now dat's a good one

I no longer trust this Religion. how can the spiritual grandmaster, prophet forsake his followers.

I have heard the voice of the Coconut. He said unto me, "I have not forsaken you. These trials and temptation are for a time, times, and half a time after which I will reveal my temple to all people. Do not say, 'Prophet Ka has forsaken us', for he is my annointed, and he shall speak to you in due time. Repent!"

layi:

I no longer trust this Religion. how can the spiritual grandmaster, prophet forsake his followers.

He has not forsaken any. He will surely come back[i] in our lifetime[/i] to take the chosen faithfull to paradise.

Mind you, this lifetime can take more than 2000 years, so don't take it too literally

Yes, and that too!

THIS SOUNDS CRAZY

Seun:

The sacred stone of the temple says that if we drink the milk of the holy coconut the wounds of our hearts will be healed. The past few days have been very bad for our country. Holy Prophet Ka, Ka, Ka, why have you forsaken your disciples?

nferyn:

He has not forsaken any. He will surely come back[i] in our lifetime[/i] to take the chosen faithfull to paradise.

Mind you, this lifetime can take more than 2000 years, so don't take it too literally

this made me laugh .
this temple is fun!

<snip>

Greetings all, Evangelist Cheif Dr. Whitehsark here...

I have just recieved divine direction and information from above. I have been intructed to inform all members that from immediate effect, We have to begin a expansion drive to fill the purse of the sacred and only place of which I am the honourable keeper of funds. I have been tasked to enjoin all of you to take this develpoement very seriously as it is more important than your work, school, food, parents, partner,sex and holidays. I am now in the process of opening a secured offshore bank account more preferably in Switzerland where I and a selected few will be signatories so that all monies recovered can be safely deposited there to be spent according to MY dictates. I do hope the message is clear enough for you all to understand. If there be anyone who still needs further clarifications, please email me at www whiteshark at nairaland dot kpom or call me on not nine not eleven dozen dozen dozen (090 11121212).

Than you very much and may the faith that has brought us here never let us stray....

...And the temple was forsaken

(It's been 1 month and 25 days)

As long as you carry the cocnut in your heart, it remains for eternity

Nferyn, u're worse than i thot

Oh, why's that... you're not doubting the cocnut, I hope. If you do, you'll be turned into coconut carpet for eternity with dirty feet all over you .... the horror ....

My lord, i'm so sawry and i plead for mercy. i can't afford that right now espcially as we're in the Coconut season

I shudder whenever I try to imagine what our eternal fates would have been if Prophet Ka had failed to join Nairaland. GLory be to the sacred coconut, who reveals the truth to those he pleases and destroys and tortures those who just don't interest him.

Seun, you know this only applies to the non-chosen peoples. By choosing the life and virtue of the coconut you will be saved, regardless of your behaviour on this earth.

Glory be to the Nutcases of this earth

Followers of the Sacred Coconut
This can't be a true Religion!!!! where are your predictions about the end of the world

ijebuman:

Followers of the Sacred Coconut
This can't be a true Religion!!!! where are your predictions about the end of the world

Heretic!
The world has ended already. Everything we perceive here today is but an elaborate dream of the sacred coconut. We are here only because the brain of the sacred coconut is in a REM phase. Let's just hope the coconut almighty doesn't wake up. Now go and stay dead.

Everything is so clear now, how could i have any doubts i feel truly born again.....

thank u thank u thank u.... I see we are making good progress. If an Idol worsahiper like Ijebu man can repent from his attrocities and become a member then we have all cause to give thanks to the god of the coconut.

On a more serious note. I have not recieved any donations (cash of kind) to the development of the temple and its message and I seriously frown at this...... I hereby task all member to send thier yearly dues to my office as soon as possible. I need not remind you of the consequncies that will befall defaulters oh so let us all act now to save ourselves from enternal destruction from an angry God. A word is enuff 4 even the foolish sef.

whiteshark:

thank u thank u thank u.... I see we are making good progress. If an Idol worsahiper like Ijebu man can repent from his attrocities and become a member then we have all cause to give thanks to the god of the coconut.

On a more serious note. I have not recieved any donations (cash of kind) to the development of the temple and its message and I seriously frown at this...... I hereby task all member to send their yearly dues to my office as soon as possible. I need not remind you of the consequncies that will befall defaulters oh so let us all act now to save ourselves from enternal destruction from an angry God. A word is enough 4 even the foolish sef.

You bloody heretic. Destroyer of the faith. Most wicked of them all. How dare you deny the truth of the coconut by proclaiming that there is a god more high than the sacred coconut?
The coconut is all and all is the coconut. By denying this very truth, you have shown yourself unworthy of embodying any of the cocnut offices. Our coconut is not angry, it is you, in your wicked ways that project your own anger on the coconut. You are unworthy. Repent by planting more coconut trees and spreading the good news for all humanity

Blasphemy!!!!

I never acknowledged any other god outside the sacred coconut and you know it!! I frown very deeply at your accusations and I will definately take this one up in the next councle meeting. I have always worked for the general good and progress of the temple and you cannot deny me of that!!! I will see you there and make sure you have facts to back up your utterances of straight to coconut hell u go!!

whiteshark:

Blasphemy!!!!

I am not the one calling the coconut with another name than His, you are. In your wicked tongue, you proclaim the god of the coconut instead of the coconut. there is no god but the coconut, certainly not a god of the coconut.

whiteshark:

I never acknowledged any other god outside the sacred coconut and you know it!!

You are denying your own words. [i]Peter [/i]whiteshark it is, isn't it? Anyway what an example to follow.

whiteshark:

I frown very deeply at your accusations and I will definately take this one up in the next councle meeting.

The truth stands on it's own and does not need your frowning. You have spoken profanely about the name of the coconut and shouldn't enter any council meeting prior to the moment all tress you've planted bear fruit.

whiteshark:

I have always worked for the general good and progress of the temple and you cannot deny me of that!!! I will see you there and make sure you have facts to back up your utterances of straight to coconut hell u go!!

You have not done any such thing. The coconut has given you everything and all you do is drink it's juice. You are sapping the lifeblood of the coconut and I can definitely deny you of that. It is my duty to defend the coconut against false prophets.
If you would truly understand the doctrine of the coconut you should understand that there is no such thing as coconut hell. You've been brainwashed by non-coconut churches and you want to insert their wicked messages into the good news of the coconut. You are truly a heretic. Planting more coconut trees will bring you to your senses.
Now go and plant....

This must truly be the end times, coconut members turning on each other and you nferyn insulting the Most Holy Evangelist...

I'm sure you know what the consequences of your actions are
From time to time, anyone who has grievously wronged a member of the Temple shall be woken from his sleep of death, given six strokes of the cane, and then sent back to death again.

she u hear.... now repent from you sinful ways or get crush by the ultimate force of the coconut.

Thus saith the coconut,
"unless you eat my white and drink my milk, you shall have no part in my sumptous breakfast".

Place your mouse on the X below and drag to the O.

X Even though you can't see Him, Coconut is there! O

Na wa for una!

I have been laughing, this one's hilarious.

Erm, but, erm, make una take am easy sha.

yes yes yes,

I c that the sheep has deserted the sherpard and something has to be done about this. I am right now in serious consultations with the coconut and I will let u all kno what is to be done in other to save ourselces from this impending doom ,

wow, seun obatalalapipi or whatever accolade you bear, you KA and all other cohorts are 3 much Can I be the minister for Justice of our GREAT TEMPLE OF THE SACRED COCONUT, anyway im for the Temple

utter nonsense, show of ignorance and extreme self delusion