A Lady dilemma

My sister died five years ago and left behind her husband. They couldn’t have a child as a result of certain complications with her fallopian tube.

Even though her husband was faithful to her and did everything to assure my sister of his love, she died from high blood pressure as a result of her constant worries that her husband might leave her for another woman. She became so paranoid that she fought any woman, including us, her sisters if we came close to her husband.

She left her job to give her the freedom to monitor her husband. In fairness to the husband, not once did he try to resist or protest her constant harassment of his freedom. He took everything in his stride. Not even when his family tried to pair him up with another woman did he abandon my sister. He kept telling everybody that he would never leave her and that in due course, a miracle would happen.

He kept begging my parents to plead with my sister not to kill herself for nothing –that her blood pressure was becoming alarmingly high. When her condition became worse, he traveled with her abroad for treatment. There they also explored ways they can have a child together. They found a way around the issue and it was this pregnancy that actually terminated her life.

Her blood pressure kept going up and she resisted attempts by the doctors to terminate the pregnancy to save her life.
She actually left England without the permission of her doctors and husband for Nigeria to ensure her husband didn’t leave her in England because of another woman.

It was when she got to Nigeria that she called her husband from the airport to come and pick her. She died three days after she came back because of her blood pressure. Her pregnancy was only five months.

Since then, the husband has remained single. Despite pressures from all of us that he continues with his life, he refused. He still came to our house and continued with all his former obligations to us despite protests from my mother that he shouldn’t, he ignored her. Every month, he would send feeding allowances as well as drugs for my father. He also never failed to pay our house rents and other bills.

He called everyday to know how we were and would come to see things for himself to ensure we didn’t lack anything.
After trying to stop him from doing all these things, my mother gave up and even tried on several occasions to get him hooked up with nice ladies she knew.

Around August last year, he came to my place of work to pick me up for lunch. We really had a great time. He kept doing this and honestly, I didn’t know when my feelings for him changed to love. It hit me like a bolt of lightening that I no longer regarded him as my elder brother but as a man.

When he also communicated his love for me, I was happy and we started a secret relationship. He wanted us to inform our parents right away but I kept pleading with him to give me more time because secretly I fear our parents may not support the idea.

Because I don't know how do I explain to the world that I’m in love with my late sister’s husband and I am actually thinking of having him as my man? To me, it is all wrong. People may think I killed my own sister to enable me marry him. You know how people talk..............

But, I can't die in silence and my life looks so complete with him.... Pls am I doing the right thing?

Its a tough road you are treading and its not going to be easier if you decide to move forward ,however if you do you must be prepared to face the world and the tongue lashing that will come with it especially for the first few years........
In any case the man will eventually marry no matter how much he misses your sister and since it so happened that he chose you and both of you are certain you weren't doing anything behind your sister"s back while she was alive .....brace up for the storm to come and face it .....like all storms it will eventually become calm
All the best

Ha! This one get as e be oo
On first hunch, the average human mind will say 'NO'
But looking at it critically, the heart wants who he wants and there's almost no reason to oppose the idea except for sentiments.
To say the truth, I think you should have played your games elsewhere cos this one definitely looks bad.

Women and wahala sha.
Women given men headache since the days of adam and eve.

Hmmmmm well.... If i say follow your heart i might be wrong.... And if i say follow what other people say you might lose what seems to give u joy and happiness. At times life is kinda hard wen u are faced with situations like dis. Just as your signature live like its goonaend today.... Talk to your mum abt it first and see what she think... My own thought though.... All d best dear

Islie:
A Lady dilemma

Answer the following questions :
1. Was your brother in law faithful to ur sister when she was alive?
2. Where u lusting after ur sister's husband when she was alive?
3. Are you responsible for your sister's death?
4. Did you and ur family plead with ur in-law to forget about his responsibilities to the family but he wouldn't heed?
5. Did u seduce ur brother in-law at any point?
6. Did u suggest he take u out to dinner?
7. Between u and him,who fell in love with the other first?
8. How long ago did ur sister die?
9. If it has been 5years or more, why has ur brother in-law refused to leave the family?
10. Again, did u kill ur sister?
11. Also, the air you're breathing, do u take permission from anyone before u breathe? Do u take permission from anyone before u wake? Is anyone responsible for ur life?
12. Most importantly, have u taken this matter to God in prayer?

From what u described, he's a good man. As a human being, I think ur sister(bless her soul) would want him to still remain in the family and not go to any other woman. If all goes as planned n u both have a daughter together, name her after ur sis. Lol. But God may say otherwise. Seek HIM over this matter.

Jackeeh:



Answer the following questions :
1. Was your brother in law faithful to ur sister when she was alive?
2. Where u lusting after ur sister's husband when she was alive?
3. Are you responsible for your sister's death?
4. Did you and ur family plead with ur in-law to forget about his responsibilities to the family but he wouldn't heed?
5. Did u seduce ur brother in-law at any point?
6. Did u suggest he take u out to dinner?
7. Between u and him,who fell in love with the other first?
8. How long ago did ur sister die?
9. If it has been 5years or more, why has ur brother in-law refused to leave the family?
10. Again, did u kill ur sister?
11. Also, the air you're breathing, do u take permission from anyone before u breathe? Do u take permission from anyone before u wake? Is anyone responsible for ur life?
12. Most importantly, have u taken this matter to God in prayer?

Am sure the post explained what happened in full details
So, I guess I don't have to repeat myself....

From what u described, he's a good man. As a human being, I think ur sister(bless her soul) would want him to still remain in the family and not go to any other woman. If all goes as planned n u both have a daughter together, name her after ur sis. Lol. But God may say otherwise. Seek HIM over this matter.

From what have seen of him from the few times have seen him
He is a good man.... Mind you, am aren't the one but a cousin that is facing this situation

Islie:


Am sure the post explained what happened in full details
So, I guess I don't have to repeat myself....



From what have seen of him from the few times have seen him
He is a good man.... Mind you, am aren't the one but a cousin that is facing this situation

The questions stemed from the story. And i brought up those questions cos ur cousin seems to be in doubt, still. If she can answer those questions convincingly(for herself n not to anyone),then she's good to go. Personally I don't think she has anything to worry about.

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carry go

There is absolutely nothing wrong with it and besides this man is one in a million, she should grab this chance with both hands. He also loves the family and the family loves him, who wouldn't love such a virtuous and generous man?

Don't let him go!

There is absolutely nothing against it. Not legally nor morally.
Even in some traditions quite normal.
You can tell your parents. At their age they will understand and support you.

how many females dey your family?

na one by one e go finish una.

There is no blame on falling in love.

This is easy:

If he's really serious about you, tell him to go discuss his intentions with your parents.
Once they give their consent, no other person's opinion matters.

The only thing stopping you both is how it will be perceived by people morally and culturally because it matters.

You are only human to feel what you feel but will you be able to stand the heat that'll come with it? please bear in mind that tongues are going to wag for a very looong time from both the concerned and unconcerned. How strong is your resolve?

I would honestly not encouage anyone on this path.
Who says there isn't an equally amazing person for you out there? How many billion people in the world again?

All the best in whatever you decide.

Thanks to all those that stop by at the thread to give their uplifting comment and assurance words....

I did ask her about plans and she says the guy will be making this know to her parents before next week runs out and she is happy to stick with him

But, she still have the memories of her sisters sometimes in her enclose state

Now i see how this poster try to bent this to is cosin.

Anyway. first of all i am a God.

What i said you should do.

So if you were to ask me.

My answer is dont do it.

Two marraige from this guy to one family is not acceptable,

next will be third.

Your sister will come after you. Since she is a jealous type.

Nairalanders are getting better and better with their creativity everyday

Even though her husband was faithful to her and did everything to assure my sister of his love, she died from high blood pressure as a result of her constant worries that her husband might leave her for another woman. She became so paranoid that she fought any woman, including us, her sisters if we came close to her husband

Based on the above, my vote is no.

It's a tough one.

YourCoffin:
Nairalanders are getting better and better with their creativity everyday

Pls I don't understand what you ment by your posting

Like an adage says that whoeva wants to eat d egg embedded in the rock will av to neglect the blade of the axe...You need to brace yurself up mentally cos you will need it...All the best dear

Her dead sister's husband? That does not sound right at all.

Men cannot really answer this question for you. Because in our own perspective, you have done no wrong.

It is the female folks that will tongue lash you when it is made public. Because you ladies think differently. So if majority of the ladies in the house says ride on and offer solution on what you will reply if it was made public, then carry go.

tpiar:
how many females dey your family?

na one by one e go finish una.

He loves your family and was made to remain in that family. I think your late sister will approve too (may her soul rest in peace).

godstreasure23:
Hmmmmm well.... If i say follow your heart i might be wrong.... And if i say follow what other people say you might lose what seems to give u joy and happiness. At times life is kinda hard wen u are faced with situations like dis. Just as your signature live like its goonaend today.... Talk to your mum abt it first and see what she think... My own thought though.... All d best dear

Hmmmmmmmm.