saucechilli:


If you don't know that some men marry for breeding then we have nothing to talk about.

I don't even know what you are yapping about ?

those are the kind of men majority of women who later complain run to, why, they were never patient to know he is just a breeder. You see me close to my fourties , a thrillionaire , have married friends and loads of single babes around me and you still choose to marry me . Biko , for what other reason will I marry you. People should look properly before they leap.... Not come complaining and seeking pity when yawa don gas.

majekdom2:
that was how the other lady put it, been a fan of your posts until your wrong assumptions came up . An unhappy marriage isn't just about a partner cheating . There are faithful partners who are unhappy in their marriages. Isnt t right to conclude such women in these marriages can turn out to be frustrated MILs. You are who you are because of your orientation and exposure which defines your character. I won't compare myself with anyone, but I don't see myself doing evil to the next person because I am frustrated knowing fully well they are not the cause.

what other lady? Anyway that's by the way.
You won't take out anger in anyone else for something they didn't do to you. Thank god for your mindset. Sadly it is not the reality for many people. As for wrong assumption,I don't expect you to agree with me. But the fact remains that women who use their kids as alternative source of emotional happiness create a dependence that is not healthy when the kids grow up. Even if they don't realize it.

majekdom2:
those are the kind of men majority of women who later complain run to, why, they were never patient to know he is just a breeder. You see me close to my fourties , a thrillionaire , have married friends and loads of single babes around me and you still choose to marry me . Biko , for what other reason will I marry you. People should look properly before they leap.... Not come complaining and seeking pity when yawa don gas.

What about those that insist the woman gets pregnant before marriage ? The ones looking for male children? The ones looking for 4 boys, 2 girls? And someone here is feigning ignorance.

crackhaus:

A full grown woman(MIL) has a measure of control over how her own sh1tty marriage can directly affect her relationship with her DIL.

So you didn't deduce the similarity between the two huh?
That's what happens with someone who's biased.

I'm biased against who exactly? Nna Biko calm down.
Yes a full grown mil has control over how a shitty marriage affects her relationship with DIL by not putting up with poo in the first place so that she doesn't turn to a frustrated mil

If I didn't know you better I would say we are saying the same thing

saucechilli:


What about those that insist the woman gets pregnant before marriage ? The ones looking for male children? The ones looking for 4 boys, 2 girls? And someone here is feigning ignorance.

You know there are lots of women who marry for many things which love isnt one of them

Some for breeding, some for money, some for comfort, some for connections , some to travel abroad etc

desdichando:
Amebo!!!!!gbegborun

Thank you!! Go and marry before your muscles shrink.

cKaiser:


You know there are lots of women who marry for many things which love isnt one of them

Some for breeding, some for money, some for comfort, some for connections , some to travel abroad etc

Of course. That Nigerian marriages for you. That's why they try to tolerate the cheating husbands while using kids are their excuse. Truth is, they know the reason they need the man. Not even cheating nor abuse can separate them

saucechilli:


Of course. That Nigerian marriages for you. That's why they try to tolerate the cheating husbands while using kids are their excuse. Truth is, they know the reason they need the man. Not even cheating nor abuse can separate them

So why are the men at fault here? Most came into marriage with a motive which love isnt one. Most Nigerian men would leave/look outside a marriage that cant give them a child, Most Nigerian female would leave/look outside a marriage which cant give them money/comfort/visa/connection
So dont you think everyone end up deserving whoever they got


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lw3uAqT2iQE

The girls in the video above too arent they Nigerian? Most of them would come and open threads on how their boyfriend or husband is cheating right?

Well its open season on Nigerian men. They are the worst on the earth

cococandy:
I'm biased against who exactly? Nna Biko calm down.
Yes a full grown mil has control over how a shitty marriage affects her relationship with DIL by not putting up with poo in the first place so that she doesn't turn to a frustrated mil

If I didn't know you better I would say we are saying the same thing

A full grown MIL has control over how her sh1tty marriage would affect her relationship with her DIL by not acting out the frustrations from her own marriage on her son's - why did you twist it?

BTW I'm perfectly calm, are you?
Using/not using emoticons doesn't necessarily reflect one's true feelings at the moment.

You are biased on this subject.

cKaiser:


So why are the men at fault here? Most came into marriage with a motive which love isnt one. Most Nigerian men would leave/look outside a marriage that cant give them a child, Most Nigerian female would leave/look outside a marriage which cant give them money/comfort/visa/connection
So dont you think everyone end up deserving whoever they got


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lw3uAqT2iQE

The girls in the video above too arent they Nigerian? Most of them would come and open threads on how their boyfriend or husband is cheating right?

Well its open season on Nigerian men. Thuey are the worst on the earth

Nigerian men are the cause of Nigeria palaver. all other countries can't be wrong

At the front page, police women went to arrest someone and Nigerian men stripped them.

I don't know if another wire connect dem brain with them pen1s.
Once them hear punny, their ears go stand

Minus the 1% good ones

saucechilli:


Nigerian men are the cause of Nigeria palaver. all other countries can't be wrong

At the front page, police women went to arrest someone and Nigerian men stripped them.

I don't know if another wire connect dem brain with them pen1s.
Once them hear punny, their ears go stand

Minus the 1% good ones

And the ones in the video you quoted are Nigerian men too right? Who are telling the whole world the number of official men they sleep with

cKaiser:

And the ones in the video you quoted are Nigerian men too right? Who are telling the whole world the number of official men they sleep with

Stop deceiving your self, if I go to YouTube and search on Nigerian men this nairaland go crash.

Better start wearing the honourable badge

saucechilli:


What about those that insist the woman gets pregnant before marriage ? The ones looking for male children? The ones looking for 4 boys, 2 girls? And someone here is feigning ignorance.

even these days the babes are willing to get pregnant , I tell you. No be only the babe dey mess up. Yea , they dont wanna end up with a partner who has tampered with their fertility as spouses.why should I help you carry a cross you made for yourself. I can assist but not to my detriment. Well as for the four children thatswhy I said make you dey look well before you cross.

majekdom2:
even these days the babes are willing to get pregnant , I tell you. No be only the babe dey mess up. Yea , [b]they dont wanna end up with a partner who has tampered with their fertility as spouses.[/b]why should I help you carry a cross you made for yourself. I can assist but not to my detriment. Well as for the four children thatswhy I said make you dey look well before you cross.

That's not the major factor sef. They get pregnant fast esp if the man is loaded. Some will come as fourth wife, saying love is blind. The love no carry you see poor man.

Naija women are learning very fast.

At the end, same cycle of sh1t.

happywife:


please leave God out of these matters.

u are wrong bring God into it

cKaiser:


You know there are lots of women who marry for many things which love isnt one of them

Some for breeding, some for money, some for comfort, some for connections , some to travel abroad etc

@ bolded , isn't it time we advocate changes in this kind of thoughts.... Unnecessary pity and comfort seeking.

saucechilli:


Of course. That Nigerian marriages for you. That's why they try to tolerate the cheating husbands while using kids are their excuse. Truth is, they know the reason they need the man. Not even cheating nor abuse can separate them

hehehe , reality thumbs up.

saucechilli:


Nigerian men are the cause of Nigeria palaver. all other countries can't be wrong

At the front page, police women went to arrest someone and Nigerian men stripped them.

I don't know if another wire connect dem brain with them pen1s.
Once them hear punny, their ears go stand

Minus the 1% good ones

will you ever like to settle with the person used in relating the idiom " horse in a book"

If u catch u

Sophyrocks:


Thank you!! Go and marry before your muscles shrink.

crackhaus:

A full grown MIL has control over how her sh1tty marriage would affect her relationship with her DIL by not acting out the frustrations from her own marriage on her son's - why did you twist it?

BTW I'm perfectly calm, are you?
Using/not using emoticons doesn't necessarily reflect one's true feelings at the moment.

You are biased on this subject.

biased against who?

all4naija:

You know, I am not trying to be a cockblocker because that girl is in for it if she lives in London. I know you very well, man!

Lmao, bomboclart rudeboi, you need to allow the chic. She's a focused young virtuous woman with her head in the right place. Let ol'girl keep growing in wisdom for her future hussy.

She can't handle a thorough-bred nyggah from the forgotten parts of Souf Ldn, that's now a victim of gentrification. And moreover, don't believe the hype, I ain't got time for chasin' skirts, man. Too occupied with trying to create my reality within the dreams of my father. I can't let his dreams become MLK's which later became a nightmare.

babygirlfl:

I agree with you that women have to leap before they leap. I actually think both men and women have to look before they leap.I believe people can change and I believe in second chances. However, we both know that we are not talking of men asking for second chances. We are talking about men who believe it is their right to cheat. We are talking about men who want to continue cheating until something makes them stop and they come back to you maybe in their old age. We are talking about men who want their wives looking for ways to deal with their cheating. I don't know of many black women who left their husbands who just cheated on them once. It is usually more than once.

I am glad we agree on this one.

I am glad we also agree on this one. On kids looking towards their mum, don't you think it is because mums are usually more available? Thats a topic for another day.

@ bolded, Very impressive. You are right. Two heads are better than one but that is when the two heads are good heads. I agree that a father figure is very important. I love my dad so much so I understand what you are talking about. I don't support the single mother lifestyle. I only understand with them. I don't judge them or think they are not good women. It is good that you do not want to be part of it. I don't think most people want to be part of it. I agree with you that we as people need to start making the right decision and saying I am not never going to cheat on my wife is not a wrong decision neither is it a wrong thing to do.

Everyone goes through a lot during divorce. I respect men like you who don't like divorce but I have more respect for men who hate divorce so much and refuse to put themselves in a situation where they could be divorced. I do not have respect for men who are hypocrites. The men who think they hate divorce , then cheat on their wife and then expect her not to divorce him because he hates divorce. Changing yourself is easier than trying to change someone else and you have more control over yourself than over another person. Men are trying to change women from being single mothers but refuse to change their cheating ways. Quitters are men who stopped trying to be faithful and yes you are right not to rate them. I love tough people and I know tough men fight temptation everyday. It is tough fighting temptation.

I agree with your tutor but nobody gets into marriage with the hope of getting divorced but marriage is between two people and you can never know what the other person can turn into. I totally agree with your last point.

Erm, I'll number my reply to each of ya quotes for clarity.
1). I absolutely agree that both men and women should always look before they leap. And these days, most folks go into relationships for the wrong reasons, rather than looking at the bigger picture, and the end game. So my thing is: if you're stupid enough to make the wrong decisions, no one forced you to make, then you should be ready to live with and take responsibilities for ya actions. And a lot of women these days do use a lot of tricks to lock-down men who were never interested in taking it all the way. Once you do that, and he ends up being a serial cheater, you should be able to carry the cross cos the man never wanted the union in the first place. Regardless, counselling and communication do help a lot, and both parties should be able to sit down and ask each other tough questions - and consider the lives of the kids involved.

2). I might be wrong, but I think it has to do with the period from when a child is born, to when he/she becomes conscious of the immediate environment. The breast-feeding and all the things subconsciously instilled in the child during that period, somewhat creates a bond that's going to be there for a lifetime. And every time we just look back, we can't but just appreciate our mums no matter how flawed they might be. Personally, I feel more comfortable talking to my mum than my dad. Ditto my siblings. And I love my dad to death. I can crack jokes with my mum and play all kinds of games with her like I'm 7 years old again...but with my dad, we discuss serious things like politics, life, history, education, career, sports, future plans et al. Regardless, we'll always be kids to our parents.

3). I've got all the respect in the world for single mums. A lot of them are hard workers, and they've raised warriors and achievers. Also, a lot of them are victims of circumstances, and I've got nothing against those who fall into this space. However, there are certain folks who could've made better decisions and done certain things differently, but they never did. Then you look at your community and the dysfunctionality prevalent in there, due to this lifestyle that has created a certain image in which everyone views folks from the same community. regardless of their backgrounds. And you've to ask if we want to continue this cycle, or break it, and start creating something that future generation would be proud of.

I've talked about this in the past on other threads. Two of my exes were raised by single mums. Because we were together for long, I developed a bond with their families (we're still very close) and they told me a lot of things about what went wrong. They did tell me that there were certain things that their mums should've done differently and they still miss their dads. And with people like that, due to the non-existent father figure in their lives, being with them always come with a lot of emotional baggage. When you're with them, rather than let you play ya role as a BF, they'll also want you to be that male figure -the missing link. Thus making life stressful for you. And this transcends into marriages.

4). Yes, we need to start holding cheaters (both men and women) responsible for cheating. Hopefully, male cheaters will also start looking at the bigger picture and understand the fact that making love to ya wives/partners is better than just having se.x with random folks. And family is always more important than a quick orgy with skets, just to satisfy lust. But I also think a lot of women also need to start closing their legs to married men. Se.x these days is just so easy to get lol.

Anyway, I think you need to start posting more often. I like ya outlook and understanding of things. Perhaps that will enable more folks to start making every discourse about reality, and not the illogical fantasies and finger pointing that's rife here. By comparing apples to oranges and building castles in the air. And maybe, it's cos you're not part of the naij crowd...or those who left naij but never integrated with the real society they live in but have an outlook that was shaped by the jejune tales they see on TV and read in newspapers.

Babygirlfl

This is the tune I always listen to whenever I'm in solitude and I think about how much of a warrior my dad is.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmDxJrggie8

SirShymex:


Erm, I'll number my reply to each of ya quotes for clarity.
1). I absolutely agree that both men and women should always look before they leap. And these days, most folks go into relationships for the wrong reasons, rather than looking at the bigger picture, and the end game. So my thing is: if you're stupid enough to make the wrong decisions, no one forced you to make, then you should be ready to live with and take responsibilities for ya actions. And a lot of women these days do use a lot of tricks to lock-down men who were never interested in taking it all the way. Once you do that, and he ends up being a serial cheater, you should be able to carry the cross cos the man never wanted the union in the first place. Regardless, counselling and communication do help a lot, and both parties should be able to sit down and ask each other tough questions - and consider the lives of the kids involved.

2). I might be wrong, but I think it has to do with the period from when a child is born, to when he/she becomes conscious of the immediate environment. The breast-feeding and all the things subconsciously instilled in the child during that period, somewhat creates a bond that's going to be there for a lifetime. And every time we just look back, we can't but just appreciate our mums no matter how flawed they might be. Personally, I feel more comfortable talking to my mum than my dad. Ditto my siblings. And I love my dad to death. I can crack jokes with my mum and play all kinds of games with her like I'm 7 years old again...but with my dad, we discuss serious things like politics, life, history, education, career, sports, future plans et al. Regardless, we'll always be kids to our parents.

3). I've got all the respect in the world for single mums. A lot of them are hard workers, and they've raised warriors and achievers. Also, a lot of them are victims of circumstances, and I've got nothing against those who fall into this space. However, there are certain folks who could've made better decisions and done certain things differently, but they never did. Then you look at your community and the dysfunctionality prevalent in there, due to this lifestyle that has created a certain image in which everyone views folks from the same community. regardless of their backgrounds. And you've to ask if we want to continue this cycle, or break it, and start creating something that future generation would be proud of.

I've talked about this in the past on other threads. Two of my exes were raised by single mums. Because we were together for long, I developed a bond with their families (we're still very close) and they told me a lot of things about what went wrong. They did tell me that there were certain things that their mums should've done differently and they still miss their dads. And with people like that, due to the non-existent father figure in their lives, being with them always come with a lot of emotional baggage. When you're with them, rather than let you play ya role as a BF, they'll also want you to be that male figure -the missing link. Thus making life stressful for you. And this transcends into marriages.

4). Yes, we need to start holding cheaters (both men and women) responsible for cheating. Hopefully, male cheaters will also start looking at the bigger picture and understand the fact that making love to ya wives/partners is better than just having se.x with random folks. And family is always more important than a quick orgy with skets, just to satisfy lust. But I also think a lot of women also need to start closing their legs to married men. Se.x these days is just so easy to get lol.

Anyway, I think you need to start posting more often. I like ya outlook and understanding of things. Perhaps that will enable more folks to start making every discourse about reality, and not the illogical fantasies and finger pointing that's rife here. By comparing apples to oranges and building castles in the air. And maybe, it's cos you're not part of the naij crowd...or those who left naij but never integrated with the real society they live in but have an outlook that was shaped by the jejune tales they see on TV and read in newspapers.

Wow. Lovely write-up . Thank you. I think we both agree on most things plus I have learnt a lot too.

It is sometimes very difficult to post in this section. Remember when you said folks just love arguing just to hear what they sound like, you were right. If you post and disagree with them, they quickly twist your words, read another meaning to it, add their bits to it and give you a reply that will give you a shock and then top it all up with some insults plus give you a name. I do post though and reply to sensible people. You also need to post nice write-ups like the above.

babygirlfl:


Wow. Lovely write-up . Thank you. I think we both agree on most things plus I have learnt a lot too.

It is sometimes very difficult to post in this section. Remember when you said folks just love arguing just to hear what they sound like, you were right. If you post and disagree with them, they quickly twist your words, read another meaning to it, add their bits to it and give you a reply that will give you a shock and then top it all up with some insults plus give you a name. I do post though and reply to sensible people. You also need to post nice write-ups like the above.

Lol, I've lost count ofthe number of times bits of my posts have been taken out of context, and twisted, for the wolf-pack to attack. I don't know if there's something fundamentally wrong with certain folks when it comes to reading and comprehension skills - or they just do it on purpose. Thought the politics section was bad, but this section takes the cake for stupidity and lousy idi.ots.

Anyway, just continue to do you and don't let them turn you out. As for me, I'll always smack anyone that gets out of line - no time for time wasters

voodoo85:


I know but there plenty of women who r thinking like that in real world. Loads of example of desperate wish of him to change loool. To be honest i regret marrying

why not opt out? what's keeping you in? if you are regretting and still in it, then it must be worth it.

Just divorce him lol

shalommeri:
first of all if u tink hez cheatin on u den u admit to ursef dat u're married to a man wuz cheatin on u nd u're d wife to a cheater nd u av to spend d rest of ur lyf wid him..pray abt it secondly den thirdly talj to him..tel him u're goin no wer dat u're married to him nd ask him to b free to tel u abt d woman(he may nt do so)bt let him knw he has responsibilities as a married man nd wad shame it'll bring on u guys..dont put all d blame on him,he may nt av d power to resist d temp...urge him to tel u abt it nd if hez gona continue...accept all he has to say witout naggin..u'll figure out frm der

Pls were is the dislike button. What do I need to know about the other woman? Abegi

happywife:
Thanks everyone for the advice I really appreciate . believe it or not posting my story here and reading all your different opinions has help me make up my mind.
.also i talked to a lady who is married but once cheated on her husband and she explained that though it was fun at the time she totally regrets it now and spends nights feeling guilty n hoping her husband never finds out.

I have decided to fight for my marriage by prayer, making some personal changes and planning alot of family trips n outings . I have spoken to my man n explained that i m willing to try again so long as he is willing to change n ended with a warning that if it happens again he will never see me n d kids again.I will continue using the condoms 4 now till i can fully trust him again. I dont think it makes sense for me to give another woman power over my home.we ve worked too hard to get to where we at.

Well thanks again all. God bless u all.

I'm very happy for your decision. You took the right step, Life according to the bible is full of trouble and with Gods strength and guidance you will overcome this present storm.

Hmmm...@OP I have also wondered several times why pple (especially men) get married when dey r not ready to stay with only their wives. It so sad, but frm experience d pain won't go..... He will only end up killing d love u have 4 him, and dat is when u will actually stop feeling d hurt....when d love dies. Even him touching u as ur husband will start to irritate u sef. But what can we do? Stay in d marriage cos of d kids, n then pretence comes to play...oh yes! u will have to pretend to still love him for ur kids sake. Just concentrate more on urself n kids....its well. Pray always to be able to cope. Aint easy. And dez men who cheat can never 4give a wife/babe who cheat on dem oooo....but dey will cheat n expect u not to feel bad

mutter:
There are some men that would never repay good for good, but I believe that most men appreciate a good thing.
However many of us are not properly prepared for marriage. We get allot of advice on how to look for a "qualified man" but hardly any advice on how to keep him and sometimes no advice on how to keep him happy.
If you have am man that is happy and contented, and if he is a good man he would be rushing back home to your arms.
Some questions you need to ask yourself.
- Are you a man in the day and a woman at night? If you go through the day being commanding, bossy and ill mannered the man will not be so keen on the metamorphosis metamorphosis at night. Does women out there are seducing them, pretending to be good humoured and understanding.. in order words a consolation to a masculine nagging wife at home.
Men are mentally and physically aroused by a humble and submissive woman. This does not mean you have to crawl or be the fool. But you have to be good mannered and respectful and considerate of his wishes.
- Do you make him want to rush back home?
How often do you call him to say I love you, cant wait to have you back home?
- Do you show appreciation? Everyone needs to be appreciated. he needs it too. Praise him often, tell him what is so great about him and how glad you are to have him as a husband. He will certainly reciprocate with appreciating you.
Do you express your love physically? This is very important. Cuddle him, hug him, kiss him. Body contact is very important, even if you just stroke his arm as he passes by.Before he goes out in the evening hug him and tell him what you are looking forward to . He will certainly rush back home to you.
- Do you ever bother to ask him what you have done wrong or what he would like you to change? Even in a business, one has to evaluate and access. He might surprise you with what he has to say. Things you might never have thought mattered.
Then don`t go on the defence but take it serious and walk on it.
Do you make efforts to make the nights a highlight. Or is it just the same old routine?

babe u got it all.wish my future wife cud knw all this.

GoldCircle:


why not opt out? what's keeping you in? if you are regretting and still in it, then it must be worth it.

Probably stupid hope that smth will change