Ka,
I will take you to court over this. the judge will not even allow your bail for you can run away.  Why did you put your brothers only on high table


WE no go greeo.

I very much approve of ur titile and i'm willing to fufil my duties. but come o, only u no go fit handle ths financial burden, u need an assistant and i present myself as a worthy candidate

Ka,

I'm affraid someone beat you already in edible food religions category. The only true religion is that of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. And rest assured, flying spaghtti is more nutritious than coconut, but of course coconut is more natural than spaghetti, so who's to judge?

http://www.venganza.org/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_spaghetti_monster

Beware: SATIRE

Gosh. were a new establishment and we already have rivals .
WE'LL BEAT THEM TO IT!!! watch out for the Temple of the Sacred Coconut!!! you flying spaghetti monsters!

WesleyanA:

Gosh. were a new establishment and we already have rivals .
WE'LL BEAT THEM TO IT!!! watch out for the Temple of the Sacred Coconut!!! you flying spaghetti monsters!

I'm personally more of a coconut person myself, especially since those Spaghettians are full of Design and all.
Take care though, according to the Spaghetti Doctrine, there is only one Monster to worship, the Wholy Pasta Dish. they can get outright nasty if they defend their religion. They even want equal time in science classes, can you imagine the audacity

are they for real  . . . i thought it was some kind of joke.
we'll still kick them into the garbage!  . we outnumber them 101 to 010. 

WesleyanA:

are they for real . . . i thought it was some kind of joke.
we'll still kick them into the garbage! . we outnumber them 101 to 010.

Actually they are a joke and at the same time not a joke. They set up this satirical parody of the Intelligent Design movement in the US to show, using exactly the same arguments, just how empty the Intelligent Desing movement is scientifically

I just hope we won't outnumber them 666 to 010 that would be a bad omen

May the alimighty coconut be with you and do not forget to drink her blood (juice) and eat her flesh.
The symbolised representation of the body of the One and Only Holy Coconut is the Bounty Candy bar. May you consume many

PS: the joint body representing the Church of the Holy Coconut has just bought a substantial number of shares in Masterfood, but don't tell anyone

Dear Nferyn,

Peace be unto you in the name of the Most Sanctified Coconut.

Thank you for bringing to my attention the existence of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. At the Temple of the Sacred Coconut, we believe there are many ways to achieve happiness, although we believe that our way is superior to other ways. This means we are not threatened by the existence of alternative temples, churches or other places of worship and we do not find it necessary to castigate their beliefs, no matter how outrageous or illogical they may be. So we wish the CotFSM the very best of luck in their endeavours.

In the meantime, as befits the democratic spirit of our Temple, we still welcome input from our members concerning Temple Doctrine. If you have any suggestions that you wish to make, please do so. Your efforts will be recognised with a suitably distinguished title (although I regret to say that the titles of Treasurer, Financial Secretary or anything else to do with money cannot at this time be offered).

May the Sagacity and Serenity of the Shell and the Magnificence of the Milk of Coconut be with you.

((Very Reverend) (Ordained Elder (High Commanding Pastor (Sanctified Pastor of the Priesthood)))) Ka.

Okay do we have any international messages or anything i am to do? Cos it seems like i don't have a JOb.

y'all r killin me

hot-angel:

Okay do we have any international messages or anything i am to do? Cos it seems like i don't have a JOb.

your job is to provide international/foreign messages/news. like the one nferyn just provided.

WesleyanA:

your job is to provide international/foreign messages/news. like the one nferyn just provided.

Hmmm..

hot-angel:

Hmmm..

Looks like I took over your job by accident, but don't worry, I did it for free and you can take all the credit.
Just cast my gospel aside and don't include it in the Coconut Gospel. I feel right at home next to the outcast Thomas

Meeeeeeeen. This is dangerously funny o.

..haha...keep posting guyz..carry go!..

As the appointed Leader of the Faithful, I invite you to join our congregation and become part of the Temple of the Sacred Coconut. . . We are a new establishment as you can see and great plans are being made with the dedication of our fellow men and women in the Spirit of the Holy Coconut to further expand the church both physically and spiritually.

We don't have a specified day of worship as the plans are still being drawn. you can come here to the Temple anyday or time to contribute. The more faithful you are, the more the founding father (Ka) notices. when you've contributed at least something, you will be promoted from the status of an ordinary member to what ever position the Honorable Prophet Ka has in mind.

May the spirit of the Sacred Coconut continue to be with you.

amen..can i join

Of course you can. and don't fail to invite your friends too.
when Ka comes online, he tell you more about the guidlines, rules and principles of the Temple. You'll also be appointed to an office only he can decide on.
It is up to you then to fulfil your duties and help make this place better.

again, may the spirit of the Sacred Coconut be with you.

seen how serious things are here i have joined the good shareholders of this great Temple.

and have took it upon myself as duty to market convert people bring more flock in to this temple.
to this end am asking the accountans asistanat accountants, Treasurer, Financial Secretary or any other post holders
in the name of Sacred Coconut( El- Plam, Al- Nut ) to make fund available or accessable to me physicaly via westen union
the work of this temple must be told to the world, sorry i forgot i also need cash to host a web page and posters
what do all Coconution think? yes a great Idea.

slow as hell

I hereby ordain myself as the most holy sacred Coconut. I'm the coconut that you all must bow down to and worship. I will take sacrifices every week comprising of whatever I ask you to offer and I will answer your prayers and grant your requests. Prophet Ka and the other volunteers must vow to bring more people to worship my Majesty in the Temple.

All hail the Sacred Coconut! The only one who is to be worshipped!!

Ah a schism is in the making. we cannot accept this to happen. I call upon the inspiration of our founder, the most holy KA to resolve this dispute

our temple is sacred and we will not tolerate any form of blasphemy agaist our holy symbol.
you can't call yourself a coconut in our temple. This is a serious issue that should not be taken lightly. please if you are a new member and you do not know the guidlines and principles, it's written by the highest order holy most senior evangelist KA on the first page. read through thoroughly before making comments that go against the laws.
this Temple do not worship humans and will not tolerate such acts.
IAH, you're hereby forgiven because you're new but any other sacreligious acts will be punishable by the rules and tenents layed down by our leader.

may the spirit of the Holy Coconut be with you

where is our pastor KA and the rest of the clergy? 

Gratitudinous greetings to you all in the Name of the Most Hallowed Coconut.

First of all, I wish to recognise the new members of the Temple - Most Excellent Pastoral Minister Nike4Luv, Exalted Divine Preacher IAH, Apostolic Bishop Holyghost and (belatedly) Commander of Devotions Nferyn.

Now there has been some talk of schism and disagreement in the Temple. This has arisen from a fundamental misunderstanding of the way that this Temple operates. As I am never tired of emphasising, we are a 21st century temple for 21st century people... and this means that unlike the olden days, when these things were resolved by bitter infighting and division, I have come up with a novel and radical approach to resolving these kind of issues.

The underpinning principle that will be used in resolving these disputes is what I will call the Concord of Opposite and Conflicting Opinions (henceforth known as COCO). This means that where two people disagree on a matter, the Temple will resolve that in the sprit of harmony and unity, they will both be deemed to be right.

This means that in the Temple, a chair can be black and white at the same time, depending on who is looking at it. It also means that Exalted Divine Preacher IAH is free to call her self the Holy Coconut itself and demand worship... and the other members (including Leader of the Faithful WesleyanA) are also free to refuse to do so. And it means that all those who have been aspiring to be Treasurer, Financial Secretary, Controller of Cash or Excellent Embezzler of Euros can now consider themselves possessors of these titles, although at the same time they will not possess these titles (from the point of view of those who do not wish them to have these titles).

It is my most fervent hope that this new pronouncement will put to an end once and for all the disputes that have been simmering since I last went up to my local high point to commune directly with the Creative Force.

May the Harmony of the Husk of the Coconut be with you all.

((Elder) (Priest ((High Prophet)) Evangelist) (Cardinal (Most Reverend))) Ka.

thanks Ra...how can i be of service to this sacred coconut

Yes I am back.

I have traveled all the hooks and crannies of the earth these past few weeks and I bring y’all good tidings from peoples of those hamlets of clans that I visited.

I see that we have news members and I welcome dem most earnestly. I ask that we all continue to contribute not only intellectually but most importantly financially to the development of this ministry. I detest those who are trying to usurp my position as the self appointed finance minister of this congregation and I assure you all that I will fight tooth and nail to retain my exalted position in this church.

I have learnt so many thing while on pilgrimage and I will be sharing dem with you according to the levels of donations I receive on behalf of this 21st century movement. Please note that we still remain dynamic I our ways and criticisms are most welcome. We also reserve the right to harass anyone who we deem fit so make una watch wetin una dey yarn 4 here.

Finally, I had a very profitable and fruitful discussion with Sarg Rogers of the Abacha fame and he has promised to join the fold as soon as he his release from his present captors, I hope say una nor mind oh. No yawa my people, More to come …

whiteshark:

[SNIP]

Finally, I had a very profitable and fruitful discussion with Sarg Rogers of the Abacha fame and he has promised to join the fold as soon as he his release from his present captors, I hope say una nor mind oh. No yawa my people, More to come …

And you probably need someone with a foreign account to store his funds safely - for which you will extract a meagre commision for the temple

ol boy how u take know.... U must be a genius oh

The sacred stone of the temple says that if we drink the milk of the holy coconut the wounds of our hearts will be healed. The past few days have been very bad for our country. Holy Prophet Ka, Ka, Ka, why have you forsaken your disciples?