1. Every problem you have is spiritual.



2. In every romance movie, someone must die.



3. It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!



4. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.



5. Poisoned food always tastes better.



6. The best way to make money is by visiting a 'Babalawo' / joining a cult / sleeping with rich men.



7. One of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil.



8. There is never an end to your suffering, except death!



9. With a pastor , all things are possible.



10. A movie can be titled anything, such as:
*The boy is mine,
* Face me, I face you
*Two rats,
*Spanner,
*Calculator,
*Igala,
*Ijele,
*Igodo,
*Igudu
* Shigidi



11. A movie has not been made if at least one actor/actress has not- 'shelled', twisted his/her lips to speak wrong phonetics'.



12. You are in love, you want to take your girl out, the best place you take her to is,
* Mr. Biggs/Tantalizers : where you'll most probably see an ex , while feeding each other. * The beach : where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry her playfully.
* Or the best : take her to buy some new ugly clothes.



13. An Igbo movie has been made if ,
* You visit a 'Babalawo'
* A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals for a total of half of the movie time.
* Kanayo 'O' Kanayo is in the movie. Pete Udochie is also there too!
* To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult



14. Gun shots and knock-outs sound the same!



15. Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and other times, once you read the title and see the poster you know it all!!! (Also the soundtrack gives you a headache because it just narrates the whole story repeatedly - so much for suspense and intrigue !)



16. A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following actresses:
* Stella Damascus
* Stephanie Okereke
* Genevieve Nnaji
* Omotola Jalade
* Rita Dominic



17. The police are extremely 'efficient' unlike their counterparts in real life.



18. An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year and even in longer flashbacks.



19. It is permissible to wear very dark shades at night!



20. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your legs!



21. When advertising a movie, you really should shout because, people are deaf?



22. When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford- very good furniture, T.V., but you won't be able to send your kids to school


.
23. Most especially in Yoruba movies, your gateman must be inefficient and comical. He MUST dress like a freak, be rude to all your visitors and never mind his business.



24. the bad guy always dies or gets caught by none other than the police- LOL!!!!!

men your write up was da bomb, never read anything so magnificient in this site, i really hope the movie producers will get to read about the crap they are acting. thanks for the posting. it was kool.

LOL

thank u boooh

it aint exactly 'mine" tho

Wow, Gamine. I'd say you ripped the thoughts out of my mouth if it didn't sound like a cliche. It was pleasurable to read and also largely true. I've since stopped bothering with them movies, it's now just a matter of stumble upon for me to watch 15 minutes of any nollywood movie. At least the soaps have hope. But me? A collosal fan of Hollywood!

After all these, u'll still hear some liars saying nollywood is the third best in the world.

They should specify that it's the third best in terms of quantity. Sheer bulk of rubbish, but the rubbish is selling! A pity!

yes yes ha ha ha LOL

huh??

whut do u mean

the soundtracks r too wacky sef

Seun, please keep this in the nairaland hall of fame. You nailed it all.

Nollywood taught how to write and shoot a movie all in one day
(Its called "Write as u shoot")

How else would they have come up with all the brilliant rubbish been produced

Filmmaking is not easy. Producing even what you call "rubbish" takes a lot of skill and dedication.
I don't blame Nigerians; it's because you're getting pirated VCDs $100m Hollywood movies for peanuts.

Funny!

lol

yesz yesz yesz its not easy to make a movie, still

innovation is clearly a long way away!

hey this soooo cooooooll. but u forgot to add

the sound from an accident scene is the same with the sound of breaking ceramic plate

lol

Beeyodun

na u know oooooooh