all d time while I was working, even his siblings are struggling, none of them seemed to be living well.
A life of struggling is not what I am used to as I come from an okay family whr everyone is doing well financially except me. Anytime a good thing is coming and I tell him the good news, everything automatically spoils. He once told me early in the relationship that his dad is diabolical, could it be that his badluck is rubbing off on me or am I just been paranoid? Has anyone here been with a particular person and things start going wrong as long as the person is in your life?

Girlfriend, you know the answer to this already. That guy isn't a good deal for you and in your very best interest, run as far as your legs can carry you from that 'destiny destroyer' you call a relationship, in a bid to save your future from the glaring doom that's already started to manifest.

Seems from your post
U have attributed any ill luck that comes ur way to him....

Don't u think some might be as a result of some phase u needed to pass through in your life....

Some are just a test of faith....
Some are just concidence

Since u noticed that when ever u tell him ur plans that u normally have failure. Why not withhold the information from him until it materialized and u see if the faults is from him


Also I did fault ur statement about the guys family.... U need not to bring it here open

Do you have a spiritual foundation?Are you prayerful?

Indeed there are people who could come into one's life and cause setbacks.You said his dad is diabolical,so you can't rule that out.
Get into a period of praying and fasting and ask God to reveal things to you.
You don't need to tell him everything too.You can see it through before letting it out.

Serenity22: thr is nothing I have been doing differently, infact, for someone as hardworking as he is, I wonder why tins r not working for him. Altho I agree most times I get lost in trying to help him out. But these bad things that have been happening to me are misterious for example wen I wrote my masters exams amd passed but when d admission list came my name was excluded due to an error. As much as I ran all around to make sure the mistake is rectified yet nothing came out of it.
Another time I was called up for a job and just when I had called him to share the good news with him I received a call that same evening that the job was no longer available (one of the top bosses in the organisation had a candidate).
Another thing, before I met him, I have been hail and hearty but these days its from one drug to d other
There are so many other instances. And these are things that are totally beyond my control

Girlfriend, you know the answer to this already. That guy isn't a good deal for you and in your very best interest, run as far as your legs can carry you from that 'destiny destroyer' you call a relationship, in a bid to save your future from the glaring doom that's already started to manifest

dre11: Seems from your post
U have attributed any ill luck that comes ur way to him....

Don't u think some might be as a result of some phase u needed to pass through in your life....

Some are just a test of faith....
Some are just concidence

Since u noticed that when ever u tell him ur plans that u normally have failure. Why not withhold the information from him until it materialized and u see if the faults is from him


Also I did fault ur statement about the guys family.... U need not to bring it here open

sorry if mentioning his family offended u but I didn't mean it the way it came across to u. I try to not tell him some things and everything goes smoothly then he keeps asking me questions abt it and I talk den then it grinds to a halt again

Young lady,

I honestly do not think he is the cause of your problems, but i think you should leave him. From the way you described him and his family, and the way you described you and your family; may be you really do not fit each other.

Seems you have lived a sheltered life and focused on your books all this time so you don't even know anything about boys. I will advice you to go out more, make more friends, give yourself time, get to know more about relationships, read books, just socialise generally. Join a social group, church group or anything to have more friends.

This guy may be too street smart for you. Don't like the fact that he demands to know every little thing going on, and the fact that you are the one handing out stipends to him. Try move on.

Serenity22: thr is nothing I have been doing differently, infact, for someone as hardworking as he is, I wonder why tins r not working for him. Altho I agree most times I get lost in trying to help him out. But these bad things that have been happening to me are misterious for example wen I wrote my masters exams amd passed but when d admission list came my name was excluded due to an error. As much as I ran all around to make sure the mistake is rectified yet nothing came out of it.
Another time I was called up for a job and just when I had called him to share the good news with him I received a call that same evening that the job was no longer available (one of the top bosses in the organisation had a candidate).
Another thing, before I met him, I have been hail and hearty but these days its from one drug to d other
There are so many other instances. And these are things that are totally beyond my control

It could be a bad patch we all face them, pray, work hard and stay focused.
If you are sick get a comprehensive check up rather than self meditate.

Once I was about to start a N60k job which at that point was money, I had been called to resume only to get there and my letter was missing I had been replaced by another person's candidate.

Another time I went for an interview got called for the job only to get there and the staff who wanted to leave before changed her mind chai. Then came this "pastor" who came to say there was a witch in my family and I should bring 80k for deliverance bare in mind that it was in the midst of all the bad luck happening to me oh lol.
Told the pastor I was not interested and my faith in my own prayers and my God was solid whatever I was going through my life was in God's hand. 2 weeks later I got a job which paid almost 5 times N60k.

Now if I had believed this pastor and got my job 2 weeks later shebi. The pastor would have taken God's glory? And I would have made an enemy out of an innocent family member.

In summary, stay focused save well study and pray too. Everyone faces tough times someone is not always responsible for those tough times

Serenity22: sorry if mentioning his family offended u but I didn't mean it the way it came across to u. I try to not tell him some things and everything goes smoothly then he keeps asking me questions abt it and I talk den then it grinds to a halt again

Girl,something dey!Can you wait on God(hope u believe)?

thorpido: Do you have a spiritual foundation?Are you prayerful?

Indeed there are people who could come into one's life and cause setbacks.You said his dad is diabolical,so you can't rule that out.
Get into a period of praying and fasting and ask God to reveal things to you.
You don't need to tell him everything too.You can see it through before letting it out.

am not very much of a spiritual person, I go to church, pray and read my bible but not very often, all the things that have been happening in my life made me remember what he told me earlier on about his dad been diabolical. I don't know if this true tho

Nashville: Young lady,

I honestly do not think he is the cause of your problems, but i think you should leave him. From the way you described him and his family, and the way you described you and your family; may be you really do not fit each other.

Seems you have lived a sheltered life and focused on your books all this time so you don't even know anything about boys. I will advice you to go out more, make more friends, give yourself time, get to know more about relationships, read books, just socialise generally. Join a social group, church group or anything to have more friends.

This guy may be too street smart for you. Don't like the fact that he demands to know every little thing going on, and the fact that you are the one handing out stipends to him. Try move on.

Also don't like that she has to sort out his financial issues.

aisha2:

It could be a bad patch we all face them, pray, work hard and stay focused.
If you are sick get a comprehensive check up rather than self meditate.

Once I was about to start a N60k job which at that point was money, I had been called to resume only to get there and my letter was missing I had been replaced by another person's candidate.

Another time I went for an interview got called for the job only to get there and the staff who wanted to leave before changed her mind chai. Then came this "pastor" who came to say there was a witch in my family and I should bring 80k for deliverance bare in mind that it was in the midst of all the bad luck happening to me oh lol.
Told the pastor I was not interested and my faith in my own prayers and my God was solid whatever I was going through my life was in God's hand. 2 weeks later I got a job which paid almost 5 times N60k.

Now if I had believed this pastor and got my job 2 weeks later shebi. The pastor would have taken God's glory? And I would have made an enemy out of an innocent family member.

In summary, stay focused save well study and pray too. Everyone faces tough times someone is not always responsible for those tough times

lol, its funny tho but that was a one off experience not something that happens all the time, I mean every single time (am not exaggerating). I try to think of one good thing that was coming to me and I told him about that didn't get ruined every single time!

had it been the table turned and he started doing well u will accuse him of stealing ur luck but since the both of u are struggling I'd say he's not the cause of ur troubles. just go to a strong church and pray ur way out and change that mentality of blaming others for ur woes.

Nashville: Young lady,

I honestly do not think he is the cause of your problems, but i think you should leave him. From the way you described him and his family, and the way you described you and your family; may be you really do not fit each other.

Seems you have lived a sheltered life and focused on your books all this time so you don't even know anything about boys. I will advice you to go out more, make more friends, give yourself time, get to know more about relationships, read books, just socialise generally. Join a social group, church group or anything to have more friends.

This guy may be too street smart for you. Don't like the fact that he demands to know every little thing going on, and the fact that you are the one handing out stipends to him. Try move on.

thanks, the truth is that I don't know about relationships and this one has been thru so many ups and downs I don't think I have the energy to start another.
I have discussed this issue of how everything is going wrong with him am he said he was going to talk to his pastor.
He later told me his pastor said I should come for deliverance that I have a spiritual husband (I don't know what that means) that is unhappy with our relationship. Laughed it off and never went to the pastor

Serenity22: Hello nairalanders,
Please I have a problem that has been eating me up which prompted me to join this site and I sincerely need advice though I don't know if this topic should be under family or religion. My story is a long one so please bear with me.

I am a 22years old girl, and I have been dating my man for 3yrs now. Before now I have only had one relationship all through my life and it didn't even last up to 6mths. Its not because am ugly, am very pretty rather it was because I wanted to face my studies and the guy couldn't cope with this so he left. Facing my studies paid off though in the sense that I graduated with a very good grade and I didn't even stay up to 2mths after my nysc before I got a good job.

Everything seemed fine and I was finaly ready to have relationship, that was how I met my current boyfriend, he is sweet and all that but their is a problem.

Ever since I met him, everything in my life has gone wrong,
First I lost my job, then I tried to further my studies, no head way with that too. Things were very hard for me. My uncle gave money to start a business when I couldn't secure another job and my man said he had a friend in d usa who could help me buy somethings and ship to naija, the guy collected d money and since then we have not been able to reach him.

When I met him, he was struggling and he still is, then I used to help him with money all d time while I was working, even his siblings are struggling, none of them seemed to be living well.
A life of struggling is not what I am used to as I come from an okay family whr everyone is doing well financially except me. Anytime a good thing is coming and I tell him the good news, everything automatically spoils. He once told me early in the relationship that his dad is diabolical, could it be that his badluck is rubbing off on me or am I just been paranoid? Has anyone here been with a particular person and things start going wrong as long as the person is in your life?

this is my sincere advice... Why not u both drawer closer to God and take direction for ur lives by the voice of God which is in u since d day u gave ur life to christ... No is born/made to b a badluck... He might not even knw wots wrong with until now you thats better off now turning worse off... Don't take it as an accident take action

lofty900: had it been the table turned and he started doing well u will accuse him of stealing ur luck but since the both of u are struggling I'd say he's not the cause of ur troubles. just go to a strong church and pray ur way out and change that mentality of blaming others for ur woes.

lol, if the tables turned and he started doing well, I'd be very much glad at least one is out this horrible situation and can lift up the other

Serenity22: thanks, the truth is that I don't know about relationships and this one of been thru so many ups and downs I don't think I have the energy to start another.
I have discussed this issue of how everything is going wrong with him am he said he was going to talk to his pastor.
He later told me his pastor said I should come for deliverance that I have a spiritual husband (I don't know what that means) that is unhappy with our relationship. Laughed it off and never went to the pastor

Now that's scary. Seriously it's time for you to quit and you do not need to start another relatipnship just yet. Just give your self time. Make friends with your fellow girls - the good girls o, and just try learn a few things from them. Also make friends with guys - good boys o, go on dates and just get to know more about guys. Give yourself time, you are still young and try and have fun.

You should not be feeding a guy and his family at age 22. You are too young for that kind of responsibility. And please, don't ever follow him anywhere o, not to any pastor or anywhere dodgy. In fact break up with him via text sef. He does not deserve better. How old is he by the way?

aisha2: Do you spend time you should spend working with him?
Is he financially reckless and you are picking it up?
There could be real physical things about him that may not help you grow not necessarily diabolical.
What value does he add to you?
What habits do you pick up from him good ones or lousy ones?
What kind of company do you share with him?

If you were a focused lady, always reliable and calm then you start dating a " bad" boy who may like fast life and money you may loose yourself and things around you if you are naive.

What did you start doing differently when you met him that makes you loose all these things?

Then again it may just be a bad patch you are facing no necessarily his fault.

Sometimes we meet people and all of a sudden we have so many good things happening, it could be that the person helps us stay focused gives us rest of mind so we are at peace to give our all in what we do and so see positive results.

From your story it seems you are so caught up in his own issues that you fail to concentrate on you. Being supportive is good but don't loose yourself in the process. You sound a little young and naive not too sharp in the ways of the world probably have been sheltered most of your life just taking a wild guess lol.

i like meeting pple who are smarter and sharper. If i shud deduce from the quote u must b above me in knowledge and experiences of life ma'am. Can we be friends ma'am?

Serenity22: lol, if the tables turned and he started doing well, I'd be very much glad at least one is out this horrible situation and can lift up the other

exactly but it's totally unfair for her to pin it on the guy who's also struggling.

OnyeEgo1:

this is my sincere advice... Why not u both drawer closer to God and take direction for ur lives by the voice of God which is in u since d day u gave ur life to christ... No is born/made to b a badluck... He might not even knw wots wrong with until now you thats better off now turning worse off... Don't take it as an accident take action

ok, thx. Will b more spiritual

chai.....ill rather be a UN observer, dis one strong abeg

Nashville:

Now that's scary. Seriously it's time for you to quit and you do not need to start another relatipnship just yet. Just give your self time. Make friends with your fellow girls - the good girls o, and just try learn a few things from them. Also make friends with guys - good boys o, go on dates and just get to know more about guys. Give yourself time, you are still young and try and have fun.

You should not be feeding a guy and his family at age 22. You are too young for that kind of responsibility. And please, don't ever follow him anywhere o, not to any pastor or anywhere dodgy. In fact break up with him via text sef. He does not deserve better. How old is he by the way?

am not feeding his family, just helping him out when he is down financially and I hv d means to help. He will be 29 by november. Thx for d advice, Will go out more often tho am an introvert.

Serenity22: sorry if mentioning his family offended u but I didn't mean it the way it came across to u. I try to not tell him some things and everything goes smoothly then he keeps asking me questions abt it and I talk den then it grinds to a halt again

If he keeps asking u .. Then u can find a way to make up sometin up without disclosing what is going on....

Tell people u can confined in about what ure facing. U might not disclose everything to them but u can phraphrase what ure facing to them and u seive through their advice and do what u can do.....
U can also contact ur spiritual fathers if u do have....

Its amaizing how the pastor could see your spiritual husband and not see the spiritual wife married to your man by his father. You man may/may not be the cause of your misfortunes but what is certain is that you will always attribute every ill-luck to him. You need to break up but you have to gently but firmly do it so that you dont go back when he starts pleading. Tell him you want to be alone to evaluate and know the wayforward for you. Truth is you will need more energy to continue with this relationship than to start afresh.

I find it hard to believe in all these spiritual things stuff. Evil forces working against progress and stuff like that.

But I think you need to distance yourself from him because you're already biased against him in your mind.
What's the need continuing the relationship when you're afraid he's the architect of all your woes?