I wan write story for this forum after many years abeg make e make front page. I go repost am for facebook so make una wey dey there understand say na for www.nairaland.com I first post the story.

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If you guys understand the mythology we had then during Christmas periods, then you will go with me on this one. Regular 8 years old, big stomach, bigger head and a mouth that doesn’t keeps shut. I was always talking one thing or the other and getting myself or siblings into trouble. I already have the stretch marks caused by the whip of my dad on my skin when I said I f**ked our neighbour’s daughter. That day was not funny at all and to say I did nothing of that sort is another. Just wanted to impress my elder brothers o, unfortunately it leaked.

Now I woke up that fateful morning, my eyes were kind of not opening. Kai, I was not scared o, I was only wondering what was happening to my eyes. I stood up from my sleeping mat and marched outside, yawning and scratching my bulging stomach.

“Hahahahaha.... Attai, wetin be this?”

My twin sister pointed at my face. I ignored her. Mistake number one.

“Hohohohoho.... Attai wetin be this?”

My elder brother pointed at my face. I ignored him too. Mistake number two.

“Kikikikikikikiki.... Attai wetin be this?”

Our second son pointed at my face. I ignored him. Mistake number three.

I headed straight to the kitchen where the aroma of fried stew was emanating from strongly. I was already thinking of how many plates of rice I was going to eat for Christmas. The previous night, I had stayed up boasting to my friends how I was going to eat till rice starts coming out of my nostrils and ears.

“Mama, good morning”

Wetin, I heard the sound, did not recognize my voice and my lips did not open. What I presumed I heard was a croaky sound, more like the sound made by toads when they wanted to mate.

“Mama, I say good morning.”

This time my mother heard my voice or should I call it the sound of a frog. She lifted her head to look in my direction. There was I smiling sheepishly and limping from one leg to it other with my huge stomach swaying to the rhythm of my dance. Mama first of all looked at me wide eyed like she was scared, followed by this astonishing look, then sorrow beclouded her countenance before a loud piercing scream followed.

You guys should really look at my reaction, slow motion. I jerked back, turned round; my stomach was the last to turn with my body. I ran out blindly away from the kitchen without looking back. The only thing that had made my mum scream the way she did one certain time was when she caught me pants down with a neighbour’s daughter.

“Gbim....!!!”

I fell on the ground, I had tripped. My mum came to my side and lifted me up.

“My enemies have finally succeeded o. Na my pikin be this? Na which kind wickedness be this? Who do my pikin this kind thing?”

Mama lamented while my brothers and sisters laughed at me. I became the object of attraction that day o. I made lots of money because each visitor gave my mum money on my behalf. Money I never spent. I refused wearing my Christmas clothes then. I only celebrated the New Year.

What really happened to me was that I had woken with a swollen face. My eyes was almost closed, my lips was 3 times bigger. No pains, nothing. I was just looking like a pig. Kai, my friends laugh me die. Funny thing is the doctor said nothing was wrong with me, I was only reacting to something I had ate. Wetin I eat abeg?

Worst Christmas ever celebrated by me. Do you have a story like mine? You can post it.


Joey... AKA Foxzee.

Never had on cus Am always on top my game.

folawiyoma:
Never had on cus Am always on top my game.

You can lie... Everybody have a hitchy story jor. Mine is just one of many.

FoxyFlow:


You can lie... Everybody have a hitchy story jor. Mine is just one of many.

I swear I no dey lie, the only time I can accept I lied was when I one f**k one of my neighbor sister punany. Very clean girl and creamy.


Omo despite that they have told her bad news about me, she still end up f**king me.

Still remember .very sweet girl. Sweetest have ever have. Or maybe I should create a tread about the sweetest punany person don Jack nd the worst.

folawiyoma:






I swear I no dey lie, the only time I can accept I lied was when I one f**k one of my neighbor sister punany. Very clean girl and creamy.


Omo despite that they have told her bad news about me, she still end up f**king me.

Still remember .very sweet girl. Sweetest have ever have. Or maybe I should create a tread about the sweetest punany person don Jack nd the worst.

I was eight then o. Haba, werin wan carry me straff puna then. Oya, go create your thread, I fit bet you say dem go carry the thread play.

I fit give you topic though, something like... "Help, she gave me STD after I gave her the best oral"..

FoxyFlow:


I was eight then o. Haba, werin wan carry me straff puna then. Oya, go create your thread, I fit bet you say dem go carry the thread play.

I fit give you topic though, something like... "Help, she gave me STD after I gave her the best oral"..

Very funny.

You don spoil.

Am sure u always run away on val's day. Let's go to sexuality section then.


But wait a min lemme finish this alomo first

folawiyoma:







Very funny.

You don spoil.

Am sure u always run away on val's day. Let's go to sexuality section then.


But wait a min lemme finish this alomo first

Me? Run on Val day? Oya, let's go there. Mention for the thread and let's get people started. Lemme just flex Nairaland before exams biko.

Make I wrap my weed finish too.