be proud of urself, u did the right thing!!!!!

Poshe7:
The guy that claims to love me and want to marry me wants me to quit my job first.

I got a well paying job a year ago, in an Oil servicing Company, located in PH, i was taken to their Lagos office sometime last year.

This guy that claims to love me is a Pharmacist, working in Owerri. He has been disturbed about the distance of lagos from owerri,

he told me that, if i want the marriage to take place, i must quit my job and join him in owerri, where he will open a pharmacy shop for me to

stay. I gave him the option of working

my transfer back to PH, he said he cant still cope with it, that he wants to raise a family everyone will be together.

I gave him another option to allow me work for a year more or 2, because i have just worked with the company for 1 year, and i know how the

job is helping my family and junior ones, who are still in school.

My final answer was, NO, i cannot quit my job to marry you, and it seems the guy has moved on.


Please did i make a mistake by saying NO?
should i have quit my job to marry him?

Poshe7:
Thanks all for d contribution, maybe the marriage was never meant to be.

Or you never wanted the marriage to materialise in the first place.

Came here to find justification and public acceptance for your decision.

that's not true . she gave the dude two options and he turned them down. what was she s'pose to do, quit her good paying job like he wanted, leave her small siblings n family without help ? she came her to ask if she did the right thing and she did

kaboninc:


Or you never wanted the marriage to materialise in the first place.

Came here to find justification and public acceptance for your decision.

aflyingbird:
that's not true . she gave the dude two options and he turned them down. what was she s'pose to do, quit her good paying job like he wanted, leave her small siblings n family without help ? she came her to ask if she did the right thing and she did

Am not commenting on if she did the right thing or not. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't.

But from the tone of her opening post, it clear that she came for public justification and acceptance and the need not to feel 'bad' for a decision.

You do not start with 'a man who claims to love me'.
If you also noticed, she ignored most comments asking about her motive. And attended to the ones that patted her on the back for a job 'well done'.

what's wrong with starting the way she did ? find something better to nitpick at . she stated her motives for saying NO in her op . not sure which comment asked , proper reading of her op will tell them

kaboninc:


Am not commenting on if she did the right thing or not. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't.

But from the tone of her opening post, it clear that she came for public justification and acceptance and the need not to feel 'bad' for a decision.

You do not start with 'a man who claims to love me'.
If you also noticed, she ignored most comments asking about her motive. And attended to the ones that patted her on the back for a job 'well done'.

aflyingbird:
what's wrong with starting the way she did ? find something better to nitpick at . she stated her motives for saying NO in her op . not sure which comment asked , proper reading of her op will tell them

Okayyyyyy. Nothing to 'nitpick at'

I can't and do not have the strength to scan the threads now and actually show you some proofs.

Since you don't get my point that am not interested in her making the right decision or not, then okkaay.
thanks....

You did well, may God give you better man.

you don't really hv an argument anyway, ok

kaboninc:


Okayyyyyy. Nothing to 'nitpick at'

I can't and do not have the strength to scan the threads now and actually show you some proofs.

Since you don't get my point that am not interested in her making the right decision or not, then okkaay.
thanks....

aflyingbird:
you don't really hv an argument anyway, ok

Okay

A flying bird.

-

Was he earning more than you?

You made the right decision honey. Keep soaring.

Take one @ OP
Better pikin.

He wants to open medicine store for you to sell paracetamol without license.
The way people think they can dictate the destiny of others

Maybe he thought if he mentions marriage you will drop your life and follow him.

Poshe7:
The guy that claims to love me and want to marry me wants me to quit my job first.

I got a well paying job a year ago, in an Oil servicing Company, located in PH, i was taken to their Lagos office sometime last year.

This guy that claims to love me is a Pharmacist, working in Owerri. He has been disturbed about the distance of lagos from owerri,

he told me that, if i want the marriage to take place, i must quit my job and join him in owerri, where he will open a pharmacy shop for me to

stay. I gave him the option of working

my transfer back to PH, he said he cant still cope with it, that he wants to raise a family everyone will be together.

I gave him another option to allow me work for a year more or 2, because i have just worked with the company for 1 year, and i know how the

job is helping my family and junior ones, who are still in school.

My final answer was, NO, i cannot quit my job to marry you, and it seems the guy has moved on.

Please did i make a mistake by saying NO?
should i have quit my job to marry him?

I applaud your self confidence in knowing what you want for yourself. Whether this is the right decisions for you to make is left you you (and you alone) to decide.

But please know that as a wife, and mother, you have to give up a lot for your home. Sometimes it all works out perfectly . . . But if you have to chose??

Don't be decieved into thinking that any job is more improtant than your family. Women have been known to give up high paying jobs to be stay at home mums, and I don't consider that a mistake.

Bear this in mind when you eventually settle down and have kids. Your parents and siblings will always find a way, but your children will need you more than anything.

So he wanted to open a pharmacy for u to operate, why did he want to live his dreams through you. You have your own goals to achieve too and i feel you have made the best decision

Poshe7:

My final answer was, NO, i cannot quit my job to marry you, and it seems the guy has moved on.

Please did i make a mistake by saying NO?
should i have quit my job to marry him?

You both have made good decisions for yourselves. It would be foolish of him to agree to a long distance relationship, which, by the way, is no relationship. And since you do need this job, it would be foolish of you to let it go for something that does have a chance of failure.

He's right to move on, so should you.

one of the few realistic comments from the females so far

backslapping the OP is not the way really

Who knows tomorrow...

Raising Family requires sacrifices to be made

Wedon:



I applaud your self confidence in knowing what you want for yourself. Whether this is the right decisions for you to make is left you you (and you alone) to decide.

But please know that as a wife, and mother, you have to give up a lot for your home. Sometimes it all works out perfectly . . . But if you have to chose??

Don't be decieved into thinking that any job is more improtant than your family. Women have been known to give up high paying jobs to be stay at home mums, and I don't consider that a mistake.

Bear this in mind when you eventually settle down and have kids. Your parents and siblings will always find a way, but your children will need you more than anything.

pickabeau1:
one of the few realistic comments from the females so far

backslapping the OP is not the way really

Who knows tomorrow...

Raising Family requires sacrifices to be made

That comment is as a wife not as a Fiancee/Girlfriend. I can sacrifice my job for my Husband and children when married but I can't do that for a man I'm engaged to or just dating. I would have given her a different advice if they were married but I can't give her a different advice for a man that can still change his mind about her tomorrow!

MissIndependent:
That comment is as a wife not as a Fiancee/Girlfriend. I can sacrifice my job for my Husband and children when married but I can't do that for a man I'm engaged to or just dating. I would have given her a different advice if they were married but I can't give her a different advice for a man that can still change his mind about her tomorrow!

While you are strictly right,... its still semantics

The fiancé today becomes the husband tomorrow

Note the use of the words by the OP

The man who claims to love me etc bla bla bla

The sacrifice required is not the full issue though bad timing, family obligations and lack of compromise from the man exacerbated it.
She was not sure if the man is worth the hullaballoo

sorry you cannot quit your job because you want to marry that's too risky

Ur decision was ok since he wasn't ready to compromise wit d situation. I wuld advise u seek a guy from lag so proximity isn't a problem. The economic clime of our country doesn't make it wise for a wife to be jobless esp dis days. I knw of a man who lectures at auchi poly/his wife is a bank manager in lagos nd dy are based in lagos wit kids also.,he comes home(lag) everyother weeknd nd dy've been makin it workout regardless. Sure guys many for lag also.

MissIndependent:
That comment is as a wife not as a Fiancee/Girlfriend. I can sacrifice my job for my Husband and children when married but I can't do that for a man I'm engaged to or just dating. I would have given her a different advice if they were married but I can't give her a different advice for a man that can still change his mind about her tomorrow!

I don't get it . . . were they not talking about getting married? The word fiancee means future husband.

Did she say the man was just stringing her along and is not likely to marry her in the future

The man is not wrong to try and get things in order before getting into the marriage . . . As you lay you bed, so you lie on it!

Financial stability is important for woman's self-worth in a marriage . . . But money is not everything. It will always come. For now, building a home should be her priority.

I may sound old-school, but it's just my opinion.

sirman:





If only we could have more women like you in this country!!!

You're the wisest woman in the country at the moment!!!

No man should tell you to quit your well tailored job to go and sit in one dead "shop"

Abeeeg my dear, that man is a village man, I wonder the kind of pharmacy he even went to school to study

I hope that, when she comes back and says there are no good men out there to marry, you'll help her out.
From what she wrote, the man is loaded enough and willing to take of her and whatever her needs maybe.
Distant relationships are never advised except in cases where there is no other option.
When my cousin wanted to marry, his wife was working in a pharmaceutical company outside the state where he lives, but she had to quit for them to marry.
Currently, she works with him and he pays her close to the amount she earned, when she was working in the pharmaceutical company.
My cousin is a community pharmacist just like the man. He owns two pharmacy shops and he's doing well.
The wife manages the second shop. She comes in the afternoon after taking care of the house and their little daughter.
What would the op do, if another man comes to marry her and it's the same scenario?
We have to be wary of the kind of advice we give to people here.

I think I know what the op based his/her write up on.

my dear OP

decisions like this are not to be taken rashly
if u knew how unstable the O&G industry is currently, your job might be cold comfort, people are getting sacked every minute, oil prices are dropping. the truth is, a lot of us here are looking for means to start a business on the side, so that we can have something to fall back on if we lose our jobs. I am not yet married , but I would leave this job for my own shop in a heartbeat, so long as I do my market survey and its profitable. ur fiancé is a pharmacist, he offered to establish a family business for u both, and u refused, relying instead on an unstable work environment. I hope you are not a contract staff, I hope you have annual benefits where u work.
I have learnt over time thatwomen who keep their lives on hold cos of family end up losing out, the younger siblings u are struggling to pay their fees for would not consider u when they are getting married, they will marry who they want at any time, and ur eye will clear.
as a married woman, you know that once u give birth, u are entiltled to maternity leave for 3 months. I hope ur current company is willing to give u that. think of the freedom u will have as a business woman in ur OWN shop.
anyway, I see the job is still fascinating u as u are still new to it, by the time u see the restrictions that career women face, then u will know that the options ur man gave u are very reasonable. why would he not move on. Some other women would jump at the offer.
I will not judge u cos I know u not, but next time when u face a challenge like this, ask older couples for advice, talk to business and career women alike to see which u prefer. I hope ur decision leaves u with no regrets.

Op, in all honesty, you didn't come here to seek advice, but to get justification for your action. You have only taken solace in the posts that have encouraged your decision and ignored those that advice otherwise. You're entitled to your decisions and choices, but one thing is certain, you will be left to cry alone when all these feminist merry singers are cooking dinner for their families (that they left their jobs to cater for). Sacrifice (sometimes painful) is required. It depends if the person is worth making that sacrifice for. Only you can truly answer that.

MissIndependent:
...

Imanuelle:

How you dey? Longest time..

MissIndependent:
How you dey? Longest time..

I'm doing great, how about you?

Imanuelle:



I'm doing great, how about you?

I am fine...you dey enjoy o..

MissIndependent:
I am fine...you dey enjoy o..

Enjoy for where?

No lie oh, else buhari go jail you.

DaMayor1:
Op, in all honesty, you didn't come here to seek advice, but to get justification for your action. You have only taken solace in the posts that have encouraged your decision and ignored those that advice otherwise.

I thought I was the only one who noticed it.