I'm doing my Nysc in lagos so i hav bin here since August & i was able to observe these lagos conductors closely and i came up with this. Just sit back & Enjoy

1)The I no get change type:-From the moment u enter bus they will be shouting hold your change o ,i no get change o. if you hav #500 or #1000 no enter o!. but d annoying thing is dat look closely in their hand you'll c enuf change. Just ignore them and enter.
2). The Illiterates:- This kind of conductors rarely speak Broken English self not to talk of Pure English. you'll be asking them where exactly is your route so i'll know if to enter, they ll be busy speaking Yoruba for u, you will tell them i don't hear Yoruba, he will start cursing u before u know it he signals the driver to go on. This kind of conductors, u better not say i am stopping at palmgroove just say palmgroove owa if not them go carry you pass your bus-top.
3).The Choirmasters:- Trust me most of this type of conductors here can make good choirs in churches . They can call upto 7 bus-stops they are going to in a second, the funny thing here is that you wont hear any. You will try and listen to them over & over again still u cant hear them. you will now be asking yourself, am i even at the right place to board this bus? Until u ask someone probably inside the bus to ask where the bus is going to, u will not know.
4).The troublemakers:- This set of conductors have troubles written all over them even from their face you'll know. you might tell them am going to lekki he ll say enter, u ask how much? he'll say #150 u will tell him but i have #100, he wil tel u oya enter. But wen he starts collecting money and u give him #100 he go refuse, begin the shout o how i go tak #100 carry u to lekki! other passengers go even plead on Ur behalf but no way. At d end of d day he go stil collect #150.
5). The disgusting types:- Some of the clothes dis conductors wear i cant even use them to do rags. unfortunately, if u sit down close to them, the odor from their body eh, some of them haven't even taking their bath for some days self. U go just dey pray make u reach ur bus-stop sharp sharp,. Some might even stop before their bus-stop self to board another if they cant contain the body odor.
6). The I no get sense type:- Most of this conductors cannot reason well. For instance you are going from CMS to Ikeja, u will observe that only few people dey d bus. when he reaches barracks, normally passengers wil be there enuf, he will be shouting enter with ur #200 o, maybe 1 or 2 go enter, others go talk say na #150 dey hold. instead of him carrying them, he will drive off like that until they reach ikeja carrying only those few people. I notice this one most times
7). The Economist:- I call them Economist cos dey play smart & use their brains sha. u might board a bus from maybe Oshodi to Ajah. But due to most people boarding d bus dont even reach ajah, wen dey driver reaches lekki and finds out that only few people are remaining, d conductor will tell all d passengers to get down & put u people in anoda bus & settle their conductor. They will now from there load anoda bus again back to Oshodi.
. The Frustrating types:- This types of conductors here pains me the most. They might be holding u #200 change, From d time u gave them money u will be telling them Conductor my change o infact everyone he's owing change will be shouting d same. He go say i no get change now, wait make we reach bus-stop. but look closely change go dey his hand o. Immediately u reach bustop he go bring out #1000 note and ask 4 people to share it before u know it they have zoomed off Imagine o
9). The talkative ones:- This types of conductors will be talking o immediately u enter bus till u drop, not even one person will be interested in wat he is saying. Sometimes he will tap u to say something, and if na bad mood u dey dat time, u go just use vex ignore am or even shout for am.
10). Please add yours and lets keep the fun rolling...
Have a nice day all

vizkiz:
sorry i don't take commercial buses, i'v gat my own ride

I will soon join you

if only commercial airlines will have conductors because I only travel wit flights.

Try constituting nuisance on de plane & end up seeing urself in jail

More like it, but it's been long i took commercial buses(coastal,danfo,moluel) in Lagos.

what is conductor? or do you mean conductor in physics

good