Being born into a society such as the Nigerian one connites certain things for a female.

From the day you can tell your right from your left, you're basically taught to be subservient to men. You're told that your place is in the kitchen and your brothers' place is in front of the television. Most of all, you're told that your only purpose in this world, is to fulfill the desires of some dude, serve him and bear his children. You are not to aspire for anything more and failure to live up to these expectations means failure as a person.

Well, this thread was inspired by a certain thread that was on FP today:

https://www.nairaland.com/1911041/why-nigerian-girls-should-not

Now, the stupidity of this thread is baffling. Basically, it's some lady telling females to settle for less. Telling us that we do not deserve the best and we shouldn't make any efforts to aspire for such because that would be foolhardy.

I honestly sympathise with her that she was unable to get the man of her desires, and eventually chose to settle for Plan B, who in fact was not what she desired, but as they say, when the desirable is not available, the available becomes desirable.

Time and again on Nairaland you find numerous chauvinists telling women basically that they have no opinion, telling us that we ought to dance skelewu because one of these rare species called 'men' looked upon us with pity and decided to marry us. And for those poor souls like Rita Dominic, Linda Ikeji and Genevieve Nnaji who are yet to be honored witha wedding ring? They should keep praying the rosary and hope they don't die 'marriageless'

Marriage is the be all and end all of a woman, therefore, she must settle for a raggamuffin if she hasn't found a gentleman at the ripe 'OLD' age of 27. Once you're through with University, your next bus stop should be a man's house.

Many women have ended up in loveless, frustrating marriages after settling for less, because all your friends got married after University doesn't mean you must marry at that time. Don't be the one whose story ends with 'Had I Known'

Feel free to live a little, keep your head on your shoulders, walk with your chin up, if you want your man to be as tall as Lebron James, don't settle for Tom Cruise, if you want him to be as charming as Antonio Banderas, don't settle for Al Pacino, if you want him to be as fit as CR7, don't settle for Mr. Ibu. If you must settle for less, let it be reasonable, don't go from a Lebron to a Kevin Hart because you're 'getting old and all your mates are married" no be who marry first dey happy pass.

Even the bible says "ask and it shall be given unto you" so if you tell God "I will manage..." He will bless you with a 'manageable' man.

God bless you as you settle with the best

madam...na only u carry waka come o

adeowo84: madam...na only u carry waka come o

oga, no be only me. Abi can you settle for less? After making up your mind that you must marry Genevieve, will you decide to marry Lepacious Bose because Genevieve is not available?

Couldn't agree less with most of your points but the problem with some ladies is their bloated level of self importance which repel most guys

Chaii naija girls don suffer
abeg make Una free naija nah ah ah
even people from kalahari ( oh na safari?)
seff dey talk of naija abeg kalamari or safari or Kalahari we don tire oo

Na una sabi. ..thankGod say I b man

Rubbish!

Such Audacity.

martins0: Couldn't agree less with most of your points but the problem with some ladies is their bloated level of self importance which repel most guys

there are also guys that have a bloated level of self importance. But my opinion doesn't include such

.....And the summary is....
..Ladies, dont settle for less...

Finally, in the end, you will have only yourself to blame...

Since you are a trophy who deserves free food, free ride, expensive dates and BIS/recharge card for doing absolutely nothing. Please do not settle for less.

The way our young ladies carry themselves shows that marriage is not their ultimate goal but scouting for the richest, most handsome and most successful man in the society who is willing enough to pay the imaginary value she has placed on her love.

These sort of ladies do not take corrections for any wrong. They are always right and the last thing she expects from you, her date, is saying that what she did didn't go down well with you, instantly her mind tells her, " it is time to dump mike for John ".

Some of them go as far as dating every single guy who says hi to them seeing him as a potential maga to be kept on the ever long list of those under her false promise of, " I will come and see you ". Because he is a potential goldmine and will serve a future purpose at a future date. This keeps the stu.pid gullible man calling and sending recharge card to make sure he out performs or outsmarts any other competitor for the elusive girl. It is all a game. But it ends in confusion. It takes deceiving oneself first to be able to deceive others..

God punish all the gold digging ladies. All the men you have wrecked with your lying tongues and pretences will hunt you later.. Keep searching for Mr. Right. He has already passed you by when you treated him as dung..

Nonsense..

@op

What do you drink?.. Fayrouz or Maltina?

A Carton of fayrouz for you for this nicely written piece... Lol@LeBron to Kevin Hart... Wikid .




In other news... Is it just me or is that FemmeLounge Ad banner "ugly"... Something is not just appealing about that banner, I don't know if it's the squeezed face baby ooo or if it's the rather unattractive back of the model.

martins0: Couldn't agree less with most of your points but the problem with some ladies is their bloated level of self importance which repel most guys

My brother, you just killed it..

100Cents: Finally, in the end, you will have only yourself to blame...

Since you are a trophy who deserves free food, free ride, expensive dates and BIS/recharge card for doing absolutely nothing. Please do not settle for less.

The way our young ladies carry themselves shows that marriage is not their ultimate goal but scouting for the richest, most handsome and most successful man in the society who is willing enough to pay the imaginary value she has placed on her love.

These sort of ladies do not take corrections for any wrong. They are always right and the last thing she expects from you, her date, is saying that what she did didn't go down well with you, instantly her mind tells her, " it is time to dump mike for John ".

Some of them go as far as dating every single guy who says hi to them seeing him as a potential maga to be kept on the ever long list of those under her false promise of, " I will come and see you ". Because he is a potential goldmine and will serve a future purpose at a future date. This keeps the stu.pid gullible man calling and sending recharge card to make sure he out performs or outsmarts any other competitor for the elusive girl. It is all a game. But it ends in confusion. It takes deceiving oneself first to be able to deceive others..

God punish all the gold digging ladies. All the men you have wrecked with your lying tongues and pretences will hunt you later.. Keep searching for Mr. Right. He has already passed you by when you treated him as dung..

Nonsense..

It's nothing personal man...when you get a better serving job, it's just natural you swap or if you are a Nigerian, you run both...that's just what some ladies do

Nice one safarigirl,

you've got some points, ladies shouldnt settle for the less and keep their heads up, they shouldnt let any religious/tradition poo determine how their life will be. They should focus on what they think its right.

Women/Ladies can get more out of life if they want to get MORE

I agree with 100cents as well as safari girl.

If she wants more in life , let her develop herself dependence and not rely on men for her upkeep.

But if her not settling for less means using and dumping men. I mean using men as a ladder to climb the social class while claiming to be in search of Mr. Right, let that ladder come crashing on her head.

Yeah, because I have seen it happen..

There is no stupidity in the thread that inspired you to write this. I guess lack of comprehension is the reason you made such conclusion.

Anyway, you are free not to settle for less.

Aha A counter thread.. You they spoil market for short dude oo Pls don't allow them catch you oo, you know short dude are very verrry aggressive ....

But on a serious note what would happened to the short guys when all ladies need are Tall guys like me? . Even the short girls want tall guys! Ennh what would happen the to short,fat guys?

But my short friends need to brase up, boast their confidence and approch any woman of their choice, E no end there, wetin don be don be? But don't do that mistake of marry a short girl if not you children would not forgive you * even the short girls they run from short guys and the tall girls also want a tall guy * this one na gobe.. ..

*MODIFY* for those that would view my pic, pls don't forget to ''like''

Very Nice thread for ladies with self esteem.

He who climbs his way to the Mountain takes the pride(height).... When he is brought low, there is humility. The champ has fallen.-an excerpt from a book.



Tall guys make any Lady feel important i.e like queen. Just for the height alone and nothing attached.


Now she has to settle for a shorter guy, all of a sudden, she feels humble. Why -cos the guy is shorter than her.


That explains why ladies tend to naturally prefer taller guys. Lateron you can now look at other aspects, and mind you it gets sweeter if mr tall has it +ve. So the norm spreads and soon it becomes a general opinion that 'surely mr tall is the mr right'


its been bashed thru decades and it is now taken as normal for tall, and abnormal for short. (parents are contributing to its acceptance as well)



But IS THIS ISSUE A PROBLEM AMONG GUYS AS OUR LADIES- IVE SEEN SHORT MEN GO FOR TALLER WOMEN(IM ALMOST SAYING D SAME THING, ONLY ITS D MAN MAKING D MOVE THIS TIME)



Hmm, i foreseen this issue of heights 'burning landscapes' in coming days on this forum.


There was no need for the insults. I love when someone makes a point without engaging thus.

safarigirl: oga, no be only me. Abi can you settle for less? After making up your mind that you must marry Genevieve, will you decide to marry Lepacious Bose because Genevieve is not available?

yeske... when the desirable is unavailable, you make the available desirable ... and that's the secret of ladies who settle down early in life but for those who are hell bent on Mr Right, it's always a bumpy ride ...

Great use of english, great sense of humor and a great deal of guts -- thats just about it.

whilst i admire your 'women shouldn't settle for less' crusade and your fight against gender-role-stereotyping or whatever dumbass name it is called, i'd like to lay bare some facts opposing your views.

1. In your bid to debunk the notion that men are doing our female folks a favour by marrying them, you only succeeded in turning the victim side of the coin to us. Actually, that is disservice of the greatest order to the male folks. Whether you like it or not, we were born imperfect and there is a great void in us that continually yearns to be filled. Furtunately, there is a perfect facet that can fill that void and that is the opposite sex. So the chicks need the guys so badly as do the guys them. This is in reply to your paragraph on Rita Dominic, Linda and Genevieve. No matter how hard these ladies try to convice us they are happy with their single status, they aren't and thats a glaring fact. I seriously hope they settle down someday cos the fufillment of a woman is to have a home, not just a house.

2. Its fine if you want to marry CR7 cos he's fit but that doesn't make Mr. ibu less a man and non-husband material. Using the word 'less' in reference to the second group of guys is a tad insultive.
Ladies this days are too obsessed with physical appearance that by the time they realize what they've gotten themselves into, their mr. fit CR7 would have turned them into a nice brazuca ball to be played in their maracana stadium of a home.

I didn't mean to sound chauvinistic in any way, but if my post betrayed my intent then i'm sorry.
My advice to ladies out there is to look inward when looking for your man.
Mr. Ibu might not be fit outwardly but might turn out to be fitter than CR7 in heart so the bulk lies with you ladies; what type of fitness do you want, fitness of the heart or physical fitness, Do you prefer a tall man with a short heart to a short guy with tall heart? (coming from a tall guy )

I'm still wondering why the OP in the thread that lead to the birthing of this thread received so much flak for her thread. Did you bashers read that thread at all? As in, read it slowly, assimilating the post word by word? Because it seems to me most of y'all didn't get what the OP(on that thread) was saying.

Safarigirl, Onyiridike NEVER said ladies should settle for less, she never did!! She said ladies should not be "obsessed" with men's height as a PRIORITY for marriage. You need to check the meaning of the word "obsessed." She's basically saying don't miss out on a good man because he didn't meet up to your "height scale" you've made a MUST criteria for a man you will marry. And she wasn't making it a must, she's just giving an advice. You can choose to STICK to your choice or not, your cup of tea. She talked about missing out on a good and successful man because she listened to naysayers discouraging her even though she liked him.

What that lady is trying to say, is "sometimes you've got to compromise" on certain things. She never said "settle for less." They are entirely two different meanings (I'll explain with a former post of mine from my former diary later on in this post). The truth is, You, I and everyone out there MUST "compromise" at one certain time/stage in our lives. It's a must!!

"Compromising" doesn't mean settling for less. Growing up (even now we're all grown), we all dreamt of a good life, a life of riches and affluence. A life where we'd have to cross our legs on a couch, eat all day and live like kings. A life where we have mansions, drive the poshiest cars, date the finest men/women. A life where we're paid in 6 figures. All these are wishes/dreams. But guess what? At the end of the day, few get to have it such way, majority will end up "compromising" and living their lives as they see it while still hustling to make it big. Most of us dream to be a don like Mike Adenuga. But guess what? Most of us will never get to live that life. So we will work and make sure we are "at least" successful to enjoy the basic amenities of life. It's called "compromising" not "settling for less."

Before I explain with a diary update of mine about what "compromising" and "settling for less" means, let me paint a clear picture with this example. Most of us, if not all, wants to get paid handsomely from their first job; say N200K per month. That's the general wishes. But how many of us get to find such jobs? What we've at the end of the day is people "compromising" and going for the moderately-paying job while seeking for a better paying job. Such people had to compromise to build up their work experience and get better jobs in the future. Which fresh graduate that dreamt of getting paid "N150K" a month will see a "N90K" paying job for a month, and say "no o, I must not settle for less, I must stay unemployed till i get a N150K paying job?" Your guess is as good as mine.

Now to explain what "compromising" and "settling for less" means, here's an excerpt from a diary I used to keep.

I must advice you though, nwunye'm(my wife), if you don't like the things you saw in or heard about me, and you know you can't "compromise", or can't live with me, please say NO to me and spare our unborn children the harsh reality of growing up without the love of both parents living together under one roof as one family. You know I hate divorce so much, though I support it. By "compromising", I don't mean settling for less all in the name of getting married and end up regretting for the rest of your/our lives. Let me elucidate what I mean by "compromising" and "settling for less".

[b]SCENARIO 1(compromising): let's say the physical attributes/endowments I look out for in a lady I wanna marry/date are hourglass shape/curvy hips/big succulent bóobs/thick áss/tall in height . But on dating a girl, I found out she compliments me well, has the inner beauty that can keep a man and I see our future together but she has no shape or slightly curved shape/non-curvy hips/moderate boóbs/small or moderate áss/average height. There's no chance in hell I'm gonna let that lady go because of those aforementioned attributes which does match my IDEAL 'physical attributes' I seek in a woman. So I'd have to compromise and put a ring on it/date her.

SCENARIO 2(settling for less): let's assume that you don't want a man that abuses ladies be it physical or emotional and I'm that kinda man(God forbid bad thing, iseeeeeee ). You can't stand a man that beat ladies and yet because of marriage, because you wanna settle down for reasons best known to you, you chose to settle down with me(settling for less); Maybe because you've been raised up in the african way that makes it seem that an unmarried woman is disgrace to the society or because you have been brought up to think that marriage is the highest achievement of humans and so you must get married even though it's crystal clear that the marriage is heading for the rocks and will sooner or later crash. Or maybe because your friends are getting married, so you must marry too and therefore settle for less by marrying a man that will box you up like tyson and slam dunk your body like micheal jordan in his prime days. Sorry to say it this way future wifey, but IWU IDÏOT(you're an idíot) of the highest order!!. I won't take back my words cos only an Idíot will go ahead to marry such a man or hope that she or love will change him in the long run. Sorry to burst your bubbles lady, sometimes LOVE IS NEVER ENOUGH. You've got to be kidding me if you think such men change on the basis of LOVE. Forget the tales you've heard, it doesn't work that way. Very very few of those kinda monsters change. So I repeat, if after dating me, you don't like what you see in me, or know for sure that we'll have a turbulent marriage that will clìmax into divorce, please for the sake of our unborn children, say NO to me and find the man that fits into your facet. I won't hold it against you, I'll understand.[/b]

P.S: Your issue about the stigma women face in Nigeria has nothing to do with the former thread. This is a whole new discussion which you should bring up in another thread for us to trash it out. And yes, I believe women are facing some stigma when it comes to marriage in Nigeria, but that's another topic entirely.

jmoore: There is no stupidity in the thread that inspired you to write this. I guess lack of comprehension is the reason you made such conclusion.

Anyways, you are free not to settle for less.

As in real Comprehension issues, I still prefer the other thread to this one. Like you said sha, shje is free not to settle for less.

jmoore: There is no stupidity in the thread that inspired you to write this. I guess lack of comprehension is the reason you made such conclusion.

Anyways, you are free not to settle for less.

Bàng on point!! This OP thinks the woman said "settle for less," which she NEVER did. People can't even understand a post before they critique it.

Women,at the receiving end since 1730.

The world isn't fair to them,they are often regarded as the weaker sex,even though some of them have outshine men in some endeavors.

To me,marriage isn't a do,or die affair,and definitely not meant for everybody..

Is better to be single,and happy,than being married,and unhappy.

B

Hehehehehe!