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Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Wendy80(f): 12:22pm On Dec 22, 2014
Good Day e-family,
I decided to bring this story here to clear my head and get unsentimental opinion. 
I have a very close cousin as in very close and could pass for sisters (we're mate), this is her story.

She met this fine young man sometime last year and they dated for a while. He proposed early this year and wedding plans started. After the introduction, she got pregnant and the guy was like it's ok but we just need to hasten the traditional rites and church wedding before belle show well.
As preparation was going on, he woke up one morning and said he isn't interested again. We all thought it was a huge joke but like play like play he walked away from everything and she was 3months gone already. While all these were happening she lost her job.
The issue now is another young wants to marry her not minding her state. Really pushing for things as per introduction and traditional rites to be done, he has even informed his people and she's not too sure about it cos of past experience. He had to call me this morning to complain that she's getting him angry cos she doesn't want to come up with the date for introduction. I talked to him to be patient With her, I even suggested that he waits for her to put to bed but he said no, that‎ if he marries her now the unborn child becomes his. At this juncture, I became confuse myself. My dear NL family please unbiased advise is needed here.
And Men is this possible for a guy who's never married and no issue to be doing this?
PLS No insults, No Blame Game, she's had enough.

Pardon my typos.


‎Tallesty1 aisha2 chaircover ‎pickabeau1‎ EfemenaXY ‎ ‎
‎eagleeye2 and others I need U here pls.‎
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Tallesty1(m): 12:25pm On Dec 22, 2014
The dude should packwell for the meantime.

No need to rush, and I have a feeling that the dude is not a man. I may be wrong thou.

But from your story, I can tell that someone is trying to advantage of the situation.

I don't think there is anything like love between your cousin and this dude?

He should wait If he loves, it will go a long way to prove that his love is genuine.

Now listen, the best thing to do after a disappointment is to get better. Find out what caused the breakup, solve it and get better.

Your cousin should forget marriage for the meantime, she should focus on getting better, let her have the child first.

If what cause the breakup was her fault then what ate the food will definitely come back for the soup if she marry this new dude..

People should not rush into marriage, no matter what.

10 Likes

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Abiagirl777(f): 12:28pm On Dec 22, 2014
I smell something fishy.
Does de new guy have infertility problems?
Why he come dey rush de girl lyk dat.

4 Likes

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by okiezman(m): 12:30pm On Dec 22, 2014
How can he say another man's child is his, is he a psycho? Why is he after another man child? Guess he's impotent you guys should check well this one he's in a haste

3 Likes

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Gloriagee(f): 12:31pm On Dec 22, 2014
Not sure I get what the rush is for. He can decide to adopt the baby even after the birth of the baby. True love waits...seems like he doesn't feel like he has scored enough points with the lady n is using her vulnerable state to pressure her into accepting him.

IMO this is a wrong tactic as not everyone is bothered bout being a single parent. I can read the chick's mind - I've made a mistake be4 and I def won't be pressured into making another mistake, pregnant or not, and I agree with her. Bobo should court her if he has no ulterior motive n lay off the pressure.

2 Likes

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by pickabeau1: 12:33pm On Dec 22, 2014
What have the girls parents said


Wendy80
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by sweetcocoa(f): 12:36pm On Dec 22, 2014
Hian!

This one rushing, does he even care if the woman loves him or not, how can someone be dragging their feet about marrying you and you seem not to care? Then again, people marry for reasons other than love.

I advice your cousin doesn't rush things, it's best to be sure before tying the knot, I believe her baby daddy is a good example to learn from, this is just too fast abeg.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Rapsainot(m): 12:38pm On Dec 22, 2014
Falling with another guy within short time is uncalled for.

Let her forget about any relationship for now because hmmm she's in a dangerous state and if care is not taken, she might become a liability for life

1 Like

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Wendy80(f): 12:39pm On Dec 22, 2014
pickabeau1:
What have the girls parents said


Wendy80
She's yet to tell them, she's afraid of another disappointment.
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Nobody: 12:41pm On Dec 22, 2014
Why the rush?
Meet and marry a pregnant woman?
What do his family say about this? . . .Do they know?
Too many questions
Certainly nothing should be rushed . . . .or it may be a case of rush out again
Please on behalf of your cousin, do your homework very well so she doesnt go from frying pan to fire

BTW even if he has fertility problems and cant father his own child as may have been suggested, that shouldnt stop him from getting married. All he has to do is make his intentions/situation known upfront.

2 Likes

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by pickabeau1: 12:43pm On Dec 22, 2014
Wendy80:

She's yet to tell them, she's afraid of another disappointment.


Well that's the first step

Also I see the point of the second man who wants to get the matter over and done with

However I suggest she tells her parents the matter
They Trry to reach out to the family of the first man
If no progress, he forfeits everything from that relationship


The child is born without his name as father
Let her use her father name.

Then she courts the new man

If he is interested he can adopt her first child properly


Her parents are key

1 Like

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Mamaflex(f): 12:47pm On Dec 22, 2014
Tallesty1 has said it all. I nor fit shout.

1 Like

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by soonest(f): 12:58pm On Dec 22, 2014
Tallesty1:
The dude should packwell for the meantime.
No need to rush, and I have a feeling that the dude is not a man. I may be wrong thou.
But from your story, I can tell that someone is trying to advantage of the situation.
I don't think there is anything like love between your cousin and this dude?
He should wait If he loves, it will go a long way to prove that his love is genuine.
Now listen, the best thing to do after a disappointment is to get better. Find out what caused the breakup, solve it and get better.
Your cousin should forget marriage for the meantime, she should focus on getting better, let her have the child first.
If what cause the breakup was her fault then what ate the food will definitely come back for the soup if she marry this new dude..
People should not rush into marriage, no matter what.
i concur

1 Like

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by eagleeye2: 1:05pm On Dec 22, 2014
I don't know about other people's opinion. But, I believe that when a man is ready to do 'his' thing (this case marriage) little can stop him.
If he is Igbo, then he is right by saying that when he marries the lady, the baby will be his.
But if your cousin is confused, she should just chill and wait till after she has put to bed.
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by eagleeye2: 1:11pm On Dec 22, 2014
Actually, I have heard about a case like this.
It happened that the first guy impregnated a lady, but didn't want to marry the lady. And a second guy comes along and married the lady, with her pregnancy.
Sometime down the line, the first guy comes back to claim his child and he was plainly told that he should go to hell. The first guy dragged the case to court, the court ruled in favor of the second guy. (Meanwhile, amala people already ruled in favor of the second guy).
.
I don't know about 'love' but some guys are just crazy. And this your cousins new guy may fall in that category.

1 Like

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by eagleeye2: 1:22pm On Dec 22, 2014
Abiagirl777:
I smell something fishy.
Does de new guy have infertility problems?
Why he come dey rush de girl lyk dat.
A guy who is ready to marry, doesn't really need much time to make up his mind.
My sister got married to such a guy and they have been living together for fourteen years.
Now this is the story:
We, I and my sister, went to visit an uncle and we met this guy there (I.e. my sister's hubby). in the course of gisting, the guy jokingly said that he is searching for a wife. (my sister had broken up with her then fiance not Upto six months, fiance still dey beg for second chance ohh).
Jokingly, my sister said "am available, come and marry me". In less than nine months, they were married. Her husband was the only man, who ever came looking for my sister and was bold enough to tell my mum that he is passing the night in our house. (mumsie dey very strict, and staunch catholic).
.
.
Why am I telling this story? Some guys act like people on drug when they are really ready to settle down.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by eagleeye2: 1:29pm On Dec 22, 2014
okiezman:
How can he say another man's child is his, is he a psycho? Why is he after another man child? Guess he's impotent you guys should check well this one he's in a haste
At least in my side of Igbo land, if he marry that woman in her condition then that baby is definitely his.
By the way some men are just there to 'donate' the spermm.
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by mutter(f): 1:46pm On Dec 22, 2014
The man is a very noble man. He is marrying the girl in her condition and is in a hurry to take away the stigma of her being a single mother.
Your friend should go for the marriage, that way it would be easier for the child to be absorbed in the family.
There are so many children born into marriage where the man does not even know he is not the biological father.
I have also seen many cases like this where the family just marry the girl of.
Years to come she would realize that she made the right decision.
A child bearing her own fathers name is not just as easy at it appears. It brings implications with it and one day people would surely remind that child that this is not his home.
Please advice your friend to go for the marriage if she has feeling for the man.

5 Likes

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Nobody: 1:50pm On Dec 22, 2014
All this rush rush is for what now? Please let her forget about relationships for now till she put to bed and she has healed emotionally. This guy out of the blues must be investigated. they have not dated to know if they can love and learn to live with each other, he is already rushing things. Sounds fishy.

This getting pregnant before marriage thing can spoil things sha.

1 Like

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by pickabeau1: 1:56pm On Dec 22, 2014
mutter:
The man is a very noble man. He is marrying the girl in her condition and is in a hurry to take away the stigma of her being a single mother.
Your friend should go for the marriage, that way it would be easier for the child to be absorbed in the family.
There are so many children born into marriage where the man does not even know he is not the biological father.
I have also seen many cases like this where the family just marry the girl of.
Years to come she would realize that she made the right decision.
A child bearing her own fathers name is not just as easy at it appears. It brings implications with it and one day people would surely remind that child that this is not his home.
Please advice your friend to go for the marriage if she has feeling for the man.





An average guy does not want to raise another mans child
he will even prefer to have her without the child hence the need to be patient in this scenario

1 Like

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by dre11(m): 1:59pm On Dec 22, 2014
Let her inform her parents and they would be in a better way to advice her than here


Because she would be able to present what happens in full details to them rather than here which you gave us some skeletal details which we never knew the Genesis.

Parents intuition and advice is needed by her at this time when she is heavily pregnant and when is she going to tell them this whole truth about this second guyundecided

1 Like

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by damiso(f): 2:01pm On Dec 22, 2014
Pickabeau and Chaircover have spoken my mind..

Nothing wrong with him wanting to marry her and adopt her child but why the rush before she gives birth? Conception to delivery is less than 12 months and IMO that time frame is so short to have experienced heartbreak, be abandoned with chilld, meet someone else and marry them (my opinion).I know nothing is black and white but I even think rebound relationships need to be properly assessed before proceeding to marriage.

1 Like

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by mutter(f): 2:02pm On Dec 22, 2014
pickabeau1:

An average guy does not want to raise another mans child
he will even prefer to have her without the child hence the need to be patient in this scenario

He is a special guy and there are quite a few men that would do it when they love a woman. My father married my mum although she has a child and it went very well.
Since her parents are aware of the situation I am sure they would happily give their blessing. Many parents even look to get their daughter married off if she is pregnant.

4 Likes

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by eagleeye2: 2:06pm On Dec 22, 2014
pickabeau1:






An average guy does not want to raise another mans child
he will even prefer to have her without the child hence the need to be patient in this scenario
An average man will not want it, if he was deceived into believing it was his before.
I have seen men urge their wife to adopt child(ren) other than their own.

3 Likes

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by pickabeau1: 2:10pm On Dec 22, 2014
mutter:


He is a special guy and there are quite a few men that would do it when they love a woman. My father married my mum although she has a child and it went very well.
Since her parents are aware of the situation I am sure they would happily give their blessing. Many parents even look to get their daughter married off if she is pregnant.
eagleeye2:

An average man will not want it, if he was deceived into believing it was his before.
I have seen men urge their wife to adopt child(ren) other than their own.

Ok
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Wendy80(f): 2:35pm On Dec 22, 2014
To ans ur questions,
@ Tallesty1 we don't knw why d guy left her. She herself doesn't know too. When I tried to communicate to get something out of him he kept saying nothing, that he lost interest. I got my hubby to talk to him to see if he can open up as in Man to man for where. As in he just walked away without telling her or any1 anything.
@ chaircover I don't know why he's in a haste o. I'm still trying to figure dat out myself.
@ pickabeau1 she can't inform her parents when she hasn't made up her mind abt ds guy.
She has always known this new guy but not dating. He didn't know about d pregnancy when he proposed to her. When she told him about it he tot she was joking, he had to come down to see for himself and still stood his ground.
What I don't get is d rush. I just have ds strong feeling nothing ain't right.
He has even informed his people.
Omoo me I don't know again oo
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by pickabeau1: 2:51pm On Dec 22, 2014
Wendy80:
To ans ur questions,
@ Tallesty1 we don't knw why d guy left her. She herself doesn't know too. When I tried to communicate to get something out of him he kept saying nothing, that he lost interest. I got my hubby to talk to him to see if he can open up as in Man to man for where. As in he just walked away without telling her or any1 anything.
@ chaircover I don't know why he's in a haste o. I'm still trying to figure dat out myself.
@ pickabeau1 she can't inform her parents when she hasn't made up her mind abt ds guy.
She has always known this new guy but not dating. He didn't know about d pregnancy when he proposed to her. When she told him about it he tot she was joking, he had to come down to see for himself and still stood his ground.
What I don't get is d rush. I just have ds strong feeling nothing ain't right.
He has even informed his people.
Omoo me I don't know again oo


Inform her people about which guy?
Is it only when she is marrying she talks to her parents?

OK..then
I wish her the best
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by 5minsmadness: 2:56pm On Dec 22, 2014
Wendy80:
Good Day e-family,
I decided to bring this story here to clear my head and get unsentimental opinion. 
I have a very close cousin as in very close and could pass for sisters (we're mate), this is her story.

She met this fine young man sometime last year and they dated for a while. He proposed early this year and wedding plans started. After the introduction, she got pregnant and the guy was like it's ok but we just need to hasten the traditional rites and church wedding before belle show well.



Something happened in this huge gap. What happened here that made him change his mind suddenly one morning?





As preparation was going on, he woke up one morning and said he isn't interested again. We all thought it was a huge joke but like play like play he walked away from everything and she was 3months gone already. While all these were happening she lost her job.
The issue now is another young man wants to marry her not minding her state. Really pushing for things as per introduction and traditional rites to be done, he has even informed his people and she's not too sure about it cos of past experience. He had to call me this morning to complain that she's getting him angry cos she doesn't want to come up with the date for introduction. I talked to him to be patient With her, I even suggested that he waits for her to put to bed but he said no, that‎ if he marries her now the unborn child becomes his. At this juncture, I became confuse myself. My dear NL family please unbiased advise is needed here.
And Men is this possible for a guy who's never married and no issue to be doing this?
PLS No insults, No Blame Game, she's had enough.

As for the bolded, it is highly unusual for a single guy without any baggage to be in a hurry to marry a pregnant woman, a woman that he knows is already pregnant for another man. UNLESS:

1. He has fertility issues and knows he cannot impregnate a woman. This is an opportunity for him to cover his inadequacies by marrying an already pregnant woman. It has happened before, its not new.

2. He loves this woman so much, maybe has been obsessing about her even while she was engaged to the other guy. And now is his chance to marry her. I have seen this once and eventually it didn't work out.

1 Like

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Nobody: 3:14pm On Dec 22, 2014
Wendy80:
To ans ur questions,
@ Tallesty1 we don't knw why d guy left her. She herself doesn't know too. When I tried to communicate to get something out of him he kept saying nothing, that he lost interest. I got my hubby to talk to him to see if he can open up as in Man to man for where. As in he just walked away without telling her or any1 anything.
@ chaircover I don't know why he's in a haste o. I'm still trying to figure dat out myself.
@ pickabeau1 she can't inform her parents when she hasn't made up her mind abt ds guy.
She has always known this new guy but not dating. He didn't know about d pregnancy when he proposed to her. When she told him about it he tot she was joking, he had to come down to see for himself and still stood his ground.
What I don't get is d rush. I just have ds strong feeling nothing ain't right.
He has even informed his people.
Omoo me I don't know again oo


If this is the case, maybe the new guy loves her. A relative with 2 kids recently married a man that has never been married, sooo...anything can happen. If she knows the guy to an extent, i don't see why she can't marry him if she wants to.

2 Likes

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by bluedaze(f): 4:13pm On Dec 22, 2014
!. bobby number two is impotent
2. the woman was probably cheating on bobby number one or how else would she get a second suitor so soon?
3. the woman doesnt need any dude she should elarn forst to be by herself.
4. cheers
Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by baby124: 4:14pm On Dec 22, 2014
It is a bit fast, but it happens. She needs to open eye o with this one before saying yes. It can either be that the guy is absolutely crazy or that he loves her enough to be with her regardless of any thing. He is also ready to cover whatever shame he thinks has been brought upon her

1 Like

Re: Unbiased Advised Needed PLS by Nobody: 4:23pm On Dec 22, 2014
I have seen this happen with a single mother I worked with, infact in my office. The lady had come to visit me and collect her monthly upkeep. A visiting foreign staff saw her and asked who she was, I told him who she was and he said he wanted to support her too. Thats how like joke like joke he was supporting her, even taking the time off to take her to antenatal, helped with baby shopping. By the time he asked her to marry him no one was surprised. They got married a month before she had the baby, he was there for the delivery. His time here ended he filed for her and baby, they joined him. Last I heard they were still happy together, have had one more baby together
Some men can be like that they see women they want and go for them regardless of any baggage they come with.
Like others have said let her tell her parents, since he has told him let both families come together and discuss his intention. Does she like him or is she ruled by fear? I say slow down and do things right

3 Likes

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