1) THE SHOW-OFFS

This is very common in our churches, be it a young man or woman or older married couples. You see women dancing in a way to show off their new lace, gale(gayley ), some men even go as far as spraying money in churches. Young girls bringing their Christmas clothes to church to feel fly, especially our catholic and christ embassy brethrens.

2) MINISTRY EXPANDERS

Very common amongst our youths, they dress like they are going to a dinner party with the president, but you don't ever see them singing or praying, they are in church to catch new fish and for some men to add fresh blood to their blood banks.

3) THE AMEBO/OVERSABI

I Don't think there is anyone more annoying than these ones. If u are not clapping, they'll tap u and say brother clap nau, if u mistakenly reply a ping, ur own don finish, if u sit because you are tired, they'll be like brother the Lord is your muscle. It goes even as far as some giving you prayer points to pray for yourself and persuading you to step out when the pastor is asking for people to "rededicate their lives to christ".

4) EXAGGERATORS

these ones are almost as annoying as the previous. You hear their hallelujah and amen lasting about 10 seconds after everybody stops. When the pastor says stand they jump, when the pastor says walk majestically they start running like rabid dogs, when the pastor says kneel they start rolling. I don't know if they have the idea that it would make their prayers or heart desires come to fruition faster.

5) THE CHRONICALLY LATE PERSON

This person tries to creak open the large doors about 10 minutes after the service has started. Usually during prayer. Just as the pastor says that there is someone in the hospital awaiting surgery, you’ll hear the “creek, creek” of the door. Watching them maneuver the door open is entertaining—which is why yours isn’t the only head crooked toward the back.

Sometimes these negligent church-goers have a baby crooked in one arm. Alternatively, they are families of five with a crew of duckling children looking penitent for their refusal to get ready on time. Every once in a while, it’s a college student that can’t get out of bed until ten minutes before service. What? It’s 9:50 already? Church starts at 10!


6) The Family People Who Look Dazed

These are the people with 2-6 children. The mother sits in the middle while one child attempts to thwack the other over their mother’s lap. You’ll hear the sound “Shhhh” at least five times before children are let out for children’s church. Sometimes these parents are literally covered, like a pretzel covered in chocolate and sprinkles. You can’t even see their bodies. They have one arm linked a child’s arm like a sausage chain, another crawling on their back, and a third pulling on their legs. It’s hard to tell where one person begins and ends.

This family is also likely to fall under #5. They are also likely to be the Pastor’s Family.


7) THE BORED TEENAGERS

If they have to sit next to mom and dad, they do it begrudgingly. If it is a big church, they are most likely in the back pew. This means lounging next to other teenagers and ignoring every word of the sermon in lieu of scribbling notes to one another and doodling tic-tac-toe games.

If they do sit next to mom, they’re most likely fiddling in her pocket-book for gum, or dozing off until their mother elbows them in the gut. Generally, they’re well-behaved unless allowed to congregate in groups.


1-4:PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.
5-7: SOURCE

Please, feel free to add yours.

sleeping sickness don't ever sit next to them else you will find ur head dancing to the wind while the service in on.

The starers: Everytime you swivel your look in their direction, you will catch them staring at you, then they'll quickly look away. Can get quite creepy.

The mighty prophets: Once prayer starts 5mins they start screaming YEEEE! YEEEEEEEEE! Roll on the ground and start prophesying. Dunno if it's real but most churches actively discourage it.

The clubbers: They come to church for one purpose only - to dance! Once it's praise time you go see dem de display all the azonto and skelewu. Once praise ends they'll either sneak outside or promptly fall asleep

The connection guys: They come to church and try to sit near the big men to lick some serious boot

The stubborn folks: Usher says sit here, they ignore him and sit wherever they wish. Pastor says stand up for prayer, they sit down. Pastor says turn to your neighbor and say neighbor, Jesus loves you, them go jus fold hands, bone face ignore everybody

Sleep virus: Sleep is contagious. These people act as the viruses that initiate sleep in the various sections of the church. Once they start, b4 you know the person wey de next to dem go catch am and so on until the whole church go off

Seducing spirits: These are always gals They will deliberately wear a very short mini skirt come sidon next to you. Na so their fine yellow laps go de show (sometimes even their panties if they are sitting oppsite you ) Pesin no go fit concentrate on the word.
When it is time for praises, others will be dancing and shaking other parts of their body, their own na to shake ukwu. Sometimes sef they will run to the front of the church and be shaking the thing there! Na dis 1 de vex me pass

Arranged Marriage committee: Often mothers, sometimes fathers. These ones target the pretty well behaved gals or the handsome respectable guys and try to marry them to their sons/daughters.
I took my cousin to my church once, after church I couldn't find her. Later I found her with one big ice cream scoop in her hand. I was like where you buy the ice cream? Buy for me na. She was like one woman met her right after church and took her to her car and started telling her that she was very beautiful and that she wanted her son to marry her. She said as the woman was talking she was just nodding obediently, then at the end the woman bought her the ice cream
Suffice it to say she never followed me to church again

.

ogaofficer:
.

u are booking space.

OFFERING DODGERS: These ones will sing dance, break, stunt not knowing their envelopes are empty. I dunno who has watched one video of a guy dancing and free styling and ended up not putting his envelope in the offering box. (today is the say amen).

LegendarySage:
OFFERING DODGERS: These ones will sing dance, break, stunt not knowing their envelopes are empty. I dunno who has watched one video of a guy dancing and free styling and ended up not putting his envelope in the offering box. (today is the say amen).

Lol! Na wa for you. Why you dey monitor the guy na?

That guy, na him own offering be that ooh. All those free styling and breaking dance. It better to dance your heart out during offering time than to dey form dey put empty envelope for offering bag. Baba God understand oh

enm:


Lol! Na wa for you. Why you dey monitor the guy na?

That guy, na him own offering be that ooh. All those free styling and breaking dance. It better to dance your heart out during offering time than to dey form dey put empty envelope for offering bag. Baba God understand oh

lwkmd. So u dey try talk say u join that category?

THE OFFERING TIMMERS: dis are de set of people dat wud com 2 church immidiately after worship just 2 come an display dia dancing skills during offerin time. ( offering time, blessing time der start shouting like dogs hu hu hu)

DE CLEAN NIGGAS: dis is anoda set of felow made up of mainly boys who come 2 church with well starch, ironed dress n dia shoes well polished just 2 make sure der tab gals. There wud even ignore de urshers directive n mixed up with de women's row.

SLEEPING SPECIALISTS: this r de ones dat wud start frm worship 2 sleep n only wake up wen it is time 4 offering. As soon as d sermon is abt 2 start, u discover dat majority of members are in deep sleep.

LegendarySage:
u are booking space.

millitary zone keep off. Space not for sale.

watchthisposter:
The starers: Everytime you swivel your look in their direction, you will catch them staring at you, then they'll quickly look away. Can get quite creepy.

The mighty prophets: Once prayer starts 5mins they start screaming YEEEE! YEEEEEEEEE! Roll on the ground and start prophesying. Dunno if it's real but most churches actively discourage it.

The clubbers: They come to church for one purpose only - to dance! Once it's praise time you go see dem de display all the azonto and skelewu. Once praise ends they'll either sneak outside or promptly fall asleep

The connection guys: They come to church and try to sit near the big men to lick some serious boot

The stubborn folks: Usher says sit here, they ignore him and sit wherever they wish. Pastor says stand up for prayer, they sit down. Pastor says turn to your neighbor and say neighbor, Jesus loves you, them go jus fold hands, bone face ignore everybody

Sleep virus: Sleep is contagious. These people act as the viruses that initiate sleep in the various sections of the church. Once they start, b4 you know the person wey de next to dem go catch am and so on until the whole church go off

Seducing spirits: These are always gals They will deliberately wear a very short mini skirt come sidon next to you. Na so their fine yellow laps go de show (sometimes even their panties if they are sitting oppsite you ) Pesin no go fit concentrate on the word.
When it is time for praises, others will be dancing and shaking other parts of their body, their own na to shake ukwu. Sometimes sef they will run to the front of the church and be shaking the thing there! Na dis 1 de vex me pass

Arranged Marriage committee: Often mothers, sometimes fathers. These ones target the pretty well behaved gals or the handsome respectable guys and try to marry them to their sons/daughters.
I took my cousin to my church once, after church I couldn't find her. Later I found her with one big ice cream scoop in her hand. I was like where you buy the ice cream? Buy for me na. She was like one woman met her right after church and took her to her car and started telling her that she was very beautiful and that she wanted her son to marry her. She said as the woman was talking she was just nodding obediently, then at the end the woman bought her the ice cream
Suffice it to say she never followed me to church again

stubborn folks and seducing spirit? U are guilty or not guilty?

Mtcheeew

benromeo39:
lwkmd. So u dey try talk say u join that category?

Shame no dey for where God dey. Not long ago i didn't prepared well for offering and that day happened to be monthly thanksgiving. After offering and development offering no money again for thanksgiving offering na to dance waka pass the offering bag na him sure pass and God understand as e dey go.

if you don't have money or any material things to give as offering let your praise be your offering, if na clap clap, if na dance dance as long as it coming from your heart be rest assured you won't leave the church the same way you came.

enm:


Shame no dey for where God dey. Not long ago i didn't prepared well for offering and that day happened to be monthly thanksgiving. After offering and development offering no money again for thanksgiving offering na to dance waka pass the offering bag na him sure pass and God understand as e dey go.

if you don't have money or any material things to give as offering let your praise be your offering, if na clap clap, if na dance dance as long as it coming from your heart be rest assured you won't leave the church the same way you came.

Lmao.

ogaofficer:
millitary zone keep off. Space not for sale.

military ko.

.

. I dey road I dey come.

Hmmmm

laugh don make me troway my smartphone inside pot of hot soup......

all this counting you are counting and categorizing, there is God uo

itstpia1:
all this counting you are counting and categorizing, there is God uo

^ no be only you waka come.

I go report u to patience.

Lol

itstpia1:
all this counting you are counting and categorizing, there is God uo

itstpia1:
^ no be only you waka come.

Wow
My frnd now has a good sense of humour

Outsiders- dey neva nta d church at all even if dey r d 1st 2 cum. Dis group wil stand outsy, gist n vanish b4 d service is over.

THE HYPOCRITES.
90% of people in the church are hypocrites,especially the choirs that will party hard on saturday only for them to grab the microphone and start singing praises in the church on saturday.

benromeo39:
I go report u to patience.

you know what fela said nah

me and you no dey for the saymu category, me and you no dey for the saymu catego


wetin una dey share for una own category?

hope no be ebola?

OAM4J, fp.

LegendarySage:
OAM4J, fp.

lol, u are always advertising for everybody. Be like say those mods dey vex for me, especially that mynd44.

enm:


Shame no dey for where God dey. Not long ago i didn't prepared well for offering and that day happened to be monthly thanksgiving. After offering and development offering no money again for thanksgiving offering na to dance waka pass the offering bag na him sure pass and God understand as e dey go.

if you don't have money or any material things to give as offering let your praise be your offering, if na clap clap, if na dance dance as long as it coming from your heart be rest assured you won't leave the church the same way you came.

bros u for jx sidun for wer u dey nau. na who u dey fool if dey ask u...