Keep it up dear. I love your story. Its real good

wow wow.started yesterday and now am finally here.nice and educative write up.actually am learning more of chuma's character. seems he has given me a huge boost to bring amada out of her twisted past.kudus and following like a sheep does with it's shepherd.

I love ur work dear. der is a lot to learn dere, weldone 2 u

I'm sorry for the delay guys...I've been very busy with school and life and tooth aches....story is getting to the bridge.

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Three days.

That’s how long it’s been since I’ve had anything closely related to sleep. I can’t even close my eyes without having a flashback. I’m terrified. I know that. I’m terrified because if what’s to come in a month’s time.

Yes, a date has been officially set for my funeral.

June 28th.

Gladys has taken it upon herself to organize the entire ceremony. She’s even gotten a cleric to preside over proceedings, she’s so dedicated to this entire sham that I’m starting to think the entire thing was her idea to begin with.

I’m yet to click into this mood and I don’t think I will any time soon. I still think it’s a sick joke and if everyone’s brain was on right, it won’t be happening. Gladys and Chuma have been going on about their business like everything is fine and dandy, trying to include me in ‘wedding preparations’, asking me questions I honestly never imagined I would be asked, while I can’t get past the fact that in a matter of weeks, I’ll actually have a surname.

I can’t begin to count the amount of times I have considered opting out of this….agreement, I have spent days and nights thinking of some way I can sneak out of the entire thing, but the terrible thing about one’s pride is that it blinds you. Even when you walk right in front of a moving train, it leaves your brain so murky, you wait for your end.

Crazy as it may sound, I think I can survive being Chuma’s wife as opposed to hearing him gloat about how right he was about me. He’s not right. I’m not scared of commitment or relationships, maybe I haven’t quite outgrown my fear of men, but that fear isn’t something he enjoys. I may be scared of someone, but that someone is not Chuma.

The greatest fear I’ve had since his ridiculous proposal is the fear of consummation. I sincerely hope he doesn’t think I’ll be sleeping anywhere close to him or with him. The challenge is to marry him, not have intercourse. No man has seen my unclothedness since….them, and I have no plans to change that anytime soon, if ever. I’ve familiarized myself with the marriage laws in Nigeria and I’m well aware that one can only file for divorce after a year of marriage and lack of consummation is a valid ground for it.

After a year, I can be free of this imminent contraption. I’ll just have to bide my time.


“Isidore, dear.”

Gladys voice pulls me from my thoughts and I turn to her, she’s been in the sitting room for about half an hour now, she was working too much and I could hear her strained breathing, so I retired her. It had been a battle of wills, but eventually, common sense won over stubbornness.

There isn’t much left to do, oh yeah! We’re preparing lunch, courtesy of Gladys and in honour of my father. It took a lot of convincing, but I finally agreed to give my father the audience Gladys strongly believes he deserves, the only good angle is that I get to do it in front of my real family. Gladys suggested we invite him for lunch over the weekend and tell him the ‘good news’ of my impending ‘marriage’, I can’t say how he’ll react, but I’m hoping he’s filled with shock and maybe I might just get some form of entertainment from all of this.

There is also the angle that he’ll get to meet Gladys and I couldn’t be happier, he’ll get to see the woman that took up the responsibility he didn’t want and made a success out of her. It will also be a much more comfortable area and maybe I’ll be willing to reason with him in this setting, on my turf

“Yes, ma?”

“How are you?” she asks.

I cock my head to the side in question, how am i? is that a trick question or is she just looking for some other way to re-enter the kitchen?, “i….i’m fine.” I reply.

She smiles at me, “Are you sure?”

I drop the rag I’m using to wipe the counter and turn around fully, “I…yes, I am. Is there something wrong?”

She walks into the kitchen towards me and I just stand there waiting for what she has to say. Hereyes scan my entire body, “Your shoulders are tense sweetie, loosen up.” She squeezes my arm and I relax- a little, “Better.” She sighs, “Come darling, let’s sit.”

I give her a wary look, I can feel the lecture coming on. I briefly wonder what today’s topic is, I have a niggling feeling that it has something to do with the upcoming nuptials, I have been understandably tense about it and Gladys is immensely observant. I honestly don’t wish to speak about it, I have a working therapy already, as long as I don’t have to hear about it, I can just keep telling myself that it's a joke. It works...mostly.

I sit with he still, hopefully my thoughts are wrong and she just wants to tell me something about herself. We sit on the only two chairs at the table in the kitchen, “How are you?” she asks softly.

This question again, I know I answers her before, but this time, Gladys is fishing for something and if I don’t give that to her, I get the feeling she'll ask that question for the rest of the day if she doesn’t get a satisfactory answer. So, this time, I take my time to reply her. I allow he question seep deep into me and I consider it, how am I? Tense. Restless. Scared. Those are the first words that come to mind. She's watching me closely, as if waiting to catch me in a lie. I don’t know if o should state my emotional feelings to her or if I should just ask her if she thinks this is the best route to take. Save for preparations, she hasn’t said anything pertaining to the ridiculous manner her son proposed, of we can even refer to what he did as a proposal. She’s been acting like Chuma properly courted me and then proposed in a full restaurant after which I accepted his proposal blushingly. None of that happened.

“I know you may not really want to tell me how you’re feeling, after all, I haven’t particularly acted like I’m on your side recently…” she chuckles at herself and takes my hands into hers lovingly, she’s spotting a smile that makes me think this conversation may not be as gloomy as I envisioned, “…but I’ll tell you now Isi, nothing I have done these past days is to your detriment, I have always been on your side, always will be. This marriage, this is me pushing you to conquer your fear.”

There she goes again using that word ‘fear’, why do these people think I have a fear of the use people I’ve killed repeatedly? Okay, maybe she’s not aware of that little fact, but still… “I'm not afraid of men mother.” I repeat to her, just in case she hasn’t heard me the last 45 or so times I’ve screamed it out in this house.

She smiles at me, the way a parent would smile at a child who knows nothing of what she’s saying, “You keep telling yourself that, but your actions say otherwise. I've been watching you and Chuma for two years now Isi, I see the way you interact with each other, I see how comfortable you are around him when you let your guard down, I see how happy you can be, how happy you should be, but then you see that as well and then you bottle up. You think you shouldn’t be happy, you think it's wrong, you question yourself and then come to the conclusion that you don’t deserve happiness, especially not with the same people who caused you so much pain. And Chuma….” She smiles.

I listen to the dissection of my personality by the one person in the best position to do so with rapt attention, she gets me so much it's scary. I feel like an open book and I know that I’m difficult to read, but this….every word from her lips is like she went straight into my head to fetch it. I'm awed by her deep knowledge, so much so I can’t think of something to counter her harsh truth.

“…I know you give him grief some times, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen my son so taken by another person, he's not even paid me as much attention as he's paid you, he's been your Acting Husband for years, Chuma…Chuma loves you the way people never want to love someone else. Even when you push him away, he keeps coming back, he's addicted to you and he doesn’t even realize it. The two of you deserve each other, you can help each other, you can…..you can mend each other, but you need to want that. You need to want a life with someone who gets you, who can relate with you. Love is not a one-way street, it's give and take, it’s a sacrifice, it's a risk, you're putting your faith, your trust, your life in the hands of another person and you don’t know he safe you are, but that is love for you. You don’t question it, you don’t analyze it, you don’t try to make sense of it. Do you love Chuma?”

Yes.

The answer comes to me before I can even think through the question, because it's been ricocheting in my head for months now. I've put up a valiant fight, i've given it more than my all, but that feeling…that awful, annoying feeling that seizes my entire being at the sight of him, that feeling that makes me pray to a supernatural being I’m not really on good terms with that he's for real, that feeling that makes me question my beliefs and ideologies. It's not just a passing phase. You don’t just look forward to seeing another person simply because, a person doesn’t become the highlight of your day, you don’t have knots in your stomach just hoping he smiles your way or bothers to give you a call just because. It doesn’t matter how much my head tells me that I can’t feel these things, that they’re delusions caused by my proximity to him, my heart, the same one that palpitates at the speed of that of a runner whenever I hear his laugh, the one that momentarily stops when he smiles at me, it tells me otherwise. It tells me it's okay, that I’m not wrong, that I am capable of letting someone else in, of taking a risk. It accepts Chuma just like it accepted Gladys and Ismail.

“I...I do.” The admission makes my tongue heavy, because my head keeps telling me it’s a lie

Gladys smiles at my response, she clutches my hand, “He loves you too, very much.”

I allow the words sink in while Gladys just smiles at me like she’s made the breakthrough of the century…but hasn’t she? She's been making breakthroughs in my life since she bulldozed her way in, she’s a special person with a special heart, as much as I want to tell her that every day, she must know it already.

The sound of a car driving in pulls both our attentions. They’re back.

Thanks for the update Sgirl

Wow, finally. Thanks for making out time to make an update.

God bless u. Wow, so is I is getting married, I didn't see the proposal coming. Thumbs up girl!!.

at last, here is an update.,.... safari u are d best....how is life in school?at last, here is an update.,.... safari u are d best....how is life in school?at last, here is an update.,.... safari u are d best....how is life in school?

Safarigirl tanks for the update pls we want more.

Another round of applause.

HBD Safarigirl. LLNP. enjoy your day

fam24:
HBD Safarigirl. LLNP. enjoy your day

thanks a lot dear, I appreciate it. You're the first person to wish me a happy birthday

safarigirl:
thanks a lot dear, I appreciate it. You're the first person to wish me a happy birthday

Hbd dear

safarigirl:
thanks a lot dear, I appreciate it. You're the first person to wish me a happy birthday

Happy birthday dear, llnp. many years to come and strength in order to complete your stories. Amen

Happy birthday Safarigirl, wish you the good desires of your heart...
Have fun plenty...

Happy birthday safaribaby!! May this year bring favour your way!!

Happy birthday pweetie, Have fun!

Happy born day miss safarigirl. May you grow in wisdom. Many years of fulfilment I pray.

HBD safarigirl...Wish u Blessings upon blessings upon blessings!

HBD Safari Wishing U all D "Goodest" things in life nd eternity.

happy birthday to u dear Safarigirl...wish u all d best of today and for ever more..... av a fulfilled day.....

happy Birthday to you ma'am.. God bless your new age..

Izyyblaze:
Happy born day miss safarigirl. May you grow in wisdom. Many years of fulfilment I pray.

y u no reply my mail nao?

hmmmm, Happy birthday 2 d birthday gul, miss safarigirl, wishing you many more of ur years in perfect health, may u increase in knowledge and in understand!!!!!!!! ermmmmm.. wat of jollof rice and chicken?? abeg a dey wait oooo

segsbenks:
y u no reply my mail nao?

Uhm...Sorry sir! Never knew I MUST.

Happy bday safarigirl. Wish you all the best and success in your endeavour. Have fun plenty...

Izyyblaze:

Uhm...Sorry sir! Never knew I MUST.

for some reason best known to me, this reply is hilarous..buhahahahahaahhahahaha

Happy birthday Safarigirl.... wishing you the best life has to offer. cheers

JeffreyJamez:


for some reason best known to me, this reply is hilarous..buhahahahahaahhahahaha

Jeffrey Jeffrey. For some reason best known to me...this comment is mischief personified.
My hand no dey o, I'm out.

Happy birthday safarigirl, please give us update to use in celebrating wt u. Cheers

safarigirl:
thanks a lot dear, I appreciate it. You're the first person to wish me a happy birthday

happy belated birthday!