hopeforcharles:

What is he later founds out?
My type of Man will never use it against a woman no matter what, but if he founds out outside it might be more disastrous than ever. What do u think she should do about telling him.

Your type of man.... Pray tell, what type gangan are you

Wait until you lose your job, and your insecurities set in and then you start to wonder if your woman has been stepping out on you afterall she is a confessed philanderer... That is when you will know the type of man that you are .

Madam,

Coming clean is the right foundation for every relationship. There is nothing hidden that shall not be exposed, either now or later. It is better you suffer the shame early than suffer a lifetime pain of agony.

It is unwise advising people to keep secrets from potential spouse. If issues later happen, same people would blame the victim for not coming out clean.

You have aborted before in Japan and it affected your womb, because you married in Nigeria, you decided to keep it to yourself. Your end torture will be greater than if you had confessed.

In any relationship, honesty, sincerity and openness are the foundational keys to success. Anything outside these is deceit and the relationship becomes a disaster waiting to happen.

If you know that what you are doing may ruin your future relationship, why continue in it or attempt doing it?

I don't advise keeping shut. However, wisdom and discretion are the principal things.

@story one, what gives you the impression that your husband doesn't know about the sorry tales?

You will be greatly misunderstood.
And misinterpreted on this thread.
It's a controversial one.

Wait for it.

bellong:
Madam,

Coming clean is the right foundation for every relationship. There is nothing hidden that shall not be exposed, either now or later. It is better you suffer the shame early than suffer a lifetime pain of agony.

It is unwise advising people to keep secrets from potential spouse. If issues later happen, same people would blame the victim for not coming out clean.

You have aborted before in Japan and it affected your womb, because you married in Nigeria, you decided to keep it to yourself. Your end torture will be greater than if you had confessed.

In any relationship, honesty, sincerity and openness are the foundational keys to success. Anything outside these is deceit and the relationship becomes a disaster waiting to happen.

If you know that what you are doing may ruin your future relationship, why continue in it or attempt doing it?

I don't advise keeping shut. However, wisdom and discretion are the principal things.

@story one, what gives you the impression that your husband doesn't know about the sorry tales?

Coming clean you say?... Who has it helped
It's only below average men that are interested in such nonsense.... What will it achieve to sit down with a man that there is no guarantee that he will be there till death do us part to tell him dirt's about my past...

Anyway the truth is that there is no man born of a woman that can handle my past.
1,I have sucked many unwashed ass holes...
2,I used to like been beaten before getting fhucked.
3,I love foursome a lot... I take on three guys at once..
4,I lost count of abortions but I ve two adorable kids to call mine now.
5,I ve repented completely.

Do you still think I should spill

Nice but as for the third one, In some cases its better to tell than for him to find out himself later.

babyosisi:


And those enquiries will reveal who she slept with on campus and everywhere else?
As long as a man is not a virgin himself,the yoking is equal
Everyone has a past

In as much as a agree to disagree with ur points, I am the one with the Ji and nmma and I am the one paying the dowry , every surprising surprise is not permitted, I have a high self esteemed and I wount tolerate some side talks like you see that one I don *******
If you tell me I already have a bumper and know how to address issues accordingly. So therefore any secret that I will eventually discover u better tell me.

kilode100:



Your type of man.... Pray tell, what type gangan are you

Wait until you lose your job, and your insecurities set in and then you start to wonder if your woman has been stepping out on you afterall she is a confessed philanderer... That is when you will know the type of man that you are .

What type of Man u asked, so you don't know that there are people who forgives the greatest of injustice, crime or harm done to them, do u think everybody is same? Remember she confessed of a deed done long ago not recent so therefore it doesn't count, remember forgiveness heals all if not most wounds.

kilode100:


Coming clean you say?... Who has it helped
It's only below average men that are interested in such nonsense.... What will it achieve to sit down with a man that there is no guarantee that he will be there till death do us part to tell him dirt's about my past...

Anyway the truth is that there is no man born of a woman that can handle my past.
1,I have sucked many unwashed ass holes...
2,I used to like been beaten before getting fhucked.
3,I love foursome a lot... I take on three guys at once..
4,I lost count of abortions but I ve two adorable kids to call mine now.
5,I ve repented completely.

Do you still think I should spill

Now I think or am forced to believe you have a very sick mind to conjure all these things,
Smh.

kilode100:


Coming clean you say?... Who has it helped
It's only below average men that are interested in such nonsense.... What will it achieve to sit down with a man that there is no guarantee that he will be there till death do us part to tell him dirt's about my past...

Any man who can't handle whatever information you share is better to let go.
What you will gain from talking about it is because there is likelyhood that he will get the info outside and he will lose the trust, faith and love he had for you. It is not Hollywood movie.

Anyway the truth is that there is no man born of a woman that can handle my past.
1,I have sucked many unwashed ass holes...
2,I used to like been beaten before getting fhucked.
3,I love foursome a lot... I take on three guys at once..
4,I lost count of abortions but I ve two adorable kids to call mine now.
5,I ve repented completely.

Do you still think I should spill

Another truth is that I know men who have handled worse cases than yours. At least you never lost your womb.

You need to first understand why you are going into a relationship and the purpose. Anybody in relationship irrepective of gender should be given the opportunity to make an informed decision. Some may not be able to handle it but some will. There is always someone for someone. I have learnt to always sleep peacefully at night by not withholding information that may cause me grief if found out.

And like I said in my previous post, if you know what you are doing is detrimental to future happiness or joy, why engage in it?

hopeforcharles:

Now I think or am forced to believe you have a very sick mind to conjure all these things,
Smh.

You think
Smh for you!


Newsflash!!... There are people with worse crimes and BTW,there are more from where that came from..


I haven't even told him about the my canine experiences yet, and he is already on the run..


Woof Woof....
Yea right.

bellong:


Any man who can't handle whatever information you share is better to let go.
What you will gain from talking about it is because there is likelyhood that he will get the info outside and he will lose the trust, faith and love he had for you. It is not Hollywood movie.



Another truth is that I know men who have handled worse cases than yours. At least you never lost your womb.

You need to first understand why you are going into a relationship and the purpose. Anybody in relationship irrepective of gender should be given the opportunity to make an informed decision. Some may not be able to handle it but some will. There is always someone for someone. I have learnt to always sleep peacefully at night by not withholding information that may cause me grief if found out.

And like I said in my previous post, if you know what you are doing is detrimental to future happiness or joy, why engage in it?

Letting go you say
Hahaha....
With all these scarcity of averagely good husbands
Nah...

I will take my chances and take each day as it goes.

babyosisi:


Honey,if a woman wants to cheat,for the most part the man will never find out
Men cheat foolishly with neighbors and house girls and co workers
Women who cheat are calculated and sleek
You will never know

And now for posting this I am scared of you, hope you are not what my mind is telling me right now,
What makes u think every thing is a secret? Someone or something knows,
I wonder when a woman that thinks one ways now feels she is smart in cheating, if u cheat and tell me there is an 80 % chances I will forgive u than when I found out.

kilode100:


You think
Smh for you!


Newsflash!!... There are people with worse crimes and BTW,there are more from where that came from..


I haven't even told him about the my canine experiences yet, and he is already on the run..


Woof Woof....
Yea right.

Hahahahhahahahahhaha this jus made my morning, anyway as long as you only eat the meat and not mate the dog I am cool, because I don't condone mutants and mutations

Thank you babyosisi
You are a wise woman

kilode100:




Letting go you say
Hahaha....
With all these scarcity of averagely good husbands
Nah...

I will take my chances and take each day as it goes.

Those you call averagely good husband can as well call you same.

The law of life, life attracts life. Same attracts same.
Iron sharpeneth iron. It is in science the case is reversed and few situations in life.

cococandy:
You will be greatly misunderstood.
And misinterpreted on this thread.
It's a controversial one.

Wait for it.

my thoughts exactly

bellong:


Those you call averagely good husband can as well call you same.

The law of life, life attracts life. Same attracts same.
Iron sharpeneth iron. It is in science the case is reversed and few situations in life.

I think you are right and I agree with you and that's why my secrets stays with me.
Average man= Average information.

hopeforcharles:

Now I think or am forced to believe you have a very sick mind to conjure all these things,
Smh.

im not in support of any the things the poster said she did in her past, but neither will i judge her. What i would like to know is if you have been completely honest in every relationship you have ever had?

I won't agree that you keep all details of your past as a woman.A woman who has lived in the past as a prostitute should tell.If you have had an abortion too,you should tell(many sexually active girls must have done one at least from what i see in the hospitals).
If a married woman cheats on her husband,she should confess and ask for forgiveness.For most women,their conscience wouldn't even let them rest though women are becoming hard-hearted nowadays.

I hear guys asking a girl how many men she has slept with.I don't think I will answer that question if i was a girl as long as you didn't meet me a virgin.

Moana:
im not in support of any the things the poster said she did in her past, but neither will i judge her. What i would like to know is if you have been completely honest in every relationship you have ever had?

Do u know one funny thing about my relationships? They are any girl I am dating have this I am not the only one this guy is seeing, infact there is this new girl ( in fact two) that has this crush on me, each time we chat they will always ask me about my girlfriend which sometimes I am reluctant to discuss with them, the truth is that I noticed something about me, many things that might make some men angry hardly make me, it's only some small things that do, an ex told me that she has never seen me angry with her and want to see, but the day she saw it she was amazed because it was a simple thing (LIE) ask me about my past I will tell you because I know it's not out of the ordinary.

hopeforcharles:

Do u know one funny thing about my relationships? They are any girl I am dating have this I am not the only one this guy is seeing, infact there is this new girl ( in fact two) that has this crush on me, each time we chat they will always ask me about my girlfriend which sometimes I am reluctant to discuss with them, the truth is that I noticed something about me, many things that might make some men angry hardly make me, it's only some small things that do, an ex told me that she has never seen me angry with her and want to see, but the day she saw it she was amazed because it was a simple thing (LIE)

so how well can you say, you have been practising what you preach about honesty?

dBard:



Before these assertions are made, we need be clear...how many women do u know of who 'confessed' of their own volition
(p.s..dis isn't m v f , lemme clear that up first).
In 'MOST' cases, the woman confesses After she's been found out and sometimes after some CIA like interrogation from the man.. no need to go do so much research, threads on NL alone can buttress my point.
How many relationships can survive after that? But most times, you won't get to hear that part from d women, especially wen dey busy playing the victim.


I know relationships personally that has survived indiscretions from the woman and they still going on strong.

Outside that I agree with the rest of your post.

Believe me, I don't enjoy the f v m fights too.

Ya, I agree with you, most women...and men who have cheated only 'confess' after they're caught. I guess it's because telling one's spouse, "I cheated on you" should top the most difficult words to utter.

It's good to know too that more than a few relationships have survived unfaithfulness. But I'm not so sure if by 'relationships' you meant marriage or dating/courtship though.

babyosisi:
What things should you keep

1. Things you know will shatter him emotionally.for instance a woman,a friend's mom here was teaching me to cook native soup and told me some not so good things about my MIL,claiming she treated my FIL badly.I will be a fool to tell those things to my husband.The consequences will be far reaching so I will be taking that info,true or false to my grave.

2.Details of issues in your own birth family.
Believe me your hubby ain't telling you all of his
So don't go painting your siblings and parents in a terrible light.Some stories you must tell obviously but always leave some details that have to do with family integrity to yourself.Keep your parent's and family honor where necessary especially if you fear it may be used to taunt you as some immature men do.

3 your infidelity ..
This is a controversial one,I believe in faithfulness ,let me make that clear first of all.Women being emotional beings feel the guilt of infidelity more than men.It is wrong to cheat,I will not condone it and by Gods grace will never .However,if you happen to err as humans often do and are remorseful, repent and confess to your God and take that secret to your grave. Revealing it can be disastrous and will serve no purpose.Just go and sin no more .If you are a habitual cheat,of course you should seek divorce rather than living in deception.

it is even wicked to tell someone you cheated on her. like you said, it doesn't change anything positively. The union can never remain the same

It can't be anyway better than the way you have presented it. Well said gaborone.very well on point. [quote author =Gaborone post=34162909]I beg to differ...I don't agree with Number 3.

You cheat on your spouse, you tell them, otherwise, every other day in the marriage would be a lie. If confessing sounds like a difficult thing to do, then stay away from the crime.

It's one of those things that doesnt just go away, and confessing it to God alone isn't enough; you have to confess it to the other party who you swore to be faithful to.

^^^^
This is the message we should preach, not deceit through silence.[/quote]

kilode100:


Coming clean you say?... Who has it helped
It's only below average men that are interested in such nonsense.... What will it achieve to sit down with a man that there is no guarantee that he will be there till death do us part to tell him dirt's about my past...

Anyway the truth is that there is no man born of a woman that can handle my past.
1,I have sucked many unwashed ass holes...
2,I used to like been beaten before getting fhucked.
3,I love foursome a lot... I take on three guys at once..
4,I lost count of abortions but I ve two adorable kids to call mine now.
5,I ve repented completely.

Do you still think I should spill

@4, are you saying you won't tell your partner you have children elsewhere? ?

We treated this topic at our marriage counselling class like two weeks ago, the counsellor concluded by saying that any past which will be detrimental to the future must be made known to your partner before tying the knot, eg fertility problems, children outside wedlock, an illness that runs in your family, Diseases you may hv currently. .. etcccc

He equally said some things are better left under the rug except when asked, like how many men/women you've slept with, eetttccc...

Moana:
so how well can you say, you have been practising what you preach about honesty?

No one can claim perfection,
But I have this thing with me, to some level I am honest
Infact I tell myself and sometimes people that I hardly tell lies my word should be me.

If you're scared of consequences of an action, then why engage in it?? You should be able to take responsibilities for your actions. ...

hopeforcharles:

No one can claim perfection,
But I have this thing with me, to some level I am honest
Infact I tell myself and sometimes people that I hardly tell lies my word should be me.

can you say its easier to tell others to be something you are not yourself?

Yes..I agree there are things u keep secret but there are issues you don't keep secret.

Eg. A friend of mine once told me of a friend whose husband of 6yrs doesn't know that her father is not really her father but her uncle. I was like 'what'?? Such minor issue? So, what if the guy happens to find out someday(which I'm sure he will)? Will there still be trust?

Mynd44:

It still depends though. If you know the chances of him finding out from other people is very high, you should tell him by yourself.

I know a man who's wife aunt called and told him every gory detail about his wife-to-be less than 2 days to the wedding. And the past was gory indeed. The husband just got out of the chair he sat in and thanked her but he was not angry because she had already told him earlier.

Wisdom is needed in these things, don't ever say never

Sorry o that is just one in a million men. Honestly I have come to the conclusion that people hate the truth. Especially when it comes to body count and past relationships. I always say that if u never met a woman a virgin u can never no how many men she has slept wiv. That is a fact. The world is too big to count. Even if someone from somewhere no her wiv 5 to 10 guys, the others wey the person no no nko!. An average Nigerian girl who is not a virgin and the ones claiming no sex before marriage even when she no be virgin. Is either doing it because her body count don pass her age, or because of religion. An average Nigerian girl who is not a virgin will tell u she has slept wiv 3 to 4 men all her life. She will never add the mistakes, use and dump, the rape, the one night stand and the sugar daddies. Never ever!. Chances are u might never no any of the men or u might see just one or two of them. So it's her words against yours. If it's past it should remain there and never be said.


Secondly I blame all this on deceit. A lot of people both male and female are not honest. I mean u meet a guy or a lady, u think he/she is the right one. U do things lovers do and suddenly one starts loosing interest and stops trying. The other cheats. Then no money, hatred sets in. Etc. Finally break up. U meet another one, the same thing. Ok o u decide to be celibate. U eventually marry and find out this men and women are not different from the old ones. They just have a ring on the finger. Life itself is a gamble. A very big and terrible gamble. We have been told that if u do something this way. U are bound to get a reply that way. Only for u to do the right thing and see your whole world crashing in front of u. That brings me to virgins. By all means necessary keep it but do not think u are entitled to a good man. This is what virgins say when their men finally betrays them. Virginity is for yourself and right to brag. Choosing a man is by your brain. The value of a woman is known by a man and your sex life or past relationship which u value might mean nothing to the man u eventually marry. If life was fair. Hoes shouldn't be getting wifed. Virgins should marry virgins and good things should only happen to good people.

I had always known the Op to be a fraud on relationship issues! Imagine advicing spouses to keep secrets from each other so that one imaginary respect go dey. She forgets that the foundation of every relationship is openness. That is exactly why most marriages are based on fake assumptions and love that is not genuine. People keep vital information from each other yet claim they are deep in love! That is why you see cases where HIV positive individuals keep it to themselves, get married and infect their partners all in a bid to be "respected". Most sins kept secret will resurge again later in life. But if you tell your partner about your weaknessess, he/she will be able to even advice when he/she see you heading down that route again. A former prostitute who kept her life secret from her husband will likely relapse into the lifestyle again! If you are hiding information from your husband or wife, then know that is the biggest pointer that you are not with whom you trust and respect! You are actually lonely!

Moana:
can you say its easier to tell others to be something you are not yourself?

Now I have the feeling like I am been drilled,
anyway, I have experience I advices or tell people things based on what I feel is truth and, or what I have done or what I would do if it's me.