₦airaland Forum

RedBenson:
Same here. Seriously, we've been in serious convo together before which was even very productive but i cant recall where it was and when. Anyways, hope you doing good? Happy new year.

Thanks. Thats true. Well im doing great. Hope ure too.

Sophyrocks:
Thanks. Thats true. Well im doing great. Hope ure too.

Sure i'm doing good. Anyways, have a blissful night rest when you retire to bed.

RedBenson:
Sure i'm doing good. Anyways, have a blissful night rest when you retire to bed.

You too.

lilmaxfidel:
There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage.  The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility.

so based on my observations, here are seven ways to avoid marrying the wrong partner.

Do Not Marry Potential
  Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change.  This is the wrong approach on both accounts.  Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential.  There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them.  These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.

Choose Character over Chemistry 

While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love.  The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness.

Avoid Pre-Marital Sexual/Physical Activity

Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.
Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them.

Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection 

There are four questions that you must answer YES to; Do I respect and admire this person?  What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
Do I trust this person?  Can I rely on them?  Do I trust their judgment?  Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
Do I feel Safe?  Do I feel emotionally safe with this person?  Can I be vulnerable?  Can I be myself?  Can I be open?  Can I express myself?
Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?
If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married.  If you don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married!

Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety

 Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage.  Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage.  When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions.  Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship.  If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship which is potentially leading to a wrong marriage in all standards.

Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner
Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset.  Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?”  It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team.  When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team.  Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds.  How do they handle it?  Are they defensive?  Do they attack?  Do they withdraw?  Do they get annoyed?  Do they blame you?  Do they ignore it?  Do they hide or rationalize it?  [/b]Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!

[i]With all this put into considerations, you could really head to a successful marriage


http://mentalhealth4muslims.com/2010/03/31/10-ways-to-marry-the-wrong-person/comment-page-2/#&panel1-5

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We know all these already.

Do you know how to differentiate between "packaged" and real deal?

Now that's the one I am interested in learning not the obvious things.

Honestly, no one knows their spouse until they live together for some years which is why people pray for divine guidance instead of checking a list of shallow characteristics/traits.
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Who is the wrong person and who is the good person?

sexymoma:
Whats it about all these
7 things to do before marriage
6 ways to know if he is sexually active
9 ways to know if she s a wife material
8 ways to know if he s the right man for you..
How many ways Una wan pass...

E go get wan stage wey be say nairaland women go dey pray say " God give me Husband, Man na Man o"

Nobi for nairaland that one go happen,na for ur village BC nairaland babes gallant,fine,wise n smart enough,carry that ur indirect curse bck t ur villa

kaima1984:
Nobi for nairaland that one go happen,na for ur village BC nairaland babes gallant,fine,wise n smart enough,carry that ur indirect curse bck t ur villa

Chai... your body dey hot... abi na u i dey i direct the words to ni.. wey i nor know

perfect.....

Brandnew2:
Wait a minute.
As far as premarital sex is concerned, I believe a man and woman have all the right to explore their sexuality as soon as they both agree to spend the rest of their lives together either by him putting a ring on her finger or making their relationship formal.

Whoever chooses to abstain until after the wedding ceremony may have regrets later on in life.

Shikena!

it seems you have minced the words together. Once the union is made formal when both parents have agreed to their consent it is no longer premarital. Ring is nt paramount. As lng as dey r av bn declared husband & wife

exebi:
This point is WISE & TRUE - especially in Nigeria with many selfish parents, elders and friends pressurizing everyone to marry immediately. Indeed this point should be #1 not #7.

Just wondering why some parents won't hesitate to give der daughters out in marriage while dey delay/deter d sons from taking wives. U just made sense.