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6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by Nobody: 12:25pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage. The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility. so based on my observations, here are seven ways to avoid marrying the wrong partner. Do Not Marry Potential Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change. This is the wrong approach on both accounts. Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential. There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them. These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc. Choose Character over Chemistry While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love. The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Avoid Pre-Marital Sexual/Physical Activity Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman. Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them. Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection There are four questions that you must answer YES to; Do I respect and admire this person? What specifically do I respect and admire about this person? Do I trust this person? Can I rely on them? Do I trust their judgment? Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say? Do I feel Safe? Do I feel emotionally safe with this person? Can I be vulnerable? Can I be myself? Can I be open? Can I express myself? Do I feel calm and at peace with this person? If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married. If you don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married! Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage. Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage. When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions. Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship. If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship which is potentially leading to a wrong marriage in all standards. Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset. Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?” It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team. When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team. Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds. How do they handle it? Are they defensive? Do they attack? Do they withdraw? Do they get annoyed? Do they blame you? Do they ignore it? Do they hide or rationalize it? [/b]Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it! [i]With all this put into considerations, you could really head to a successful marriage http://mentalhealth4muslims.com/2010/03/31/10-ways-to-marry-the-wrong-person/comment-page-2/#&panel1-5 70 Likes 18 Shares |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by adanduka: 12:37pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
From experience I must say the last point is on point! 4 Likes |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by Nobody: 12:44pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
adanduka: |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by Nobody: 2:07pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Wonderful post. One of the best i have read on Nairaland. Too many people having s.ex and paying less attention to these critical issues. 32 Likes |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by abila122: 2:51pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Every point you have made makes sense I killed my husband by accident, says wife Source: http://e reporter.com.ng/index.php/crime/item/2568-i-killed-my-husband-by-accident-says-wife 1 Like |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by eleojo23: 2:52pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
7. Don't marry due to pressure. There is a lot of pressure on young people to get married. These pressures can make someone marry a person who is not meant for him/her thereby marrying someone they don't really like and with whom they are not comfortable. When issues arise, he/she will be saying within himself/herself 'if I had my way, I wouldn't have married you in the first place!.' Don't allow people to push you into something that you'll later regret. Because when the relationship begins to have problems, it is this same people who will begin to run their mouth and say things that will surprise you. They'll say things like ''if you didn't really love him/her and you knew you wouldn't be able to live with him/her, why then did you marry him/her?" That's why it's good to always take actions that you can be responsible for and not because people expect you to. This is because when things start going the way you did not expect, you begin to look for who to blame but alas, everyone denies responsibility. You finally end up blaming yourself for allowing others make your decisions for you. 24 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by blemon44(m): 2:52pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
ok |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by ireneony(f): 2:52pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Nawa o |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by SAMBARRY: 2:52pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Sophyrocks:sophy rocks is that you.omg you so cute and adorable. Cute big eyes attractive smile and lovely hair 4 Likes |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by freethinker01: 2:52pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
.I'm Indifferent. |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by holatin(m): 2:52pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Avoid Pre-Marital Sexual/Physical Activity Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman. Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them. dats nice but op hope you no draw Iya chukwudi oil before marrying her 1 Like |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by Nobody: 2:52pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Marry your friend. Someone you are not embarrassed around when you're at your worse (Ill, without make up or with Simbi goes to school All back) Someone you can laugh with, share your daily activity with, someone you can play with, cry to, someone who gets you without you saying a word. Someone you can share jokes and laugh with whether its garri youre both drinking or Sharwarma. The love might fade, if you have a friendship like this, you are blessed. 35 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by thiefnubu(m): 2:52pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Ok Another list from the gods Note taken and list filed for future reference... With the many lists I have seen and read in this section, I can confidently open and manage a Marriage and Romance Counselling Center.... DR WELLINGTON TINUBU, THE LOVE MECHANIC, MARRIAGE DOCTOR, SEX EXPERT, INTERNATIONAL CONSULTANT ON FUCKOLOGY AND EMOTIONAL STRUGGLE. 2 Likes |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by lilmax(m): 2:53pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Okay |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by KingEbukasBlog(m): 2:53pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by Nutase: 2:53pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
KingEbukasBlog: soji1992: Tinubu: freethinker01: holatin: ireneony: blemon44: abila122: adeshola1: naijaboiy: money121: Dammytrager: sexymoma:War against front page indiscipline (WAFPI). Modified Apologies to kennygee 2 Likes |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by loomer: 2:54pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
ITS NOT BY MIGHT MY BROTHER. 3 Likes |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by sexymoma(f): 2:54pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Whats it about all these 7 things to do before marriage 6 ways to know if he is sexually active 9 ways to know if she s a wife material 8 ways to know if he s the right man for you.. How many ways Una wan pass... E go get wan stage wey be say nairaland women go dey pray say " God give me Husband, Man na Man o" 7 Likes |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by folabayo1(f): 2:54pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Nice post so point.. 1 Like |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by Lovexme(m): 2:54pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Good read. 1 Like |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by januzaj(m): 2:54pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Man proposes God disposes nice points though 1 Like |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by Dammytrager(m): 2:54pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Next!!! |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by money121(m): 2:55pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by samkizzy(m): 2:55pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
nice post..really handy 2 Likes |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by naijaboiy: 2:55pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Ok so I booked this space and then I discovered that I have nothing to contribute to this topic because it does not concern me 2 Likes |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by adeshola1(m): 2:56pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
hmmmmm..... Okay |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by pekeyim: 2:56pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
What if I don marry? 1 Like |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by Nobody: 2:57pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Nutase: My comment was the longest there. 1 Like |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by Nobody: 2:57pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
sexymoma: Wait a minute. As far as premarital sex is concerned, I believe a man and woman have all the right to explore their sexuality as soon as they both agree to spend the rest of their lives together either by him putting a ring on her finger or making their relationship formal. Whoever chooses to abstain until after the wedding ceremony may have regrets later on in life. Shikena! 8 Likes |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by Nobody: 2:58pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
wen u engage in konji nd blow up in the next ten seconds......one of d reasons u should engage in premarital sex is premature ejaculation 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: 6 Ways To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person by tejpot(m): 2:58pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Now that I know all these points, is that all I need to know for me not to marry a wrong person? |
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