a guy was driving for hours thru a desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and *splat!*, he flattened the cat.

Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants.

When the housewife came to the door, said he, "Pardon madam, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know instead of just driving off, "

"Not so fast", says she. "How do you know it was our cat?
Could you describe him? What does he look like?"

The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said,
"He looks like thts"as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.

"Oh no, you *horrible* man", she replied.
"I meant, what did he look like *before* you hit him?"

The man got up, covered his eyes with both hands and screamed "Agggghhhhhhhhhh !!!



Investigating a purse snatching, Brunswick, Georgia, detectives picked up a man who fit the thief's description and drove him back to the scene. He was told to exit the car and face the victim for an I.D. The suspect dutifully eyed the victim, and blurted, "Yeah, that's the woman I robbed."



Elsewhere,

In Nashville, they tell of Fred "Bubba" Johnson, the burglar who fell asleep on the sofa of the home he was robbing, only to be awakened by police.

Meanwhile,

In Thibodaux, Louisiana, a robber with a thick Cajun accent couldn't get restaurant patrons to understand his demand for money. Frustrated, he whipped out his gun, but it wouldn't fire. Grabbing the cash register, he ran -- but got only three feet before falling down. The register was still plugged into the wall, Unplugging it, he tried again, but a regular diner decked him and called police.


And Finally. . .

In Virginia, a janitor went to great lengths to avoid I.D. in a 7-Eleven robbery, using a ski mask and rental car for the occasion. But he also wore his work uniform, which said "Cedar Woods Apartments" and had his name, Dwayne, stitched across the front. . .



This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father.

His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get?

He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.

His father congratulated him. And then he said "That's good son, maybe next time you'll get a talking role!"



A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."


A mother took her little boy to church.

While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."

The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper'."

The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his Father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper."

The Father looked at him and said, "Okay, just whisper in my ear''

nice jokes

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

smilin sheepishly to my screen, nyc one gal

U're always smiling sheepishly 2 ur screen,be kiaful oh cos of eye tumor.lol.thanks y'all

which one b dat,
na ofiz i dey now, cant laff out loud(i mean i cant lol)

Seriously u shldn't sit too close to d screen cos of eye cancer. I dey tel u cos u b my person

my opthomogist , i hear, so baaad,thats wat i use to wrk, so?

Just b kiaful. Which kain work u dey do sef?

make i type am here,make Bashy com d beg me moni,

bottom line i d wrk,n i got look system all day, wen i go house sam story,either wit TV or laptop, so?na screen all d way