Have you ever got the sense that your partner
thinks he/she is generally superior to you, or more
entitled to things than you are? Does he/she find a
host of ways to devalue you or ignore you? Does
he/she try to control you? If so, you may be living
with a Narcissist.
If you are in a relationship with a Narcissist, it will
be a one-way relationship, as he/she is particularly
self- absorbed.
Narcissism is considered a spectrum Disorder,
which means that there are degrees of
manifestation of the characteristics, so a person
could have a couple of Narcissistic traits, or have
many and be considered to have a full blown
Narcissistic Personality Disorder, as defined in the
DSMIV, or sit anywhere in between.
The 9 Characteristics of Narcissism
1.
An exaggerated or grandiose sense of self
importance that isn’t supported by reality. He/she
believes that his/her priorities, interests, opinions
and beliefs are better than or more important than
others and as a result, they feel entitled to
dominate and control those around them. He/she
can even seem quite modest in public about these
views, but usually at home these are evident.
2.
A preoccupation with fantasies of extraordinary
success, power, beauty or love. He/she lives more
in a fantasy world of their own making than in
reality of both successes and recognised failures.
3.
A belief that he/she is special and unique and can
only be understood by other special people. He/she
sees himself/herself as more special than others,
whether it be more accomplished, more feeling,
more giving, more ethical, more long suffering,
more insightful, etc.
4.
An intense need for admiration. When in
conversation, he/she can’t listen attentively and
will bring the conversation back around to him/her.
Often partners of a Narcissist will refer to the one
thing they have in common with their Narcissist
partner is that they both love him/her.
5.
A delusional sense of entitlement. He/she feels
that rules, regulations and normal standards don’t
apply to them, and also may find hard work,
working toward a goal, illness and injury difficult
to cope with, as they believe themselves to be
above these kind of common things.
6.
A tendency to exploit others without guilt and
remorse. He/she is a “user” who may manipulate
situations such that others end up doing all the
work (and the Narcissist often gets the glory), or
may end up losing their money. He/she will also
promise things that they never deliver on.
7.
An absence of meaningful empathy for others. This
is almost a universal trait with all Narcissists. He/
she is so caught up in their own grandiose fantasy
life that they pay no real attention to others in any
genuine way. In the courting stage, he/she will use
“fake empathy”, but beyond this stage, partners of
Narcissists feel completely unsupported and not
understood.
8.
A tendency to be envious or to assume that he/she
is the object of others envy. He/she will be very
envious if others close by have more than him/her,
and will usually express this as contempt, distain
and belittling towards them.
9.
An arrogant attitude. He/she will often be
judgemental and condescending toward anyone
who they feel is not up to their high standards and
will regularly “put down” others to bolster their own
self esteem .
The more of these qualities you find in your partner
(or yourself) the closer they (or you) are to a
Narcissistic Personality Disorder end of the
spectrum, which means the more difficult (or
impossible) they will be to live with, or to maintain
a healthy relationship with.
Research has shown that approximately 75% of
those with Narcissistic traits are male and 25% are
female.
How do partners feel when they are attempting to
have a relationship with a Narcissist?
In a way that you often can’t exactly identify
clearly you can feel:
- Very disappointed and disillusioned about who
he/she seems to be now, compared with who he/
she was in the beginning stages of the relationship
- Confused because of the lies and half truths he/
she continually feeds you
- Hurt and shell shocked because of the myriad of
ways he/she belittles, criticises and blames you
- The relationship feels unrewarding because it
never feels that he/she is really there, and it is not
possible to share any real intimacy with him/her
- Unhappy because he/she always tries to
undermine the happiness you create for yourself
- Untrusting of yourself because you don’t know
what to trust anymore, wanting a real and happy
relationship but always feeling that it is not
available to you
- Intensely frustrating when he/she can’t be
reasonable or honour agreements or work with you
for a win-win solution
- Utter perplexity at how he/she can be so sweet
and nice one minute, and so mean and callous the
next
- Despair at the dawning realisation that he/she
doesn’t really care about you or how you feel.
Trying to relate in a healthy way with someone
who has many Narcissistic characteristics in like
walking through a minefield.
You will need to develop boundaries and assertive
skills and depending on the degree of Narcissism,
you may need to leave them. Often counselling
with a Psychologist who understand about the
specifics of Narcissism can be most helpful.
Author's Bio:
Julie Hart is an Australian Relationship
Psychologist who heads the Hart Centre, a team of
70 Psychologists in centres around Australia who
specialise in Relationship and Marriage
counselling, Anger management and Sex therapy.

Have you dated or you are currently dating a narcissist? please share your experience

No. Never attracted to them.

NO...

benromeo39:
forget that story. We are the best.

All the girls I have been with and I will be with are living testimonies.

Being narcissistic doesn't mean you flaunt it in front of your partner. Get your facts right.

Why did those girls leave you if they enjoyed your narcissism?

BreezyRita:
No. Never attracted to them.

...but you can't know one until you spend time with them.

jliusadura:
...but you can't know one until you spend time with them.

Maybe..... I just know I haven't met any.
#Birds of a feather flock together!

jliusadura:
Why did those girls leave you if they enjoyed your narcissism?

who left who? Grow up, relationships do not always end as a result of breakups.

benromeo39:
who left who? Grow up, relationships do not always end as a result of breakups.

hmmm, narcissist usually deny that they have problem but there are degree to narcissim, may be yours is moderate. Hope you have a psychology coach. Please do if you don't have. This may help to reduce excalation as one grows up because it gets worst with age.

Hi Guys...
I created a WhatsApp page for individuals who had at one time was in a Relationship with a Narcissist Individual, and who is seeking healing... I know it really hurt concerning the things a victims goes through in the hands of Narcissistic individual. Please, feel free to contact me on WhatsApp 08167114856. Let's grow a communities to share ideas on this prevalent issues.

Persons with Narcissistic Personality disorder

- Idealization
- Devaluation
- Discard

And the cycles repeat itself.