I am 37 years old. We got married 6 years ago and had two children. I come from a well off family so life wasn't difficult. I have always been able to get money from handouts from my family as well as some rental properties that I inherited. As a wedding gift my parents bought us a house that is now valued at about 180m Naira. To be honest, I haven't really been working very hard to chart my own financial path and I don't really know why. I have no motivation to do business, start any business or even work in the family business. I've started to believe it is because the person who is supposed to be supporting me the most, is always putting me down. Any time that I come up with a new business idea she crushes my dreams, telling me how bad that idea is. My father passed away a few years ago and everytime I tell my wife I have gone to do business with my mum, or I want to buy a piece of land with my mother and brother, she gets upset. Now here comes the abuse: when we argue and she tells me to get out of the house, I refuse and tell her its my house. She quickly replies "No it's your mothers house" "A real man works hard and struggles to make it" I have been called all types of names e.g. 'youre lazy" "you're not a good dad (mind you she's always screaming and beating on my son)" "you're not a real man", "Bleep is more of a man than you", etc. I got tired of all that so I decided to empower her, so a couple of years ago, I sold a piece of land worth 20 million Naira and gave her 10 to start a business. I spent my 10 on debts, paying bills, running the house etc. That 10 million has spawned 3 other businesses on her part while I am still stuck with no business of my own. She has never shared or offered to share any profits of those businesses with me, which is ok by me as I really don't need her money. I am still called all types of names, despite the fact that I pay all the house bills, school fees, electricity, DSTV etc. She pays for nothing. When she shops for items from the supermarket, vegetable market etc, she will give me a detailed bill of what she has spent and I HAVE TO REFUND. Refund? we are all eating the food, I don't ask for help every month, and I have to refund? She constantly reminds me that is what a man is supposed to do, pay all the bills in the house, and that I get my money for free while she has to work hard for it. But my question is, do I need this treatment? am I too nice? Please help.

Op no offence but please take this to the family section. You will get advice from mature and married folks over there.
Na boyfriend and girlfriend dem dey do here.

Bro..you are the man of the House, Act like one and make vital decisions...stop whining like a sissy!!!
Abi you need a wake up slap ni!!!!?

It's your fault. She's enjoying your money and deriding you at the same time. And it's cos you let her. You need to stop running your business ideas through her first. You make it look like you need permission. Talk to an expert in your field of interest and get proper information then invest. Some people only know how to fault other people's ideas. No encouragement from such people. So don't take your ideas to them.

Granted, she's your wife; the only woman (apart from your mother and sisters) whom you should try to impress. But you should not let her douse your passion.

Whatever you do, don't get physical. If you want to wait for her approval my brother you'll wait forever.

As for her harsh character, well, you saw all that before getting married.

OP I'm sorry to say that yes ur lazy. U get such amounts of money and u dont have a single investment to name. before u married her u showed her ur family had wealth she decided to marry ur family's wealth and nt u. she has achieved her aim so u're in serious trouble. this is an advice to all the young men who use their fathers wealth to pose his fate awaits u. Some women are like green snake in green grass. OP take charge of ur house. let her knw her place. remind her of her duties as a wife incase she has forgotten. if she refuses to be reminded. take charge of the businesses. finish.

I have not heard her part of the story, but already I'm convinced that she's right. Your whining here confirms it absolutely that you've lost it not to her incessant nagging but to your laziness and inability to take CHARGE as a man.



Imagine giving your wyf 10mil to start a business and already it has spawn 3 other business and making good profit while you squandered your on debt servicing...guy na wah for you ooooo! Your types na confirmed AJEBUTTER. Count yourself lucky that your parents were blue blooded, wealthy and left inheritance for you, else...with this your Ajebutter approach I doubt whether you'll survive the streets fending for yourself o! and again, taking charge also means that you talk some sense into her head. In that way, she'll weigh her words before spewing trash on you.

Thanks for the comments, really. That is exactly what I needed: A reality check.

MrNiceGuy79:
I am 37 years old. We got married 6 years ago and had two children. I come from a well off family so life wasn't difficult. I have always been able to get money from handouts from my family as well as some rental properties that I inherited. As a wedding gift my parents bought us a house that is now valued at about 180m Naira. To be honest, I haven't really been working very hard to chart my own financial path and I don't really know why. I have no motivation to do business, start any business or even work in the family business. I've started to believe it is because the person who is supposed to be supporting me the most, is always putting me down. Any time that I come up with a new business idea she crushes my dreams, telling me how bad that idea is. My father passed away a few years ago and everytime I tell my wife I have gone to do business with my mum, or I want to buy a piece of land with my mother and brother, she gets upset. Now here comes the abuse: when we argue and she tells me to get out of the house, I refuse and tell her its my house. She quickly replies "No it's your mothers house" "A real man works hard and struggles to make it" I have been called all types of names e.g. 'youre lazy" "you're not a good dad (mind you she's always screaming and beating on my son)" "you're not a real man", "Bleep is more of a man than you", etc. I got tired of all that so I decided to empower her, so a couple of years ago, I sold a piece of land worth 20 million Naira and gave her 10 to start a business. I spent my 10 on debts, paying bills, running the house etc. That 10 million has spawned 3 other businesses on her part while I am still stuck with no business of my own. She has never shared or offered to share any profits of those businesses with me, which is ok by me as I really don't need her money. I am still called all types of names, despite the fact that I pay all the house bills, school fees, electricity, DSTV etc. She pays for nothing. When she shops for items from the supermarket, vegetable market etc, she will give me a detailed bill of what she has spent and I HAVE TO REFUND. Refund? we are all eating the food, I don't ask for help every month, and I have to refund? She constantly reminds me that is what a man is supposed to do, pay all the bills in the house, and that I get my money for free while she has to work hard for it. But my question is, do I need this treatment? am I too nice? Please help.

I think you need to grow up.
Your lack of drive and ambition frustrates your wife.
At least she's doing to your face. Do you know how what your family and friends say behind you?

I do have ambition, but whenever I get excited about an idea, I'm ready to invest in it and now I start going around to the people I care for advice (my main mistake), my wife shuts it down, and because I don't want to cause problems in the house, I let it go, continue getting rent from my properties (the money isn't enough) and look for another idea. It's a vicious cycle that has left me broken bro. But I have received some valuable bits of advice from this forum.

Chartey:

I think you need to grow up.
Your lack of drive and ambition frustrates your wife.
At least she's doing to your face. Do you know how what your family and friends say behind you?

To be honest,i guess the fact that you had things easy(coming from a wealthy family) and some inheritance did not create a drive in you.However,your wife is going about it the wrong way and she's not using her mouth right.I hope you didn't marry her by impressing her with a show of wealth.

Having entrepreneurial skills may not come easy for you but you can't start from somewhere.If your wife cannot help you build a business,you can get consultations from experts.Most importantly,make a move.

I hope your wife loves you(again i hope she didn't marry you because of wealth).Both of you should deal with each other in love.Exchanging hot words should cease.

Op, don't you have any girlfriend? Or babe? You are spending too much time with your wife. Just like
you spend too much time with your mother too. All women are the same. They
show you that over familiarity breeds contempt. Wake up and smell the cofee.
Get a girlfriend. Or two. Or three. Afterall, you can afford it.

That means you don't have a say on your own . You are the causative agent of your own failure not your wife. I must commend your wife for been hardworking, if she was the squandering type, there will be no money or other business to talk about .

If you want your dignity back as a man,stand up on your feet and start hustling, don't wait for your wife before you make your own ideas,it is not too late.

You and your wife are suppose to be a team, there should be no room for jealousy or selfishness. I wish you luck in whatever business you choose.

Chartey:

I think you need to grow up.
Your lack of drive and ambition frustrates your wife.
At least she's doing to your face. Do you know how what your family and friends say behind you?

you have said it all. some people have zero tolerance to lukewarmness, lethargy and can barely cope with slackards. ops wfy is probably one of such and I guess she has had just about enough of the ops lack of drive and ambition. op, pls consider yourself lucky to have such a woman. she is probably tongue-lashing you in a desperate resort to galvanize you into waking up from your slumber. how long will you continue to SELL valuable properties left behind by your parents to pay your bills? if she was as slothful as you are you both will keep flogging your inheritance till you'll have no roof over your head. imagine if she spent the 10mil on jewelries, pedicure and manicure as some big madams do squandering their hubbys money.

this your story dey make me vex seriously. if only you were half as hardworking as your wyf, you'll have doubled if not tripled the wealth your parent left. apologies if I'm taking your complain too personal, I among those who never had the luxury of this sort of support yet I've come a long way alone and sometimes I just feel that even though I'm comfortable now (by His grace) I wild have even been much better if I had just a little parental support. it sorta pisses me off when I see people with such support but who'll rather choose to waste such privileges. guy brace up and pick up the gauntlet. your wyf has thrown a challenge to you....prove to her that you can beat her at that game of business. you can both set business targets for yourselves and evaluate who beats the target after a given time, then the looser pays a Ransome etc its fun