I would be worried about what plans we have for the child staying with us or not after the marriage, rather than what my family would say.

If you know that you will not like a maiden you love to reject your marriage offer cos you found yourself divorced then disregard those stigmatising. Had to start from the above cos you seem not strong willed. I like the part of first introducing her to your family to like her first, but truth is some family will choose prejudice over good behaviour especially when different tribes are involued...if this happens , i see you losing the battle before it starts. You know your family well and the likely areas they may object. If you are confident she is the one for you, work on your will and be strong to fight any objection base on divorce stigma unless any other genuine reason worth considering spring up. Be ready to take responsibility without regret for whatever happens in the future with her, even if it goes sour your family will readily come to your aid as a man in Nigeria but it may backfire on her that you want to protect when they find out after marriage. If you want to walk the line tell your family and fight like a man...it should even make you both put effort to make the marriage work.

In my own opinion, why would u think of telling yur family abt her past? Her past is between u and her, which she confided in total trust. U know how Nigerians are, one of yur family memebers will definitely use that truth abt her bn divorced 2 scorn her someday, and trust me, u will definitely be in d miDdle.
Both man and woman, will leave their families and live as one. Your family will not live with you. Family intereference in one's life stops as soon as one is married.
U owe them , no explanation that she's divorced , pls accept her. Be a strong man. Face the consequences of the steps, u r about 2 take. If your family finds out later, and one of them ask you. Place a bold , calm firm face on yur luk and tell them yes u knw , and luk them straight in d eyes, that yes she's divorced, and that's in her past. So pls let's leave this topic, I knw what am doing and I knw and take full responsibility of marrying her. So, pls everyone respect her as my wife and madam of my home. Whosoever spites her, spites me as well. So pls let's look unto d future.. For she makes me happy. Which is the most important.
Mehn, how I wish God created me a man... My wife will feel very protected frm prying eyes of family... Anyways am still grateful, am a woman.. Op, pls be firm with family.

I need to ask,why does your family have to know bout your girls" past?
Can't you just marry her and if they find out,so be it.I know of a lady who married a divorcee with two kids and no one in her family until 3years into the marriage.
After the initial surprise,everyone moved on!!

DukeNija:


His family will never accept her. A divorcee with a son.

Op said girl which becomes a daughter not son.

There's nothing there in it if the husband was deceased.
Some of them are mature and you you don't have a sissy or whining girl in your hands.

Kirinwa:


Op said girl which becomes a daughter not son.

There's nothing there in it if the husband was deceased.
Some of them are mature and you you don't have a sissy or whining girl in your hands.

Sissy or whinning girl? How perfect was she that she got divorced, remember he didn't mention the cause of divorce. Daughter or Son makes no difference.

Amelian:
In my own opinion, why would u think of telling yur family abt her past? Her past is between u and her, which she confided in total trust. U know how Nigerians are, one of yur family memebers will definitely use that truth abt her bn divorced 2 scorn her someday, and trust me, u will definitely be in d miDdle.
Both man and woman, will leave their families and live as one. Your family will not live with you. Family intereference in one's life stops as soon as one is married.
U owe them , no explanation that she's divorced , pls accept her. Be a strong man. Face the consequences of the steps, u r about 2 take. If your family finds out later, and one of them ask you. Place a bold , calm firm face on yur luk and tell them yes u knw , and luk them straight in d eyes, that yes she's divorced, and that's in her past. So pls let's leave this topic, I knw what am doing and I knw and take full responsibility of marrying her. So, pls everyone respect her as my wife and madam of my home. Whosoever spites her, spites me as well. So pls let's look unto d future.. For she makes me happy. Which is the most important.
Mehn, how I wish God created me a man... My wife will feel very protected frm prying eyes of family... Anyways am still grateful, am a woman.. Op, pls be firm with family.

Don't worry ehn. When your lovely little son grows up and becomes a Man and he decides to marry a divorced woman with a child without the knowledge and consent of you and your husband. And then later reveals it to the family, saying no one can challenge him. Then you might understand how it feels to be on the receiving end. You think marriage is just between a man and his wife? Think again. Marriage is between families.

aolatunde00:
I need to ask,why does your family have to know bout your girls" past?
Can't you just marry her and if they find out,so be it.I know of a lady who married a divorcee with two kids and no one in her family until 3years into the marriage.
After the initial surprise,everyone moved on!!

Thats why i subscribe to non-disclosure in this case. A lot of families will not accept this. Like in mine nobody will fight you ooo but they will plant doubt in your mind and use the bible quotation that you are committing adultery to finish you conscience. They will even report you to the pastor sef. Your church group will visit your house 10 times in one month. I tell you eeeh ,you will not see leg to walk to the altar.

Introduce the lady to your family,give them time to know her.Then find a way to let them know her status.
If you really love her,you will have to 'fight' to convince them that she is the one you really want to settle down with.
You said she told you she was divorced after about a year into the relationship?That bothers me.Why did she keep this for so long?

Amelian:
In my own opinion, why would u think of telling yur family abt her past? Her past is between u and her, which she confided in total trust. U know how Nigerians are, one of yur family memebers will definitely use that truth abt her bn divorced 2 scorn her someday, and trust me, u will definitely be in d miDdle.
Both man and woman, will leave their families and live as one. Your family will not live with you. Family intereference in one's life stops as soon as one is married.
U owe them , no explanation that she's divorced , pls accept her.

Seriously?!
May God never let my children grow up to keep things like this from me.By God's grace,I'll raise them up to know whatever advice or opinion I have is in their best interest.

DukeNija:


Don't worry ehn. When your lovely little son grows up and becomes a Man and he decides to marry a divorced woman with a child without the knowledge and consent of you and your husband. And then later reveals it to the family, saying no one can challenge him. Then you might understand how it feels to be on the receiving end. You think marriage is just between a man and his wife? Think again. Marriage is between families.

OP, you will not be the first man to marry a divorcee. The difference between you and those men is simple: LIVER and MIND.

In this very Nigeria, men, husbands are confidently cheating openly, confidently imposing 2nd wife and Polygamy on their 1st wives, you are afraid to marry one simple woman?

You need to go and eat the liver those ni.ggas are eating

But seriously, you won't be the first (I know and have experienced it sef). It's upto you. Ensure you are sure you can live with her (because any wahala and your family and friends will pounce on your wife and blame her for everything under the sun and say "I told you so", even if it was your fault. She doesn't deserve that). So what you should be concerned with is

Is she the one? Can you live with her faults, are you willing to be committed? Is there space in your heart and home for her child eventually, if not are you willing to at least financially support that child a little (christian living is an easy word in Nigeria, almost no-one does it and to be christian is to at least provide a little for the child of your wife).

Dazall.

Amelian:
In my own opinion, why would u think of telling yur family abt her past? Her past is between u and her, which she confided in total trust. U know how Nigerians are, one of yur family memebers will definitely use that truth abt her bn divorced 2 scorn her someday, and trust me, u will definitely be in d miDdle.
Both man and woman, will leave their families and live as one. Your family will not live with you. Family intereference in one's life stops as soon as one is married.
U owe them , no explanation that she's divorced , pls accept her. Be a strong man. Face the consequences of the steps, u r about 2 take. If your family finds out later, and one of them ask you. Place a bold , calm firm face on yur luk and tell them yes u knw , and luk them straight in d eyes, that yes she's divorced, and that's in her past. So pls let's leave this topic, I knw what am doing and I knw and take full responsibility of marrying her. So, pls everyone respect her as my wife and madam of my home. Whosoever spites her, spites me as well. So pls let's look unto d future.. For she makes me happy. Which is the most important.
Mehn, how I wish God created me a man... My wife will feel very protected frm prying eyes of family... Anyways am still grateful, am a woman.. Op, pls be firm with family.

You gave a lovely input but I do not agree with you at the bolded. If OP truly loves his woman and it is his choice to settle down with the lady irrespective of the underlying factor. He should tell his family, there are certain things you don't hid from your people. So what if they come visiting one day and see the child, will the OP lie again to them to cover it up, my sister nothing is hidden under the sun.

He should tell them, and stand firm that, this is who he wants to marry.

kennethkenneth6:
I have an issue that has been bothering me and I really need matured opinions on this. I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 years now one year into the relationship she told me that she has been married and even had a baby girl fir the man but they had to separate now the ex is married to another lady while the baby is being trained by her mum in order for her to go back to school. Now iam ready to settle down and despite all this I still want 2 settle down with her but my fear is that my people may not accept her if they know she is a divorce with a kid .is it advicable not to let my peopple know about her previous marriage so as to preserve her dignity and since we arent from thesame state they may never know or do I take the chance and tell them everything. As for me I have no issues with the fact that she has been married I love her and I just want to do what is best for her.

Bro b very careful bc a divorced lady is nt a good candidate for marriage ooo. U shld b more worried abt marrying a lady who has failed in marriage before n might quit at d slightest provocation again

Ur family accepting her is quite secondary here. D final decision is urs

[quote author=kennethkenneth6 post=26929232]I have an issue that has been bothering me and I really need matured opinions on this. I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 years now one year into the relationship she told me that she has been married and even had a baby girl fir the man but they had to separate now the ex is married to another lady while the baby is being trained by her mum in order for her to go back to school. Now iam ready to settle down and despite all this I still want 2 settle down with her but my fear is that my people may not accept her if they know she is a divorce with a kid .is it advicable not to let my peopple know about her previous marriage so as to preserve her dignity and since we arent from thesame state they may never know or do I take the chance and tell them everything. As for me I have no issues with the fact that she has been married I love her and I just want to do what is best for her. [/quote
That thing that made the first man to reject her will happen to you

[quote author=azuson post=26997003][/quote]


Run before is too late

ogawisdom:


Bro b very careful bc a divorced lady is nt a good candidate for marriage ooo. U shld b more worried abt marrying a lady who has failed in marriage before n might quit at d slightest provocation again

Ur family accepting her is quite secondary here. D final decision is urs

Please, is a divorced man equally not a good candidate for marriage?

Op, find out why she's a divorcee and know if you can still go ahead and marry her. All the people saying the op shouldn't marry someone he loves because of a mere stigma, should put themselves and their sisters in those shoes.


Goodluck@ op.

kreamidiva:


Please, is a divorced man equally not a good candidate for marriage?

Op, find out why she's a divorcee and know if you can still go ahead and marry her. All the people saying the op shouldn't marry someone he loves because of a mere stigma, should put themselves and their sisters in those shoes.


Goodluck@ op.

I only said d op shld b very careful maka o dikwa very risky. D final decision is for d op

ogawisdom:


I only said d op shld b very careful maka o dikwa very risk. D final decision is for d op

Lol @odikwa very risky...

Okwa i ma that onwere ike it's not the lady's fault that her marriage crashed. I had one nanny whose husband wanted to use her kids for rituals and she ran for her dear life and became a divorcee.

Now, how can anyone say that a man who has fallen in love with her shouldn't marry her simply because she's a divorcee? Neways, na the op know the babe well. His decision, not ours.

kreamidiva:



Lol @odikwa very risky...

Okwa i ma that onwere ike it's not the lady's fault that her marriage crashed. I had one nanny whose husband wanted to use her kids for rituals and she ran for her dear life and became a divorcee.

Now, how can anyone say that a man who has fallen in love with her shouldn't marry her simply because she's a divorcee? Neways, na the op know the babe well. His decision, not ours.

Yeap it may nt b her fault n it could b her fault too, it is a 50 50 thing. Only d op kws d details in this case. I believe he ll b in d best position to size up things. But personally I think she is carryin a lot of baggages into d new marriage ie if it happens. If u paid attention to d op story u ll realized d lady hide her divorced status plus child until d op fell deeply in love wit her b4 letting d cat out of d bag dts alone is a red flag to me. She might b manipulative. I hope I am wrong though

DukeNija:


Don't worry ehn. When your lovely little son grows up and becomes a Man and he decides to marry a divorced woman with a child without the knowledge and consent of you and your husband. And then later reveals it to the family, saying no one can challenge him. Then you might understand how it feels to be on the receiving end. You think marriage is just between a man and his wife? Think again. Marriage is between families.

my dear, if my son decides to marry a divorced lady with a kid? I don't av a problem with it, as long as she's a good person and she makes him happy and adds positive values in his life. So be it. how long will I control my children's life on whom to marry and whom not 2?...thank God am not a control freak. I will always give my advise when needed but cause unnecessary problems because his fiancé is divorced? nah... I wont.
av been in a situation whereby , I was so inlove with my man. everyone was against it, cos hes not from our class. they all gave me ugly scenarios about d future. I had to put my foot down and tell my mum and dad, I love both of u with my whole heart, av always listened to your advise and adhere to them , almost everytime but with this one, that has 2 do with my true love? nah.... sorry mum...sorry dad... we r getting married... and if u both don't support me and accept and love him as your son... then am gone..... and will definitely marry him... but wait dad , do u know how long it took me 2 finaly meet someone who compliments me and makes me happy? ....u all know how somehow, I can be and d kind of guys out there.. am sorry I cant let go of him.... support me on dis... or u lost me for many yrs 2 come..
I tell u forget story, they grudgingly accept after coaching him on their fears.... I simply winked at him 2 relax, that its just for a while, at lest they wont leave their house and move in with us.
we got married and hes the best husband, I can ever wish 4.
so if my son is as stubborn as I am.... then let him be.....I rather gain a daughter inlaw wit grandchildren , than loose my son and his family forever...
so choose?

kennethkenneth6:
I have an issue that has been bothering me and I really need matured opinions on this. I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 years now one year into the relationship she told me that she has been married and even had a baby girl fir the man but they had to separate now the ex is married to another lady while the baby is being trained by her mum in order for her to go back to school. Now iam ready to settle down and despite all this I still want 2 settle down with her but my fear is that my people may not accept her if they know she is a divorce with a kid .is it advicable not to let my peopple know about her previous marriage so as to preserve her dignity and since we arent from thesame state they may never know or do I take the chance and tell them everything. As for me I have no issues with the fact that she has been married I love her and I just want to do what is best for her.

if you both love each other i don't see what the big deal is in marrying a divorced lady with a baby..its u and not your family that's going to live with her...and to think that u have spent three yrs only for u to start developing cold feet now is not proper.marry that lady and its up to u to stand for her and let your ppl know where u stand except of course u never really cared about her to start with.

kennethkenneth6:

I don't think you understand in Nigeria a lady that has a baby out of wedlock is even more accepted than a divorcee

To butress your point in Nigeria marrying a divorcee is like purchasing a fairly used accident vehicle.........

I dnt knw y ppl dnt respect divorced women dey see em as evil..if its goin 2 make u 2 regret ur decision dnt do it& are ur ppl goin 2 accept her if u tell em?