DATING: WHAT EXACTLY IS IT?
In today’s world, marriage is often preceded by a
period of dating. However, many people do not
understand what dating is and why it is done. As a
result, many young people have experienced broken
hearts and are now scared of dating relationships.
A date is an appointment between a male and a
female who agree to spend a segment of time
together for the purpose of getting better
acquainted.
There are two distinct stages of dating. One is
CASUAL DATING and the other COMMITTED
DATING.
CASUAL DATING
Casual dating relationships may or may not be
accompanied by romantic interests on the part of
one or both individuals. The focus of the casual
dating is enjoying life together and sharing a
common interest. It may be two young people who
share the love of God and attend fellowship
together. Or it could be two movie buffs that go to
see movies together and perhaps have a meal
afterwards. The couple will probably think of
themselves as friends and not consider their
relationship a dating relationship. One or both of
the individuals may also have a dating relationship
with other people. In such situations if one of them
has strong romantic feelings, they may be
emotionally hurt knowing that the other person is
dating someone else.
Casual dating normally moves in one of three
directions.
If no romantic interest develops and they each
have a common interest, they may develop a
strong friendship that focuses on some common
activity.
The relationship will end because:
One person has a strong romantic attraction while
the other does not.
There may or may not be a conflict.
Neither of the two persons have romantic interest
nor do they have strong common interest.
3. The two individuals may develop a strong
romantic interest in each other. They find their
times together mutually enjoyable and begin to
think that they may be “falling in love” with one
another. The relationship moves from casual dating
to committed dating.
COMMITTED DATING
Committed dating is much more serious than
casual dating. It is normally perceived as an
exclusive relationship. If one of them chooses to
date someone else, the one who is betrayed will
experience great pain. They will not hesitate to
verbalize their pain, and the ensuing conversation
will lead either to the breakup of the relationship or
to a commitment to each other.
Committed dating relationships are focused on
“getting to know’ each other. Each individual is a
complex combination of heredity and environment.
What you see on the outside is not necessarily
what you will discover on the inside. A high level of
honesty is required on the part of both individuals
in a healthy dating relationship. There should be a
willingness to share histories with each other.
Every individual has a unique history (successes
and failures inclusive) which has brought them to
where they are today. To build a relationship upon
deception or hidden truth is to sabotage the
relationship. Simply because something is “hard to
deal with” does not mean it should be ignored.
Areas to be covered in the process of getting to
know each other in a committed relationship are:
Spirituality
Sexual history
Financial history
Family dynamics
Educational and vocational goals
A healthy dating relationship will be a balanced
relationship. Balancing the spiritual, intellectual,
emotional, social and physical aspects of life is one
of the characteristics of a healthy relationship.
Culled from “Things I Wish I’d Known Before We
Got Married” by Gary Chapman
Many committed dating relationships go on to
marriage. However, in some committed dating
relationship, one or both individuals may eventually
discover that "what you see on the outside is not
what is on the inside". In such situations, where
the couple is unable to resolve the issues involved,
the relationship will come to a painful end.