I am getting married soon & my husband-to-be has not & does not intend to give me a dime to make some preparations from my end(of course I got my wedding gown & every other thing I need with my money already). My folks are agitated that as a man, he should @ least spend something for his bride even if not much. Just this evening, we agreed to get our rings seperately 'cos we stay very far apart & he was soooo cool with the arrangement suggesting that I should give him a call before making the purchase, with no talk about how he'd refund me the money(for buying my own ring, not his). This, coupled with the fact that I would be responsible for the wedding cakes (60K) has really made my mum & siblings to be sooo pissed off with me for not taking his 'stinginess' up as a serious issue to be dealt with.

Please note that he is a very God-fearing man
His input towards the general aspects of the wedding include:invitation cards, hall decoration, live-band.

Are my mum & siblings overreacting or am I the one blinded by love? I need objective responses please. You could be saving a life. Thank you

Marriage is not a business deal.

You as an adult know this man better than anybody. If really you think he is nice and you both are happy, pls don't let anyone come between you two.

You have the answer you are looking for within you. Just follow your heart. I'm very sure it will lead you to the right path.

The truth is, nothing we say here will prevent you from going ahead to marry him.

I'm beginning to think you pressurized him into getting married or didn't you know he was stingy? Oh! He is God fearing









BUT,don't be discouraged,you're tying him forever

you are not having any second thoughts otherwise u wouldn't have gone as far as buying the wedding gown. My question is this, why gossip ur man with ur mom and siblings ? must u run to them and complain about every single thing including how much money ur spending on ur wedding ? Be wise, some ladies sponsor their own weddings and nobody will know about it. Ur man is not stingy, but doesn't want to bear the weight of the wedding alone. I'm sure he paid ur bride price and after the whole thing, u will discover that he has spent much more money than u have. Don't spoil the marriage b4 the wedding day. He who has ears let him hear. happy married life

rationalmind: The truth is, nothing we say here will prevent you from going ahead to marry him.

exactly. So no point wasting my valuable advice on someone who won't heed to it.

Happy Married Life

It is your decision to make.

I don't know you.

Don't even know him

so where do I start?

Am re u have bn together for over 6mnths and it never occurred to u he's stingy?
Sorry my dear bt that's how its gonna be, u have choosen a God fearing man and with the fear of God in him, things will turn out great


*stingy ppl don't ever change, its either u live with it or pass by it*

For you to have agreed to marry him and even start wedding preparations,i believe you must know him enough.You sure can tell if he is stingy or not.

Depending on what part of the country you are marrying from,some things are set out and you already know what you are buying as the man.For instance i bought the rings, the gown and paid for the cake.I also had to meet requirements on the list.
You and your fiance ought to have discussed at length what and who to buy what.Marriage is not only a man's responsibility.You ought to work together.
It's not everything you also discuss with your family.

When you were dating did he ever buy you a gift or at least care about your welfare? You know a guy is stingy right from when you are dating. Whether you choose to marry him or not despite his stinginess is left to you especially if you have a good job and do not intend to rely on him financially. If he has been supporting you before but is being laid back now, it could be as a result of exorbitant bride price charged by your family or maybe you are demanding too much from the wedding so he wants you to also bear the brunt of your decision.


Furthermore if you are working, you are to bear the expenses equally without any issues because you are both getting married.

Personally I won't ask any man I am dating for anything because I believe I have enough but if he doesn't willingly send me gifts no matter how cheap then I will just conclude he is stingy. I might still continue dating him especially if he has other qualities I like but I will aim more towards financial independence.

So you alone know if he is really stingy and if you can live with it. Besides, he is your man and you alone would know how to collect money from him no matter how tight fisted he is. You are a woman and you have power. Common my brother and cousins I know how to squeeze them when I really wish.


Stinginess in my opinion shouldn't stop you from marrying him. Just look for ways to make your own money or device a method of collecting the money when you get married.


That's what I will do if I were in your shoes o. Just my opinion

rationalmind: The truth is, nothing we say here will prevent you from going ahead to marry him.

You don't know me & what I am capable of doing

..You have to live with it...You guys are gonna get married soon...BTW, maybe he doesnt have much at all...

I think you should simply call him and explain the situation on ground to him....Maybe you need to understand your man better....Maybe you need to make your peeps at home understand the kind of person he is...Only if you have not noticed any sign of stinginess b4

Going by all known norms and practise, he is supposed to at least promise to refund your expenses. As a man, he has to take responsibility for you even if you can do it, lest he loses his respect before you and your family.

Its obvious you have reservations bout this attitude or this thread wouldn't very happened. Therefore I think you should talk to him about it and hear him out, don't bottle it up cos these little things are what cause the biggest problems.

If you have to foot your wedding bills, let it be because you want to and not because you are pressured to do so cos marriage is not a 'one size fits all' affair.

P.S: your family don't have to know all that transpires between you guys

The family section seems much nicer and matured in providing emotional counseling... Nice.

I know of a man like that, the only difference is that I don't think he is God fearing

Unlike yours, siblings convinced and cajoled the woman to hang on and manage, it's marriage, he will change. Right now, the woman still wishes she had stuck with her initial decision.

I don't see why he should encourage you to buy your own ring, unless he is financially incapable of doing so, or he is suffering from Stingicocus, which unfortunately is incurable. You dated so you should know better.

Madam na you hol yam, hol knife. Like somebody said you can live with it or you jump and pass. But since you guys have set the wedding plan in motion, you can still go ahead and pray he changes.

And I will advice you do not buy that ring, unless he is willing to refund you the money. It really sound weird.

MARKone: I know of a man like that, the only difference is that I don't think he is God fearing

Unlike yours, siblings convinced and cajoled the woman to hang on and manage, it's marriage, he will change. Right now, the woman still wishes she had stuck with her initial decision.

I don't see why he should encourage you to buy your own ring, unless he is financially incapable of doing so, or he is suffering from Stingicocus, which unfortunately is incurable. You dated so you should know better.

Madam na you hol yam, hol knife. Like somebody said you can live with it or you jump and pass. But since you guys have set the wedding plan in motion, you can still go ahead and pray he changes.

And I will advice you do not buy that ring, unless he is willing to refund you the money. It really sound weird.

Honestly, right now, I think I'll jump & pass. I've seen so much in my life & I'd prefer to learn from other people's experiences not mine. The fear of what ppeople will say is the least of my concern

DoctorVicky:

Honestly, right now, I think I'll jump & pass. I've seen so much in my life & I'd prefer to learn from other people's experiences not mine. The fear of what ppeople will say is the least of my concern

Have you called and spoken to him about this? Some people from upbringing are not used to doing things for others, so you might need to nurture him into taking care of you. Calling off the marriage based on your family's perception without giving the guy a chance might be rather rash.

lofty900: you are not having any second thoughts otherwise u wouldn't have gone as far as buying the wedding gown. My question is this, why gossip ur man with ur mom and siblings ? must u run to them and complain about every single thing including how much money ur spending on ur wedding ? Be wise, some ladies sponsor their own weddings and nobody will know about it. Ur man is not stingy, but doesn't want to bear the weight of the wedding alone. I'm sure he paid ur bride price and after the whole thing, u will discover that he has spent much more money than u have. Don't spoil the marriage b4 the wedding day. He who has ears let him hear. happy married life

The list of things he is to buy is just 10. The total amount of money requested for other things in the list is about 10K. My parents refused to request for Bride price

What do people mean by "God fearing man"

Chaircover I can see you viewing this thread. Please I really do need your advice. Please

DoctorVicky:

Honestly, right now, I think I'll jump & pass. I've seen so much in my life & I'd prefer to learn from other people's experiences not mine. The fear of what ppeople will say is the least of my concern

Well it's your call, but do carry ur family along, you obviously need them by ur side in whatever decision you take. Best of luck

Abrilla: What do people mean by "God fearing man"

He is a man of God. Not a fake pastor

u shud speak to him first, at least find out y he is tightfisted. he may av a gud reason. but if he doesn't, hmmmmmm

Stinginess is one of the easiest traits to pick up in anybody.
when you meet a giver, you just know it! They give to any-and-everybody in need around them.
when you meet a stingy person too, it's sooooooo easy to pick up.
Except you dated this guy for a month, you should know beyond reasonable doubt if he's actually stingy or not. It's simple! What's his giving attitude to people in need around him? Friends and relatives included, not only you!


You cannot use this one episode to judge, it could be based on a lot of things. Don't throw away a good man irrationally, but I'll never advise you to marry a TESTED, TRUSTED AND CONFIRMED stingy man either.

alutacontinua: Stinginess is one of the easiest traits to pick up in anybody.
when you meet a giver, you just know it! They give to any-and-everybody in need around them.
when you meet a stingy person too, it's sooooooo easy to pick up.
Except you dated this guy for a month, you should know beyond reasonable doubt if he's actually stingy or not. It's simple! What's his giving attitude to people in need around him? Friends and relatives included, not only you!


You cannot use this one episode to judge, it could be based on a lot of things. Don't throw away a good man irrationally, but I'll never advise you to marry a TESTED, TRUSTED AND CONFIRMED stingy man either.

He is generous to everyone except me. I find it difficult to demand for things. I've been told I need to ask him fo certain things but I feel he should know what to do without me asking

DoctorVicky:

He is generous to everyone except me

Now, that cannot be right!
it's either: he's generous to everyone as a show-off
OR
you come across as too independent and rich , thereby, not needing anything. Some guys wouldn't mind a lil bit of asking, but ladies these days are MISS INDEPENDENT, MISS I-CANNOT-ASK, and it makes them to miss out on a lot of things. Not saying turn to a beggar but you could have just chipped it in that you'll need some cash for the ring. CHIKENA! Some people don't easily take the initiative, he's your hubby-to-be, a little 'baby, I want this thing' once in a while doesn't hurt (inasmuch as these are things he could easily afford and you'll do same for him without blinking).

DoctorVicky:

He is generous to everyone except me. I find it difficult to demand for things. I've been told I need to ask him fo certain things but I feel he should know what to do without me asking

Is he a mind reader? You need to discuss with him and stop assuming. He might not notice especially if you give off a vibe of being sufficient in yourself.

Hmmmmmmm
Anoda ONE DIRECTION wedding!

Too early for nairaland.