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RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? - Romance - Nairaland

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RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by jearile(m): 2:59pm On Feb 11, 2015
What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex?
>>> www.nairaland.com/1915219/what-boys-gain-relationship-without <<<

Below is an excerpt:
Ezegozie:
I am really asking because i think some Boy's are being used to achieve financial needs.

Take for instance, a student that is probably not going to marry in the next 5yrs.
And he is in a so called relationship that does not involve sex or any romantic activities.
But he spends on her, he takes her out and pay for her private needs.

Let me ask you officially

what do you gain from such a parasitic relationship ?


If you are not into sex, because of religious purpose, then why are you into a relationship?

Why not save the money and give to the orphanage and receive blessings, if you are so
religious?

And for the girls, If you are not ready for sex before marriage, why are you ready for demanding from your boyfriend before marriage?
An icon of blessed memory, Dr Myles Munroe said and I quote: "when the purpose of a thing is not known abuse is inevitable."
Most of us just jump into things or occasions without discovering the truth behind their existence.
There are very few people doing the right thing and the falsehood spread by the myriads of companies who've fabricated the truth behind the creation of this things seem to have more followership because "everybody" is doing it and the need to investigate or ratiocinate seem useless.
May I boldly state this fact: Relationship is not for sexual escapade! Girls are not intimacy gadgets or merchandise that you get in exchange for a deal or deed.
This mentality of "I must have sex with her" has incapacitated the destinies of bunch of dudes - the consequences go way beyond the fun/pleasure.
What is Relationship?
The word is actually a derivative of Relate. It is basically and ideally between two complementary sex who from friendship have began to develop some kind of (mutual) emotional attraction for each other.
These feelings are not overrule by reasoning. Such reasoning demands that at least there should be chances of compatibility based on information and interaction before commitment.
It is not a transfer of personal or family responsibilities to the other; ownership is not a part of it.
Now, let me say this very clear... Everyone has the right whether to obey or disobey God. So sex in relationship is a choice. It's like every other choice we have to make - to love or to hate; to forgive or to hold grudges etc.
When Should I get into a Relationship?
Age is not just a number in this case. Sometime ago I was conversing with a 14 year old and I was baffled that she's been involved in not less than 4 guys. For the guys btw the ages of 0 & 19 you have no business whatsoever meddling in it. Use this period to build your muscle (knowledge, academics, skills and IQ), focus on vital priorities that will make your would-be lady respect and place value on you. Responsibility go way beyond finance even though finance is sacrosanct. So discover yourself first and foremost before you get blinded and confused by the idea of being in love with the thought that you are in love.
For the ladies, btw the ages of 0 & 18. It is your life we are talking about. As a girl, the first thing you do to your "land" is not to plant on it. Identify your land by knowing who you're and then you build a wall/fence/security around your land.
If two people have sex, who gets pregnant - boy or girl? If they decide to go for an abortion, who goes for abortion - boy or girl? If during abortion somebody dies, who dies - boy or girl? If there's no death but there're complications and somebody loses her womb, who loses the womb - boy or girl? If they didn’t go for abortion, somebody needs to drop out of school because of pregnancy, who drops out of school - boy or girl? If somebody needs to begin to sell on the roadside to raise the child, who does that - boy or girl? If the society would knock somebody off his/her perch, who do they stigmatize - boy or girl? So who's the fool, boy or girl? And who should be wise, boy or girl? WISE UP & ZIP UP!
Women hear this: Marriage is not your destiny!
Please note that the age benchmark notwithstanding does not connote maturity. I only used them based on personal view considering the state of our society. When a guy goes into a relationship with the mindset of having concubines, that person still needs to grow up. When a lady thinks her happiness and life depends on a guy in spite of his savagery or when she believes it an avenue to inherit what her father does not have and cannot provide for her, then it's about time she grew up too. Love begins with you!
Finally, Why get into a relationship?
This was the very question I asked myself before I joined the number. Oh! She loves me and I love her but can't we just still remain "good" friends without the lovey-dovey in it. In search of answers, I walked up to somebody very close who happen to convince me.
Worthy of note is the fact that I knew my onions to a reasonable extent because I was well fed with materials from proven and reliable sources, so I wasn't just popping in half-dressed or half-baked - I knew the DOs and Don't.
I'm in a relationship and April 8 this year will make it 3 years old. From the start, it was defined to be platonic and it has remained so till date without any force of pressure. It didn't come by luck or lack of opportunity, we'd to come up and agree on some HARD but needful decisions to in order to remain chaste (in every sense of the word).
Over the years, I've learnt how not to be selfish. When you are in a relationship, you not only think about yourself but also you consider the woman you love. You may not feel like "loving" but you put yourself in the mood because it might hurt her.
I've learnt how to forgive in advance because whether we like it or not issues must come up and you have to overlook some things for peace sake.
I've learnt to know what it means to be cared for by somebody who loves you. At first, I wasn't used to it and would react but later I grew up and accepted been treated like a baby sometimes.
I've learnt how to give and make sacrifices sometimes. She doesn't need to place any demand; giving according to my size is what love is all about. Knowledge has thought me that whatever I give out should be something if in a different occasion I can as well do for another. So at the long run, no hard feeling or heartbreak peradventure things go sour.
I've also learnt how to take certain decisions as a man for the good of each other and stand by them.
I've learnt how to control my immediate gratification; to fall and get up stronger and better.
Most importantly I've learnt how to love and be loved by that special one... It is not what I can get but what I can and willingly ready to give.
I was raised by a Queen so it's a wonderful privilege showing someone she's a Princess and how precious she is not just to herself or in the sight of God but also to me.

What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex?
Actually boys gain nothing without sex but gentlemen gain much more than sex is worth.

Sex will keep you more than you are willing to stay and cost you more than you are willing to pay.
Experience is not the best teacher in matters like this... But it is a CHOICE!

Finally, no relationship leaves you neutral. It either adds something to you or substracts something from you. Learn the lesson and forget the details.

Your preparation will determine your performance - things will change when I/we get married is a mirage. Hope it does not become a reality after divorce/separation.

Whatsoever a man sows that he will certainly reap.

10 Likes 4 Shares

Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by kaythinks(m): 3:22pm On Feb 11, 2015
true talk man
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by Nobody: 3:22pm On Feb 11, 2015
This should be like the post of the year kiss
I love this

Very informative smiley

1 Like

Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by malonephill(m): 3:29pm On Feb 11, 2015
Indeed post of the year
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by justmag(m): 3:35pm On Feb 11, 2015
Everyone on nairaland should read this. This is very informative for people who are groundless.
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by jnrprof(m): 3:38pm On Feb 11, 2015
Great post! at least a few nairalanders have their brain up in their heads.

Now i await the comments from those whose brains are somewhere between their legs
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by Nobody: 3:40pm On Feb 11, 2015
I luv this post, but to my looking due to some nigerian, males, i've come across, do say, yo man, if you haven't blow the girl you dating! She will definately leave you for someone who can get the job done! So i think being in a relationship without sex is good in one hand, because there lot of respect and also leads to marriage, though not all, but only faithful once..
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by Vision4God: 5:10pm On Feb 11, 2015
Xcellent @ jearile.

After-all life generally is all about relationship.
A lot of piple need 2change der orientation on relationshp ideas de hv & find better meaning 2life
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by jearile(m): 8:22pm On Feb 11, 2015
MzNelly:
This should be like the post of the year kiss
I love this

Very informative smiley

Thanks... Good to know the truth still sells even when it seems the whole market place is full of adulterated jingo here and there

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by jearile(m): 8:24pm On Feb 11, 2015
jnrprof:
Great post! at least a few nairalanders have their brain up in their heads.

Now i await the comments from those whose brains are somewhere between their legs

Thanks man but no insults please... It's a free world
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by Chidonc(m): 9:32pm On Feb 11, 2015
If they don't gain gala and lacasera, they will gain super bite and coke
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by auntymi(f): 12:40am On Feb 12, 2015
NicE1
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by MellowGreen(m): 1:04am On Feb 12, 2015
What do boys gain?

Blueballs usually.
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by mentorandfriend(m): 1:58am On Feb 12, 2015
Respect, laundry, different cuisines, friendship, financial bail out when you're down. There are many things to gain. Life is not all about sex.

2 Likes

Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by Nobody: 7:24am On Feb 12, 2015
Life is not all about sex. LMAO.

In conclusion/summary, the OP is saying/writing, as a girl/lady, if you are not ready for sex, then there is no need for a 'relationship'.
..And as a guy/boy/gentleman, there is no point wasting/spending MONEY/TIME on a girl/lady who is not interested in sex. Money should be spent/wasted on those (girls/ladies), who are interested in sex.

OP, am I speaking/writing your mind/heart?
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by Trending(m): 8:00am On Feb 12, 2015
OP have u finished make I catch gyal dey chop my ego and she no compensate me with good good loving den she must pay for am with good good sex
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by Enegod(m): 8:06am On Feb 12, 2015
A relationship without sex isn't a
relationship. It's a friendship and
someone is a sucker... undecided
Most females would love that. It's called
"friends zone". angry
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by stillchris: 8:39am On Feb 12, 2015
that "post of the year" above is just kidding right? for Naija babes?

mind you, i have been in such relationship and i must say it taught me the greatest lessons about naija women. never ever fall into that trap of no sex in relationship.

na complete mugu go be your campaign slogan. after spending everything (both emotional and financial) on her, you still either go home and masturbatte or find a hooker or side chik to cure the konji you got from kissing and smoothing her. have you not cheated? so who's fooling who? and the worst is when she's not even a virgin.

my current relationship wanted to start like that until i spark for the babe sey i no dey do again. i told her i was cheating on her and cannot be that kinf of man, that we should just end it and be friends. nobody tell her to open am yakata for me. it even made love her more and gave me more confidence in the relationship and the bond has grown stonger than before we started having sex.

my point is.. for the girl to agree to be in the relationship in the first place, she should also be aware thatvit comea with a compromise. if she's not ready, then she should just friendzone the guy instead of punishing the poor sex starved konjilized boyfrend.
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by Nobody: 8:44am On Feb 12, 2015
thank God there is still someone that gets it right.


Nice one op
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by jnrprof(m): 11:03am On Feb 12, 2015
Oh puhlease!!!! any guy that becomes a girls mugu chose to become one. The only guys that become mugus are those whose brains turn into pap because they have "fallen in love". Being in love and being stupid are two different things! There is no correlation between being in a sexless relationship (which is the original design both culturally and based on religion) and being mugu. Excluding sex from the relationship actually enables the parties involved to truely get to know each other. Sex actually clouds ones better judgement, and you're able to put more conscious effort into working on the relationship when sex is not involved.

Please lets stop making excuses for our lack of self discipline.

stillchris:
that "post of the year" above is just kidding right? for Naija babes?

mind you, i have been in such relationship and i must say it taught me the greatest lessons about naija women. never ever fall into that trap of no sex in relationship.

na complete mugu go be your campaign slogan. after spending everything (both emotional and financial) on her, you still either go home and masturbatte or find a hooker or side chik to cure the konji you got from kissing and smoothing her. have you not cheated? so who's fooling who? and the worst is when she's not even a virgin.

my current relationship wanted to start like that until i spark for the babe sey i no dey do again. i told her i was cheating on her and cannot be that kinf of man, that we should just end it and be friends. nobody tell her to open am yakata for me. it even made love her more and gave me more confidence in the relationship and the bond has grown stonger than before we started having sex.

my point is.. for the girl to agree to be in the relationship in the first place, she should also be aware thatvit comea with a compromise. if she's not ready, then she should just friendzone the guy instead of punishing the poor sex starved konjilized boyfrend.
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by jearile(m): 11:16am On Feb 12, 2015
stillchris:
that "post of the year" above is just kidding right? for Naija babes?

mind you, i have been in such relationship and i must say it taught me the greatest lessons about naija women. never ever fall into that trap of no sex in relationship.

na complete mugu go be your campaign slogan. after spending everything (both emotional and financial) on her, you still either go home and masturbatte or find a hooker or side chik to cure the konji you got from kissing and smoothing her. have you not cheated? so who's fooling who? and the worst is when she's not even a virgin.

my current relationship wanted to start like that until i spark for the babe sey i no dey do again. i told her i was cheating on her and cannot be that kinf of man, that we should just end it and be friends. nobody tell her to open am yakata for me. it even made love her more and gave me more confidence in the relationship and the bond has grown stonger than before we started having sex.

my point is.. for the girl to agree to be in the relationship in the first place, she should also be aware thatvit comea with a compromise. if she's not ready, then she should just friendzone the guy instead of punishing the poor sex starved konjilized boyfrend.

Now that you've slept with her, has it stopped you from sleeping with other girls? Be sincere...

It makes no sense having sex outside and then decide to do a "no-sex" relationship. When a relationship is defined it is not done to please one party but rather both parties involved else it won't work.

Anyway, it is a mentality thing - there are things a "child" just won't understand until they grow up... We go for knowledge because we desire to know how it ought to be done and not how others are doing it - these are two different things.

If you want sex go for it; if you don't want, steer clear because you choose to not because she/he chooses to else you'll just keep telling stories.
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by stillchris: 11:20am On Feb 12, 2015
jnrprof:
Oh puhlease!!!! any guy that becomes a girls mugu chose to become one. The only guys that become mugus are those whose brains turn into pap because they have "fallen in love". Being in love and being stupid are two different things! There is no correlation between being in a sexless relationship (which is the original design both culturally and based on religion) and being mugu. Excluding sex from the relationship actually enables the parties involved to truely get to know each other. Sex actually clouds ones better judgement, and you're able to put more conscious effort into working on the relationship when sex is not involved.

Please lets stop making excuses for our lack of self discipline.


bros. your logic isn't a bad one. same as mine. it all depends on the kind of woman you meet. Lagos girls can be too wise for this sh1t
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by stillchris: 11:24am On Feb 12, 2015
jearile:


Now that you've slept with her, has it stopped you from sleeping with other girls? Be sincere...

It makes no sense having sex outside and then decide to do a "no-sex" relationship. When a relationship is defined it is not done to please one party but rather both parties involved else it won't work.

Anyway, it is mentality thing... We go for knowledge because we desire to know how it ought to be and not how it's been done by other - these are two different things.

If you want sex go for it; if you don't want, steer clear because you choose to not because she/he choose else you'll just keep telling stories

honestly, yes. i haven't had sex outside our relationship since we started doing it. she's a very lovely girl and that was why i had to open up to her. and due to her stance, we had to come to an agreement on when to engage so as to make it special for both of us.
Re: RE: What Do Boys Gain In A Relationship Without Sex? by jearile(m): 11:32am On Feb 12, 2015
stillchris:


honestly, yes. i haven't had sex outside our relationship since we started doing it. she's a very lovely girl and that was why i had to open up to her. and due to her stance, we had to come to an agreement on when to engage so as to make it special for both of us.

So that's how it is, you both come to an agreement not "she said and I agreed." Stop seeing sex as a trophy you get for spending your time and money on a girl else it's no longer a relationship but a game. Sex is a choice and no one has the right to crucify anybody. The million dollar question we all fail to ask ourselves is this: right now, is it the right choice

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