Good day. Please I need a candid advice, I ve been married for two years,and I ve a year old son. But I ve been keeping a lot of things to my self and I need help before I turn into a nagging wife.
I was in a 5yrs before I met my husband.my ex and I were so in love but we ve diff chanllenges. He was nt ready to settle down and age was no longer on my side. So I met my husby wen am still wit my ex. My husband is the best tin that happened to me. He was nice and has a good heart but he is good in snobbing and keeping things to himself.
Not to bore u wit story my promblem nw is I compare my husby to my ex. And its affecting my marriage. We re facing a chanllenging situation now and am finding it hard to endure. Our problems re uncountable sexually,financially, and emotionally.
I need advice on hw to handle things and stop comparing.

The first thing is to realize you are married to your husband and not your ex. Except you want to get a divorce in order to marry your ex (that is if he is ready to even marry), I suggest you put aside every feeling for your ex and focus on making your marriage work.
Instead of focusing on your husband's flaws, why not focus more on his strength and reason you agreed to marry him in the first place. Both of you can then work on the areas that needs to be worked on. Communication is a major ingredient in marriage and at a time like this will be useful. Also remember that no marriage is perfect. It takes two people who are willing and committed to make it work.

Remember that your husband also had other ladies before you, how will you feel when he keeps comparing you to them??

OP. Stop making comparison no matter the situation. He's the best thing that happened to you like you said. See him that light and perhaps you'll find your rythm in the union.
God bless you.

Thers no going back, try 2 adapt strategically run things to make ur home peaceful, lookaway if he wanna be startin sumthin because no be dat 1 dey do U, but try and avoid issues and show love care & affection, he would come around.

Have u forgoten d vow=FOR BETTER FOR WORST

Edwinmason:
Have u forgoten d vow=FOR BETTER FOR WORSE

Fixed.

@purityme, your problems are

1. Your hubby is snubbing you and keeping secrets to himself?

2. Your hubby is not satisfying you on bed?


3. Your hubby does not give you enough money?


what else?

purityme:
Good day. Please I need a candid advice, I ve been married for two years,and I ve a year old son. But I ve been keeping a lot of things to my self and I need help before I turn into a nagging wife.
I was in a 5yrs before I met my husband.my ex and I were so in love but we ve diff chanllenges. He was nt ready to settle down and age was no longer on my side. So I met my husby wen am still wit my ex. My husband is the best tin that happened to me. He was nice and has a good heart but he is good in snobbing and keeping things to himself.
Not to bore u wit story my promblem nw is I compare my husby to my ex. And its affecting my marriage. We re facing a chanllenging situation now and am finding it hard to endure. Our problems re uncountable sexually,financially, and emotionally.
I need advice on hw to handle things and stop comparing.

And this is the problem.

OP you are not a zombie. You have to learn to control your thoughts. Anytime you find yourself dwelling on your ex, clear the thought from your mind and think of something else. You can even try something:give yourself a gentle slap or knock on the head when your find yourself thinking of your ex. It sounds funny but it works, it will make you conscious of your thoughts.


All your other present problems will probably stem from this one problem. Sexually you are having problems-are you sure u r not comparing sex with or ex and ur current husband? Financially you r having problems- r u sure you are not comparing how much your ex has compared to your husband? Emotionally...but by now you should see where I'm going.

Stay with your husband o! If your ex loved you so much he would have done all in his power to make you stay. Don't form habits you would later regret.

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That my problm, and once I remember my past I always compare which will later turn to nagging. I don't want to be a nagging wife I want to be a luving one. The more I try the more I fail, I want to endure life d way it comes but am getting weaker.

5minsmadness:

And this is the problem.

OP you are not a zombie. You have to learn to control your thoughts. Anytime you find yourself dwelling on your ex, clear the thought from your mind and think of something else. You can even try something:give yourself a gentle slap or knock on the head when your find yourself thinking of your ex. It sounds funny but it works, it will make you conscious of your thoughts.


All your other present problems will probably stem from this one problem. Sexually you are having problems-are you sure u r not comparing sex with or ex and ur current husband? Financially you r having problems- r u sure you are not comparing how much your ex has compared to your husband? Emotionally...but by now you should see where I'm going.

Stay with your husband o! If your ex loved you so much he would have done all in his power to make you stay. Don't form habits you would later regret.

Yes my hubby is a snub, he don't satisfy me on bed,and NO its not about money its more abt emotions den money. Money can't buy peace of mind I want Peace of mind

bennyrazz:
@purityme, your problems are

1. Your hubby is snubbing you and keeping secrets to himself?

2. Your hubby is not satisfying you on bed?


3. Your hubby does not give you enough money?


what else?

purityme:
That my problm, and once I remember my past I always compare which will later turn to nagging. I don't want to be a nagging wife I want to be a luving one. The more I try the more I fail, I want to endure life d way it comes but am getting weaker.

Lol@getting weaker as if its something you can't control.

The first 2yrs of marriage are usually the toughest and then the next 3yrs are the adaptation period. So usually if a marriage is going strong after five years, chances are it will last long. This experience will be the same whether you marry prince charming or your ex, its just the way human relations work.

Take time out. Realise the root of your problem which is..mainly from your mind and the way you are mentally viewing your marital challenges. You cantcan't expect your husband to compete with an imaginary opponent. He will lose. You will imagine all the scenarios your ex would would have done but you will tend to forget that its all your imagination. In real life your ex might have changed after marriage or handled things differently, you just can't tell, only imagine. So destroy the imaginary opponent and see your husband through clear eyes and not the clouded spectacles of your ex's imagined behaviour.

You are not alone. Other men and women experience this. Its how they control their thoughts and imaginations that determine their maturity and success in these situations.

Please stop comparing.
And I believe your problem could be solved through communication.
Just study his mood and know when to talk. Let him know how his action is making you feel. ie after an opening speech on how much you loved and care for him.

After saying that just drop the matter or let it die a natural death. Do not nag about it any further.

As for the sex. When ever it is happening, just assume Brad Pitt or anyone/ celebrity you had crush on is on you. You will be fine and satisfied.

purityme:
Yes my hubby is a snub, he don't satisfy me on bed,and NO its not about money its more abt emotions den money. Money can't buy peace of mind I want Peace of mind

your point is, your hubby does not do romantic things and he doesn't care how you feel sexually? was it like this before marriage? does he feel resentful towards you?

purityme:
That my problm, and once I remember my past I always compare which will later turn to nagging. I don't want to be a nagging wife I want to be a luving one. The more I try the more I fail, [b]I want to endure life d way it comes [/b]but am getting weaker.

What do you want to endure?

This is what happens when the society keep pressuring young girls to get married, and also when the girls dont use their heads.

OP, you got married to your husbands because of some benefits and im sure you didnt love him. Now, those benefits are longer yielding value, you find it difficult to cope.

Your problem can be solved by

1. try and look for some way to restore back the benefits that made you got married to him. (money, security etc) if it means you both reversing the role.

2. Endure him, keep enduring him, just keep doing it, just like you started it when you got married to him, continue it. Even those days you will feel sorry for yourself, dont give up because this is what you signed for , thinking of what people will say if you dont get married.
3. Free yourself from him, let him go, find someone who will love him, while you find someone for yourself.

You only get to live life once. Make a decision you know will make you and others around you happy.

OP is emotionally attached to her ex.

The truth is that you were going nowhere with your ex. You seem to have married a good and responsible man and have a child too.

Start enjoying what you have and stop fantasizing over what you consciously and rationally left behind.

Fairy tale romances only exist on the pages of storybooks and other media. Get real!

@poster have a seat, go and get your wedding photo album and look at the photos one by one.
Take a good look at your wedding ring
Take a good look at your son and look at the similarities between your son and your husband. Even if they dont have facial similariites I am sure that there are behavoural similiarites.

Now be brutally honest to yourself and say, this is my life now. The ex is the ex and this is the present and the future. There is no going back.

Begin to love your husband and begin to give him a chance. You chose him. No one forced you. Even if he does good, you cant see it now becasue you are always comparing. No 2 people are the same, talk less of 2 different relationships being the same.

As regards current issues with your hubby, table them, talk to him and let him know what you want. Men are not mindreaders and magicians and Rome was not built in a day. Some people are lucky, they marry a ready made soup and some people are not so lucky and they have to prepare their soup from scratch.
Teach him what you want him to do in the bedroom. If its technique, then tell him and explain to him what you want him to do in bed, if its size then use an extender, if its ED go see a doctor and if its PE google is your friend QED! There is nothing new under the sun.
There is another thread where a man has had ED since january. Work together! Its when you hear other peoples stories that you will know that you are not the only one going through challenging times.

Re emotion & romance, teach by example. Not all men are lovey lovey touchy touchy. . . so SHOW him what you want him to do by doing it. Dont just keep on saying that he doesnt do this or that. We all come from different backgrounds and have different life experiences and that is what moulds people and some people are not deliberatly being wicked . . its that they dont know any better, so you need to teach them.

You have said that he is a good man & has a good heart. . . .My dear that counts for a lot o! Sow and invest in this man and you will surely reap the rewards in the years to come.

Sister hold your husband well oh.
I don't want story that touch the heary later.

You need to
a) renew your mind with God's word.
b) discuss the pressing issues with your hubbie
c) free yourself from your past
d) go for counseling with your husband.

Richy4:
Please stop comparing.
......

As for the sex. When ever it is happening, just assume Brad Pitt or anyone/ celebrity you had crush on is on you. You will be fine and satisfied.

Face it, u r not comfortable with ur husband that is what impatient can cause. Shebi u wan marry u don marry b dat.

purityme:
Yes my hubby is a snub, he don't satisfy me on bed,and NO its not about money its more abt emotions den money. Money can't buy peace of mind I want Peace of mind

u dont love that guy..........

What makes u think I don't love him, I luv him with all of my heart

idu1:
u dont love that guy..........

purityme:
What makes u think I don't love him, I luv him with all of my heart

Poor boy i pity him. God dont let any woman rush to lead me into marriage because she getting close to menopause

chaircover:
@poster have a seat, go and get your wedding photo album and look at the photos one by one.
Take a good look at your wedding ring
Take a good look at your son and look at the similarities between your son and your husband. Even if they dont have facial similariites I am sure that there are behavoural similiarites.

Now be brutally honest to yourself and say, this is my life now. The ex is the ex and this is the present and the future. There is no going back.

Begin to love your husband and begin to give him a chance. You chose him. No one forced you. Even if he does good, you cant see it now becasue you are always comparing. No 2 people are the same, talk less of 2 different relationships being the same.

As regards current issues with your hubby, table them, talk to him and let him know what you want. Men are not mindreaders and magicians and Rome was not built in a day. Some people are lucky, they marry a ready made soup and some people are not so lucky and they have to prepare their soup from scratch.
Teach him what you want him to do in the bedroom. If its technique, then tell him and explain to him what you want him to do in bed, if its size then use an extender, if its ED go see a doctor and if its PE google is your friend QED! There is nothing new under the sun.
There is another thread where a man has had ED since january. Work together! Its when you hear other peoples stories that you will know that you are not the only one going through challenging times.

Re emotion & romance, teach by example. Not all men are lovey lovey touchy touchy. . . so SHOW him what you want him to do by doing it. Dont just keep on saying that he doesnt do this or that. We all come from different backgrounds and have different life experiences and that is what moulds people and some people are not deliberatly being wicked . . its that they dont know any better, so you need to teach them.

You have said that he is a good man & has a good heart. . . .My dear that counts for a lot o! Sow and invest in this man and you will surely reap the rewards in the years to come.

I love you so much and really i'm in awe of you already. It's not hard to figure out that you are a sweet, matured and awesome wife to a certain man and I swear down that man is lucky to have you.

And really miss chillisauce really need to chill.

Thanks ma I will work things out just as u adviced

chaircover:
@poster have a seat, go and get your wedding photo album and look at the photos one by one.
Take a good look at your wedding ring
Take a good look at your son and look at the similarities between your son and your husband. Even if they dont have facial similariites I am sure that there are behavoural similiarites.

Now be brutally honest to yourself and say, this is my life now. The ex is the ex and this is the present and the future. There is no going back.

Begin to love your husband and begin to give him a chance. You chose him. No one forced you. Even if he does good, you cant see it now becasue you are always comparing. No 2 people are the same, talk less of 2 different relationships being the same.

As regards current issues with your hubby, table them, talk to him and let him know what you want. Men are not mindreaders and magicians and Rome was not built in a day. Some people are lucky, they marry a ready made soup and some people are not so lucky and they have to prepare their soup from scratch.
Teach him what you want him to do in the bedroom. If its technique, then tell him and explain to him what you want him to do in bed, if its size then use an extender, if its ED go see a doctor and if its PE google is your friend QED! There is nothing new under the sun.
There is another thread where a man has had ED since january. Work together! Its when you hear other peoples stories that you will know that you are not the only one going through challenging times.

Re emotion & romance, teach by example. Not all men are lovey lovey touchy touchy. . . so SHOW him what you want him to do by doing it. Dont just keep on saying that he doesnt do this or that. We all come from different backgrounds and have different life experiences and that is what moulds people and some people are not deliberatly being wicked . . its that they dont know any better, so you need to teach them.

You have said that he is a good man & has a good heart. . . .My dear that counts for a lot o! Sow and invest in this man and you will surely reap the rewards in the years to come.

The

day u brought that thought in your mind is the very day ur problems
start(its very bad to think that way when married cos it will definitly
affect your marriage) and the face of God will depart from your home.
seek the face of God and sincerely ask for his forgiveness, amend your
ways cos old things has pass away..then everything will fall in place

It happens a lot. You know it is been said that people do not appreciate what they have until they lose it. You've made your mistake but that sud be a thing of the past. You have to know there is in turning back at this point in time. You have to concentrate on how to make ur family better. Focus on ur family and forget ur ex. Mind you, do pray God to come into ur family. His presence is enough to resolve the issue and bring peace into ur home since He is a Prince of Peace.

Thanks for your advice but I don't marry him for any benefit I married him cause I luv him and he loved me too. I dnt rush into marriage I took my time and we did court for 4yrs before we got married.

Chillisauce:
This is what happens when the society keep pressuring young girls to get married, and also when the girls dont use their heads.

OP, you got married to your husbands because of some benefits and im sure you didnt love him. Now, those benefits are longer yielding value, you find it difficult to cope.

Your problem can be solved by

1. try and look for some way to restore back the benefits that made you got married to him. (money, security etc) if it means you both reversing the role.

2. Endure him, keep enduring him, just keep doing it, just like you started it when you got married to him, continue it. Even those days you will feel sorry for yourself, dont give up because this is what you signed for , thinking of what people will say if you dont get married.
3. Free yourself from him, let him go, find someone who will love him, while you find someone for yourself.

You only get to live life once. Make a decision you know will make you and others around you happy.

THANK YOU

idu1:
Poor boy i pity him. God dont let any woman rush to lead me into marriage because she getting close to menopause

Learn to love and appreciate what u have.. ...

Because if u hear another woman story u will be grateful for what u do have


What gave u that headline that u ex will make a good husband if u do marry him

U ex was only good as a bf that's why u never married him

Talk to me about ur fears and let him know what u feel he is lacking in

Concerning sexual pleasure.. ... If u fill he is not doing it
Teach him
Tell him ur weak point
Tell him how u want to be touched
Lead him in the actions
Teach him how to cuddle u, how to pre-intimacy, how to stimulate u, how to pet ur parts and make u feel like a woman
Make ur bed and bedroom romantic.. ..



As for the snub.. ... It's with patience and love u will get him out of that situation because that's might be who he is but with time u will understand him

Ur marriage is still young and u should be thinking like this

Lastly pray and ask for God wisdom to direct ur path