Got these in my email today and they really ticked me off. Hope you find them as amusing as i did. Enjoy!

Identity Crisis

Late one night at the insane asylum, an inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"

Another one said, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "God told me!"

A voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"



Stutter

A guy walks into the doctor's office and says,

"DDDDDoc, I've bbbeen stut-stuttterrrering for Ye-yeears, and IIII'm tired of it. Ca-ca-caan yoooou hellllp me?"

The doc says, "Well, I'll have to examine you to see what's going on."

So he examines him, and says, "Well I think I know what the problem is."

The guy asks, "We-we-well wwwhat is it, dddoc?

The doctor replies, "Well, it's your penis, it's about a foot long and all the down pressure is putting strain on your vocal cords."

The guy asks, "Wwwhaat ca-can we dddo?"

The doctor says, "Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one."

The guy replies, "DDDDDoooo it!"

The guy has the operation and three weeks later, he comes back into the doctor's office and says,

"Doc, you solved the problem and I don't stutter anymore, but I've only had sex once in the past three weeks. My wife doesn't like it anymore. She liked it better with my long one. I don't care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long one back on."

The doctor says, "NNNNope a ddddeal's aaa dddddeal!!!



Letter Home From School

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, Your $on.

Reply from dad,

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad



You Probably Wouldn't Want to Hear This,

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.

If you look out of the window on the port, or left, side of the aircraft you will see that the inner engine is on fire just below the fuel tanks in the wing. If you look out at the starboard, or right, wing you will observe that a widening crack has developed at the wing root, making it unlikely that the wing will remain attached to the fuselage.

If you look down at the surface of the sea over which the aircraft is flying, you will notice a small orange dot. This is a life-raft. In it are your co-pilot, your flight engineer and myself.

This has been a recorded announcement."



A Lesson From Dad,

A young man comes home and says "Dad, just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car."

Father replies, "O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see."

Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?"

Father replies, "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair."

Son says, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair."

Father replies, "Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went."

Abeg make una laff, even if them no sweet.we go still manage am like that

alfchye:

Abeg make una laff, even if them no sweet.we go still manage am like that

@ topicer, topic creator, no thread creator, no edetcnn- Ela oju Kan. Owa dowo boju