“Don’t believe what you hear about me”

That’s one of the few warning signs a woman should listen out for when contemplating entering into a relationship. It’s easy to believe that the rest of the world is out to hate and come between you and that “special guy” but rumors rarely start out of nowhere, and a repetitive story is more than likely to be true. Isn’t the best policy, better safe than distraught? Once all that begin to happen, you have to make inquiries of him and I don’t mean asking his close friends because their loyalty will be cemented to the man in question. Ask other women. You will be amazed at what you can find out with a simple conversation with a familiar face.

It’s quite simple, after going on a couple of dates, if he still seems like a good catch, find out his circle of friends and then look for the women nearby. Don’t be a stranger to them, introduce yourself and always keep it cordial whenever you see them, so that it isn’t a nerve racking experience when things seem to be getting serious with him and it comes time to ask. You need to get rid of the notion that any woman you don’t know is either out to steal your man or just wants to “get in your business”. Men get away with so much just because we refuse to talk to one another. You can find out so much in 48 hours of asking around, than you can find out in a year of guessing and doubting. Be brave, if you really want to know if he is a waste of your time or the greatest thing in your life . . . ask that girl that works with him, or goes to his school, or that hangs out with his brother or friend. Ask about him and then make the final decision if he is worth your love, time and affection or the bottom of your shoes. Because your heart is better safe than broken.

Good points

Well . . . I'm not really the 'asking-people-about -him' type
and I don't buy the idea. I'D rather look closely and discover things myself.

DaPhoenix:

“Don’t believe what you hear about me”

That’s one of the few warning signs a woman should listen out for when contemplating entering into a relationship. It’s easy to believe that the rest of the world is out to hate and come between you and that “special guy” but rumors rarely start out of nowhere, and a repetitive story is more than likely to be true. Isn’t the best policy, better safe than distraught? Once all that begin to happen, you have to make inquiries of him and I don’t mean asking his close friends because their loyalty will be cemented to the man in question. Ask other women. You will be amazed at what you can find out with a simple conversation with a familiar face.

It’s quite simple, after going on a couple of dates, if he still seems like a good catch, find out his circle of friends and then look for the women nearby. Don’t be a stranger to them, introduce yourself and always keep it cordial whenever you see them, so that it isn’t a nerve racking experience when things seem to be getting serious with him and it comes time to ask. You need to get rid of the notion that any woman you don’t know is either out to steal your man or just wants to “get in your business”. Men get away with so much just because we refuse to talk to one another. You can find out so much in 48 hours of asking around, than you can find out in a year of guessing and doubting. Be brave, if you really want to know if he is a waste of your time or the greatest thing in your life . . . ask that girl that works with him, or goes to his school, or that hangs out with his brother or friend. Ask about him and then make the final decision if he is worth your love, time and affection or the bottom of your shoes. Because your heart is better safe than broken.

All the ladies that surround me(friends, colleagues, church-goers, etc) all have me back.
U are putting urself into a bigger pit if u seek their opinion about me.
I say. . . . . . .Do the observation yourself and find me out.

Missy B:

Well . . . I'm not really the 'asking-people-about -him' type
and I don't buy the idea. I'D rather look closely and discover things myself.

Is there a reason why or you just don't want to?

~Sauron~:

All the ladies that surround me(friends, colleagues, church-goers, etc) all have me back.
U are putting urself into a bigger pit if u seek their opinion about me.
I say. . . . . . .Do the observation yourself and find me out.

How about your exes? I'm sure if I build some form of alliance with some of those females you mentioned they will tell me a thing or two about your past and what I should look out for.

~Sauron~:

All the ladies that surround me(friends, colleagues, church-goers, etc) all have me back.
U are putting urself into a bigger pit if u seek their opinion about me.
I say. . . . . . .Do the observation yourself and find me out.

True talk.

The greatest mistake women make when it comes to relationship is that:. . .
they keep talking to people before. . .during. . .and after the relationship. . .
its even sad. .this trend continues in marriages too.

Women should do the observation and talk little abt their relationship. . .especially to their so called friends. . .
friends will likely give you advises they cant even follow themselves. . .

A girl once snatched me from her best friend. . .(I was innocent). . .
I realized that the original babe wasnt just there anymore. . .
and the friend keeps coming around me. . .and before. .I know wassup. . .
I was getting down with her. . .

Years later. . .I learnt the friend told her to keep away from me so that I could show that I care more.

DaPhoenix:

Is there a reason why or you just don't want to?

I have never and never will . . . .It's just not in my blood.
Why?? . . . I have no right to judge him (or any1) from people's notion.
           . . .What's the guarantee that I'm guhhna be fed with the right informations?
          . . .Being nosy isn't something your man or people around him will admire.Etcetera
The truth is . . . Most times, we don't even make use of the informations we've gathered.
I see it as time wastage!!

well u made some interesting and good points, but then one has to be careful who they ask just like sauron said u might ask the wrong folks (wrong cox they will always cover him) and get the wrong answer.

i also think that "self discovery" while it is good sometimes isnt the best. cox u no matter how investigating one does on their own there will always some things only outsiders know and can tell u about the person. so i think it is a combiantion of both. self discovery and asking some outsiders

Missy B:

I have never and never will . . . .It's just not in my blood.
Why?? . . . I have no right to judge him (or any1) from people's notion.
           . . .What's the guarantee that I'm guhhna be fed with the right informations?
          . . .Being nosy isn't something your man or people around him will admire.Etcetera
The truth is . . . Most times, we don't even make use of the informations we've gathered.
I see it as time wastage!!

Of course you are not going to listen to everything the women say, you just weigh the opinions with what you've seen and judge if he's for you. I'm just saying that we should try to ask around in the beginning of the relationship because once you are in, asking isn’t as effective because your emotions cloud better judgment. Also, if you ask around in the beginning of the relationship, he knows you’re playing it safe, but if you ask during the relationship, it can be seen as you and sillyboy pointed out as distrust.

~Sissy~:

well u made some interesting and good points, but then one has to be careful who they ask just like sauron said u might ask the wrong folks (wrong cox they will always cover him) and get the wrong answer.

i also think that "self discovery" while  it is good sometimes isnt the best. cox u no matter how investigating one does on their own there will always some things only outsiders know and can tell u about the person. so i think it is a combiantion of both. self discovery and asking some outsiders

Exactly what I am driving at. . . couldn't quite get there lol.

DaPhoenix:

How about your exes? I'm sure if I build some form of alliance with some of those females you mentioned they will tell me a thing or two about your past and what I should look out for.

How do u intend to know my exes. . . . . . .I have not met any of ma exes in the last 36 months.
I don't call em, i don't have their contact details.
As far as i am concerned, i have no physical evidence connecting me to ma previous relationships.
Everything has been 'Ctrl + Delete'.

but the question now is how do one know the real folks especially when it comes to asking women cox some of them are really devils in disguise (jealousy also plays a part) and instead of helping they will try to even tear the person down.

~Sauron~:

How do u intend to know my exes. . . . . . .I have not met any of ma exes in the last 36 months.
I don't call em, i don't have their contact details.
As far as i am concerned, i have no physical evidence connecting me to ma previous relationships.
Everything has been 'Ctrl + Delete'.

Nice clean up lol.

Well if you're clean, your friends (term used loosely) would definitely not hesitate to say good things about you. But if I ask and they sniffing or doing something awkward and they are like "yeah. . . he's alright" I'd instinctively know something is wrong somewhere.

~Sissy~:

but the question now is how do one know the real folks especially when it comes to asking women cox some of them are really devils in disguise (jealousy also plays a part) and instead of helping they will try to even tear the person down.

That is another part we need to work on ourselves. Cuz men would straight up tell another man, look that girl has been around the block, don't date her. We need to form that kind of alliance too.

Personally, I prefer to subject the guy to the third degree myself, and he has to be able to answer all the burning question in my heart, otherwise I would have to show him the door.

What I have discovered with men is that they don't like to rationalise their feelings, so asking them the same question three different ways or more, tend to throw them off tracks, and from there you would be able to suss out if they are lying.

And of course, I don't do all The Grand Inquisition in just one day

DaPhoenix:

Of course you are not going to listen to everything the women say, you just weigh the opinions with what you've seen and judge if he's for you.

Truth is . . .You can only assume who the one for you is
You can never know until you get into it . . . . That's the RISK we take.

DaPhoenix:

I'm just saying that we should try to ask around in the beginning of the relationship because once you are in, asking isn’t as effective because your emotions cloud better judgment.

Anatha truth is . . . when a guy starts asking us out and we have the
smallest amount of likeness for him . . . .Our emotions normally gets the better part of us even b4 we are in.
Besides . . . I kan't imagine how u'll ask the questions!

DaPhoenix:

Also, if you ask around in the beginning of the relationship, he knows you’re playing it safe, but if you ask during the relationship, it can be seen as you and sillyboy pointed out as distrust.

Who do you want to ask??
Guy meets gurl in a mall and gurl is thrilled and exchange of
number takes place . . . .Should Gurl ask the gateman in the mall/salesgurl/customers
about Guy??

DaPhoenix:


That is another part we need to work on ourselves. Cuz men would straight up tell another man, look that girl has been around the block, don't date her. We need to form that kind of alliance too.

yeah but u know it will be much harder for us women to form that type of alliance cox most of the times, most women are too jeaslous especially when it comes to the issue of men/relationships unlike men that have much of an open mined. it is no big deal to them unlike us women especially those who doesnt have one or had a bad one, they will try to make u be like them in their bad situation

Missy B:

Who do you want to ask??
Guy meets gurl in a mall and gurl is thrilled and exchange of
number takes place . . . .Should Gurl ask the gateman in the mall/salesgurl/customers
about Guy??

lol you meet with the dude. He's probably gon' introduce you to some friends and voila the questions begin. The questions do not even have to that personal. You just don't want to waste time finding something about him when you have found it months ago and moved on with your life.

~Sissy~:

yeah but u know it will be much harder for us women to form that type of alliance cox most of the times, most women are too jeaslous especially when it comes to the issue of men/relationships unlike men that have much of an open mined. it is no big deal to them unlike us women especially those who doesnt have one or had a bad one, they will try to make u be like them in their bad situation

You're right.

so what a girl to do? i guess we just have to trust our inner guts and be more selective in those we seek their opinions and take what we want from it and trash the rest.

sometimes its also good to ask
one of my friends had the hots for another guy friend of mine
she's the 'i-like-u-i-tell-u kinda person but when she found out dood was stingy as hell
she retaced her steps
ish is, some things are better found out by asking
not personal things tho
just regular u know behaviours, attitudes

im sorry ma'am, your post falls flat and bombs.
in a nut shell, your post addresses or attempts to address 'the past'. the information you get from pple around him is only based on what he's done in the past. his ex- girl friends are very likely to give you negative reports. how about the girls he shagged without dating them, you are not going to fair report off them!

if you cant be patient with urself and get to know the guy then you  prolly have no bizniss in that relationship. infact, what are you doing looking for trouble where there's none?
do i smell insecurity or someting?

@poster,
and what if what people are saying about the guy is positive, should she believe or disbelieve?

That kind of life doesn't really go down well with me.
Why dont you just find out what you need to know about
him yourself and leave 3rd party out of it. They would end up
breaking and chattering the relationship!!!

Hmm . . .

Good point dapheonix.

But I'm the type that prefers to hear from the guys mouth. If I hear things about him that sound suspicious, i will rather take it up with him and will go with whatever explanation he provides.

One thing is sure though, if I'm not convinced I won't go ahead with the relationship.

~Sauron~:

How do u intend to know my exes. . . . . . .I have not met any of ma exes in the last 36 months.
I don't call em, i don't have their contact details.
As far as i am concerned, i have no physical evidence connecting me to ma previous relationships.
Everything has been 'Ctrl + Delete'.

Are u saying u haven't dated anyone for the past 3 years 

Well people do change you know,so asking around does not really benefit the rlship.For example,my big bro used to be a propa playa,then cos he was not ready to settle down,now his all settled down and engaged,imagine if she has asked around,mayb they won't hve been engaged now.

Are u saying u haven't dated anyone for the past 3 years
@Tgirl4real.another angle is if he had been going out wt a girl 4 d past 3yrs which i very possible
@poster.u may be right though but the problem there is wt if in the end u get d wrong information abt the guy i mean in a negative way and u quit and later u find out that d guy isnt bad.dnt u think one wld be loosing at both ends?

Is pointless asking around,everything in life is a risk,even if his gud as an angel doesnt mean he cant change when u tie the knots,just pray to God for a Man that will last u for eternity.

iice:

@Topic

Am not much for rumors. Sometimes these rumors are made up and suddenly have a life of their own, moving from ear to ear. Same for getting info from other women.

alex babe:

@poster.u may be right though but the problem there is wt if in the end u get d wrong information abt the guy i mean in a negative way and u quit and later u find out that d guy isnt bad.dnt u think one wld be loosing at both ends?

I would not see as rumors. You're simply seeing how other people who have been around him longer feel about him. Again, it doesn't have to be anything personal and you can know if the person you're asking is simply hating on him. When you get others opinions, weigh them against yours.

bluespice:

sometimes its also good to ask
one of my friends had the hots for another guy friend of mine
she's the 'i-like-u-i-tell-u kinda person but when she found out dood was stingy as hell
she retaced her steps
ish is, some things are better found out by asking
not personal things tho
just regular u know behaviours, attitudes

Exactly, you got it.

follypimpi:

Well people do change you know,so asking around does not really benefit the rlship.For example,my big bro used to be a propa playa,then cos he was not ready to settle down,now his all settled down and engaged,imagine if she has asked around,mayb they won't hve been engaged now.

Does she know he was a player?

Tgirl4real:

Hmm . . .

Good point dapheonix.

But I'm the type that prefers to hear from the guys mouth. If I hear things about him that sound suspicious, i will rather take it up with him and will go with whatever explanation he provides.

One thing is sure though, if I'm not convinced I won't go ahead with the relationship.

Girl, some men can look you in your eyes and lie to you lol. Sure you can ask him, I'm just saying that you shouldn't let that be your opinion about him.

I cant be bothered with d askin. . . d only person i ask anything is d person in question, i take his word. . . that is until i catch him in a lie, then we hav a problem

HR.hotness:

I cant be bothered with d askin. . . d only person i ask anything is d person in question, i take his word. . . that is until i catch him in a lie, then we hav a problem

How about if he's lying but you don't catch it?


@all, I'm so sorry if it seems like I'm imposing my ideas on you lol

@ DaPhoenix,

It's ok. U are making a good point too. I think dis issue depends on the individual involved. I believe we all trust differently which is the foundation of any relationship. Ur way may work better for u if that is what will give u rest of mind.

The bottomline is knowing the guy well before going ahead with him.