It is not often that we are regaled with happy-ending stories of polygamous families. Unlike monogamy, polygamous families frequently go all-out in jealous conflicts. Even in the days of old when it was not frowned at like it is today, having more than one woman under one’s roof required a special kind of blessing. Usually, the rivalry that is generated is not limited to the wives but extends to the man’s progeny. The enmity becomes intense at the demise of the head of the family, especially if the deceased was wealthy with a vast estate. Claims and counter-claims on the rightful heir to the inheritance among family members lead to unsettled feud and push the property into ruin.

However, there are some rare tales that differ from the ubiquitous polygamy scandals. Such is the story of the Apatas. Once upon a time, there lived a retired soldier, Simeon Olaosebikan Apata, from Ekiti State. Apata was of the famous Third Marine Commando under ex-President Olusegun Obasanjo during the Nigerian Civil War in which he fought gallantly. His military background was later deployed to combat crime in his immediate environs at Ire Akari Estate, Isolo-Lagos where he lived till his untimely death.

Apata was also into pet breeding and kept Dobermans and German shepherds. Besides his love for dogs and luxury cars, he had a thing for women. His devotion to women was mutual. They returned as much love to him. Apata married three women from different backgrounds. The first wife Gladys Ify was from Delta State. For a second wife, he took, Margaret Olayinka from his home state. Another Margaret (Folajogun), this time from neighbouring Ondo State completed the trio of angels.

Unknown to these women, walking down the aisle with this man meant more than saying ‘I do’. Apata didn’t marry them to show off his wealth or display his amorous nature nor was there any tale of infertility among his wives. He brought these women together to fulfill a vision in education. Seeking ways to further his love for learning, he believed education was the best legacy a parent could bequeath a child. Therefore, he embarked on building the Apata Memorial School.

Over the years, the school has become one of the majestic landmarks in Ire-Akari Estate. It’s not an easy sight to miss. Situated at the roundabout that connects Isolo Road to Jakande Estate, the educational edifice adds a regal appeal to the environs. Founded in 1980, the school is one of the prominent schools in the country and serves as alma mater to many successful personalities in the society like popular beauty surgeon Modupe Ozolua among others.

Recently, the school commemorated the 20th memorial service of the founder. Not much has changed. The structure has been kept intact. Perhaps, the only visible change is its white paint which has been replaced with peach to add a sparkling feel of maturity. Indeed, the school has come of age. What used to be an ordinary free education centre has evolved into a majestic tower of education. New infrastructure, experienced and skilled teachers and, of course, the regular modification of the school curriculum and methods of teaching to meet modern trends guarantee a holistic moulding that conforms tointernational standard.


The week-long celebration threw the school into a flurry of activities. There were quizzes and other competitions among the students which culminated in a grand memorial event on January 8, the day Apata died. On this particular day, students were seen carrying percussion instruments up and down the staircase while others engaged in one activity or the other. However, this frenzied mood didn’t disrupt the routine. Classes progressed on schedule, as staff members carried out their duties. Parents and guardians trooped in and out of the reception to inquire about their wards.

The school presents a puzzle of sorts to many. Following Apata’s death, not a few thought the institution would die with the owner. They were wrong. This expectation of doom was mainly anchored on the fact that the founder of the school was a polygamous man. The probability was that his wives would go their separate ways and the foundation of the school would collapse. Two decades after, there is no crack in the wall of unity of Apata’s wives.

Cementing their relationship to continue harmonious co-existence could not have been triggered only by fear of losing out on Apata’s wealth. In death as in life, Apata remained the common thread that tied the women. The Apata magic has been active and never on the wane. Respect for the memory of the man they loved and revered has kept them together. Smiling, Margaret Olayinka opened up on the secret of their peaceful co-existence.

“When Apata was alive, he constantly drummed it into our ears that his family and school should not die with him. He pleaded with us that his legacy should not die. He was a man of vision. He was very loving and caring and ensured he carried everyone along, there was no secret among any of us. Even with the construction of the building and purchase of the materials, he ensured that at least one of us accompanied him to the market or site to see how things were being done. He taught us how to fish and not how to eat fish. He was a great disciplinarian.”

Although she makes it sound easy, it has not been a smooth ride for the Apata wives. There have been a lot of mines on the way, but they have managed to navigate their way to safety, much to the chagrin of the prophets of doom. Some thought that the school would no longer wave its bold colours of excellence. Like a seer, Apata foresaw his death and trained his wives well to handle the various challenges that will be thrown at them before he embarked on his eternal sojourn. He groomed them to be self-sustaining and continue to advance the frontiers of child education and development in order to keep his dream alive.

While he was yet alive, he assigned roles to them. On the home front, he ensured that the family structure was strong and tight. On many occasions, his wives recalled how he would plead with them not to split his family. He instilled the importance of family in them, but more importantly, he taught them to observe the beauty and strength in diversity. He introduced his wives to one another as help-mates to fulfill his vision. Encouraged by him, the wives address one another as sisters till date. They live in the same building, occupy the same office and never allow their children use the word ‘step-mother’. This is not to say that they do not have their high and low moments.

“Not that we don’t quarrel, we do but when we remember him, we settle our differences. We quarrel. When we do, we close the door, shout and bicker at one another, pray together and then open the door. We believe so much in prayers because without prayer, this family will not stand. We have never called any family member or someone outside the family to settle any dispute among us.” said Ify.

The Apata wives share a few common trait. Their height seems to have been calculated with the same measuring rod. Ify, however, was a shade lighter in complexion and exuded a calm and controlled disposition. Olayinka, though not as light skinned as Ify was reticent and exhaled that unmistakable aura of discipline known to teachers.
Folajogun appeared more social yet, showed signs of respect for her older colleagues.

The three wives are addressed as the directors of the school. They share the same office. The setting of the office didn’t reveal each person’s place on the hierarchial ladder. They looked like regular employees sharing the same office space. At the entranceof the office is Folajogun’s table. Olayinka occupied the middle space while Ify took up the back space. Their tables were not marked with name tag or designation. Much of the work space was taken over by an array of computers, book shelves and other educational materials.


Apart from Olayinka who had a background in education, the other wives were thrown in the world of education by the death of their husband . Folajogun used to be a fashion designer. Her knowledge of the needle and thread has come in handy. Uniforms for the students and non-teaching staff are all made in the school. Today, the women know all the details about the business of education and continuously embark on training to help them improve on the standards of the school.

With a plan to establish a technical tertiary institution that will cater to vocational studies, the furture looks even brighter, as the students are also groomed to acquire vocational skills.

The death of their husband left a vacuum in their hearts. Sunday, January 8, 1995 will always bear painful memories to these women. It began like another Sunday filled with promises, but ended with a hollow that has never been filled. Gladys Ify had gone to the salon to have her hair done. They were to resume work on their new building the following day. Margaret Folajogun was still nursing her 16 day-old baby when tragedy struck.

They had just watched an episode of the Bisi Olatilo Show and were relaxing when one of the daughters ran in to announce the presence of intruders. Ify was with Folajogun since she sprayed insecticide in her room to prevent mosquitoes feasting on the new-born baby. The villains had already been to Olayinka’s room where they frisked her. Unknown to them, the assassins had taken the first daughter downstairs while the first son narrowly escaped through the fence when they ordered him to take the puppy to where the other sedated dogs were.

Although the late Apata was skilled in self-defense, the assassins were too swift for him and ended up sending him to an early grave at the age of 50. Months after his death, these three women drew support from one another. They shared the same bed for months before they garnered the strength to move into their separate rooms. Since initial efforts to bring the criminals to justice seemed futile, they accepted their fate and left vengeance to God.

Ordinarily, the death of Apata freed this women from any marital obligation and gave them an opportunity to re-marry but Folajogun explained, “I couldn’t just bring myself to leave my sisters alone. I wondered how they would cope without my help in running the school just like my late husband requested.”

That was how Apata had trained them-to be together and love one another.
Did the thought of remarrying ever cross their mind? They chorused a resounding “No!”

If the three wives were put in the same room and asked to describe their husband, the answers would probably be the same. Each time they talked about Apata, the constant words were ‘loving, caring and a disciplinarian.’ They recalled how he instilled discipline in them by ensuring that they haboured no secret and entertained no room for discord.
“In fact, if you have issues with any of my sisters, it was better you settled amicably with her than reporting her to him,” said Olayinka. The other wives confirmed this as true.

Polygamy was not new to the Apata wives. They all came from polygamous background which had also known love and peace. When he decided to expand his coast in wives, he was careful to secure total agreement from the existing wife. He compelled them to accompany him to bring his wife home. By so doing, he imparted love, tolerance and perseverance into their lives.

Also in his lifetime, the deceased was known for altruistic service to the community. He gave scholarship to many indigent students, especially Awori indigenes of Isolo community. Some of his staff whose children are students of the school till date benefited from this show of charity. He was a founding member of the adult education board through his investment in Success Tutorial Academy in the 80s.
Apata was also very actively involved in fighting crime in his residential area.

However, he was averse to partying of any kind and cultivated the wives along the same radical line. He may not have lived to see his children become graduates but today he has nine grandchildren to his name. One of his children, Niniola is already carving her name in gold in the music industry. She emerged the first runner-up in the 2013 MTN Project Fame Reality show.

The Apata wives refused to take credit for the continuous growth and success of the institution. Rather, they attributed it to the success of the students who attended the remedial classes back then.

“The success of this school is based on the testimonials of those who attended the remedial classes back then when it was still Success Tutorial Academy. We didn’t do any advertorials. They spread the word and provided the need to expand the school to the level it is now.”
Till date, products of the school are awarded scholarships to the university level based on their excellent performances by oil companies like Shell.

Twenty years might have gone by without Simeon Apata, but the scar of his loss is still fesh in their hearts. These women have immortalised their husband in different ways. In memory of their husband, Ify had never groomed her hair beyond a low cut. Olayinka stopped paying social visits unless it was extremely necessary while Folajogun expresses her devotion to her late husband by loving all the children with her heart.

In case you wonder if they will marry Simeon Apata should he return from the grave, their answer is Yes!
Tags: Life and Style, Life

I guess we can learn a lot from this particular family. Do have experience of such polygamous family kindly share. I guess it is not always that it ends in dagger drawing.

5minsmadness:
***stares in awe at the looong post***

So want do you expect. That I should make an abridge version and do away with most of the vital info. I think you should just try to read it and get the gist.

Abridged version:

Polygamy is not known to be a very harmonious union but Simeon Olaosebikan Apata, from Ekiti State. Apata of the famous Third Marine Commando under ex-President Olusegun Obasanjo was able to marry three women who were able to live happily together as a family and maintain his legacy, one of the most important being the Apata Memorial School.

His wives, two Yoruba and one Delta Ibo, see each other not as rivals but as sisters and regard the man they married with a deep sense of respect,love and loyalty for the way he took care of them and taught them how to live together in unity.

Its been 20 years since Simeon Apata died from the weapons of assassins but his legacy lives on with the wives thinking of adding a technical tertiary institution to the school to care for those in need of vocational studies.

Asked if they would marry him again in another life all three wives answered without hesitation:
"Yes!"

The End.

My paternal grandfather(late) had three wives, only one wife is alive to this day and now holds the title of oldest living person in my hometown.

I can't quite say I have firsthand experience of how they were able to live in unity, but from stories my father told us and seeing how well he and his siblings relate with their half brothers and sisters (the ones I've met), it's obvious the stories of my grandfather uniting them are true - because till this day, that unity and togetherness still exists...even though I have at least thirty cousins I have never even met.

Polygamy isn't all doom and gloom, it only got more difficult to sustain in recent times considering the standard of living and how many modern women desire and feed off attention.
Even for a man with the resources to cater for more than one woman and the resulting children, it'll be hard finding a woman these days willing to share her husband's attention/money with another - probably something to do with the prevailing I'm-too-special,princess mentality.

he must be the father of Daniel Apata aka the true blunt crazy love doctor of radio continental.

loving this mirage

They wish

Anyway OP find a way to write shorter stories or you might as well contact a publisher to publish a book on this wonderful Apata family biography.

Inugo?

crackhaus:
My paternal grandfather(late) had three wives, only one wife is alive to this day and now holds the title of oldest living person in my hometown.

I can't quite say I have firsthand experience of how they were able to live in unity, but from stories my father told us and seeing how well he and his siblings relate with their half brothers and sisters (the ones I've met), it's obvious the stories of my grandfather uniting them are true - because till this day, that unity and togetherness still exists...even though I have at least thirty cousins I have never even met.

Polygamy isn't all doom and gloom, it only got more difficult to sustain in recent times considering the standard of living and how many modern women desire and feed off attention.
Even for a man with the resources to cater for more than one woman and the resulting children, it'll be hard finding a woman these days willing to share her husband's attention/money with another - probably something to do with the prevailing I'm-too-special,princess mentality

You know you can effect a change in the so called mentality. Just make it a point of duty to teach your daughters that they are not worth sticking to, so they shouldn't bother to think that they are special enough for a man to consider being married to them alone as against replacing them with a newer wife once he's bored.

Small by small, the school of thought that no woman is special enough to have one husband to herself might prevail.

Be the change you want to see.

cococandy:


You know you can effect a change in the so called mentality. Just make it a point of duty to teach your daughters that they are not worth sticking to, so they shouldn't bother to think that they are special enough for a man to consider being married to them alone as against replacing them with a newer wife once he's bored.

Small by small, the school of thought that no woman is special enough to have one husband to herself might prevail.

Be the change you want to see.

Aswear, my wife is just becoming badter by the day
Go girl!!! I love you plenty


@5minsmadness, thanks for the summary
I did not even read the original pass one line

Me bad? Nah

I love you too

alutacontinua:


Aswear, my wife is just becoming badter by the day
Go girl!!! I love you plenty


@5minsmadness, thanks for the summary
I did not even read the original pass one line

cococandy:
Me bad? Nah

I love you too

That reply is epic!
I've read it like 10 times in the last 5 minutes

alutacontinua:


That reply is epic!
I've read it like 10 times in the last 5 minutes

aluta you want Crackhaus to kill me ?

cococandy:


You know you can effect a change in the so called mentality. Just make it a point of duty to teach your daughters that they are not worth sticking to, so they shouldn't bother to think that they are special enough for a man to consider being married to them alone as against replacing them with a newer wife once he's bored.

Small by small, the school of thought that no woman is special enough to have one husband to herself might prevail.

Be the change you want to see.

It was only a matter of time before someone with that mentality sees my comment, hates it, and goes into auto-defense.
Ain't got no daughters, how I will raise them when I do is none of your bizniz - you can keep your advice to yourself.

I'm curious though, what makes you more special than the women who have lived and succeeded in their polygamous marriages?
Education? Beauty? Intelligence?
Please enlighten me, but I bet you won't be able to think of something reasonable.


I'm sorry to say, but it's that same overestimated sense of self you girls have that keep making you trade your pvssy for a man's attention, thereby objectifying yourselves in the process.

You need proof?

You women should carry out this experiment:
Withhold sex from your husband/fiance/boyfriend for three months and see what happens - it's an easy experiment that has being carried out by some research professors in emotional psychology.

The results will stun you as it becomes clear that the most important thing a lot of men gain from a relationship with women these days is sexual - once the idea that he ain't getting none begins to take hold, he's connection with that woman wanes...the only exception is when the woman offers/provides something else tangible in that relationship.

Women with a healthy dose of self-esteem, emotional security and confidence in themselves know that they can make a difference in their lives and in society whether or not they are first, second, or third wife - that is what you should have been taught, instead of developing a princess-complex on account of having a vag!na or on such a fleeting thing as beauty (black woman syndrome).

Polygamy does not stop a woman from being all she wants to be and achieving her greatest potential, only vain women think themselves too special to share a husband for fear that the other woman might fvck him better than she does.

Don't be upset!

alutacontinua:


That reply is epic!
I've read it like 10 times in the last 5 minutes

Another one with the I'm too special princess mentality

For your sake, I hope you're breathtakingly beautiful, endowed with a well rounded fat arze, and a dynamite in the sack... otherwise I don't understand why you should feel more special than those women in the OP.

5minsmadness:
Abridged version:

Polygamy is not known to be a very harmonious union but Simeon Olaosebikan Apata, from Ekiti State. Apata of the famous Third Marine Commando under ex-President Olusegun Obasanjo was able to marry three women who were able to live happily together as a family and maintain his legacy, one of the most important being the Apata Memorial School.

His wives, two Yoruba and one Delta Ibo, see each other not as rivals but as sisters and regard the man they married with a deep sense of respect,love and loyalty for the way he took care of them and taught them how to live together in unity.

Its been 20 years since Simeon Apata died from the weapons of assassins but his legacy lives on with the wives thinking of adding a technical tertiary institution to the school to care for those in need of vocational studies.

Asked if they would marry him again in another life all three wives answered without hesitation:
"Yes!"

The End.

You're a life saver!

I'm going to teach my sons the truth about polygamy . They are free to practise either in situ or ex situ if they consider themselves capable. And, oh, there will be millions of willing high-quality women too.

Crackhaus, I wonder how many of these "important" women will ever be as important as Kudirat or Simbiat Abiola?!

crackhaus:

Another one with the I'm too special princess mentality

For your sake, I hope you're breathtakingly beautiful, endowed with a well rounded fat arze, and a dynamite in the sack... otherwise I don't understand why you should feel more special than those women in the OP.

what are you talking about?
can't you see the 'm' in front of my handle?
The reply still remains epic
your comeback's too lame

Timbuktou:
I'm going to teach my sons the truth about polygamy . They are free to practise either in situ or ex situ if they consider themselves capable. And, oh, there will be millions of willing high-quality women too.

Crackhaus, I wonder how many of these "important" women will ever be as important as Kudirat or Simbiat Abiola?!

Maybe it will come as a surprise to you but some women received so much love from home that their self-esteem does not depend on the opinion and attitude of men, even less on the opinion of those on NL with serious issues that obviously stem from the experiences they had with the ladies out there.

Let me help you guys, hating women will not help you in the long run. There is something off-putting about you and this is why you have been rejected and dumped. Find out what it is.

I was taught that I am special and deserve to be treated, not like a princess, but like a QUEEN and nothing is going to change it.

Now stop hating guys, it is unhealthy.

alutacontinua:


what are you talking about?
can't you see the 'm' in front of my handle?
The reply still remains epic
your comeback's too lame

It's not a matter of epic replies or lame comebacks, that's you trying to stir up animosity...are you in nursery school?

That said, my reply was a reply and not a comeback - if I was awake at that time she posted it, I could easily have typed the same response...these things come easy to me

Err, why is there an 'm' in front of your handle, being 'f' is not working out for you?

carefreewannabe:


Maybe it will come as a surprise to you but some women received so much love from home that their self-esteem does not depend on the opinion and attitude of men, even less on the opinion of those on NL with serious issues that obviously stem from the experiences they had with the ladies out there.

Let me help you guys, hating women will not help you in the long run. There is something off-putting about you and this is why you have been rejected and dumped. Find out what it is.

I was taught that I am special and deserve to be treated, not like a princess, but like a QUEEN and nothing is going to change it.

Now stop hating guys, it is unhealthy.

yup. They must have more self esteem than Kudirat Abiola who stood boldly against the likes of Babangida and was tried till the day she died to release her husband from prison. Babe, abeg. Self esteem is not just about being the sole receptor of a diick.

In fact, only a man who loves women will support polygamy. . And, now, that you've brought up royalty, hope you're aware that African kings take on many wives and keep thousands of concubines. Surely, you want to get married to a king? African kings love women.

Timbuktou:
I'm going to teach my sons the truth about polygamy . They are free to practise either in situ or ex situ if they consider themselves capable. And, oh, there will be millions of willing high-quality women too.

Crackhaus, I wonder how many of these "important" women will ever be as important as Kudirat or Simbiat Abiola?!

I wonder.

Same reason I have respect for core northern women of Fulani/Hausa decent - so pretty and yet so modest, private, and down to earth.

Timbuktou:
yup. They must have more self esteem than Kudirat Abiola who stood boldly against the likes of Babangida and was tried till the day she died to release her husband from prison. Babe, abeg. Self esteem is not just about being the sole receptor of a diick.

How does it concern me?

In fact, only a man who loves women will support polygamy. . You can take that to the bank.

And all other men are gay, yeah right, makes sense. #teamirony

crackhaus:

I wonder.

Same reason I have respect for core northern women of Fulani/Hausa decent - so pretty and yet so modest, private, and down to earth.

Don't mind these ones abeg; their importance does not exist past their nuclear families. Coming here, talking about self esteem. Go and face Jonathan, we'll see how much self esteem you got when the State Security Service is hot on your trail. Hahahahaha. Abegi

carefreewannabe:


How does it concern me?




And all other men are gay, yeah right, makes sense. #teamirony

It concerns wella because, you alluded to self esteem being a function of willingness to share diicks. Meanwhile, Kudirat was second or third on the ladder of about, at least, 12 rungs.

They'll still be cutting eye, they won't just tell you.

Please, edit your post accordingly. Thanks, love.

Timbuktou:
yup. They must have more self esteem than Kudirat Abiola who stood boldly against the likes of Babangida and was tried till the day she died to release her husband from prison. Babe, abeg. Self esteem is not just about being the sole receptor of a diick.

In fact, only a man who loves women will support polygamy. . And, now, that you've brought up royalty, hope you're aware that African kings take on many wives and keep thousands of concubines. Surely, you want to get married to a king? African kings love women.

Are you paying attention to the bipolar manic-depressive girl?

You type unfiltered and unedited truth, they call it woman-hating.
She has self-esteem yet could not read and ignore since the comments don't apply to her...something definitely hit the right note

Timbuktou:
yup. They must have more self esteem than Kudirat Abiola who stood boldly against the likes of Babangida and was tried till the day she died to release her husband from prison. Babe, abeg. Self esteem is not just about being the sole receptor of a diick.

How does it concern me?

In fact, only a man who loves women will support polygamy. . And, now, that you've brought up royalty, hope you're aware that African kings take on many wives and keep thousands of concubines. Surely, you want to get married to a king? African kings love women.

And all other men are gay, yeah right, makes sense. #teamirony

No, I don't want to marry any King of Se*xually Transmitted Infections and Diseases.

crackhaus:

1. Are you paying attention to the bipolar manic-depressive girl?

2. You type unfiltered and unedited truth, they call it woman-hating.

3. She has self-esteem yet could not read and ignore since the comments don't apply to her...something definitely hit the right note

1. Lol, be nice mahn. She's cool, she just needs proper education is all.

2. It's a strategy to silence truth but, it won't work here. Not today.

3. Don't mind her, she only wants me to elaborate on this goldmine of information I'm doling out so sparingly.

carefreewannabe:



No, I don't want to marry any King of Se*xually Transmitted Infections and Diseases.

Lol. Now, you're being coy. Don't let the Ooni of Ife here you saying these things. You'll be banned from entering yorubaland or interacting with anything yoruba. That means no amala and ewedu for you. Be careful, woman.

Timbuktou:
Lol. Now, you're being coy. Don't let the Ooni of Ife here you saying these things. You'll be banned from entering yorubaland or interacting with anything yoruba. That means no amala and ewedu for you. Be careful, woman.

It's not going to happen.

carefreewannabe:


It's not going to happen.

We'll see. Meanwhile, "you can do nothing for the truth, except for the truth" 2Corinthians 13:8. If Doyin and Kudirat Abiola could simultaneously give MKO bjs who be anybody wey dey form pompoli?