Hi fellow nairalanders.
This is my story of what my experience was with jamb today . . . and some of yesterday.

regardless of what you might think, this post is a true story. And it all happened in two days. Also, it's not meant to be funny, if you laugh at this . . . smh for you. Also, no bashing . . .
Okay, let's go,

I'll start from yesterday. 18th of march. 2015. My mum called me from lagos to Abeokuta to admonish me on my exam the following day. As she was talking, i suddenly remembered something. Somehing i must have overlooked. . . finally, it struck me, almost like a heart attack. that, in my inexplicably infinite stupidity, i had conveniently inserted my only jamb slip, which i conveniently did not photocopy. . . into my trouser . . .and had washed the trouser very thoroughly in water.
I was shocked. Not at myself . . . duh, but because i found out that i hadn't gotten any likes on my profile pix at that very moment.
Anyway, i feigned normalcy and left at once to the clothes line. Of course, i expected to find a paper mache there. But apparently, God and i are close buddies. It was barely in one piece. I meticulously unfolded it with utmost care and attention which would have been more effective if I had just used it earlier and removed it in the first place!
I sandwiched it between my chemistry textbook and the other half of my chemistry textbook so it would at least dry by diffusion. Also, no one would notice it. And i went to sleep in order to rest my brain for the following exam . . . .
Or did i?
*sneaky chuckle*



Er . . . no i didn't. instead, i got into arguements with female nairalanders and ranted about how short i was. . . .
I also played candy crush and pes 2011.
I also 2goed and in short everything you shouldn't do before an exam.
Eventually, i slept at 4:41 am . . . . only to be woken up by my dad at 5:58 am. I was essentially suffering from sleep deprivation and a sort of drunkenness as i dragged myself over to the bath room and bathed . . . actually, shower is more accurate. What? I was feeling sleepy joor.
So we set out at six twenty to go to an exam that was supposed to start by 10:00 pm, predictably, i sat outside the premises on a huge rock that looked like rats that eat rock ate it. While having to watch the centre's gateman and a car owner fight it out. In which case the car owner threatened to curse the gateman . . . to which the gateman overreacted to by saying that the car owner would supposedly go mad within five minutes should he attempt to curse . . . repeatedly. . . to which the car owner refused to reply to, until the gateman was gone . . . after which he then cursed the gateman that he would continue to be a gateman for the rest of his life, and then drove off, leaving us to wonder whether he really did go mad . . .
After an almost expired superbite found it's way into my stomach, my body conveniently remembered that i had in fact eaten beans the previous night and as such, it was in its best interests for me to conduct a transaction with a reputable water closet .of course i didn't think this was in my best interests . . .so, i declined and spent the rest of the day doing what people who don't want to have any business with water closets do.
( details not important )
Eventually, we were called. We were asked to cluster together as there was some information to be passed aloing to us. . . .i was at the far back.
We heard him saying we should confirm whether this was indeed our centre.
I was not amused at all.
Were we kids?
Why would we suffer to come all the way here . . . some of us from lagos . . . IF WE DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS OUR BLOODY CENTRE??
besides, even if soneone did make a mistake, it was too late to quickly rush over to the correct centre. It was past ten already.
Okay . . . i kind of said that aloud, and loudly too
( i tend to speak loudly when excited.)
Everyone else conveniently kept quiet, allowing my voice to ring across the street, the cluster, and right into his ears. He was also not amused. It seemed we were both having bad days.
He told me i was mad . . . which was rather absurd because utme candidates are generally sane people. He asked me to raise up my hand . . . i was like . . . chai! My jamb score don finish today. I don die.
But then i decided to play my cards well. I promptly raised up my hand . . .he ordered me to come to the front . . . i kept saying sorry. I kept on apologizing. I also flashed my mr cool smile . . .
(Refer to last days in forcados for more information.)
One annoying guy beside me told the other guy to overlook my blunder seeing as i was probably drunk. I didn't argue with him and his ironic hypothesis. I merely kept apologizing to the power guy.
Eventually, not only did he soften towards me, he also allowed me to stay in the front, and so . . . i was one of the first people to enjoy the AC in the center.
Finally . . . the worst was behind me . . .
Or was it . . .?




No it wasn't. I didn't find the questions funny at all. They didn't look cheap to me and depite the fact that i knew how to solve most of them, i wasn't even expecting calculations at all. If i had, i wouldn't have watched higaniga youtube channel the day before the previous day. . . .
I was upset. And not just because i was literally on the verge of shitting on myself, the bully beside me also snatched my calculator nylon and popped all the air pockets.
Also because there was an uncomfortable stone in my shoe.
Also because the lexis and structure in english was clearly a pain in the posteior.
Eventually, i finished, i managed to do everything and got the hell out of there before someone was to notice my drowned slip. Thereafter, on the way home, i sat in the front of a taxi and resorted to staring at my face in the sideview mirror.( it looks cute to me. ) eventually i decided that i was becoming too narcissistic and that that was what caused the problem in the first place. I mean, instead of me to study, all i do is take selfies of my epic face . . .
( seriously, i have two gigabytes of memory dedicated to my facial expressions.)
I pondered over this . . . only to get down from the taxi and still continue to do so, therby walking into almost certain death by a speeding car. Becaise i was too lost in thought.
Eventually i got home. . . my body was tearing the board of directors apart. For some reason, it felt the company's safety was in jeopardy until such a time as we entered in to business with certain . . . . closets.
I was barely a sane man when i got home, i ran home and tore away my clothes like a poor man who had been offered free sex with a time limit. . . . i conducted said transactions . . . details not important . . .with a very disreputable water closet. Also, details not important.
Everything that happened after . . . details not important.



















Moral of the story. . . you should like my profile picture . . . i really deserve it . . . i'm not being narcissistic. . .thank you . . .


TEEHEE!

Jeezz!! Did I just read this

Too long, didn't read!

Dioxidane:
Jeezz!! Did I just read this

Same here.

Wich kind story be dis.. I blame fashola for this, i wonder who told him to start giving MAD people internet enabled phones or is that part of the change agenda
smh for op

Kayoski:
Wich kind story be dis.. I blame fashola for this, i wonder who told him to start giving MAD people internet enabled phones or is that part of the change agenda
smh for op

You're the second person to call me mad today. Hmmn . . .

Dioxidane:
Jeezz!! Did I just read this

I thought I just told you it was true? You have no Idea of how hectic today was for me. I slept for less than three hours, sat on a rock, and got called an insane person, and almost got hit by a car. All while trying desperately not to go to the toilet. A man can only take so much before he cracks.

Brb

yugkapmeet:

You're the second person to call me mad today. Hmmn . . .

Op no offence meant.. But i tink u are showing symptoms of madness.. Funny enuf it might jst be mere psychological disorder. Jst try see a psychatrist..

Kayoski:

Op no offence meant.. But i tink u are showing symptoms of madness.. Funny enuf it might jst be mere psychological disorder. Jst try see a psychatrist..

Please explain, dude, you think I made this up?? Then go to asero , e kindle and ask na. We suffered in jamb today. Especially me. I'm trying to trivialize it now because that's my way of coping with stress. So, please explain how I come off as insane?

yugkapmeet:

Please explain, dude, you think I made this up?? Then go to asero , e kindle and ask na. We suffered in jamb today. Especially me. I'm trying to trivialize it now because that's my way of coping with stress. So, please explain how I come off as insane?

Guy i believe your story true. Sorry for the bad experience but i tink you overrated the whole tin
At least you havnt seen the result dat wud determine is it was a bad experience or a gud one in disguise
By the way u've had a long day i tink its best ur rest your head..

Kayoski:

Guy i believe your story true. Sorry for the bad experience but i tink you overrated the whole tin
At least you havnt seen the result dat wud determine is it was a bad experience or a gud one in disguise
By the way u've had a long i tink its best ur rest your head..

Nice one.



TEEHEE!

Sir, Thank you for wasting our precious TMB
.
(time megabyte and battery)