bukatyne:


Then give your sincere advice and leave her married status alone.

You cannot force everyone to give 'good' advice according to ihedinobi2's standard.

Good night

As I said, I have. And you should give her the same advice.

ihedinobi2:

As I said, I have. And you should give her the same advice.

I have given her my piece/asked some questions on first page.

byvan:




Am glad you wrote this, it's a real insult! They now make it seem like people acting crazy in their 1St year of marriage is the new normal. If they are talking of character adjustment issues in the 1st year of marriage , that might make more sense.

That's what i was referring to in my post,character adjustment is inevitable in some cases,but then again depend on the level of understanding between the couple.Character can be his personality, nature, disposition, temper, mentality, psyche at that moment....


Hope you cool dear,how the soldiers?

byvan:




I think you gave flippancy a whole new meaning and no OP's post isn't about character adjustment, is about a tyrannical spouse who has no regard for his wife, his unborn baby or marriage, hence he throws around divorce like it's some car key because he knows his wife will simply jump onto the bandwagon of " its the first year of marriage after all" Reserve your experience about 1st year of marriage for those who want to buy, am not buying, i must not agree with you.

I am not aware how I did. You could enlighten me.

That's your call really. And it is a weird one because the very title of the thread said literally that her husband's character had adjusted. And there you go again with the flippant talk. How do you know that he knows that his wife will jump on a bandwagon? Why do you suppose that people who give grief do so because they're monsters who need other people's pain to thrive?

As you were told, it's only a two-month-old marriage. On what basis are you calling him tyrannical? How do you know what goes on in the man's heart?

Again, I'll repeat, you are not required to buy anything.

bukatyne:


I have given her my piece/asked some questions on first page.

I don't mean the OP. I meant byvan. Give her the same advice you gave me. She needs it more than I do.

Happy new year, btw. I hope you're having a great year already. I'm sorry I vanished on you at Christmas. I was so mentally exhausted then that I could barely react in any sensible manner to the wicked dishes you tantalized me with. That dude you married is seeing something o. Did you have a good holiday?

ihedinobi2:

I am not aware how I did. You could enlighten me.

That's your call really. And it is a weird one because the very title of the thread said literally that her husband's character had adjusted. And there you go again with the flippant talk. How do you know that he knows that his wife will jump on a bandwagon? Why do you suppose that people who give grief do so because they're monsters who need other people's pain to thrive?

As you were told, it's only a two-month-old marriage. On what basis are you calling him tyrannical? How do you know what goes on in the man's heart?

Again, I'll repeat, you are not required to buy anything.

Tired of this long gists dude, good night.

byvan:




Tired of this long gists dude, good night.

Good night to you too.

edwife:


That's what i was referring to in my post,character adjustment is inevitable in some cases,but then again depend on the level of understanding between the couple.Character can be his personality, nature, disposition, temper, mentality, psyche at that moment....


Hope you cool dear,how the soldiers?

Exactly, people should get a conscience abeg, no be their character adjust pass .


We are all good dear, how are the edwifians?

byvan:





Exactly, people should get a conscience abeg, no be their character adjust pass .


We are all good dear, how are the edwifians?

Lol at the edwifians,they are good dear-sleeping
I am left alone working,old age school no easy o...

edwife:


Lol at the edwifians,they are good dear-sleeping
I am left alone working,old age school no easy o...

Person no dey too old for anything o

My 50+ yr old auntie is still a student

cococandy:

Person no dey too old for anything o

My 50+ yr old auntie is still a student

Abi o....

Anyway,as long as i enjoy my course no wahala...
Have a great night....

edwife:


Abi o....

Anyway,as long as i enjoy my course no wahala...
Have a great night....

You have a great night .
I'm still in my afternoon

cococandy:

You have a great night .
I'm still in my afternoon

ihedinobi2:

I don't mean the OP. I meant byvan. Give her the same advice you gave me. She needs it more than I do.

Happy new year, btw. I hope you're having a great year already. I'm sorry I vanished on you at Christmas. I was so mentally exhausted then that I could barely react in any sensible manner to the wicked dishes you tantalized me with. That dude you married is seeing something o. Did you have a good holiday?

Will do so when she starts hounding you and other's for your martial status.

Thanks. Holiday was not restful joor... did not close for the year. Dude married a gem and girl married a diamond

Happy new year to you too.

edwife:


Lol at the edwifians,they are good dear-sleeping
I am left alone working,old age school no easy o...

Old age really edwife ?

byvan:


Old age really edwife ?

Byvan why you dey spoil my hustle...

When i graduated 9 years ago,what do you expect!everything is new to me.....

edwife:


Byvan why you dey spoil my hustle...

When i graduated 9 years ago,what do you expect!everything is new to me.....

We had a grandma in my faculty, said she realized she won't be fulfilled if she dies without at least a 1st degree, are you a grandma yet?


Definitely everything will seem new but you will get the hang of it , jisike nne.

@Op it's a pity the honeymoon didn't last long,although going by statistics d 1st year is usually rough on both parties @ d same tym doesn't mean u guys should go all kung foo on each other,a relationship and Marriage are 2 different ball games,u dated 4 6years u should @least know him 2 an extent and find out were the frustration really lies and see how u guys can work things out.The problem most women have is d fact that we feel what the relationship didn't solve marriage would be a quick fix.@ this point your health and that of the unborn is paramount.Try to relax the tension in ur home cos 2 months is a little too early 4 divorce statements.

He knew your character before he married you" OP those kinda character and attitude you girls display during dating can't survive in marriage except the husband is an inmbecile. He is now your husband(head) not some boyfriend or fiance. Think about this I wish you the best

Ohwhy:
I just got married recently, not up to two months and its not anything like I imagined. We dated for almost 6yrs before we decided to tie the knot.The man I met and fell in love with was everything I ever wanted in a man. He was caring, selfless, a good listener, very understanding. The man i am now married to is nothing close to the man I dated. This one thinks of himself mostly, he calls me names, hurtful names, names that I find hard to forget even till today. I seem to be talking to myself whenever am talking to him. He raises his voice like he's talking to a kid. It shocks me because he knew my character and my personality before he asked me to marry him yet he did. And now he says these things like they just erupted suddenly. You can imagine your own husband keep mentioning divorce when we are barely 2mnths married. I am not a fan of divorce even if we haven't done our church wedding yet. I am pregnant which makes divorce out of the question for me. But this doesn't seem to bother my husband one bit, he seems to have thought everything out perfectly to his own benefit. Am not happy at all. I don't know how much of this I can take. I wanna do what is best for my baby. This sucks bigtime. What to do? Nairalanders pls help!

What's your definition of "marriage". Have you gone to court to make it legal?

ShirelleBaby:

If it is the latter-then invite God in full power-he must have eaten okpa in his dreams.

Hmm... I like okpa and I eat it a lot O, though I haven't tasted it in my dream. What's the danger?

.

xavier3:
Wow!!!

I know a thing or two about the OP in question and the situation of things.
Its too bad her side of the story is half true as there are looming issues which have been existing for years but never outrightly acknowledged.
I am tight with the hubby in question and to ridicule him publicly with half truths is so demeaning and far from acceptance of reality that I had to do this, since he is not a NLander. I am well aware this might cause a rift but the good-book says truth shall set you free.

She likes people to feel empathy and sympathy for her and my guess is why she tabled this matter to NL. Such a pity I saw this thread so late.

My thoughts on their recent problems:

Imagine a lady (OP) who leaves the man to plan their wedding (asides not contributing a naira to the millions spent) and on the D-day she didn't help out in anyway with any of the arrangement or anything, but is too busy looking pretty and fighting with her train over make-up and other issues (during pre & post trad event on same day / night). To the point that his laptop screen was broken by a girl in the bridal train and she can't say who broke it as she was too busy picking quarrels.

My wife had to be aggressive and take charge in yelling on the event planner who was nowhere to be found and coordinating the venue, if not, that wedding would never had taken place as everywhere was unorganised and not set as at 1 hour to the start time.
He looked ragged and so wornout. I also had to take charge to coordinate everything. At the end of it all, the wedding was glam but it was like a show-off to her frenemies while he didn't look like a groom. Like it was a very expensive party.

My friend was like a refugee, He took ill and lost his voice for 2 weeks after that day.
(Asides that as far as I'm aware, he told me that he told her to grab the bull by the horn and chip in a word to her people on the outrageous brideprice demand....like my wife did for me to lower hers...but she took it in negative light and felt he should pay it all and it was not her place to do so)

As far as I'm aware from talks with my padi, she very rarely does any chores (dishes, sweeping & cooking). Doing them will be like an occassion or if guests are expected or if its gone to yelling/name calling levels. All is mostly and majorly done by him and also has gone to the level of bedmatics compatibility issues, which I am not going to air here. He even does all the errand-runs like a slave in his own domain and she critics and checkmates every move he makes. Maybe its the pregz or the preg-hormones....he would say.

The problem all boils down to his frustration with her and she expecting him to tolerate her despite knowing those shortcomings all these years.
From what he said, he felt that the level of maturity and sense of responsibility would increase once that marital bridge was crossed (his mistake of course which also led him to mouthing off every now and then...which I disapprove of)

As far as I know her, I agree with certain character traits of her last post to this topic. As for the original post....well you be the judge from all you have read so far.
Cheers #Powerofsocialmedia

Again..Wow..smallworld

Cc; dinachi, ifyalways, lordreed, aisha2, chaircover, babyosisi, rosarie, bellong, cougar, freecocoa, bukatyne, edwife, byvan, ihedinobi2.

Please come oh, the real gist has been revealed.

#AprokoMode.

Guests:


Cc; dinachi, ifyalways, lordreed, aisha2, chaircover, babyosisi, rosarie, bellong, cougar, freecocoa, bukatyne, edwife, byvan, ihedinobi2.

Please come oh, the real gist has been revealed.

#AprokoMode.

Thanks for the mention

Back to the thread

xavier3:
.

Ohwhy, come and see xavier3's account

Truth or not so we can know what next

bukatyne:


Ohwhy, come and see xavier3's account

Truth or not so we can know what next

She has deactivated her account....

I knew there was more to her sob story. Even the devil himself would have done at least 6months honeymoon before unleashing terror....

I'm not defending the OP. I am going to speak to many newlyweds and young people who are getting married or getting scared of getting married, I'll use the OP's case to explain some bits.

Taking charge is a wonderful thing, if God gave you that sort of character. I used to tell my bf "you need to take charge more!" until I married him and even my sister said "you cannot force him to be what you want".

And in Nigeria, we value people who know how to scream and shout, I rarely see people who know how to take charge. I used to think I was the Queen of Taking Charge until I was told to my face by a very nice person that I was actually the Queen of Abrasive Naija-Style Giving Orders

So, Xavier3, you are judging from outside. I'm saying this because if my husband had come to NL to tell our story, all of you would have asked him to divorce me (yet I was the one wanting to leave). My husband complained so much about me that he even went so far to say "She is trying too hard to please me".

Yep.

I will repeat it: my hubby complained I was trying too hard to make him happy. He said it to me my face and I laughed and told him to go and open a thread on NL and make this complaint. (our fights had episodes of laughing, shouting, screaming, crying and pleading all in under one hour, that same energy wasted we could have used to become Billionaires). Wisdom kept him quiet. So he started complaining about other things, that would make people side with him. And I did the same.

There are things you don't see until you are upclose to a person and that sort of relationship requires years of close friendship or marriage.

Pregnancy is hard and I swear your hormones are all over the place. We get so aggressive, omo one of my sisters beat up an okada man (he tried to slap her for hitting her car, she didn't look pregnant. The police had to come and beg her he was on the floor looking dazed, my sis was energetic like a WWE wrestler. Then she came home and wept about it, as if she didn't win the fight). So men, please get ready to be patient when your wife gets pregnant (remember, Christ and that church!) and yes, tell your wives how beautiful they are during that period, because walai, she feels ugly. And ladies, when you see your emotions getting the better of you, walk away quietly so you don't say rubbish.

And as for Intimacy Compatibility, I ask you to stand up and show me one woman (particularly during her 1st trimester) who was like the Energizer Bunny in bed. I will even call gynacologists to stand beside me on that issue (parents know that the 1st trimester is lousy for intimacy due to all the hormonal changes, throwing up every minute, constant headaches, people who are spotting, those that need surgery for Appendicitis during 1st trimester which is very common. Smells gave me a headache. I lost my appetite. I woke up with headaches and slept with headaches. I took painkillers and nothing changed. My nether region hurt me and the doctors said it was normal, it's stretching. Worse, all these are common during Pregnancy. Then my hubby will show up and be squeezing his face that I'm no longer Kim K ).

OP, go speak to your man, you both need to understand or lower your expectations of each other. You're married and starting a family, you need to learn how to speak up (not shout like a crazy Naija woman, but get your way in a polite manner) and start being responsible for yourself. And the best person to teach you is that man beside you. As for him saying "Divorce, Divorce", don't worry, I said the same thing, I even told him I feel like dying or committing suicide and he swore he couldn't live with me. We called off our wedding.

He kissed me on the way out to work this morning and I'm going to carry my pregnant ar.se to the market to make him stew. I'm putting things in context for you, so you know deep-down, you're going to be fine.

And let me make something clear: Marriage and fighting in the first year IS NOT NORMAL but 90% of human beings in this world do NOT know how to live with another person, so you're the rule, not the exception. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself and get to work fixing it ! You and your husband are both acting like crazy people (trust me on this, half the time, I wonder what was possessing me and he wonders why he was so determined to prove a point). You need to learn how to fight. And reason and manage your expectations of each other.

And please tell yourselves you are BOTH HAVING A BABY. Because it's so scary for both people. So yes, it's hard, but do some chores (some you cannot do any longer, some you can do). Please show him articles on this, and say "bae, please can you help me with this and that and I promise not to slack on these other chores" I know you can handle the cooking, but he can help with buying groceries. Cleaning may be tough for you bending down, but you can certainly dust and if you get a low stool, you can clean the toilet.

Carry that man with you to Ante-Natal (my hubby didn't realise how sore my nip.ples were until he came for our last appointment and the GYN told him, he thought I was also not grooming "down there" being "evuls as uzual" and trying to deny him to intimacy). Now he has become Chief Boo.b and Down-South Inspector (he was made to realise I couldn't see past my growing tummy and I'm pretty smallish with this baby) and is constantly inspecting it and caring for it.

I'm being very candid with you, because NL is full of so many negative people who make it all about themselves and argue and make you feel bad.

Your husband isn't bad, neither are you. You both need to learn how to adjust to each other. You are both wrong. You both need to grow. You both need to realise pregnancy (particularly early in marriage) is hard on couples. There is no such thing as an easy, happy marriage. There is hardwork, and a determined belief that "We will be buried side-by-side".

If you need to take charge, sit him down, tell him "how so?" talk, don't try to defend yourself, you're here to learn. And tell your man "you need to accept me as I am, just improve on some parts on me and I will do the same to you" (Men shockingly have HIGHER expectations than women, we ladies can settle for anything, guys struggle to). That's why I wrote this on another thread and will repeat it here:

"Your wife is NOT gonna be the Proverbs 31 Woman till you love her like Christ loved the church who crucified him and Stop expecting to change your man/woman, make him a Better Tunde, a Better Adamu, a Better Chike, not a Chike who turned into Emeka or a Bisola who now acts like Funmi".

All the best.

bellong:


She has deactivated her account....

I knew there was more to her sob story. Even the devil himself would have done at least 6months honeymoon before unleashing terror....

O well

Some devils do not wait 6 months o

How are you and yours?

bukatyne:


O well

Some devils do not wait 6 months o

How are you and yours?

We are doing fine.. Thanks.. You?


Those devils have to wait 6 months if not for anything but dividends of democracy "maritocracy".

xavier3:
Wow!!!

I know a thing or two about the OP in question and the situation of things.
Its too bad her side of the story is half true as there are looming issues which have been existing for years but never outrightly acknowledged.
I am tight with the hubby in question and to ridicule him publicly with half truths is so demeaning and far from acceptance of reality that I had to do this, since he is not a NLander. I am well aware this might cause a rift but the good-book says truth shall set you free.

She likes people to feel empathy and sympathy for her and my guess is why she tabled this matter to NL. Such a pity I saw this thread so late.

My thoughts on their recent problems:

Imagine a lady (OP) who leaves the man to plan their wedding (asides not contributing a naira to the millions spent) and on the D-day she didn't help out in anyway with any of the arrangement or anything, but is too busy looking pretty and fighting with her train over make-up and other issues (during pre & post trad event on same day / night). To the point that his laptop screen was broken by a girl in the bridal train and she can't say who broke it as she was too busy picking quarrels.

My wife had to be aggressive and take charge in yelling on the event planner who was nowhere to be found and coordinating the venue, if not, that wedding would never had taken place as everywhere was unorganised and not set as at 1 hour to the start time.
He looked ragged and so wornout. I also had to take charge to coordinate everything. At the end of it all, the wedding was glam but it was like a show-off to her frenemies while he didn't look like a groom. Like it was a very expensive party.

My friend was like a refugee, He took ill and lost his voice for 2 weeks after that day.
(Asides that as far as I'm aware, he told me that he told her to grab the bull by the horn and chip in a word to her people on the outrageous brideprice demand....like my wife did for me to lower hers...but she took it in negative light and felt he should pay it all and it was not her place to do so)

As far as I'm aware from talks with my padi, she very rarely does any chores (dishes, sweeping & cooking). Doing them will be like an occassion or if guests are expected or if its gone to yelling/name calling levels. All is mostly and majorly done by him and also has gone to the level of bedmatics compatibility issues, which I am not going to air here. He even does all the errand-runs like a slave in his own domain and she critics and checkmates every move he makes. Maybe its the pregz or the preg-hormones....he would say.

The problem all boils down to his frustration with her and she expecting him to tolerate her despite knowing those shortcomings all these years.
From what he said, he felt that the level of maturity and sense of responsibility would increase once that marital bridge was crossed (his mistake of course which also led him to mouthing off every now and then...which I disapprove of)

As far as I know her, I agree with certain character traits of her last post to this topic. As for the original post....well you be the judge from all you have read so far.
Cheers #Powerofsocialmedia

Again..Wow..smallworld

So in other words, oh why was absolutely correct. He knew she had a very passive personality but expected her to magically transform into someone else after marriage?

Apart from her not taking care of the house, all those other complaints sound bogus to me. He should stop making the woman's life a living hell because of his own mistakes. You're repulsed by someone's personality, yet you courted them for 6yrs, proposed to them, paid an exorbitant bride price and spent millions on the wedding. Was he held at gunpoint to do all these?

bellong:


We are doing fine.. Thanks.. You?


Those devils have to wait 6 months if not for anything but dividends of democracy "maritocracy".

Fine, thanks to God

LOL @ dividends

The OP sure might have learnt one or two things sha

Guests:


Cc; dinachi, ifyalways, lordreed, aisha2, chaircover, babyosisi, rosarie, bellong, cougar, freecocoa, bukatyne, edwife, byvan, ihedinobi2.

Please come oh, the real gist has been revealed.

#AprokoMode.

LoL! If this xavier3 is writing truth then my first assessment is correct, the man has become frustrated in expecting his wife to change by the magic of "you are now husband and wife" while the wife thinks it is business as usual. Well it's not really about who to blame here but as posters before me pointed out they both need to adjust. They share a home now so whatever they need to do to keep it should be done.