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Unbiased Advised Needed PLS - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by eagleeye2: 4:30pm On Dec 22, 2014
@Wendy80
Maybe your cousin need to take her precious time and wait.
I just hope that the stigma of being an after one will not be a stumbling block in future.

1 Like

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by okiezman(m): 4:31pm On Dec 22, 2014
eagleeye2:

At least in my side of Igbo land, if he marry that woman in her condition then that baby is definitely his.
By the way some men are just there to 'donate' the spermm.

Mehn ur not from igbo please....it ain't his son.... or ur igbo is the one outside nigeria
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by eagleeye2: 4:32pm On Dec 22, 2014
aisha2:
I have seen this happen with a single mother I worked with, infact in my office. The lady had come to visit me and collect her monthly upkeep. A visiting foreign staff saw her and asked who she was, I told him who she was and he said he wanted to support her too. Thats how like joke like joke he was supporting her, even taking the time off to take her to antenatal, helped with baby shopping. By the time he asked her to marry him no one was surprised. They got married a month before she had the baby, he was there for the delivery. His time here ended he filed for her and baby, they joined him. Last I heard they were still happy together, have had one more baby together
Some men can be like that they see women they want and go for them regardless of any baggage they come with.
Like others have said let her tell her parents, since he has told him let both families come together and discuss his intention. Does she like him or is she ruled by fear? I say slow down and do things right
Thank God no be only me don see or hear this type of stop.

1 Like

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by MARKone(m): 4:35pm On Dec 22, 2014
In some culture, it is a taboo, marrying a woman, who is pregnant for another man. Your cousin should wait, give birth, nurture the child for at least one year, before talking about settling down with another man, while at it, your family should talk to the young man to exercise some patience, and wait till then. If he persists, that is a red flag that should be looked deeply into.
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by eagleeye2: 4:38pm On Dec 22, 2014
okiezman:


Mehn ur not from igbo please....it ain't his son.... or ur igbo is the one outside nigeria
Bro, I am from Abia, I live and work there too. Ask your elders if you are not sure.
Being a sperm donor does not necessarily qualify you as a FATHER.
A certain politician in Imo State became a senator there because his father didn't wife his mother, and his mother's people adopted him. When his opponent tried to use it against him, the elders clearly clarified things for them.
Once again ask your elders.

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Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by okiezman(m): 4:47pm On Dec 22, 2014
eagleeye2:

Bro, I am from Abia, I live and work there too. Ask your elders if you are not sure.
Being a sperm donor does not necessarily qualify you as a FATHER.
A certain politician in Imo State became a senator there because his father didn't wife his mother, and his mother's people adopted him. When his opponent tried to use it against him, the elders clearly clarified things for them.
Once again ask your elders.

You musnt wife someone before a kid is yours all you need do is send money for upkeep and everything money is needed for before and after pregnancy and the kid is yours simple...if he doesn't do that then he will be deprived of the kid
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by eagleeye2: 5:17pm On Dec 22, 2014
okiezman:


You musnt wife someone before a kid is yours all you need do is send money for upkeep and everything money is needed for before and after pregnancy and the kid is yours simple...if he doesn't do that then he will be deprived of the kid
Oga, the man who impregnated the lady is not ready to wife her. we weren't told, if he accepted to take responsibilities for the baby or not.
But, why I quoted you was because you said my earlier assertion is not done in Igbo land. Thus am not Igbo.
Assuming the man does not take responsibility for the baby, and this second man marries her with the pregnancy. Who becomes the father of the baby?

2 Likes

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by okiezman(m): 5:53pm On Dec 22, 2014
eagleeye2:

Oga, the man who impregnated the lady is not ready to wife her. we weren't told, if he accepted to take responsibilities for the baby or not.
But, why I quoted you was because you said my earlier assertion is not done in Igbo land. Thus am not Igbo.
Assuming the man does not take responsibility for the baby, and this second man marries her with the pregnancy. Who becomes the father of the baby?

If the man don't take responsibility in financial way at all then he will forget the child that's all
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Nobody: 5:58pm On Dec 22, 2014
okiezman:


Mehn ur not from igbo please....it ain't his son.... or ur igbo is the one outside nigeria
In Igbo land, all they recognise is the person that pays the girl's bride-price. So, if a girl becomes pregnant, whoever comes to pay her bride-price is recognised as the father of the baby.

3 Likes

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Nobody: 6:08pm On Dec 22, 2014
Wendy you have not stated the tribe of this man lets see if it correlates with what's been said. For me, i believe the answer lies with your cousin. Talk her to tell you what her heart truelly feels aside from fear of her past. If she is at peace with the guy's proposal earasing any atom of greed/selfishness, then she should go ahead at her own terms which should be readily accepted by the guy if really it is love. She should ask for like 3-4 months from now to be able to settle and be sure of things, then he can pay just her bride price in small private family gathering. That should make her his wife by right. They can then do a big wedding after the child's born say in a year's time. She can as well add other feasible terms to which both families will be witnesses so that if things go wrong, bride price can be quietly refunded. If after shifting ground like this and he is not willing to compromise, then it is not a good sign.
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by okiezman(m): 6:10pm On Dec 22, 2014
MarvellousGod:
In Igbo land, all they recognise is the person that pays the girl's bride-price. So, if a girl becomes pregnant, whoever comes to pay her bride-price is recognised as the father of the baby.

You musnt pay bride price in igboland to be the fathers baby, all you need do is send money for upkeep simple
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Wendy80(f): 6:47pm On Dec 22, 2014
I appreciate Ur contributions.
The truth is, she asked him to hold on for now. She's bidding her time to think thru it all. When I asked her what she really wants, she said She's afraid her chances of getting a Suitor is low as a single mother hence she's considering his offer now but on the other hand she feels it's all too sudden she might make a mistake again. That's whr we are now.
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by eagleeye2: 7:17pm On Dec 22, 2014
okiezman:


You musnt pay bride price in igboland to be the fathers baby, all you need do is send money for upkeep simple
Nna biko ga ju ese, iko anaghi enwe nwa.
.
Translation:
Boyfriend doesn't own a baby.
Either the baby bears It's maternal surname, or the baby bears the name of the man who paid bride price on the head of the mother.

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Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by eagleeye2: 7:19pm On Dec 22, 2014
Wendy80:
I appreciate Ur contributions.
The truth is, she asked him to hold on for now. She's bidding her time to think thru it all. When I asked her what she really wants, she said She's afraid her chances of getting a Suitor is low as a single mother hence she's considering his offer now but on the other hand she feels it's all too sudden she might make a mistake again. That's whr we are now.
Marriage is a serious affair...... if she is very confused, then let her have her baby and be ready for any outcome.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by okiezman(m): 7:27pm On Dec 22, 2014
eagleeye2:

Nna biko ga ju ese, iko anaghi enwe nwa.
.
Translation:
Boyfriend doesn't own a baby.
Either the baby bears It's maternal surname, or the baby bears the name of the man who paid bride price on the head of the mother.

Ok Gej till 2019 anyway
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by eagleeye2: 7:32pm On Dec 22, 2014
okiezman:


Ok Gej till 2019 anyway
wetin concern GEJ, with matter wey dey ground? abeg no derail this thread.

2 Likes

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by okiezman(m): 7:34pm On Dec 22, 2014
eagleeye2:

wetin concern GEJ, with matter wey dey ground? abeg no derail this thread.

Gej till 2019 undecided
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by okiezman(m): 7:35pm On Dec 22, 2014
eagleeye2:

Nna biko ga ju ese, iko anaghi enwe nwa.
.
Translation:
Boyfriend doesn't own a baby.
Either the baby bears It's maternal surname, or the baby bears the name of the man who paid bride price on the head of the mother.

Well the court is greater than every law in the country and it's what guides us they don't care about your tradition, and court didn't say if you don't pay bride price the baby ain't yours that's it
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by eagleeye2: 7:40pm On Dec 22, 2014
okiezman:


Well the court is greater than every law in the country and it's what guides us they don't care about your tradition, and court didn't say if you don't pay bride price the baby ain't yours that's it
Go back and read the analogy I cited. Even the court will not give an irresponsible father custody of a baby. There have been many instances where this kind of thing has happened before.
You got a woman pregnant, and bailed on her and you want thew court to give you custody of her child. smh

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Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by okiezman(m): 7:42pm On Dec 22, 2014
eagleeye2:

Go back and read the analogy I cited. Even the court will not give an irresponsible father custody of a baby. There have been many instances where this kind of thing has happened before.
You got a woman pregnant, and bailed on her and you want thew court to give you custody of her child. smh

The court will only tell you to take full responsibility financially for you baby...but to deny you the baby na lie ogbeni
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Winneygirl(f): 1:49am On Dec 23, 2014
As long as she is not ready, let her not be pressured into anything with the new guy.
.
Knowing what made U fall before will help U make a better decision next time.
.
She cannot proceed here if all she can say is She does not know why things went horribly wrong with the first guy.
Besides, there's truly a gap in the story. Something went amiss in that first relationship.
She has to find out that missing piece.

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Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Nobody: 8:02am On Dec 23, 2014
@eagleeye, you have time for blind argument. ...

The guy obviously lives in France and so doesn't know shit about igbo land. .

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Youngpo413: 10:42am On May 16, 2015
Abiagirl777:
I smell something fishy.
Does de new guy have infertility problems?
Why he come dey rush de girl lyk dat.
I wonder
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by elohorayodele: 2:20pm On May 27, 2015
Wendy80:
Good Day e-family,
I decided to bring this story here to clear my head and get unsentimental opinion. 
I have a very close cousin as in very close and could pass for sisters (we're mate), this is her story.

She met this fine young man sometime last year and they dated for a while. He proposed early this year and wedding plans started. After the introduction, she got pregnant and the guy was like it's ok but we just need to hasten the traditional rites and church wedding before belle show well.
As preparation was going on, he woke up one morning and said he isn't interested again. We all thought it was a huge joke but like play like play he walked away from everything and she was 3months gone already. While all these were happening she lost her job.
The issue now is another young wants to marry her not minding her state. Really pushing for things as per introduction and traditional rites to be done, he has even informed his people and she's not too sure about it cos of past experience. He had to call me this morning to complain that she's getting him angry cos she doesn't want to come up with the date for introduction. I talked to him to be patient With her, I even suggested that he waits for her to put to bed but he said no, that‎ if he marries her now the unborn child becomes his. At this juncture, I became confuse myself. My dear NL family please unbiased advise is needed here.
And Men is this possible for a guy who's never married and no issue to be doing this?
PLS No insults, No Blame Game, she's had enough.

Pardon my typos.


‎Tallesty1 aisha2 chaircover ‎pickabeau1‎ EfemenaXY ‎ ‎
‎eagleeye2 and others I need U here pls.‎



are they married now? and has she put to bed?
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Wendy80(f): 2:45pm On May 27, 2015
elohorayodele:




are they married now? and has she put to bed?

He didn't marry her too many issues and yes she's put to bed.
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by elohorayodele: 2:49pm On May 27, 2015
Wendy80:


He didn't marry her too many issues and yes she's put to bed.

congrats and thank God for safe delivery.
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Youngpo413: 9:56am On Jul 05, 2015
Wendy80:


He didn't marry her too many issues and yes she's put to bed.
and she is happy to be a single mum,some ladies sha.
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Wendy80(f): 10:35am On Jul 05, 2015
Youngpo413:
and she is happy to be a single mum,some ladies sha.

D harm has bn done already. Should she kill herself or the baby cos she doesn't wanto be a single Mum? undecided

2 Likes

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Youngpo413: 10:43am On Jul 05, 2015
Wendy80:


D harm has bn done already. Should she kill herself or the baby cos she doesn't wanto be a single Mum? undecided
No,what I mean is she should had married the man that impregnated her.
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Wendy80(f): 11:27am On Jul 05, 2015
Youngpo413:
No,what I mean is she should had married the man that impregnated her.
Obviously u didn't read the OP.

1 Like

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by baralatie(m): 11:43am On Jul 05, 2015
so he far naa

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