Be brave and ask your spouse the below
questions.
You don't have to ask them all at once or in any
particular order. Be discerning about good
opportunities to foster this kind of conversation.
And certainly don't ask from a defensive position,
but rather with a heart genuinely bent toward
nurtured intimacy with your lover.
10 Best Sex Questions to Ask Your Spouse
1. Have I ever hurt you in how I have treated sex
in our marriage?
Sometimes we have caused pain to the person we
love the most, and we don't even know it. This
question can open some incredibly raw emotions.
Resist the urge to defend yourself. Listen instead.
Listen to your spouse's heart.
2. Do you ever struggle with sexual temptation?
I'll admit, this can be a scary one to ask.
But it can shed light into an otherwise abysmally
dark area where your spouse may feel isolated
and alone.
If your spouse is struggling with sexual
temptation, much is to be gained by you creating
a safe environment in which they can confide in
you. There then is an opportunity to heal, usually
by first understanding the root pain that makes
the temptation so alluring.
If your spouse has acted upon sexual temptation,
obviously this is deeply wounding. I don't in any
way want to minimize how hard it would be to
hear such revelations.
However, there are many marriages that heal
beyond infidelity, pornography addiction and other
sexual betrayals. But healing can't begin if the
truth isn't revealed and both of you aren't
committed toward restoration.
3. After we have sex, how do you feel about our
relationship?
It may surprise many of you wives, but for most
husbands, sex is not just about the physical
release. It's about feeling deeply connected with
the wife they love
.
4. What do you really like during pre-intimacy?
Nothing benefits a couple more sexually than
being teachable and willing to teach.
Build an environment where you both have the
freedom to share what you like during pre-intimacy,
whether that is pre-intimacy hours before sex with
your clothes on or pre-intimacy right before you make
love.
5. What do I do during sex that you really enjoy?
Fingernails on his back? The sound of his name?
The way you pull him close?
What is it that really turns your spouse on when
the two of you make love? As I've already said,
be teachable and willing to teach.
6. What does it mean to you when I climax?
I'm not sure there is any scientific study on this,
but I'm going to take an educated guess here and
say that the vast majority of husbands are
completely enamored and excited to see and feel
their wife climax.
Ask him how he feels when you have an orgasm.
7. Is there anything specific you want us to try
sexually?
Certainly you don't want to compromise biblical
principles or invite third parties into your sexual
intimacy. Within healthy God-honoring
boundaries, though, the Lord has given you
tremendous freedom in your marriage bed.
Are there things sexually that you've never tried
that would be arousing for your spouse?
Different positions? MouthAction? Use of your hands?
Different room of the house? Different way of
initiating? Sexual play in the shower?
You get the idea.
8. Do you think we are setting a good sexual
foundation for our kids?
Your kids don't see you having sex, but they
definitely can sense the sexual tone in your
marriage.
If you glance down the road to when your kids
grow up and fall in love with the person they want
to marry, will you have set an example of
nurtured sexual intimacy?
Will they know that sex is vitally important to a
marriage?
Ask your spouse what they think about this.
9. How can I show you I am sexually attracted to
you?
I know it seems like the obvious answer to this is,
" Have more sex with me!" But I think most
husbands and wives know that it's more than
that.
A husband has a lot of influence in helping his
wife feel beautiful, whether it is in the way he
verbally expresses love to her, shows her
affection outside the bedroom, and compliments
her both in private and in front of others.
And a wife has tremendous impact on her
husband's masculinity. A husband wants to know
that he is still the "one" for his wife... that she
desires him, respects him, speaks well of him in
front of others.
Only you and your spouse can discover what
uniquely builds sexual attraction between the two
of you. Your marriage is worth this type of
discovery.
10. What could we do to improve our sexual
intimacy?
This is a broad question, but the answers that
come from it can be quite revealing. Those
answers may reveal a need for greater frequency
or a desire to be more sexually playful.
You may discover that a weekend away once or
twice a year is worth building into the budget.
You may find that getting more rest and more sex
is better for your marriage than a super clean
house or a well-manicured lawn or watching
Jimmy Kimmel Live every night.
Hey, I think Jimmy Kimmel is kind of funny too,
but if you're regularly sacrificing your sexual
intimacy on the altar of "let's watch late night
TV," well, you have to start to wonder if the cost
to your relationship is too high of a price to pay.