LordReed:


So were the only one cooking meals for your hubby back during courtship? You slept in his bed every night? He woke up to smell your morning breath every morning? He had to deal with the toilet seat always down? Many things are different during courtship but one uses the time to prepare for marriage.

We cooked @ each other's houses

We slept in each other's bed when staying overnight & smelt the breaths .

Toilet seats; he is not particular about up or down; I am not too and can't remember till I get there next time.

When I say there is minute difference for us, I mean it.

We were both green so no forming or whatever. We showed who we really are and What we don't like, we point out while the other party adjusts or refuses to adjust all in courtship.

We did not experience the first year is ... ... stuff; it is just a graduation for us

Like babymama would say, partners know about 95% of each other's behavior before tying the knot.

Everything I complain about in hubby today, I have done so since courtship & vice versa. Sometimes it is so funny we laugh about it because we know we had it.

Whether the 95% known is real or fake is another thing All together.

bukatyne:


We cooked @ each other's houses

We slept in each other's bed when staying overnight & smelt the breaths .

Toilet seats; he is not particular about up or down; I am not too and can't remember till I get there next time.

When I say there is minute difference for us, I mean it.

We were with green so no forming or whatever. We showed who we really are and What we don't like, we point out while the other party adjusts or refuses to adjust all in courtship.

We did not experience the first year is ... ... stuff; it is just a graduation for us

Like babymama would say, partners know about 95% of each other's behavior before tying the knot.

Everything I complain about in hubby today, I have done so since courtship & vice versa. Sometimes it is so funny we laugh about it because we know we had it.

Whether the 95% known is real or fake is another thing All together.

I like that you guys spent alot of quality time together but you do realize that not many people can do some of the things you did without loosing focus (I mean the sleeping over part). I do agree that with no forming part though, I mean what use is forming for the person you want to marry?

TV01:
Ohwhy, welcome back, in all the back and forth, we have neglected to congratulate you on your nuptials. How remiss of us. Hearty congratulations; may your union be long, prosperous and fruitful. May it stand storms and inclement weather and as a testimony to what a fulfilling marriage should be all about. Can I get an Amen !

First, let me draw your attention to your two posts; in some respects almost totally contradictory. If you truly knew each other over those six years, then nothing about you both has changed

What has changed, is the situation, and what needs to change is the attitude and approach of you both. This is no longer boyfriend/girlfriendage, it is marriage. Yes he knew you character and background as noted, but he also figured you'd step up once you solemnised your union. Sure, he noticed some things that he probably didn't want in a wife, but he figured once you'd tied the knot you'd "upwife".

You both had slightly unrealistic expectations, and - probably like many - didn't share deeply enough on your vision for your union or confront certain issues. Issues which you possibly both secretly hoped would somehow resolve themselves once wed.

To be honest, I have no real fears for your union, especially now that you've revealed a little more about yourself. The current situation is a heavy one for any man to manage; a wedding and the attendant costs, setting up home and a new baby;and I say man, as men typically take "ownership", if not all the responsibility for this.

He's responding to the situation somewhat immaturely, I don't find his throwing around the 'D' word healthy or leader-like. And he should otherwise learn to tame his tongue with regards to the name calling.

You both need to appraise the situation and your expectations of each other and make the required adjustments. Call him humbly and lovingly, let him know you are aware of the pressure he's under and your appreciation of his efforts. Tell him you know that you both need to support and encourage each other to be the best spouses you can be and build the home you both want - it's never too late to have that vision talk.

Let him know how his words hurt you and that they are simply unacceptable. You are his wife, he is too love you wholeheartedly, that should be your expectation. And No one really benefits from an abusive relationship, no matter how low-level.Take on board his badly-articulated words about where he'd like you to change. Search yourself and commit to making necessary adjustments over time with his support.

Think about being more assertive, you have a home to run, learn to take responsibility and be proactive. Act like you are more than capable of handling the fullness that is coming your way.





Once more, wishing you all the very best


TV

^{**ps, the Family section loves wedding piccies **}

best NL post this year.......


































...so far

5minsmadness:

Shut up you stvpid smelly bltch. No one was talking to you.

Lol.
No doubt, I really do enjoy banters but it becomes boring when it comes down to lies to save face.
I wouldn't have even interfered if you hadn't lie. Tell me, who's attacking who? Before her last post, coco never made any spiteful words despite all your effort to irk her, I was beginning to think she was dulling. And you should know me already, no dulling moment, especially with a stüpid fellow like you.

@ohwhy, that particular vegetables you use to cook for your fiance while you were dating, have you stopped cooking it? you know those vegetables you cooked for him for 6yrs before tying the knots and he accepted you the way you are, have you forgotten if yes, start recooking it again. And everything will return back to normal


CC: sambarry take lecture notes

Ohwhy:
You all have spoken well. But I wanna say that if my personality was as bad as some people here termed it, I won't have bothered posting this topic. I was frm a poor background when he met me, I never covered this up like most grls would. Infact I showed him where I live the first day we saw each other. He called me humble. Even with my kind of background, I was never materialistic. He loved this about me. (He had the guts to refer to me as poor after we tied the knots)
My kind of person, am a shy person who can hardly look at a person's face for more than 10 seconds. Am not confrontational ( now he wishes I was as aggressive as his friend's wife) I get scared easily I find it hard to ask questions most times . I don't like outrageous kinda dressing, I like to keep it simple, he loved this about me (now he calls me a small girl). Am not rude, am not insultive as I was raised well by my parents. I knew him well and he knows me well. The years of courtship was never filled with pretense because we spent a lot of time together. There was no room for one to pretend.

Glad to know that it's not because you have terrible character flaws, any inference was due to the phrasing in your first post.

Your husband does have unrealistic expectations of marriage though. It is also possible that what he used to consider as the features of an ideal wife have changed but that doesn't excuse him either because he made the choice to still marry you.

The only advice I can think of is to patiently point out to him that you have not changed from the woman he chose to love. That he should remember all the things he valued in you are still there.

I do want to know if you work.

Shirley07:

Lol.
No doubt, I really do enjoy banters but it becomes boring when it comes down to lies to save face.
I wouldn't have even interfered if you hadn't lie. Tell me, who's attacking who? Before her last post, coco never made any spiteful words despite all your effort to irk her, I was beginning to think she was dulling. And you should know me already, no dulling moment, especially with a stüpid fellow like you.

The efforts have really been relentless.
The so called post again that is causing heart ache

Well if he's beating you up , you better find your way out for your health and life's sake.

If your problems are mainly adaptation issues,maybe consider counseling and give it time to see if there will be improvement.

But if he really wants to divorce,are you going to stop him? There isn't much you can do except dust yourself and move on.
You can't hold someone who wants to leave at all costs.

Explained in primary school English
1) if he's abusing you physically leave for safety's sake
2)if it mere adaption or adjustment issues as newly weds. Give it time. Consider counseling
3) If he insists on leaving then move on as there's nothing she can do

All IF.

I feel sorry for whoever had the task of teaching him in school. Dude or lady must have been to hell and back just to explain the simplest ideas.

Shirley07:

Lol.
No doubt, I really do enjoy banters but it becomes boring when it comes down to lies to save face.
I wouldn't have even interfered if you hadn't lie. Tell me, who's attacking who? Before her last post, coco never made any spiteful words despite all your effort to irk her, I was beginning to think she was dulling. And you should know me already, no dulling moment, especially with a stüpid fellow like you.

Shirley07:

Lol.
No doubt, I really do enjoy banters but it becomes boring when it comes down to lies to save face.
I wouldn't have even interfered if you hadn't lie. Tell me, who's attacking who? Before her last post, coco never made any spiteful words despite all your effort to irk her, I was beginning to think she was dulling. And you should know me already, no dulling moment, especially with a stüpid fellow like you.

I said shvt the fvck up you stvpid smelly b1tch. You are like an annoying fly buzzing around looking for attention. Who called you into the matter? Did cococandy pm you? Busibody eediot looking for who to orgasm over this night. You cant even compose ur tenses well, what are you, twelve?
Looking for how to enter the argument so you will be noticed.
Buzz off.

carefreewannabe:

Another annoying fly. Hahaha, I don't believe it, she actually pm'ed you guys to come n help her! Muhahahahahahahaha!!!

Shirley07:

Tv isn't a christian. He's a religious man, Pharisee of our time.
Don't get it twisted.

Couldnt have said it any better.

ohwhy,

a little advice for you. Watch Mr and Mrs, the one acted by Nigerians. That's all from me.

cococandy:


Yea. Seems odd he wants wifey to be like his friend's wife.
More so as the said woman is aggressive.
Why that of all things?

I would think OP is the ideal kind of woman men like(according to NL) quiet and submissive. Humble and naive. Decent dressing and simple.

Or maybe he felt that was what he wanted until he met Beyoncé next door and Amaka in the house is no longer attractive.

OP if that's the case it will clear from his eyes soon enough. But no one says you have to stick around for that. THE CHOICE IS YOURS AlONE TO MAKE

Hopefully Beyoncé has not been opening up new frontiers for him. He wants his wife aggressive like another woman kwa?

Ohwhy, I'm so so sorry about this!
.there are good advices here from married people. I really wish these issues become resolved quickly!I pray God heal your marriage!M waiting for baby pictures soon.

LordReed:


LoL@bold, it is usually said the other way round.

Anyways it still boils down to unrealistic expectations.

I'm referring to the OP's case with that I said, so I don't know why you think I was trying to say what is "usually" being said, is this you trying to be a sabi sabi?.

Anyways, whatever.

freecocoa:
I'm referring to the OP's case with that I said, so I don't know why you think I was trying to say what is "usually" being said, is this you trying to be a sabi sabi?.

Anyways, whatever.

Calm down, I was only laughing at the fact that your twist was still funny.

Yeah whatever.

Sophyrocks:


Couldnt have said it any better.

Couldn't you really? Now compare what that lady has said and done on this thread to what TV has said and done here too and tell me which is more christlike.

LordReed:


Calm down, I was only laughing at the fact that your twist was still funny.

Yeah whatever.

I am calm.

Was just checking sha, we all know how it is/can be on here.

ihedinobi2:

Couldn't you really? Now compare what that lady has said and done on this thread to what TV has said and done here too and tell me which is more christlike.

The comment is based on previous observations from other threads and obviously i aint the only one who has noticed. I know you are his no 1 fan so i am not surprised you came to his defence. Well, its just my opinion. Not expecting you to agree and i dnt expect it to be debatable or worthy of argument. there is a big difference between being christlike and in being religious.

freecocoa:
I am calm.

Was just checking sha, we all know how it is/can be on here.

Okay.

Sophyrocks:


The comment is based on previous observations from other threads and obviously i aint the only one who has noticed. I know you are his no 1 fan so i am not surprised you came to his defence. Well, its just my opinion. Not expecting you to agree and i dnt expect it to be debatable or worthy of argument. there is a big difference between being christlike and in being religious.

I neither require you to debate nor agree. If I have a demand it is that you think.

I have seen him on other threads as well. But that is neither here nor there. The issue is clearly this: the woman who felt that she had the right to make that judgment call hardly qualifies to make it herself judging by her own manifest behavior. And if she does not qualify, her judgment means exactly nothing.

As for being his fan, that too is neither here nor there, but I'll entertain you. He's not my dad and hardly anyone who has dealt with me on this forum could call me a toddler. I am obviously capable of personal judgment. If I am his fan then there is a reason for it. And if the reason is good it is a good thing that I'm his fan. I doubt that you'd take offence at being called Christ's fan yourself.

Difference between christlikeness and religion. Feel free to share what the difference is.

Finally, as I always say about opinions. Once you share them, they are arguable and can be torn to shreds.

mutter:
When you go to your neighbors house to steal goods, you don`t complain about the quality of the fruits.
When you buy a tree at a very expensive price and plant it in your garden, you go wild if the fruits turn out rotten.

perfect. For those asking why marriage is diff

mutter:
When you go to your neighbors house to steal goods, you don`t complain about the quality of the fruits.
When you buy a tree at a very expensive price and plant it in your garden, you go wild if the fruits turn out rotten.

Reading your post...I must admit that I have so much to say right now but still, I have nothing to say!

Your comment has a powerful meaning!

ihedinobi2:

I neither require you to debate nor agree. If I have a demand it is that you think.

I have seen him on other threads as well. But that is neither here nor there. The issue is clearly this: the woman who felt that she had the right to make that judgment call hardly qualifies to make it herself judging by her own manifest behavior. And if she does not qualify, her judgment means exactly nothing.

As for being his fan, that too is neither here nor there, but I'll entertain you. He's not my dad and hardly anyone who has dealt with me on this forum could call me a toddler. I am obviously capable of personal judgment. If I am his fan then there is a reason for it. And if the reason is good it is a good thing that I'm his fan. I doubt that you'd take offence at being called Christ's fan yourself.

Difference between christlikeness and religion. Feel free to share what the difference is.

Finally, as I always say about opinions. Once you share them, they are arguable and can be torn to shreds.

Cool. Like i said, its not worthy of debate. Its a complete waste of our time to deliberate on it.

As for the bolded, thats a topic for another day. i wont derail this thread. A previous thread had once discussed something of that nature.

Sophyrocks:


Cool. Like i said, its not worthy of debate. Its a complete waste of our time to deliberate on it.

As for the bolded, thats a topic for another day. i wont derail this thread. A previous thread had once discussed something of that nature.

If there is a previous argument about a difference between the two that you subscribe to, you can point me to it to explain what you said. You're the one who thought it was important to point out that there's such a difference.

ihedinobi2:

If there is a previous argument about a difference between the two that you subscribe to, you can point me to it to explain what you said. You're the one who thought it was important to point out that there's such a difference.

You dnt get it, do you? I am not discussing it with you. but since you are so bent on knowing, let me give you a clue. All the conversations jesus had with the pharisees, the religious leaders, go and read them.

Sophyrocks:


You dnt get it, do you? I am not discussing it with you. but since you are so bent on knowing, let me give you a clue. All the conversations jesus had with the pharisees, the religious leaders, go and read them.

I'll assume that you don't really have anything to say about it.

ihedinobi2:



I'll assume that you don't really have anything to say about it.

Rather i dnt want to say anything about it. I made that clear. I want you to do your research as a christian. I am taking you back to the bible.

DukeNija:


This your Iron fist approach to marriage will end 85% of all marriages in the world. Who said they are not yet married? Pls read the post again. Besides, you should know dat marriages in their first year are quite challenging and most marriages get better with time. Some previous posters have said they experienced worse and said worse things, but have great marriages now, so please take a cue from them. Love is a war we fight to keep. Take anger classes!

question you should have ask byvan is: "is she married herself?" people who aren't have divergent views to those who are

Sophyrocks:


Rather i dnt want to say anything about it. I made that clear. I want you to do your research as a christian. I am taking you back to the bible.

Indeed

Ohwhy:
You all have spoken well. But I wanna say that if my personality was as bad as some people here termed it, I won't have bothered posting this topic. I was frm a poor background when he met me, I never covered this up like most grls would. Infact I showed him where I live the first day we saw each other. He called me humble. Even with my kind of background, I was never materialistic. He loved this about me. (He had the guts to refer to me as poor after we tied the knots)
My kind of person, am a shy person who can hardly look at a person's face for more than 10 seconds. Am not confrontational ( now he wishes I was as aggressive as his friend's wife) I get scared easily I find it hard to ask questions most times . I don't like outrageous kinda dressing, I like to keep it simple, he loved this about me (now he calls me a small girl). Am not rude, am not insultive as I was raised well by my parents. I knew him well and he knows me well. The years of courtship was never filled with pretense because we spent a lot of time together. There was no room for one to pretend.

Looks like you are acting the role of the perfect wife instead of being yourself.

Ohwhy:
You all have spoken well. But I wanna say that if my personality was as bad as some people here termed it, I won't have bothered posting this topic. I was frm a poor background when he met me, I never covered this up like most grls would. Infact I showed him where I live the first day we saw each other. He called me humble. Even with my kind of background, I was never materialistic. He loved this about me. (He had the guts to refer to me as poor after we tied the knots)
My kind of person, am a shy person who can hardly look at a person's face for more than 10 seconds. Am not confrontational ( now he wishes I was as aggressive as his friend's wife) I get scared easily I find it hard to ask questions most times . I don't like outrageous kinda dressing, I like to keep it simple, he loved this about me (now he calls me a small girl). Am not rude, am not insultive as I was raised well by my parents. I knew him well and he knows me well. The years of courtship was never filled with pretense because we spent a lot of time together. There was no room for one to pretend.

If what you have written up here is true, I guess your husband needs a psychiatric assessment. And I am serious about it by all means.

Nigeria is a very stressful environment which consciously and unconsciously affect people's minds. The uneducated way we view psychiatric examination makes it look like hell.

In all sincerity of purpose and concern for the well-being of every home, I think when doing periodic medical check-up, couples should subject themselves to psychiatric examination also.

The happenings in this country are enough to turn a sane mind insane and also make a wise man mad.

Your husband is under intense pressures and he is transferring the aggression on you. A sane mind doesn't threaten divorce after two months of marriage even if s/he marries the devil. Something big is wrong somewhere and I want to believe his CNS needs a thorough check and an urgent action will salvage the situation.

It is well.