THINGS WE’VE LEARNT FROM NOLLYWOOD
Every problem you have is spiritual.
In every romance movie, someone must die.
It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them.
Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately
Poisoned food always tastes better.
The best way to make money is by visiting a ‘Babalawo’/joining a cult/sleeping with rich men.
One of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil.
There is never an end to your suffering, except death!
With a pastor… all things are possible
A movie can be titled anything --- such as:
The boy is mine
Face me, I face you
Two rates
Could this be love?
Spanner
Calculator
I am in love
Igudu
Shigidi
A movie has not been made it at least one actor/actress has not ‘shelled’, twisted his/her lips to speak wrong phonetics
You are in love… you want to take your girl out, the best place you take her to is…
Mr. Biggs/Tantalizers: where you’ll most probably see an ex while feeding each other.
The beach: where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry her playfully.
The garden: where you chase her around trees and flowers which ends with you catching her and both of you falling on the grass.
Or the boutique: take her to buy some ugly new clothes.
A gospel song can be played in a party where there is drinking, smoking, dirty dancing and drugs
An Igbo movie has been made if …
You visit a ‘Babalawo’.
A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals for a total of half of the movie time.
Kanayo O. Kanayo is in the movie. Pete Edochie is also there too.
To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult.
In a Yoruba movie:
You always forget a covenant or oath you made, only to remember after a visit t to a shrine or white garment priest.
Two powerful ‘Juju’ people would fight with their spells and incantations to know who is more powerful.
In an Hausa move:
The movie must include the long love songs that are evidently copied from Bollywood.
If you want your movie banned by the Sharia law then allow your characters to show affection by kissing, cuddling, etc.
Gun shots and knock-outs sound the same
Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and other times, once you read the title and see the poster you know it all.
The soundtrack gives you a headache because it just narrated the whole story repeatedly – so much for suspense and intrigue.
A love story had not been produced id it does not have:
Jim Iyke – Rita Dominic
Emeka Ike – Genevieve Nnaji/Stephanie Okereke
R.M.D. – Stella Damasus
Van Vicker – Nadia Buhari
Majid Michel – Jackie Appaih


For more entertaining stuff, visit chiefpriestblog.

wow
lwkm

You missed some. They also thought us that native doctors fix brazilian hair, witches fix long fake nails. A princess always wear long gowns with beads all over and go about with maids everywhere. Na wa o.

She also paints her lips black lol

missberrypop5: A princess always wear long gowns with beads all over and go about with maids everywhere. Na wa o.

mstik: She also paints her lips black lol

lol, no be small thing. And it's usually Chika Ike

henrydimo: THINGS WE’VE LEARNT FROM NOLLYWOOD
Every problem you have is spiritual.
In every romance movie, someone must die.
It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them.
Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately
Poisoned food always tastes better.
The best way to make money is by visiting a ‘Babalawo’/joining a cult/sleeping with rich men.
One of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil.
There is never an end to your suffering, except death!
With a pastor… all things are possible
A movie can be titled anything --- such as:
The boy is mine
Face me, I face you
Two rates
Could this be love?
Spanner
Calculator
I am in love
Igudu
Shigidi
A movie has not been made it at least one actor/actress has not ‘shelled’, twisted his/her lips to speak wrong phonetics
You are in love… you want to take your girl out, the best place you take her to is…
Mr. Biggs/Tantalizers: where you’ll most probably see an ex while feeding each other.
The beach: where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry her playfully.
The garden: where you chase her around trees and flowers which ends with you catching her and both of you falling on the grass.
Or the boutique: take her to buy some ugly new clothes.
A gospel song can be played in a party where there is drinking, smoking, dirty dancing and drugs
An Igbo movie has been made if …
You visit a ‘Babalawo’.
A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals for a total of half of the movie time.
Kanayo O. Kanayo is in the movie. Pete Edochie is also there too.
To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult.
In a Yoruba movie:
You always forget a covenant or oath you made, only to remember after a visit t to a shrine or white garment priest.
Two powerful ‘Juju’ people would fight with their spells and incantations to know who is more powerful.
In an Hausa move:
The movie must include the long love songs that are evidently copied from Bollywood.
If you want your movie banned by the Sharia law then allow your characters to show affection by kissing, cuddling, etc.
Gun shots and knock-outs sound the same
Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and other times, once you read the title and see the poster you know it all.
The soundtrack gives you a headache because it just narrated the whole story repeatedly – so much for suspense and intrigue.
A love story had not been produced id it does not have:
Jim Iyke – Rita Dominic
Emeka Ike – Genevieve Nnaji/Stephanie Okereke
R.M.D. – Stella Damasus
Van Vicker – Nadia Buhari
Majid Michel – Jackie Appaih


For more entertaining stuff, visit chiefpriestblog.

More proof nollywood is a joke....

why da beef na lol

Guykhena:

More proof nollywood is a joke....

mstik: why da beef na lol

I don't know why,,I just hate the Nollywood industry...

Am I weird

Guykhena:

I don't know why,,I just hate the Nollywood industry...

Am I weird

no you're not weird. I even prefer watching cartoons

nope
nigerian movies make me laff
but some good quality movies exist tho

Guykhena:

I don't know why,,I just hate the Nollywood industry...

Am I weird

missberrypop5: no you're not weird. I even prefer watching cartoons

Exactly, I rather watch 'Dora The Explorer' than subject myself to an hour long Nollywood movie ........

mstik: nope
nigerian movies make me laff
but some good quality movies exist tho

Umm let me guess the bolded statement was made because of 'Half Of A Yellow Sun',,,

Out of the Hundreds of movies Nollywood makes a year and you could just pick 1 good movie from it,,,seriously that's not an achievement...

not half of a yellow sun
that movie totally annoyed me, it was crap
overhyped nonesense

Guykhena:

Exactly, I rather watch 'Dora The Explorer' than subject myself to an hour long Nollywood movie ........



Umm let me guess the bolded statement was made because of 'Half Of A Yellow Sun',,,

Out of the Hundreds of movies Nollywood makes a year and you could just pick 1 good movie from it,,,seriously that's not an achievement...

mstik: not half of a yellow sun
that movie totally annoyed me, it was crap
overhyped nonesense

tho the storyline was wack,,but the movie was well directed.....

LoL,what's your probs with the movie? .

wat wat was not wrong with that movie if i start to mention wat i hated abt the movie, it will take many pages.
wen i read the book a few years back, i was very intrigued by the story line, the plot, the characters, everything!!! i read the book like more than five times to the extent that i committed it to memeory. when i heard that a movie was being made about the book, i was soooo very excited.
As i watched the movie, i was very angry... so angry that i stopped halfway and am still yet to finish it.
i hated the casting!!! they only tried for odenigbo/chinwetel. i dont know why they had to import foreign actors that could not speak igbo properly as stated in the book. they also excluded many important events....(i'll be back to complete my ranting)

Guykhena:

tho the storyline was wack,,but the movie was well directed.....

LoL,what's your probs with the movie? .

mstik: wat wat was not wrong with that movie if i start to mention wat i hated abt the movie, it will take many pages.
wen i read the book a few years back, i was very intrigued by the story line, the plot, the characters, everything!!! i read the book like more than five times to the extent that i committed it to memeory. when i heard that a movie was being made about the book, i was soooo very excited.
As i watched the movie, i was very angry... so angry that i stopped halfway and am still yet to finish it.
i hated the casting!!! they only tried for odenigbo/chinwetel. i dont know why they had to import foreign actors that could not speak igbo properly as stated in the book. they also excluded many important events....(i'll be back to complete my ranting)

ooo, you win,,,

Maybe its bcus I haven't read the book..

But you have to give the movie some credits tho .

yeah
good directing, high quality

Guykhena:

ooo, you win,,,

Maybe its bcus I haven't read the book..

But you have to give the movie some credits tho .

Ghost dey luk left nd rite b4 crossing road
Wicked people must die @ d end after confessing
If something do u if no be ur mama, papa, sis or bro dey cause am den u no dey naija
We can still go to sch(pry) @ old age(dumebi goes to sch, muma gee in sch, Mr Ibu in sch etc)
For yoruba film, anything wey dey happen na for inside calabash dem go check b4 dey use one hour remember how e take happen. Hehehehe

rozzay: Ghost dey luk left nd rite b4 crossing road
Wicked people must die @ d end after confessing
If something do u if no be ur mama, papa, sis or bro dey cause am den u no dey naija
We can still go to sch(pry) @ old age(dumebi goes to sch, muma gee in sch, Mr Ibu in sch etc)
For yoruba film, anything wey dey happen na for inside calabash dem go check b4 dey use one hour remember how e take happen. Hehehehe