I am a sickle cell patient working in a good company and earning a good pay. I am in my late twenties.
whenever I want to go into relationship with any girl the first thing i find out is her genotype, as i can never marry an AS so that my uborn child wont suffer the same fate as i did. during the the dating period i spend for this girls and whenever they ask for finacial help I try to the best of my ability. but the story always changed after "will you marry me"; If it is not am already engaged then it is am not ready. this has happend to me not once, the third time is yesterday. I am at the lowest point of my life now, and I dont think I will ever go into any relationship again.
I need advice. Any married SS in the house please share how you got your spouse.

Eeya
God will provide a loving lady for you very soon jare

oga sorry o. most lagos girls have always been like that sickle cell or no sickle cell

sorry oh, just keep tryin, u will find dat special person.

@poster so sorry 4 wt uv been through.but be rest assured dt ur own specially crafted lady who wl luv u unconditionally wl cum ur way soon.be expectant.let that be ur new year resolution.wish u best of luck.

@poster
the girls u are talking abt have a disease even greater than sickle cell so why worry urslf
just belief that there's sum1 for evry1

yemo:

I am a sickle cell patient working in a good company and earning a good pay. I am in my late twenties.
whenever I want to go into relationship with any girl the first thing i find out is her genotype, as i can never marry an AS so that my uborn child wont suffer the same fate as i did. during the the dating period i spend for this girls and whenever they ask for finacial help I try to the best of my ability. but the story always changed after "will you marry me"; If it is not am already engaged then it is am not ready. this has happend to me not once, the third time is yesterday. I am at the lowest point of my life now, and I don't think I will ever go into any relationship again.
I need advice. Any married SS in the house please share how you got your spouse.

You could start by telling them ho-ha that you have this condition if they ask for money deny them or make some excuse and watch for their reactions a girl that really likes you would not have you going out of your way infact avoid broke chics like a plague

tope Why are grls like diz?

when u find the one, it wont matter if u are sickle cell or not

infact it has nothing to do with your condition, even when an

AA meets the wrong girl, he gets the same treatment.lots of

SS get married everday, i was even in love with 1 once,she was

the one giving all the excuse not me. so cheer up. e go better.

@Poster
Do you tell them you are SS?
How long do you date before you ask for mariage?

good questions, ^{that a good answer will help things out}

Do you think these greed turds would care whether your a sickle celler? In fact they will clean you dry until it is time to get serious before they move on. I remember in College, there was this very fine sickle celler guy and although you would know immediately that he wasnt feeling too well all the time, he wooed this fine girl and she started dating him. This boy was stinkingly rich and it didnt take too long for the girl to say yes. He dated her for 2 years and splashed his wealth seriously on her to make her happy and she pretended that she loved him all this while and the boy even took her to meet his parents who treated her like their daughter. When he was about to graduate, he wanted to push it to the next level but yawa come gas, when he later discovered that she was secretly dating another guy and that one was planning too to marry her.

Despite all the begging and appeals, omo, this girl left the guy and married the other guy. The guy almost went nuts. Since then, he doesnt even want to hear anything about dating talkless of marriage.

It shows how cruel and extremely heartless these girls an be and very devilish in their minds.

So to poster my advise to you is to lure them with yor money, sleep with them and FREE THEM! Until you find a chick that is similar to your genotype.

Use your money to punish them well just the way you have suffered in their hands!

So to poster my advise to you is to lure them with yor money, sleep with them and FREE THEM! Until you find a chick that is similar to your genotype.

You might be worstening the case

Yemo,
I read your story with deepest empathy. I feel you from the depth of my heart. I think you need luck and prayer to get through.

Well, you have been able to managed your condition quite well. I am grateful to God for that.

This is what I will do if I were in your shoe.

First I will evaluate my own condition and look at the positive side of my life. I used to have a sickle cell friend when I was young. She was very kind and intelligent. In spite of that, we still love to be around her. I don't know where she is now. I am sure God is kind to her.

2. Stop seeing every ladies you meet as a potential wife. I suspect that is what you have been doing. Even if you are AA, asking every ladies you met about their genotype is like you see them as potential wives. That won't make you look decent at all. It will make you look desperate and as such, the ladies would naturally exploit that loophole to rip you off. What you should do is to be friend with them. Until they know you deep inside.

3. How do you then know their genotypes? Simple. Be discreet about the way you ask. You may just let the conversation drift to that side on it own or you can use a third party. Her friend or your friend. That will save you alot of energy.

Finally, I have one big advise for you. I won't want to spoil the thread though. But then, it all depend on you,

At this stage in my life, I do not see marriage as the most important thing in life. I think you worries alot about marriages and that is why you let your emotion betrayed you. You can be happy in life if you just make up your mind to be happy.

My advice is that you start acting normally as if you have no genotype disadvantage. Ask yourself, what is the worst thing that can happen if you don't marry. Accept the worst and pretend as if it had happened. Then calmly begin to work toward getting the best from it, (I will expantiate later if need be)

cheer

My advice is that you start acting normally as if you have no genotype disadvantage. Ask yourself, what is the worst thing that can happen if you don't marry. Accept the worst and pretend as if it had happened. Then calmly begin to work toward getting the best from it, (I will expantiate later if need be)

Please expatiate, I;m curious.

@ Poster, Life's a bitch, someone will come, but it might have to be outside Nigeria. Girls abroad are broad minded and hook up with anybody as long as they are in luv. Heared of someone who married a guy on death row. So, try hooking up with a girl outside naija. U can't blame those here anyway, they are afraid of what 'society' will say and the fear of becoming young widows. But what the F**k, what do they know.

Keep living man. Peace

@Olanajim, you are quite right, I hope to get married before 29. also I am the only male child of my parents and coupled with the false notion that ss can die at any time, there is this pressure to get married quickly. but i can't just married any body can i. because of the emotional trauma that comes with being let down time and time again, am thinking of being a single parent; is it not a child they want?

@The N,
Why are you currrious?Well, I assure you that statement is one of the most important lesson I learn in life. It is the root of my calm disposition when faced with mountainous problems. Sometime, I would simply be nonchalant to the problem. But then, I am going to expantiate. Maybe someone out there would see the wisdom behind it.

To start with, men loathe the sight of problems so they do everything under the sun to avoid problems. Fortunately or unfortunately, it seem what they fear have a way of overtaking them. Why? Because our fear have a way of assuming life that eventually bring them to reality. And when the problems eventually descend on them they lose the courage to live and some of them never fully recovered from it. Conversely, people who already have the problems have nothing to fear anymore. The worst had happened. What is now left for them is to do one of the two things:
1. To accept to live with the problem forever without doing anything. These people lose hope, and eventually lose their lives. They often die, unsung. Look at the thousands of beggars on the roads who had, due to their infirmities, chosen to live their entry lives in shamble. That is an example.
2. To accept to live with the problem but with positive conviction that they could still live a balanced lives. With this, the wise among them quietly, and calmly work toward the solution. If they find the solution, they're going to be talked about for generation to come.And if they don't find solution, they would still live average lives devoid of deep-seated sorrow or recentment about life.If they die in that process,the world would at least acknowledge their passing.Think of people like Helen Keller (blind and deaf from childhood), John Forppe (born without arms), think about people who have turned adversity to blessing & you wil understand d two choices.

Now,what a better choice to make than accept the worst when it, unavoidably confront you?What a bigger victory than overcoming it?

Sit back and watch

Now, when I said that he should "accept the worst", I am not saying that he should "resign to fate!". I am saying that he should accept that the worst had happened and then take a positive outlook to improving his lot. You cannot solve a problem properly when you are drown in the pool of fear and mental depression.

So back to the issue, he should accept that SOME women want his money and learn to live by that.

Next, he should change his approach from one desperate for marriage to one who cares about others. You know if I were a woman, I can think that all he want is kids and not me! So why waste time on him?

He should then start working toward recognizing women who would accept him for what he is. This is the hard part and it require his inner reservour of faith and humility. There are many As women out there who would risk marrying As men all for love. So, there would of course be many AA out there who are ready to marry SS, as long as he meet their specifications.

He need to realize that the chance of meeting such women is greatly dependent on his attitude to God and Men (both joined).

Any other thing on that theory would be explained later.

@yemo,
Being the only son doesn't mean you have to marry to please anybody. Pegging the age you'll marry at 29 without even a girlfriend is setting unrealistic goal. Being a single parent may be a solution but to what extent? Have you bothered to find the lady who will volunteer to get pregnant for you without wanting the child? Don't make a double mistake as an AS lady can fool you and get pregnant for you, leaving you with the problem you are avoiding!

So what is the way out? Let me meditate on it! Am sure members would put in great input before I wake up.

@ Olanajim

Very wise and intelligent talk. But i belive in que cera cera. That one is healthy doesn't guarantee a happy life and vice versa. Charles Dickens was sickly all his life but turned out great. i know many others who have worse situations and have a beautiful home.

Bottom line, do nothing but BELIEVE if others can, u can. Forget strategies and ideologies, just Believe in God and you.

@poster,don't even think girls chop your money and refuses to marry you cus ur SS.i'm AA and your case applies to mine.just that i don wise now to get any girl i come in contact with laid and dumped.

This is very similar to my case. However Im the girl who said no to the SS guy because I dont want to risk having sickler kids and a sickler husband. Sorry to say, life is really complicated on its own without having to deal with the risk of becoming a full time nurse. I do not want to have to worry about making my marriage work and then having to deal with watching my children's faces when they are sick and in pain. I like the guy in question, in fact I like him a lot. He's perfect for me, but really I cant. I know there is no guarantee that a healthy AA man I marry wont also one day fall sick with cancer or the like or wont suffer a car accident or something. But right now I want to think that I would have a happy marriage and my husband and children would be strong and healthy. I am not a materialistic person but i LIKE TO think that if this guy was stinkingly rich, then I could go ahead and say yes. At least that way material comfort may overshadow the emotional and physical pain that may be involved.

@ poster I am sorry that these girls let you spend money on them and then bolt.
I for one have never asked my guy for money because I feel that if I cant promise him anything why use him.
I pray for you and for him that you would find a good AA girl out there.
Best luck and chin up, brighter days are coming.

Yemo, I feel for UI really do. But it seems your entire life is about being an ss. Surely you're more than your genotype. And you want to get married because you're the only male of your family and your parents want a child from you! So you're an ss. Please don't let your life and all your decisions be about that. You can't take credit for it, and you can't be blamed for it. It is what it is. You're spending lavishly on girls becuase you feel you're not enough to hold their interest. You're compensating for not being 'healthy'. Would you consider stopping that,please? You don't want those kinds of girls around you. Believe me when I say, you're going to meet that special someone, and it's not money that's going to do it.I have three friends who are ss and happily married with kids. The older you get the less frequent and easier crises is to manage. I can't say this enough: stop letting your life be about your genotype. Get married for yourself, and only when you're ready. When you meet a woman worthy of you you'll be pleasantly surprised to find the ss thing isn't as much of an issue as you think.  Good luck sweetie.