Last week was his 40th birthday and he really didn’t feel like waking up that morning. He managed to pull himself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping his wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for him. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.” He thought… Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids… They will remember.

His kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn’t say a word to him. So when he made it out of the house and started for work, he felt pretty dumpy and despondent.

As he walked into his office, his secretary Joanne said, “Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!” He felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. He worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o’clock, when Joanne knocked on his door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your Birthday, why don’t we go out for lunch, just you and me.” He said, “Thanks, Joanne, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!”

They went to lunch but not where they normally go. Instead she took him to a quiet bistro with a private table. They had a couple of mixed drinks and he enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Joanne said, “You know, It’s such a beautiful day… We don’t have to go right back to the office, do we?” He replied with “I suppose not. What do you have in mind?” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment, it’s just around the corner.”

After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to him and said, “Boss if you don’t mind, I’m goinna step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.” “Ok.” He nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake…

Followed by his wife, his kids, and dozens of his friends, and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday”.
And he just sat there…
On the couch…
NAKED!

lmao
that was tyte

yeah, its one of my best jokes, i just love this joke.

Here is another one:

One day Little Johnny walks up to his Mom and says, “Mommy, is God Black or White?”

She replies, “Well, Honey, God is both Black and White.”

Then he says, “Mommy, is God a boy or a girl?”

“God is both a boy and a girl, Honey,” she replies.

“Mommy, is God gay or straight?” he inquires again.

Getting a little irritated, the mother replies, “Well, Honey, God is both gay and straight.”

After thinking for a moment, Johnny looks up and asks, “Mommy, is God Michael Jackson ?”

"Why do you ask?", his mom asked. Johnny replies "because michael jackson has all this qualities"

lol

A young man was at a fancy restaurant one day with his new girlfriend. It’s their first date and everything is going well, barring the occasional period of silence. The girlfriend goes to the restrooms and while she is away, the young man spots somebody at another table that looks incredibly like Ramsey Noah, the famous actor. He decides to pop over and approach the guy.

“Excuse me,” says the young man, “but you half look like Ramsey Noah, I don’t suppose…”

“Well,” interrupts Ramsey “actually, I am Ramsey Noah.”

The young man is almost speechless, but does continue, “Look Ramsey, I think you’re great. I’ve watched all your movies and blah, blah, blah, etc… could you do me a favor?”

“What ever you want,” says Ramsey.

“Well, you see I’m at another table with my new girlfriend and it would really impress her if you would just come up to me and say, ‘Hello John’.”

“Sure, no problem.” says Ramsey.

So Steve rushes back to his table and his girlfriend returns. A few moments later, Ramsey came over to their table and goes up to John.

“Hi John, how you doing?” says Ramsey. John looks up and says, “Oh, piss off, Ramsey”.

A rural family was given some deer from a friend. The wife carefully prepared the deer steaks and served it to her husband and their children. The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what they were eating for dinner.

“Is it beef?” The daughter, Julie asked.
“Nope.”

“Is it pork?” the son, Ben asked.
“Nope.”

“Heck, we don’t know, Dad!” Ben exclaimed.

“I’ll give you a clue,” the Husband said, “It’s what your mom sometimes calls me.”

"I know it Ben" cried Julie, “We’re eating Asshole!"