Many of us are on the search for someone to fulfill our
dreams and make us happy in love and life. The desire
for love is natural, even to our biology. We are
programmed by our DNA for bonding and connection.
We are also raised to search for that one person who will
make our lives complete. Yet, the divorce rate in our
society is astronomical and many marriages or
relationships are dead and unhappy. So what gives? The
problem starts at the beginning. We are so busy looking
for someone else to fulfill us that we never look at how
to fulfill ourselves. We are not looking at who we are,
what makes us happy or what we want out of love and
life from an objective and wise perspective. Instead we
are out hunting for someone to do that work for us.
When we enter a relationship with a neediness for it to
fill us, we will always choose less than we deserve
because we will be choosing someone who also expects
us to make them happy.
5 Self-Fulfillment Steps to Master Before Entering a
Relationship
1. Look Your Best: When you respect yourself you make
sure to take care of your appearance. If you do not like
what you see in the mirror then it is likely that others
won't be attracted to it either. There is no room for
laziness in self-love or self-respect. If you don't
consciously invest in yourself, neither will anyone else.
Take care of your dietary, sleep, exercise and style needs
daily. A man or a woman will look at you and only put
the level of effort into you, or below, what you put into
yourself. What you look like and how you present
yourself says a tremendous amount about how you feel
about yourself.
2. Have a Purpose: Commit to having a much bigger
"something" in this universe to live for than a
relationship. There is something here you are called to
do that is individual to who you are. There is nothing
sexier than being with a person who is passionate about
their education, career and life.
Having a purpose gives you something to bring to the
table which shows maturity, responsibility, commitment
and a desire to make a difference. Being interesting and
self-sufficient is extremely attractive.
3. Be emotionally attractive: Get rid of being self-
centered and dramatic. Negativity is ugly and is also
contagious. There is nothing emotionally attractive about
complaining, whining and/or anger. To be emotionally
attractive you have to have your own sense of happiness
about who you are.
Most relationships fizzle due to the loss of an emotional
attraction. It isn't about being happy all the time, but it is
about being authentic and elegant with your moods,
sadnesses, angry moments and vulnerabilities.
Drama is what you do when you're afraid to express your
real thoughts and emotions. Know your emotions and
allow what needs to come up to come out. It is when you
are real and unprotected you are the most emotionally
attractive.
4. Learn to Follow: You cannot get to love if you cannot
let go of controlling the ones you love. Over-giving is
controlling, over-planning is controlling, telling your
partner what to do and how to be is controlling, being
demanding of your needs is controlling.
Being in love is about learning to let down the need to
control, learning to receive and allowing someone else
take the lead. When you are too controlling you make
your partner feel they are not needed, are
underappreciated and not capable of making you happy.
This will kill love quickly. Learn to receive, learn to follow
and relax into love. By doing less you get more.
5. Love yourself: If you do not love who you are, you
cannot expect someone to love you for you. You have to
commit to continually making your individual life
fulfilling and happy. You do not want to lose yourself in
your relationship where you stop doing the things which
bring you the greatest amounts of happiness.
Take care to maintain your friendships, times to be
alone, your workouts and how you eat. Keep up with
your individual treasures of happiness and avoid
surrendering all that responsibility to your partner. Being
someone you love and adore will make you easier to
love.
Being difficult to love isn't the challenge you want to set
up for your partner. They will tire quickly.
In committing to these steps you become more and
more of who you want to be. In committing to this type
of self-love you take full responsibility for your life and
happiness. This makes you loveable and much more
aware and wise in your decisions in who you choose to
love. When you have low self-worth you will love mostly
anyone willing to love you, and you often end up settling
for less, becoming less and believe less in yourself and in
love. To have more you must be committed to being
more. Loving yourself attracts someone to love you as
you love yourself. It all starts within.
Sherapy Advice: Don't wait for love to fulfill you, be the
love which fulfills you. In becoming more you will never
settle for less in love.