Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? - Family - Nairaland
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| Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by swagloverss(f): 1:31pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
A guy and a girl have been dating for years and everything seems to be going well. However, five or six years down the line, the girl has never met the guy’s parents. Furthermore, she doesn’t know where their relationship is heading to. Is it therefore morally right for a woman to pressurise her man into proposing to her? Or better still, is it ethically okay for a woman to ask to know her fate in a relationship? 2 Likes |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by echobee(f): 1:34pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
Both  |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by Unionised(m): 1:40pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
swagloverss: A guy and a girl have been dating for years and everything seems to be going well. However, five or six years down the line, the girl has never met the guy’s parents. Furthermore, she doesn’t know where their relationship is heading to. I don't know if it's just eagerness to please or inferiority complex or immaturity or just plain societal pressure, that's makes a serious minded woman not to DEFINE a relationship before jumping into it. For fear of losing the guy, a lady would just "play along" until she can't stand the wait any longer. Meanwhile valuable time has been wasted!!! My advice to all parties concerned - A relationship should be CLEARLY DEFINED from the get go. A monthly REVIEW of progress should be carried out. An EXPIRY DATE should be set to CLOSE the deal, failing which both parties should go their separate ways and PROSPECT other partners. Does this sound like a BUSINESS PLAN. Yes, we should also be OBJECTIVE about our LOVE lives. 7 Likes |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by TV01(m): 1:47pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
Unionised: Endorsed. Women need to be more forthright & focused in relationships. Clocks ticking! I've introduced a more businesslike/administrative approach to my home - and it's bearing juicy fruit. Businesslike that is, not entrepreneurial  !TV |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by coogar: 1:47pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
swagloverss: A guy and a girl have been dating for years and everything seems to be going well. However, five or six years down the line, the girl has never met the guy’s parents. Furthermore, she doesn’t know where their relationship is heading to. no, it's not..... a lady shouldn't pressure her man to propose to her. it reeks of desperation. if he's pressured to propose then he's likely to abscond on the wedding day after realising he's not ready. |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by Woged2005(f): 2:03pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
But there are active and passive pressures. Both are dangerous. It's active when you verbalize it and beg to be married. It's passive when the lady plays game like getting pregnant, moving in with the man, going to church to get prophecies and visions that God said.... and sometime bribing their way to the heart of the man using money, gifts, and overdose of se**x. No girl with dignity will beg for to be married. "A princess doesn't stoop low to have food if her father is truly a king, that's for maid servants". Every girl with self-esteem was raised with the mindset of a princess - she is lady-like, mild, vocal, firm, goal-oriented, independent, has values and self-worth. Any woman who contributes only se**x in a relationship will beg for proposal and to be married, but a woman who brings other values in a relationship, a man will kneel down to beg her for marriage. Remember if you carry wuru-wuru enter, dem go carry gara-gara commot you. But if u enter jeje, na so u go sidon kuleee! 1 Like |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by Nosyke(m): 2:06pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
Unionised: Sorry I had to quote you, but I am so loving your approach. Relationships should be defined ab initio so that each party knows what is expected of him/her. Besides, when a (realistic) target is set, achieving it is much more easier as plans would be laid out. I believe that at any point either or both parties feel the relationship wont work anymore,they should maturely agree and separate. A failed relationship is far better than a failed marriage. Lots of young people just go into a relationship just for the sake of it without plans. 1 Like |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by beeevan: 2:42pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
Who is counting years, if I can't see the future in 6months max, wetin i still dey wait? Time conservation is very important. I don't think you even have to tell the dude anything, just bounce and if he asks why, tell him "No time"  .1 Like |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by shizzle11(m): 2:54pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
swagloverss: A guy and a girl have been dating for years and everything seems to be going well. However, five or six years down the line, the girl has never met the guy’s parents. Furthermore, she doesn’t know where their relationship is heading to.It is very wrong! it will depict despair and that is a huge turn-off I once dated a girl (she was two years older than me) in a relationship that began during our service year Just a few months after passing out she was already talking marriage, at a time i was still flipping through the pages of newspaper, spending a good percentage of the little i had then surfing the net for job openings etc, i almost resented her for her irrationality, cos getting married would barely make a list of my top 5 priorities at that time  |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by Nobody: 3:46pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
Unionised: Completely agree with you. A relationship must be defined from the get go. Serious minded ladies have no business with relationships that are not defined. Its not a crime for a lady to ask an admirer what exactly he wants from her. Infact, from the moment they are just getting to know each other the lady has to be straight forward about what she wants or looks forward to in a relationship. She has to let him know that she only embarks on relationships with destination and if that is not what he is looking for, then he needs to look else where for a lady of his type who doesnt need an exclusive relationship. If he is not the serious type and gets her message clear, he will leave her alone. This is the best way to handle it so that ladies do not waste time and emotions with time wasters and we won't keep hearing stories that touch. |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by Nobody: 3:55pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
Op, you do not force or pressurize a man to marry you. A man who has found his missing rib will definitely know it. It doesnt take time at all. You dnt have to wait for years to elapse before you tell yourself that the relationship is going nowhere. Common sense should tell you that. That is why you see some ladies who dnt waste time at all with some men once they sense they are dragging their feet. They tell themselves the truth and just take off. this shows the importance of defining relationships from the very begining. ladies should learn to be straight forward and ask questions from the very begining of knowing a man before allowing a full blown relationship to spring up. Forcing a man to marry you will land you as a miserable wife after marriage. you are giving him the impression tthat he is doing you a huge favour by marrying you. It reeks of desperation.That is why you hear stories of men cheating just few weeks after the wedding and their wives lamenting. when you hear some of their stories you will just know how their problems started. The problems usually start from the dating stage. You can choose to ask him if he sees you in his future or if he intends taking the relationship further to the next stage. If his answer isnt favorable, you dnt need a soothsayer to tell you to carrry your slippers/shoe and run for your life. 1 Like |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by coogar: 4:07pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
shizzle11: It is very wrong! it will depict despair and that is a huge turn-off very selfish woman! yet, if you had gone ahead with her crooked plan, she would leave you without warning when the marriage starts having financial difficulties. |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by Nobody: 4:10pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
They have been together for 5-6 years and they are not able to communicate openly? I don't understand why. |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by shizzle11(m): 4:47pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
coogar:Exactl! I believe she felt her clock was ticking faster, (but who cares? not like i had any thoughts of marrying her anyway) but then i was too smart for her. I politely rubbished the idea and threw it to the waste bin. A man has to be clever and mentally strong in resisting the evil in women |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by coogar: 5:05pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
shizzle11: Exactl! I believe she felt her clock was ticking faster, (but who cares? not like i had any thoughts of marrying her anyway) but then i was too smart for her. I politely rubbished the idea and threw it to the waste bin. A man has to be clever and mentally strong in resisting the evil in women the issue here is - must every relationship lead to marriage? why can't a man & a woman be together for some time and enjoy each other? |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by freecocoa(f): 5:13pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
Why would any sane/responsible woman date someone for 6 years and not know where the relationship is headed? I don't support a woman putting pressure on her partner to propose, but I encourage defining the kind of relationship it is, atleast a few months into the relationship and then they can take it up from there. |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by freecocoa(f): 5:15pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
coogar:Every relationship must not lead to marriage but, there should be mutual agreement as to what's going on. |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by shizzle11(m): 5:16pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
coogar:Truth is, there are certain ages that when women attain, the thought/idea of marriage fills their head. If they are in a relationship at that material time, they'll hope it leads to marriage (that is if they truly like the guy), and if they arent in a relationship, they'll hope the next guy that comes along will talk and discuss marriage with them(again thats if its a guy they like) Thats the simple logic  As per my ex i talked about, she was heading to her late 20's while i was still rocking my mid 20's, plenty of time to still play around |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by Nobody: 5:23pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
swagloverss: A guy and a girl have been dating for years and everything seems to be going well. However, five or six years down the line, the girl has never met the guy’s parents. Furthermore, she doesn’t know where their relationship is heading to. Of course, it is. She is within her right. In terms of pressuring the man, NO. No woman should do that, for her own sake, lol. Don't pressure any man to propose. By the time it gets to that stage, I would've bounced. Pure common sense should seal the deal. If, after six years, a woman hasn't met her boyfriend's parents, doesn't know where the r/ship is going and the man isn't giving her answers, then she needs to reconsider the r/ship and what she wants for herself, personally. I definitely support dating for at least 2 years before marriage, but anything longer, especially without clear guidelines of where you're going and what you both want out of it is a no-no. |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by coogar: 5:24pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
shizzle11: Truth is, there are certain ages that when women attain, the thought/idea of marriage fills their head. If they are in a relationship at that material time, they'll hope it leads to marriage (that is if they truly like the guy), and if they arent in a relationship, they'll hope the next guy that comes along will talk and discuss marriage with them(again thats if its a guy they like) Thats the simple logic it's quite different when i was in school. every girl i spoke to wanted the relationship to lead somewhere otherwise......no deal! what if a man likes a girl initially but then changed his mind after few years? is there a crime in that?
she's not serious! she wanted to bully you into marriage seeing that you are younger......she nearly manipulated you.  marriage in mid-20s ke?freecocoa: Every relationship must not lead to marriage but, there should be mutual agreement as to what's going on. hehehehe.... it's not as black & white as you think. it depends on the age of the people involved. can a 17-year-old boy seeking a relationship seriously have marriage on his mind? even if he says so......he should be arrested immediately. |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by Nobody: 5:30pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
shizzle11: As per my ex i talked about, she was heading to her late 20's while i was still rocking my mid 20's, plenty of time to still play around You are not serious! What were you doing with a lady in her late 20s when you knew you were jobless and were no where near settling down? So, you expected her to keep dating you while her eggs dry off? 1 Like |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by coogar: 5:32pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
Phema: he must have asked her out, she must have said yes! why did she agree to such arrangement? you ehn......always looking to pass the blame to the man. |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by Nobody: 5:40pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
If you're with a man that wants to marry you, you'll most likely know! He doesn't even have to propose! However, if there are doubts, just ask! How difficult can that be? Pressurizing, however, is a bad idea! If he's not ready and you're ready, just take a walk! SIMPLES! 1 Like |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by Nobody: 5:41pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
alutacontinua: If you're with a man that wants to marry you, you'll most likely know! 100 likes! Exactly. So take a walk or accept it. A matter of choice. |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by shizzle11(m): 5:48pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
coogar:They need to understand that the relationship doesnt have to necessarily lead to 'somewhere'. Sometimes we need these relationships so that we can make mistakes and learn from them, so we can know how to handle ourselves when we are ready or getting 'somewhere' she's not serious!lol @ bully there was no way she could bully or manipulate me, cos i am a bully myself and can be as sturbbon as a mule. Besides i was ahead of her in thought. From the onset i knew she wasnt my type 'marriage wise' cos we bickered a lot. It actually baffled me that she could come up with that when other way more important things like getting a good jab and making some cool dough pre-occupied my mind, i realy felt disgusted. |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by Nobody: 5:50pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
Unionised: I don't entirely agree with this approach. It looks like work. You made marriage look like a goal that one has to work towards. What is wrong with being with someone because you care strongly about them and you enjoy being with them? Why not let if flow? I agree with you a little though. If one desires marriage, one has to make sure his/her partner also desires marriage. It's pointless going into a relationship when both parties have different goals. @op: the "wants to know her fate" part annoys the heck outta me. Why are putting your fate in the hands of a boyfriend? Seriously, women need to start doing the proposing. It won't kill you. |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by Nobody: 5:53pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
shizzle11: They need to understand that the relationship doesnt have to necessarily lead to somewhere. Sometimes we need these relationships so that we can make mistakes and learn from them so that we can know how to handle ourselves when we are ready or get to somewhere You should have told her this and let her decide if she wanted to stay! It's totally not fair of you to just assume she wanted the relationship for fun, and when she brought the marriage issue up, you could have just explained to her nicely that she ain't your type. 2 Likes |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by coogar: 5:56pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
shizzle11: They need to understand that the relationship doesnt have to necessarily lead to somewhere. Sometimes we need these relationships so that we can make mistakes and learn from them so that we can know how to handle ourselves when we are ready or get to somewhere you must be very intelligent! i dunno why our women cannot get this. they want every relationship to lead to marriage & I cannot just understand that bit.
perhaps because you had been playing the role of a "husband material" especially in the bedroom. |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by dre11(m): 6:00pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
swagloverss: A guy and a girl have been dating for years and everything seems to be going well. However, five or six years down the line, the girl has never met the guy’s parents. Furthermore, she doesn’t know where their relationship is heading to. Both OBJECTIVE and SUBJECTIVE functions have being lost here in this ur walking together for 6years without a clear definition of what both parties want...... Abeg..... Its better u seat urself down and make a detail plan of what u want and what u have lost then juxtaposed both together and tell ur guy to define what he wants from u and u state what u did expect from him..... If its marriage u want ..... Tell him and if not why are u so scared ...... At least is not all relationship that must end on the alter..... But first both of u should define what u want in this friendship |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by shizzle11(m): 6:00pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
Phema:lwkmd... this is one problem with women, quickly getting defensive without clearly understanding whats being talked about. Where did i insinuate the bolded? Did i ask her to marry me? or wait for me? She asked for what i wasnt readyto give nor willing to give even if i was ready. I didnt expect her to keep dating me cos i wasnt even ready to keep dating her.  And FYI, i wasnt jobless per-se, yes i didnt have a job then but as a guyman, i was hussling and making some little change |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by Unionised(m): 6:01pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
BananaBender: YES, it is WORK! Relationships need WORK. Marriages need WORK. If you have to be locked up with someone for the rest of your life, then you need to do good WORK to make it WORK. Let's not be too romantic about issues. |
| Re: Should Women Put Pressure On Their Partners To Propose? by freecocoa(f): 6:04pm On Oct 02, 2014 |
coogar:I know that ofcourse and I believe we are talking about adults here so... |
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