This guy goes up to a bar located at the top of the
Empire State Building in New York. It looks like a
nice place, and he takes a seat at the bar.
"This is a nice place. I've never been here before,"
he says to the guy next to him.
"Oh, really?" the other replies. "It is a nice place.
It's also a very special bar."
"Why is that?" the first guy asks. "Well, do you see
that painting on the far wall? That's an original Van
Gogh, and this stool I'm sitting on was on the
Titanic."
"Gee, that's amazing!" says the first guy.
"Not only that, but you see that window over there,
fourth from the right? Well, the wind does strange
things outside that window. If you jump out you'll
fall about 50 feet before the wind catches you and
you're pushed back up."
"No way! That's impossible," the guy scoffs.
"Not at all. Take a look," the other man replies, and
with that he walks over to the window and opens it.
He climbs over the sill and falls out. He drops 10...
20... 30... 40...50 feet, comes to a stop, and
whoosh -- he comes right back up and sails back
through the window. "See? It's fun. You should try
it," he says.
"Try it? I don't even believe I saw it!" the first man
shouts.
"It's easy. Watch, I'll do it again." And with that, he
falls out the window again. He drops 10... 20...
30... 40... 50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh --
he comes right back up and sails back through the
window. "Give it a try. It's a blast," he says.
"Well, what the heck, I'll give it a try," the first man
says, and proceeds to fall out the window. He falls
10... 20... 30... 40... 50...60...70...80...90... 100
feet and splat -- he ends up as road pizza on the
sidewalk.
After watching this, the second guy casually closes
the window, heads back to the bar and orders a
drink. The bartender arrives with the drink and
says, "You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when
you're drunk."

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just
got a telegram. Private Jones' mother died
yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see
me."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and
lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the
Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP.
Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers.
The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for
maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother
died, report to the commander."
Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into
his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way
to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a
bit more tactful, next time?"
"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later,
the Captain called the Sergeant in again with,
"Sarge, I just got a telegram. Private McGrath's
mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him
in to see me. This time be more tactful."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation.
"Ok, men, fall in and listen up. Everybody with a
mother, take two steps forward -- NOT SO FAST,
McGRATH!"

One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical
Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer
Engineer were driving down the street in the same
car. All of a sudden, the car broke down.
The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod
broke."
The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered
at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."
The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a
spark and something is wrong with the electrical
system."
All three turned to the computer engineer and said,
"What do you think?"
The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all
get out and get back in."

A married couple rushed to the hospital because
the woman was in labor the doctor asked the
couple, "I have invented a new machine that you
might want to try, it takes some of the labor pains
away from the mother and gives it to the father."
So the married couple decided that they would try
this. So the doctor hooked the machine up and put
it on 10% of pain switched from the mother to the
father and the husband said "I feel okay turn it up
a lot more" so the doctor turned it up to 50% and
the husband said "why don’t you just put it all on
me cause I’m not feeling a thing" but the doctor
warned them "this much could kill you if your not
prepared", and the husband replied "I am ready
"so the doctor turned the machine up to 100% but
the husband didn’t fell a thing so they went home
happy with a pain free labor, but when they got
home the mailman was dead on the front porch!
Meaning the mail ma owns the Baby.

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Coded message
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$
and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply
can`t think of anything I need. $o if you would like,
you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to
hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
The Reply:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and
oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr
student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of
kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never
study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad

iLovePusssy:
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True dat.. But dem funny tho