New Year’s Eve...
I stood at his front door, like I did every year. It was our unwritten
tradition. When fireworks light the sky with twelve different colours, I
would ring his doorbell and wish him all the best for the year to come.
But this year was different. This year wasn’t just any year. This year was
the year I was going to tell him. Everything. I took a deep breath.
Adrenaline coursed through my body. I reached for the doorbell, quickly I
pulled back my hand. I wasn’t sure if it was the harmattan or my nerves,
but my body was shaking. “Tola, get it together.” I whispered to myself.
Again I reached for the doorbell. My finger trembled as I pressed the
buzzer briefly and folded my arm. For a moment I hoped no one heard
the buzzer, at least then I could say I tried without actually having to say
anything.
I was almost walking away when I saw his Mom cheerfully wave at me
through the front door glass. She knew about our tradition and had been
expecting me. Politely, she invited me to come inside. I shook my head
and asked if Bolu could come to the door. She gave me a puzzled look as
she shouted over her shoulder: “Bolu, your darling friend is at the door.”
Within seconds Bolu appeared. I smiled when I saw him and suddenly
didn’t feel cold anymore. I was hot, searing hot; I felt every trickle of
sweat that ran down my back. Bolu smiled back and stretched out his
hand that he had balled into a fist. Uneasy, I bumped his fist with mine.
“What’s up T-girl?” he said. I stood there wide-eyed, I opened my mouth,
but my words failed me. My mouth was dry, very dry. I swallowed a few
times. Bolu laughed, and pounded me with his fist on my shoulder. “You
look like you want to say something,'Oya' out with it.” I nodded. I did.
Like water pouring from a fountain, so came the words. Instantly every
feeling or thought I ever had came gushing out.
“I want to tell you that I like you. Like, I like-like you,” I stuttered, “…umm
not like a friend but more than a friend. I’ve liked you ever since I saw
you, ever since I knew you like…errrrrhhhhumm…Voltron just as much as I
do. I think about you every day, and every time you make figurine figures
with your hands and those swooshing sounds when you try to enactthe
lead character in Zorro. I can’t help but keep staring at your hands, and
how I’d always imagined how better they would look strumming a guitar.
Enough of my rambling, here’s the thing: I want you to know that I like
you, you know.” I took a quick breath. “Do you like me too?” I enquired,
looking longingly at him, hoping he responded positively. I forced a smile
on my face, but inside I felt like crying. I was frustrated. This wasn’t
exactly how I planned telling him. I had a more romantic version in my
head, something like: “You’re the finest work of art I’ve ever seen, and I
would love to have you in my gallery for all time.” That may have
sounded so much better instead of telling him… Okay, I blew it. I knew I
had. He stood there, silently watching me. He looked up, and all I saw
was a quizzical look on his face. He was brooding, seemingly searching
for the right words to say, yet he was quiet for what felt like forever.
“Well?” I asked, still cherishing a little bit of hope. Slowly he opened his
mouth. I heard footsteps in the hallway. He needed to say something
now! But before he could a girl appeared behind him.
“Are you coming back in, sweetie?” she said, hugging him from behind.
She gave me a friendly smile as she looked my way and said a curt 'Hi'. I
looked at her, and then at Bolu whose mouth was still half open. I looked
at her once more and before they could see the tears running down my
face I turned around and, without saying a word, I ran.
It was my own fault. I must have known I was in the friend zone. Bolu
had always called me“buddy”, had always been interested in my
girlfriends and even dated some of them. He always confided in me
about his troubles with them… Now I know what I am -- 'T-girl Bolu's
buddy'. But now I know better. He was never going to be interested in
being more than friends. Yeah, nothing more than friends. Just friends. I
never want to experience that ever again.
No one should, I thought, as I arrived at my Deji’s house. If there was
anyone I could turn to now it was Deji. He is my friend. He understands
me, he listens, and I can confide in him every time I have any kind of
trouble or needed a male perspective on my dating life. As I blurted out
the Bolu episode, he nodded understandingly, patted me on the back, and
every now and then he squeezed in a hug. He gasped on cue, and
convinced me that Bolu wasn’t right for me anyway. With teary eyes I
stared at him, and, knowing he always had my back, I thought perhaps he
was right. He smiled kindly, as he took my hands in his and I felt the
gentle squeeze.
“You know,” he said, with a serious expression on his face.
“I’m always here for you. Every time. Anytime. Always.
I smiled, untangling my hands from his, and placing them on his
shoulders. I tilted my head.
“I know. That’s why you’re my best friend.”
........... ......... ......... ........ .......
Rayo and Ray are very good friends. At work all their colleagues know
them and tease them about being the perfect couple. Ray obviously is
very interested in Rayo as he always hangs around her, takes her for
lunch and drops her off at her bus stop after work everyday...but they are
just 'good friends'.
The fact is that Rayo sees him strictly as a very close pal- One she's very
comfortable with and feels safe around. Several times she's told him
'Ray, you are an awesome fellow, a great guy. Any lady will be lucky to
have you, but I just don't like you in that way...I wish I could find me a
nice guy just like you'
This is how Ray interprets what she says- it's like going for a job
interview and the company saying 'You have a great resume, you have all
the qualifications we need but we won't hire you. We will however use
your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. We will
hire someone less qualified than you. If he doesn't work out, we'll hire
someone else but we will never hire you. We will call you from time to
time to complain about the person we hired'
.......... .......... .......... .......... ..........
For the record, 'Friend Zone' in popular culture refers to a relationship in
which one part desires more from the relationship but the other doesn't.
The desired party continues however to participate in a platonic way but
does not requite or respond appropriately to the advances or affection of
the desiring party.
At the core of it, all human relationships and associations are simply
social exchanges. People initiate unconsciously and without any
discussions give-and-take agreements.
All good relationships are built from mutually-satisfying social exchanges,
so being relegated to the friend zone could hurt the emotions deeply.
Having said all that let's talk about real issues- I'm thinking why do
people get friend zoned? Why do people friend zone others? There are
two key things that determines how a relationship plays out- Chemistry
(attraction) and Compatibility(Attachment).
By chemistry or attraction, I mean that emotional appeal, allure and the
motivation (usually interpreted as a romantic feel) to pursue and explore
the possibilities of being with a partner while attachment or compatibility
in the simplest sense refers to special feelings of bonding, fondness and
pleasure when in the company of the other party.
To build a healthy relationship you need a good dose of both chemistry
and compatibility in the right proportions. Chemistry without Compatibility
is friends-with-benefits; Compatibility without Chemistry is Friend-Zone.
It's my firm conviction however that compatibility is a better ground for
grooming healthy relationships than chemistry. If you feel compatible
with someone, you can develop chemistry over time.
This piece is written with the assumption that you're in the dating game
with a goal- to find a life partner not just playing the game for the fun of
it. You see, just a few months into marriage, the common experience is
that the digestive enzymes will have succeeded at killing the butterflies
in your tommy but you rarely stop being friends with your friend! As such
'chemistry' is very bad material to build a foundation for your marriage.
What keeps healthy marriages going strong is that the couples are
friends. Eventually you'd find out that the best advice is to marry your
friend.
Obviously I know I may have oversimplified it as other factors do play a
part but that's the plain truth.
Before and even after the courtship starts, it important that both
individuals involved strive to build a firm base of friendship. You don't
build friendship by going always to the movies, buying expensive gifts
always, taking her out etc. These all have their place but spending quality
time together is primary. Make good use of instant messaging facilities
available now. Communicate a lot. Talk a lot. And then talk a lot more.
Friendship is built by communication.
A major error made by most people is to put the physical and sexual part
ahead of the relational. Emotions cloud logical reasoning and ultimately
makes open and honest communication impossible. If you hope to build
a long-term relationship that eventually culminates in a happy home then
you must put premium on the relational- place heavy priority on open,
honest and on-going communication.
In my next post, I'd talk about why people get friend zoned and how to
find true love. Then in my subsequent posts I'd talk about
'communication' and becoming better communicators both in your
relationships as singles and as married couples

curled from: https://m.facebook.com/BAEandBOO/photos/a.355867241268391.1073741828.351681778353604/355855197936262/?type=1&refid=17

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Orijin101:
I can bet my life that 98% of viewers won't read this

As in ehn...the thing is freaking long

.

The thunder wey go Fire anybody wey friendzone me dey do press up For beer polour

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