i wish there was anything to say but ebony has said it all
ur on a self destructive path
the only one to help u is u
until u decide to stop the only thing ull feel is emptiness
ur not the only one that has gone thru a bad heart break
or fallen in love
but ur sure one of the few that dont want to let go of the fact that were once in love and got burnt
let go of it
easier said than done yeah?
i know but it sure is with grim determination

Adam Adam. . .what happened in here?


Anywayz you've received some good pieces of advice so far. Its up to you to take 'em or leave 'em. . .take control of the steering wheel

Hello Adam,
I read your story and a few addition you added to it. I greatly sympathise with you. I realize that if I blame you, I would be adding fuel to the flame in your heart. And if I blame the lady, I would be indirectly encouraging you to use and dump women and hence multiply your troubles.

Obviously, you are one of those who see the world simply from two angles : good and bad. Wise men know that our world is more complicated than that. Again, you sounded as someone who was raised to expect only what is favourable to you, simply because you pray to God. You also look to me as someone whose childhood didn't taste sorrow. I may be wrong.

That said, I want to congratulate you for being dumped by that lady. She was, in the light of what you said about your experience, quite frankly, right to dump you. I am expecially happy that you are still in touch with her.

Don't get me wrong. I am not mocking you. I am here to tell you the home truth and if possible, help you to get back on your feet if you desire to rise and walk into victory.

Firstly, you have to realized that you not alone. There are people with greater challenges and they refused to give up and surrender to sorrow.

Secondly, you knew that the lady was not in love with you, yet you hinged your hope on her! You said it at the beginning that you have your up and downs and are hoping thing sort out. That is an evidence that something was wrong in the relationship. But you hid under the religiou banner and expect the reverse to be the case simply because you believe in God!

Adam, let me tell you I had had two broken relationship. One was like yours, the lady simply walked away without reason to the waiting arm of another man. I cried and begged, but eventually let go. Today, I thank God that we broke up! The second one was my own making. I had grown wiser than to allow lust blindfold me. I never maltreated her. I call it off because I found that we have irreconcible differences,

I will rather have a broken relationship than a broken marriage. So I broke up with when I knew it would be a marrige of convinience. Well, i did that with her conscent anyway.

Back to you, Adam,

What if the lady had died? Will you turn your life into a wreck and give up on God simply because he killed your lover?

What if you two marry and the marriage turn out to be a house of horror where peace has no place?

What if she did that to you when you have married or at worst on you day of joy?

Your faith in God was the reason you are saved from the worst possible outcome if you had insisted on the relationship. But you failed to see the hands of God and the opportunity before you.

You are like a son whose father took away his (son) car because it has a faulty break. The father wanted to help so he took the car away without explaining so he can repair or replace it. But in respond, the son went to jump into lagoon, threatening to kill himself unless he get back the car as it were!

Rescued, while still not yet recovered, he vandalized every new cars presented to him and still insists on getting the faulty car!

You may love the girl, no doubt, but she is gone. What else do you want? She called you a weakling and had openly flirted with other men. She was right, as long as you fail to see the big picture.

What is the way out? Please pick one of the following options:

1. Would you rather prove to the lady that you are not a weakling by being successful in another relationship as well as in your work?

2. Would you rather prove her right by letting your life be ruinned by alcohol and weeds while women coming across you help spread the story of your weakling and infidelity?

You have a choice. When you have made a choice come back and you will be guided.

Hi Adam,
Hope all is well.
First off, it was you who posted that you had a problem. Now you spend so much time literaly glorifying the "problem" and making excuses while putting down people who try to give you advices. They are not the persona of the girl who broke your heart.

You will definitely not agree with all the posts but some are realy right on the mark:

from @Love always:
After the girl broke up with you, you began to dislike yourself. That's why you changed who you are. You went from being a religious respectful guy, to being a jerk.

she is quite right. You ended up thinking there was something wrong with you after that break up that you beging to loath the person you were. The person whose character drove away your love.
The girl of your dreams didn't appreciate who you were and so you changed yourself to become more like her.
That is not good at all.

You need to realise that if someone breaks up with you it doesn't always mean there is a problem with you. The problem could just easily be with the other person.
Be the best you that you can be because for every deviation you make from the original you as a result of the hurt you feel, the more victories your heart-breaker scores over you.

Someone said "The opposite of love is not hate. It is indiference." Your deep hatred for her will just as easily be because you truely long to have her back. To have her acknowledge that she made a mistake in leaving you and that she wants you back. Get over her and erase her from your mind. The longer you pine over her the longer the hurt will take to heal.

Enjoy.

Guy! I understand your pains and i expereinced the same kind of thing some years back. I know its a difficult thing to deal with and you continue to regret and wonder if you have done things differently, would you still be together or would it have been worse. Your having a hard time dealing with your ego not your love for her because that one is gone. What if she comes back to you today, would you be a happier man and not plot how to get back at her to satisfy your Ego?

Its hard to forget but what you need now is to date a female friend of yours if your have a minor crush on her. That friendship will make you forget so many things about your ex and you could now gain both a friend and a lover which you badly need now! You will definately not do anything to hurt your friend, so cheer up and go out more. You could be luckier than most of us and share your testimony to inspire us!

Cheers mate!

P:S: I hope say no be you dump my aunty o? Unless i go hunt you down like Quantum of Solace!

@ Adam

Am not trying to be funny at all , I only pointed at your mistake , we are all liable to make mistakes

to err is human

I don't feel comfortable amongst gods

Forbidden, how old are u like really 5, 6 years old

its never okay to 'play' anyone, to make a concerted effort to deceive and take advantage of people in any situation, be it romantic, business, academia etc,
how u can encourage one to do so and in the same breath urge them to draw nearer God, beats me, did u just finish smoking some weed or what?

if u are a believer in the mythical creation story then u will know that God made man and then thought of something better - WOMAN! silly Arrow!

Aunty Mary,

Would a child of 5 or 6 years come to nairaland to make a contribution? If you are grown the way you say to yourself, why dont you understand the irony of life? If I am not mistaken, you could be guilty of hurting or better put, jilting a guy. If I met you in the street and asked you out would you not look for some spending? - that is taking advantage of me. You are not free from taking advantage of someone for it is an indisputable fact of life that the strong would always feast on the weak.

Yes, heads up and hold on to God. God would help him change from a player to a saint but before the change comes he would have conqured.

You dont know the philosophies of life. You only speak of the childs view of life. I dont smoke if you care to know let alone weed.

Why were you using an abusive word if you want to make something wrong right? why call a Arrow?

Women were an after thought, read Genesis chapter 2:18-24. If you understand English then you would know they were not there at the beginning and right from the moment they came in, the World change for worse-the forbidden fruit.

You on the other hand, you are on a very wonderful quality of crack.
1. If women make the world a bad place to live, how did you come into the earth? Or were you born of a man? I guess armed robbers (mostly men) do not make the world a bad place to live.
2. If women don't love, what do you call the things mothers have for their children? hate?
3. Take my advice, grow up! Life is not that hard.

Crack you called it J-girl? You see, what baffles me most is why women will never accept the truth. You J-girl must have dumped a guy at least once. Yes, that they give birth is only one of their functions just like a mad woman would. Yet they create hatred and dissension. That a woman is mad would not stop her from giving birth, is madness anything in place? may be to J-girl.

To every armed robber there is a woman, an accomplice. Women also failed in their duties in Child training and trained armed robbers, still women. Every armed robber has a mother.

Again, that a mother gives birth to a child and rear her doesnt translate to love. It is her natural obligation just like the monkeys, cats, dogs, rabbits etc. Besides, there are various kinds of love and the one you mentioned is mother-child. Is that all about love?

It is because I have grown up I am able to spot these differences and imbalance in women. When I was a child, I used to think good about women.

Now I am grown I have seen that women are a neccessary evil we must live with. Please try to change women from always looking for what to get and not what to give.

Tell them not to make money as the only thing they live for. I mean even the ones that stand on the streets for the next available guy. It is all about them.

hey am unique helper as though my name implies and i can say is not easy taking the decision u taking now but still be happy u know that ur relationship has not been stable but all that is left now finding a real solution to the problem,
But then i still would tell u that is not too late for that change, just take a good time ant think that is re-arrange all your steps from your previous one and look out where there is always blabbing quarreling dislike and so on ok, then ask your self what is u had been the cause even if u are not actually, i can say with all this done my friend u will have a better and strong relationship,
Thanks and wishing all the best of luck,

@poster
it all been honestly said by all.
you got your choice,
change for the better or keep up your glorified deadly habit.
a word is enuf for the wise,

God help hurting people cos she has moved on, so should u! the slip point was that she was a flamboyant and wild person and u were not. she actually wasn't ur wife to be and the one u had u threw away. but God's mercy is ever present. i believe you can love and be loved again. ur been a man depends on how u move on from here. repent and ask God to direct u again. not or love relationship must lead to marriage. and u must understand that. Go back to your first love ( God). he is waiting bro. You just didn't pay attention to the kind of gal u loved because of ur love for her. but Thanks be to God who causes us to triumph in all circumstances. love u bro

.

first off adam:if u knew u were not ready for bashings then why did u bring ur problem here?get busy wt helping yourself out and stop being a woman wrapper wt jgirl and others

now back to the topic

is it every love that is meant to be?do u know if that girl would have made ur life a living hell if u married her?do u know if its this same God uve left  that did u a  favour by letting her go,after seeing what a terrible marriage u lots would have had?when u blived in God then,ever heard of every disappointment is a blessing?did u ever bother asking that same God uve deserted why ur lover broke off with u?sometimes we want things to happen our own way,we never want to find out if we r on d right track

now really,hurting other girls and leaving one pregnant is not right,karma my dear is a bitch,u think this life style of urs soothes u ehn?u think u r happy?u think uve arrived?well d earlier u know that u r one unsettled guy on this planet earth the better for u

it might not seem pleasing to ur eyes right now,if u r reading this,but i tell u sthg,u r on d path of destruction

busybein:

is it every love that is meant to be?do u know if that girl would have made ur life a living hell if u married her?do u know if its this same God uve left  that did u a  favour by letting her go,after seeing what a terrible marriage u lots would have had?when u blived in God then,ever heard of every disappointment is a blessing?did u ever bother asking that same God uve deserted why ur lover broke off with u?sometimes we want things to happen our own way,we never want to find out if we r on d right track

This right here is what a LOT of people forget. There is a reason it happened. You just have to ask God to show you that and also the lessons that you need to learn from them

Well your advises are kinda late!

Since i wrote this post, a thousand and one people have advised me good or bad  and i had quite a while to think of my next actions and i delibrately chose not to reply this thread again because of this, but what had to be done had to be done.

I broke up with my present g/f this yesterday at work because i was just plain tired of all the mushy stuffs and getting serious part and funny enough, i felt a little bad after it but so far so good, she hasn't called and i dont feel the urge to call her to apologize or try and make it up! Despite the sour words that followed after the break up, i just dont feel emotionally connected to girlfriends in a relationship anymore. Once the chase is over, its back to square one.

I noticed i was just staring at women of all shapes tonight coming back from work in the traffic and i didnt have that urge to think back at the immediate past relationship. Maybe its just a new chapter of me now and its no use trying to fight it anymore.

So whatever men! I cant brood over my lifestyle anymore!

what am i doing here?how did i find myself here? abeg ,abeg,this thread is completely useless.what!!please. sorry oh!

nomanicole:

_{hisses and moves away to find an interesting thread}

Your right! I guess they should lock this thread now! No need for all this advise anymore. The aim was to prevent it from happening but it has happened and i know its still going to happen. I am no longer going to feel sorry for myself and live my life because some people don't like it. Its an urge i think i can't control anymore!

I thought bringing it out in the open would change things for the better but it ended up doing more harm than good! I am not going to reply this thread again so dont waste your time trying to advise or criticize!

Its done!

Adam,
you are right to call it a day with the lady. God is kind to her!

Meanwhile, have you ever bother to consult a behavoral consellor or psychologist?

I am sure you need it since you don't believe in God. These are people that help with science and not religion. What do you think?

Hmm, scary.

olanajim:

Adam,
you are right to call it a day with the lady. God is kind to her!

Meanwhile, have you ever bother to consult a behavoral consellor or psychologist?

I am sure you need it since you don't believe in God. These are people that help with science and not religion. What do you think?

Erhmmm, he said . . .

Obviously i am not spiritually inclined anymore so the whole prayer nonsense is mos def out of it. Counselling is just another way of linening the pockets of shrinks and nagging does'nt conform well with me. Maybe i need to understand why people break up with people they claim they love and leave them in a sordid emotional state without any foot stool to get up! I see it more like a thesis or project that i have to get to the bottom off and i don't care how long it takes or which chick i stomp on to get answers but i will continue to seek all avenues till i am satisfied!

Adam Brody, Honestly I feel ur pain and fully understand how u feel cos I was in that situation but bro,that didnt make me seek revenge to every guy becos of another man's loss. U treating ladies this way is nothing but a waste of time. It doesn't solve anything, it only makes u worse. And worst of all, u doubting God. My dear, u r making it worse for urself. Success they say is the best revenge. The best u can do is to take ur time and whatev relationship u mite hav, to make it much better than the one who broke up with u. It's ok to protect ur heart while feeling this way, but using n dumping girls, May God help u.

olanajim:

Adam,
you are right to call it a day with the lady. God is kind to her!
Meanwhile, have you ever bother to consult a behavoral consellor or psychologist?
I am sure you need it since you don't believe in God. These are people that help with science and not religion. What do you think?

You don't need to be a Psychologist or a Therapist to see that this is a clear-cut classic case of Bipolar Disorder/Manic Depression You don't believe me, google it

@ poster i like your new found character, i have suffered similar fate from different women.please don't mind those that are calling you all sorts of names.they may not be in your position.being used and dumped by someone you have giving your everything to.please can we talk ? i will like to know how you are doing it.

@Adam
I am surprised to see that share that we share some things in common, I got it a bit worse than you but I think not many people who replied know what it means when someone is really your whole world. The excuse for me was that I really didn't believe in God, then I was a closet atheist.
I know the deep recesses it can drive one to because I have been there, in fact I developed a serious depression problem, and at some point nearly did myself in with pills. Bro it takes someone who has been there to understand but what I can say is that like my own case, some broken hearts never mend. I can switch to a really bad mood by just thinking of how she was all over her new found yankee boyfriend in front of me while we were at a church occassion I even forced myself to go to show I still liked God.
Right now its hard to even comprehend why I was killing myself back then, but the hurt is usually because a dream had died. All the money, time, energy the ups the downs that you tried and struggled to make work just because you had a dream about the future.
I cannot say I am fully over it now and like you men alcohol and partying was what I turned to, my desire to pursue what I felt about religion being some sort of scam was cut loose and I read as much as my eyes could carry me.
Dude there's no need for me to continue and I aint gonna advise you either cause I know you are capable and whatever does not kill you will only make you stronger, all I ask is at least try and let the girls know up front you might not be capable of loving them if you like oh.
Its just there's a lot of pain out there in the world sometimes the light of compassion goes a long way.
Cheers bro.

this is one hell of a story.i think u r traumatiosed and u are goin about it the wrong way.what u r doin is only a palliative.it is goin to tire u soon.the thibg is womem are so confusin and dont know what they really want(i mean some).they want to eat their cakes and ve them.they want a man thts bubbly,yuppy,outgoini.e wild when they are not married and 1ce they do.they want the homely.Godly guy.the best thing for a guy is to balance out.be modest and ve a way of checkin if u r goinj too good or too bad.

u wont leave a happy life if u keep goin on like this.try to reverse at least u ve taken ur revenge in other women but i doubt ifu can ever love again.thts why it isnt good to throw carefulness to the wind when u r in love.just take it slow and calm and QUE CERA CERA.

@adam,

I will take you up later, I guess i lost my last posting and i dont have time to write ong again, but i will do it when i am through,

I may help sha,

Abeg, why are you guys bothering at all?

After wasting everyone's time, they guy just said he doesn't want advice anymore and you shouln't bother write again. Let him do what the heck he wants to,

I fully understand his pain. I know how it feels but I never gave up on God. I'm still taking each day. Adam, u think what u r doing is right, u r really wasting ur time n it doesnt lead to anything. The girl tht broke up with u is living life n u r there breaking pple's hearts, It simply means the girl has won. The worst u can do is to be careful of ur heart. U would never heal if u keep behaving this way n as 4 not believing in God, who is the ultimate healer, u r finished. Good luck.

Monicaa:

I fully understand his pain. I know how it feels but I never gave up on God. I'm still taking each day. Adam, u think what u r doing is right, u r really wasting ur time n it doesnt lead to anything. The girl that broke up with u is living life n u r there breaking people's hearts, It simply means the girl has won. The worst u can do is to be careful of ur heart. U would never heal if u keep behaving this way n as 4 not believing in God, who is the ultimate healer, u r finished. Good luck.

i like ur optimism about the poster
hope it works
check his post and see how furious he is
and pray 4 him seriuosly.

I am truely sorry for what has happened to you. My advice to you and to whomever comes incontact with this message about relationship is that you should love God better than yourself. remember that is the first commandment! When you love God and put him first, he never disappoints. I mean why would you even put your trust in human beings? we are all full of disapointments!!!!

by the way, your Ex- girl who broke your heart love the relationship except that when it was time to settle down she realized that this is not what she wanted. In your case, you willingly get into your newer relatiopnship in hope of breaking the relationship when it starts getting serious. these two are total different issues. Seriously, you are equally not very nice. with how dubious you have become, I don't think you were very nice as you claim if not, no heart breaks would trigger you to question the love you have for God. was it God that send the girl to break your heart? it is only a coward who do not learn good from previous mistake.

You should have turnned that misfortune to something positive. after the incident, you should make sure that any girl you decide to date shares the same religious beleives with you. having sex befor marriage this days is very common but when you don't engage in sexual behaviour with a girl or boyfriend when you are courting, it allows you to focus on more important aspects of the relationship and it will prevent too much of emotional attachment. God is not dumb people. When you love and put him first, you will forever be happy nomatter how many disappointment you encounter.

Human being cannot do it all!!!!