Mynd44:

I wonder why people need to convince others that cheats can change.

Are they trying to send a message?

I can't guess.

I like the part that alludes to trust being a structure to be 'rebuilt' loll. A nice thought.

Mynd44:

What if I kill your child willingly and then realize my mistake. Does that count?

Why would you equate cheating to murder?

I may drive one way and thus commit a civil offence and excuse it as a mistake and still be pardoned. It's an offence against the state but you can't kill someone and excuse it as a mistake. You have not only committed an offence against the state but have taken the liberties of another human.

Mynd44:

I am saying I do not agree to the saying that cheating is a mistake.

Usually, the correct answer is most likely the simplest one - path of least resistance.
While the act of cheating itself may not be a mistake, the feeling of regret as in sadness, repentance, or disappointment that overcomes a cheater is what classifies the act as a mistake in his/her mind - like I said, path of least resistance.

This however may not include those who are caught red-handed, as saying it was a mistake is their way of dodging full responsibility.

I am saying I will forgive cheating (I don't have time for baggage) but staying with a cheat will take a whole lot more that asking for forgiveness and promising to change

This is your personal conviction, as there are also people with such a large heart to forgive a cheat and stay with him/her - these set of people believe that there is such a thing as change and are willing to give it a shot.

Different strokes for different folks.

onegig:


Why would you equate cheating to murder?

I may drive one way and thus commit a civil offence and excuse it as a mistake and still be pardoned. It's an offence against the state but you can't kill someone and excuse it as a mistake. You have not only committed an offence against the state but have taken the liberties of another human.

Driving on one way is never a mistake. Were you behind the wheels or not? You will be made to face the punishment and get a record too.

crackhaus:

Usually, the correct answer is most likely the simplest one - path of least resistance.
While the act of cheating itself may not be a mistake, the feeling of regret as in sadness, repentance, or disappointment that overcomes a cheater is what classifies the act as a mistake in his/her mind - like I said, path of least resistance.

This however may not include those who are caught red-handed, as saying it was a mistake is their way of dodging full responsibility.


This is your personal conviction, as there are also people with such a large heart to forgive a cheat and stay with him/her - these set of people believe that there is such a thing as change and are willing to give it a shot.

Different strokes for different folks.

Don't worry. I have one for you.

A man killed his best friend and later on was washed with regret shame and guilt. Can we take the action as a mistake?

You took of at least 3 pieces of clothing and you still have the nerve to call it a mistake? Hilarious.

What was the person thinking while doing the deed? Mistake?

I laugh in Russian

Mynd44:

Driving on one way is never a mistake. Were you behind the wheels or not? You will be made to face the punishment and get a record too.

It can be a mistake if I am alien to the area and there are no clear road signs that shows it is a one way until I was caught. I just want you to understand that the comparison of cheating and murder is so extreme and crazily different.

As regards the topic here.

I believe everyone should take responsibility for their actions. A cheating partner maybe unaware of the larger consequences of their actions and upon realisation of this learn to reverse their ways and change. Humans are sometimes impulsive animals and may only weigh the consequences of their actions after the deed is done.

Do they atone for their pasts misdeeds in future? I can't say.

Can a cheat change. Yes of course.

Myndd44.

Are you saying you don't believe in change?

If you're sure of the person's sincere repentance, (assuming you've known him/her well enough to know when he/she's being sincere)
then a second chance is not out of place.

Facts to consider include how many times she/he did it, with how many people and frequency. Each relationship and its own unique situation. So the person in the relationship will be the one to use their discretion and decide whether it has gone beyond what they can overlook and forgive.

But continuous and unrepentant sleeping around especially when the offender tries to justify herself/himself
'He doesn't provide'
'I'm polygamous in nature'
'I lack attention'
Bla bla bla
Is not only not deserving of forgiveness but also deserves some punishment.

Some people do change

freecocoa:
Myndd44.

Are you saying you don't believe in change?

I do believe in change

But my willing to be used as a lab rat to test the person's ability to "change" will take a divine act

Mynd44:

I do believe in change

But my willing to be used as a lab rat to test the person's ability to "change" will take a divine act

That's what you should have just said, your argument says you don't believe a cheat can change.

5minsmadness:


I know a man who cheated on his wife once. He used to go with us for seminars in Abuja and on one occasion and for whatever reason he decided to pick one of the loose girls that hung around the place to spend the night with.

The next day he wasn't his usual self and didn't participate in the seminars as vibrantly as he usually did. The GM had to ask if he was ill. He later confided in us that he had cheated on his wife the night before and was feeling terrible. The sex was good but he had just don't something he swore he would never do i.e being unfaithful to his wife. It worried him till we left abuja.

It took him a week of brooding around the office before he finally decided to tell his wife. It wasn't easy and one of our guys had to accommodate him for a few days but eventually the wife forgave him and took him back. The main reason? He was not the cheating type. We all knew him to be a responsible and well behaved fellow, lord knows what entered him that day.



And we do HIV screening every six months , he is not positive. Not everything ends in tragedy like the case you mentioned.

Not everybody is a serial cheat. Some people do make mistakes. Life is not black and white but a multitude of colours.

seem something like this..............it wasn't funny. He was suppose to even conduct service the next day , he had to apologise to the priest without disclosing the reason and he also didnt tell a lie or give an excuse.

freecocoa:
That's what you should have just said, your argument says you don't believe a cheat can change.

My argument has been that you don't cheat by mistake and of you cheat, I can forgive but staying with you is implausible.

Mynd44:

My argument has been that you don't cheat by mistake and of you cheat, I can forgive but staying with you is implausible.

Oh! Okay.

I do agree that cheating isn't a mistake.

EnlightenedSoul:
Once a cheater, always a cheater? I say yes.

I concur.

zeb04:
Once a cheat always a cheat.

I don't understand why people take cheating patners back,
cheating is choice,walking away is another choice.but you stay and pretend everything is alright why you doing backyard business is not acceptable

Cheating is same offense as murder to me on moral grounds.

let's assume you have a daughter.

I cheated on your daughter because she cheated on me, I think that could be easily taken as payback

I killed your daughter because she cheated on me
i guess you will let it be just a pay back in the same measure, no?

I cheated on your daughter for no reason, you would probably advice her to leave and forget the case

I killed your daughter for no reason, please what would you do?

will you be happy if your daughter is not shown enough care, she cheats this one time and her husband sends her home? tell me if you will not think she can change and deserves a chance? would you see her as a cheat forever even if she puts much sincere effort to regain her dignity?
I see sentiments in your post.
I see unreasonable comparison also ( murder vs cheat)

I really agree that cheating or infidelity isn't inborn but once one is into the act It becomes difficult to stop It completely thats why people believe that "once a cheat always a cheat".

Dheartless:

let's assume you have a daughter.

I cheated on your daughter because she cheated on me, I think that could be easily taken as payback

I killed your daughter because she cheated on me
i guess you will let it be just a pay back in the same measure, no?

I cheated on your daughter for no reason, you would probably advice her to leave and forget the case

I killed your daughter for no reason, please what would you do?

will you be happy if your daughter is not shown enough care, she cheats this one time and her husband sends her home? tell me if you will not think she can change and deserves a chance? would you see her as a cheat forever even if she puts much sincere effort to regain her dignity?
I see sentiments in your post.
I see unreasonable comparison also ( murder vs cheat)

What is it with the "if your daughter/son...blah"?

If 'my' daughter cheats, she's a damn cheat. Exactly what difference is there between what 'she' did, and what 'you' did? In fact, it's worse. It's not like I raised 'you'.

Like they say "Change is the only constant thing in life". A Cheat can change, it is possible but i am yet to come across one who changed both male & female.
Look around u very well, friend, family or anyone u know. Did that person change? They only get better @ d game. It's a bad habit to break.
As for me , i will forgive a cheat but that is the end of that relationship. I will never give someone a 2nd chance to play me for a fool again.
At least when i am gone, the person would have learned a great lesson on how much unfaithfulness can cost & wouldnt try it in their next relationship.
I would love to forgive & forget but unfortunately, u dont forget sumtin like that if u love & trust the person. U will repeatedly feel bad in that relationship. All element of trust is lost & things can neva be the same again. Why bother keepin that kind of a relationship.
I dont know about other people but it is the ultimate deal breaker 4 Me.
Cheating is not a mistake, it is selfishness of the highest order. If u are not feeling loved in a relationship then by all means leave, dont look for any excuse to justify cheating.
There are other girls in the world that will surely share my ideology of being faithful & true no matter what. So why should i stay with a cheat?

This Article makes an interestin read
http://www.360nobs.com/2014/03/3600submissions-cheating/

Gbam

Mynd44:
A woman spoke to me once about her husband. He was the loving guy and then he cheated on her. She was pissed and angry and tried to leave the husband as she had told herself she could never forgive a cheat her family members spoke to her, she said no. Then her pastor called her and the husband and the pastor said he has spoken to the husband and he has agreed to change.

The woman is living somewhere in Ibadan right now with HIV contracted from her husband who cheated and she forgave because it is just once.

Cheats are evil and have no regard for you, your love, your sanity or life. They only care about the pleasure they will get in that moment and when they get that selfishness off their body, they get sober and beg.

If he/she cheats, before you forgive and stay because of love or religion think about your life and how much that person values it.

GuyFawkes:


I concur.

Ey, Fawkes. Good to see ya.

Poster wants to cheat let him cheat, its our mentality for settling for less that has gotten us to this level.

Cheating is not a mistake, see how he is justifying and glorifying cheating." the se-x was good ". I always say it if spouses didn't put up with cheats then cheaters will stop but because you make yourself so helpless and put forward all sorts of idiotic theories cheaters will keep treating you like trash.

Adultery is rated same as homosexuality we all hate and condemn and the punishment is the same. Same way gay rights have been criminalised an over zealous religious can also come and use the same major to criminalise adultery.

If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death.

Anyway each to their own, anybody who quotes me hoping for back and forth is on their own.

Let's not make this about men. Women cheat too!

5minsmadness:
A faithful husband that has been denied sex for long periods of time is more likely to cheat than if he has sex regularly.
.

You are hilarious at emboldened.
I'm not sure you know the meaning of "faithful husband".

Aisha take 5

aisha2:
Poster wants to cheat let him cheat, its our mentality for settling for less that has gotten us to this level.

Cheating is not a mistake, see how he is justifying and glorifying cheating." the se-x was good ". I always say it if spouses didn't put up with cheats then cheaters will stop but because you make yourself so helpless and put forward all sorts of idiotic theories cheaters will keep treating you like trash.

Adultery is rated same as homosexuality we all hate and condemn and the punishment is the same. Same way gay rights have been criminalised an over zealous religious can also come and use the same major to criminalise adultery.

If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death.

Anyway each to their own, anybody who quotes me hoping for back and forth is on their own.

FrancisTony:

You are hilarious at emboldened.
I'm not sure you know the meaning of "faithful husband".

did you notice how wife was conveniently exchanged with girlfriend?
I thought we were talking about married people?

while im not in any way advocating for cheats, im abit shocked at the seeming level of tolerance...cheating is gruesome and insulting, people can change. The issue here is that if people hold this paradigm that 'a person who errs once will always err" as a fundamental premise undergirding human interactions, then.....the conclusion of things would be awful.
Anyone who Cheats.... should get help.....SPIRITUAL THERAPY and PSYCHOLOGICAL THERAPY.
spiritual therapy because marriage is a sacred and a highly esteemed spiritual institution...a person who cheats...obviously does not fully understand the implications of marriage. Psych Eval is important also...so that the social implications of cheating is unravelled to them....again!

No, I think everyone can make a change for better or for worse, and only the dumbest of people don't learn from their mistakes, but if a person does cheat on you do not give them a second chance so that the lesson will be so tough that it'll be ingrained in them forever

Finally I can see some reasonable nairaland guys. Let me return to my default setting. By the way, cheating is never a mistake, u don't just go walking on the road then u slip and fall into a diick or a pussssy. Its a choice, a decision you made. Once a cheat may not always be a cheat, but 99.9% of the time once a cheat, always a cheat!