beryl04:



i meant there should be 100% gender equality and the men in thewest should do more to tow that line.

Oh..meaning there is no 100% gender equality in the west?

Are the men in the west also oppressing and suppressing women in their marriages and not just Africans?

In the olden days,they were fuckinnng in a missionary position only,unlike today of dogggggy style,wheel barrow,angel on horse back etc.

money was not the driving force in the older marriage, twas all about love and commitment.

the newer ones are premised on falsehood and deception, emphasis is on the wedding ceremony and not the marriage, so they crash easily cos the parties involved only want the benefits of wedding, and not the responsibilities of a married life.

bankai2015:


My dear,

Both ohh. Bleach and naruto plus any fine Anime

Nyc...m almost tru wif naruto ....is bleach as interesting as naruto ?

babyosisi:



You are now twisting the scriptures to excuse abuse
Let me start by stating that not all marital unions started with God in it so you don't expect that God will keep something he was not invited into.

Now read this

How many times has Christ who signifies the husband beat up,punched,knocked out teeth from or cheated on the bride?
The bible says men love your wives as Christ loved the church
So if the man is not doing that he has already violated that command and principle that guides marriage
Christ is not abusive to his church,if he were,the church will not be under obligation to follow his lead.

Secondly the same bible gives a condition where marriage becomes null and void and that is adultery or if the spouse walks away
Go read your bible
Just like if a man or woman chooses to get away from under the leadership of Christ,they are not part of this bride arrangement ,in the same vein, if a man chooses to leave the marital union to cheat and abandon his family,the covenant is broken by that choice of his.
You folks should stop teaching people what the bible didn't teach so as to keep women in bondage.

The above careless assertion makes it difficult to engage you.

my submission basically is that majority of people who advocate for easy marriage disolusion nowadays grew up in very abusive and disfuctional homes and backgrounds and thus thier way of reasoning . I have found out that people make judgements based on personal experiences rather than relative and applicable facts and hardly will you see a man or woman who grew up in a healthy home advocate for this. Just as bad as our society is generally these days, there are still a lot of blissful marriages irespective of the times we live in. A man or woman who grew up in an abusive home will hardly ever make a good husband or a good wife except by the special grace of the man above. so blame it on your parents for those of you who do not know that marriage is a sacrifice and a covenant rather that a contract. really a lot of folks were not even thought core values and essentials of life, tell me how will they make a responsible husband or wife?

brownlord:
Kai so many reasons.

Parents was the one making choices for their kids.

It was an era when the most important thing was family background, unlike today, it is pocket background,

Even when family background is considered, it's about how wealthy the family is, honesty, good morals etc no longer count, just have money, the would-be inlaw's don't care about the illicit activities in the family.

I noticed then, A woman never get to know her partner until the day of marriage, which in most times she will refuse, they had little or no choice, even though there was no courtship like we having today, they still get to love themselves... the love was not there from the beginning.

Their priority was raising a good family.

They were not looking for 6 packs in men and men not all about light skin, yellow-label skin etc, it was about decency, honesty, modesty, integrity...etc

It was a time, the man was the head of the family.

It was a time, women were shy of losing their virginity before getting married....Unlike today girls boast of how many yahoo boys they have slept with.

What went wrong?

everything has become a woman's fault. Whatever happened to men taking responsibility too?

Because the parents choose who is suitable enough

Bollinger:


You are not far from the truth. The main reason is women in the past were pretty much properties to be owned. It was no different than owning a slave. Communication was not key. Of course in that kind of scenario the marriage would last forever. Since the woman was bound to the man, willingly or otherwise. Since the advent of women rights, women have become more independent and very willful. The average Nigerian man, who is intellectually docile, finds it difficult to subjugate or communicate without using force. The economy does not help either. The husband is supposed to be the traditional bread winner, but that role has diminished considerably over time. In summary; times have changed and the inability of the male/female species to change with it is the root cause divorces.

Are you a guy??

Lol @ intellectually docile.

Ngokafor:






...The fact that you had a bad marriage which you say was caused by your ex does not mean you should heap all the blame on todays failed marriages on women...there are countless marriages which failed because the man was essentially a monster,or do you doubt that?...The fact the women are not here crying daily does not mean they do not exist.


....and please virginity in females does not guarantee a happy marriage.There are millions of happily married women who were not virgins when they got married but they are doing just fine.While some virgin bride are even divorced as we speak..Marriage entails so much more than an intact hynen to make it work as i am very sure you know,cos your ex whom you deflowered wouldnt have been an ex if it was all about an intact hymen would it?..i rest my case.

Lol! no be quarrel o, take am easy. All you wrote are seconded by me and i can't remember stating otherwise so i was so put aback with the way you attacked me with your comments.

Toks2008:
Sometimes i also think this breakup is because we tend to overlook due diligence when going into a new relationship.

Have you wondered why some people have this way of not dioscussing their failed marriages or courtship? its because most of them have nothing worthwhile to say.

When we meet a new person who have been in a previous affair,many of us just start a new affair with such without asking deep questions and most times we realize too late after a recurrence of what led to the former breakup.

If we meet a new person and we are really interested in making such part of our lives,is it not just normal to really know the past no matter how unpleasant it may be at least you will have an idea of how to make the affair better.

Why do you think employers want to know your history of jobs? why do they ask for references? and why do they ask for years of experience?

You can never have a good plan of where you are going with someone when you have no clue of where the person is coming from.

As a lady you meet a man you see as WOW yet this guy killed his ex yet you have no idea of his past.

Many men have lost their lives by going into relationships with married ladies without even having a clue that these ladies are married.

Many ladies have ended up getting pregnant for a married man because they foolishly believed every poo the guy told them and how many men have fallen into the hands of evil women thinking they are angels of light

In my opinion,its not out of place to investigate the past of whoever you want to spend your life with and this is why marriages of our mothers lasts because the parents of those days do a thorough investigation not just on the bride or groom to be but deep into their genealogy.

Many will still say this writeup is trash but this is my frank opinion. INVESTIGATE BEFORE YOU COMMIT YOURSELF TO THAT PERSON.

Have you heard of these words "Once a divorcee is always a divorcee"

This assertion have been heard by me many times and until recently i had to sit down to decipher the deep rooted message in that sentence.

If you check very well, in every breakup whether in a courtship or marriage, there is usually that party that would say im done while there will be one that would be like "well we can still work it out"

If you meticulously follow the breakup and subsequent relationships these individuals go into after they part ways,you will often realize an interesting trend that the partner who says no room for reconciliation usually end up breaking up the new affair and YES by my research this happens 80% of the time. The reason why this happens is because there will always be a reason to break up no matter how perfect any affair may seem to be and if you were rigid enough to walk out of a previous affair over issues that is reconcilable then there is a great tendency to do it again and again in subsequent affairs hence justifying the assertion that once a divorcee will always be one.

This has made me realize that it is always better to scrutinize the past of any new person we want to start an affair with because when it comes to character, more often than not, humans are like leopards who never change their spots

i agree with almost everythjng u wrote. my questions are what are the non reconcilable issues? will u term battering, infidelity etc reconcilable or non reconcilable issues?

I also found out recently that majority of those mothers of old who were kind of docile and submissive to their husbands thought there daughters of nowadays to be recalcitrant and termagant even when thier mothers docility and submissiveness contributed to the longitivity and success of their marriage.

egobetatoday:


i agree with almost everythjng u wrote. my questions are what are the non reconcilable issues? will u term battering, infidelity etc reconcilable or non reconcilable issues?

In actual fact there is nothing like irreconcilable differences perse but a term from the pits of hell.WHY?

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES EVEN BETWEEN TWINS FROM SAME WOMB.

wife batteribg is the only reason strong enough for divorce as this involves the risk of life but also,these act can be tamed if the lady gets the appopriate authorities involved.

Most of us are the architect of our marital problems ncos most issues pple tag irreconcilable have always been there long bfore marriage but the adrenal feeling of love blindfolds us and the silliest idiosycrasy of our partners is just ok by us then after the initial giss giss fades off,we tend to now see these same stuffs as irrconsilable.

The reason is not far fetched.

Women of today marries for money and for the sake of the title "mrs", nothing else.

They go into marriage and mess it up. How do you expect a woman to marry a man she barely know and never loved to make marriage bearable for the man? She will turn his world upside down. Some of them will still be hooking up with their ex bfs who they truly loved and dumped for a rich man. Women of today are just too selfish. They about themselves and hapiness alone. You'll be killing yourself to make money and give her all she wants only for her to say thank you with lines like " you are never there for me, you are more interested in your job". Before you know it, they are messing around with another guy with your hard earned money sef.

Then next is equality this, equality that.. They go into marriage to have power tussle with their husbands. They moment she makes more money than you or you becomes jobless, count your yourself a dead man walking.

Ever worked under a female boss? You'll get what I'm saying. They abuse every opportunity they get.

The simple fact is morality. Both male and females like morals we like copying the West why not carry their high divorce rate. Where a spouse can divorce each other because of boredom. Smh. Just laughing at the people that says virginity isn't important. The person that says u should get married first must be stupid. If virginity isn't a big deal and easy why are people not virgins. You cherish wat u work more than Wat is given.Fact of life.

SirLewis:
Movies and fairytale stories have blinded people to the reality of marriage. People expect it to be a bed of roses when it's not. It's as hard as a floor and our grandparents had to sleep on it, literally speaking. Nothing like "this isn't working out" or "you're not here for me", once they were in it, it was for life. Our generation is just too lazy, technological advancement has made everything easy to the extent that people expect their marriage to be same.

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In other words.... The whitemen are the ones killing our generation for us!.... Our useless generation base their interest on what the whitemen have got to offer on daily basis... Expecting one to fill among...and if u're not n that category...then u're a nobody...
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For instance... If a whiteman postulate that... "The amount of rose flower a man gives to a woman, reduces depression and makes any relationship looks healthy, psychologically proven"... This will be put into movies...making the movie an award winning movie... Now our girls will expect us to do likewise...from what they ignorant observe in a movie... And if we do not buy such ideas... They'll come to Nairaland and open threads giving us one million reasons why our girls should marry a white man to an african man!... How pathetic!
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This generation is suffering!... The things we see on movies aint real... Even their dramas aint real... A typical American isn't allow to expose his or her body to avoid public sexual inconvenience... And they will never play music loud to discomfort their neighbours!
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But on movies... We've seen how this white Americans walk unclad and how they play rock musics loud enough... Movies are what we see and seek that kindaf living....when America have series of laws that is very inconvenient for a typical black man to cope!...
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It bleeds my heart to see that...this generation will suffer more on marriage than we've noticed... Just last month... One of the P'squares took into Instagram to banter into photo battle with his wife! How stupid? At this generation? What are we becoming?

The reason why many marriages covenanted before 1980 lasted was partly because of awareness of cultural values,sexists and influence of strong religious approach to marriage.
Many such marriages knowingly or not have gone through proper counselling i.e where experience or stories that shook many homes to his foundations were recounted e.g of a father sleeping with her daughter, a woman or wife been caught cheating.This usually led to accepted stigma to a family and societal consequences attached.We men do many things and get away with it but once this is done by the women another story is told.Marriages covenanted at the said period went through accepted cultural and societal counselling values.
Today, marriage counselors and process of counselling lack proper tools or understanding to bring the reality of marriage to the aspirants involved.If during a counselling the man was told that his wife would sleep with his driver or house boy and or brother and the wife was told that her husband would impregnate her sister and even try to sleep with her mother.What would have been the decision of the aspiring husband and wife?.Such counselling brings reality of life on the table for those wishing to go through the treacherous but divinely establish bond.Marriage can be equated to the story of the Israelites in the book of Joshua.From the beginning of that book assurance of victory, wealth and power was given to Joshua.This is so in marriage.Many marriages celebrated on TV today starts with such promises but the rigor and dangers remain unknown.The first phase of that journey (Israelites) was with power and resounding victory.The second phase came with true but pathetic incident,that of Achan, who despite knowing the consequences of disobedience, deceit and covetousness brought death and defeat to the people during their maiden journey.As many would agree with me men and women in marriages have brought disaster as done by Achan upon the family and their innocent offsprings. Such errors in most cases leads to collapse of marriages.
From this book (Anyone interested should sturdy the book),Joshua, who was the leader and spiritual head or husband had to consult God or sought higher power for the cause and source of the disaster.Many men have abandon this position hence many problems in the family.One notable aspect of this scenario is that there were priests, pastors, imams in that society but Joshua,recognizing his duty as the head he carried out the consultation with almighty himself.As husband men have to be conversant with true spiritual guidance to lead and not give this responsibility to another.It was after this that the cause and the source of the problem or bottleneck was revealed to him and the problem was removed.
Marriages covenanted today can still be strong and last even longer that those of our parents if we men recognize and accept our role as the spiritual head of our families.In conclusion advice given to Joshua in Chapter 1 verse 8
"This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success." will as it says make marriages and our offsprings.

Tallesty1:
Because marriage is no longer hinged on love, understanding, commitment and respect.

The olden days marriages were never based on love (at least in southern Nigeria that I know of). They were based on admiration, recommendation and respect; and they survived mostly on respect for family honours, respect of obligations/roles and love. The wives of old know and play their roles as wives and not as equal partners to their husbands and the husbands know that their honors depended on how well they treated their wives. This is what created and nourished the love they eventually find in their marriages.

The same respect for roles was the reason they were able to raise better and more responsible children than we do. The child would not ordinarily stand up to the father because he/she did not see mummy doing same.

Ps: I did not read the entire thread. So I don't know if anyone has posted same opinion.

Marriages of those days was based on endurance and women tolerating men. The women were totally dependent on the men for food, shelter and also training their children. As they couldn't fend for themselves so they had to stay and endure. The marriages weren't based on love but endurance and tolerance.

This modern women can stand on their own so they tend to stand on their own without tolerating sh*t from a man. They work and they are independent. So even if they divorce they can stand on their own. Cos they are financially independent.

Has it occurred to anybody that those long lasting marriages of olden days resulted in todays generation?

Yes back in the day people stayed married..for better for worse, a daily beating, shouting match, adultery, happened back then aswell....while their kids watched it like a soap opera.

Today we have a generation of people who are clueless, men want the perks of being "head" of the home, but dont want the responsability that comes with that. Women want a fairytaile wedding and expect their marriage to be like that aswell. Due to women being more empowered and society less condemning of divorce, and with social media to document it all, its only logic there is more divorce.

When 2 people join together and show their true faces to eachother, without hidden agenda's, and they still love/like eachother...then a marriage is likely to work out. However...how many show their true faces before marriage these days?

Many ladies trying to fix their lives and settle down in a promising marital home get it all wrong doing this.

Despite the fact that beauty is one of the qualities men desire in a woman, a lady can still be beautiful yet remains a spinster for the rest of her life.

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